Demi Moore

Also in the podcast... I celebrate this as a marker of the love that is driving me and being reminded that I do belong. Thank you so much.

Today I celebrate this as a marker of my wholeness and of the love that is driving me and for the gift of doing something I love and being reminded that I do belong. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Good night.

And as I was at kind of a low point... I had this magical, bold, courageous, out-of-the-box, absolutely bonkers script come across my desk called The Substance. And the universe told me that you're not done.

I grew up where you went to the school closest to your house. And L.A. was a whole overwhelming, perhaps even a little bit intimidating for me as a young mother. And I just thought, what are we doing when we could be in this small town and a very different experience for them away from this big world that they're going to already get so much of.

And so we just made that decision to make the primary residence.

Yeah, two were born there.

Yeah, I still, I mean, I... You lived there? Yeah, still half the time.

I do, but, you know, and I love L.A. Do you? Yeah, I do love L.A. You know, my kids are here. There's a lot of wonderful things. But I, like, I live here. Yeah. But I don't know if I'm living here.

It's anchored. It's an anchored place. I've been here for a long time.

Yeah, I guess that is how it sometimes rolls.

Oh, you did?

But were you born there?

Oh, wow.

You are?

So I was born, obviously, in Roswell.

I think the combination of, I mean, obviously it's where my parents met.

So my dad's dad was in the army there and they had a substantial base at one point. And my mom's family had slowly kind of moved there, you know, from generations, generations before that.

I mean, yeah, I think... It's crazy. We have, you know, some combination of some Native American, indigenous... From where? Like... Like Cherokee, that's kind of... So I'm assuming perhaps they came through Oklahoma.

And then, so there's kind of spread of family in Texas, then into New Mexico. So I don't know exactly how my grandparents, well, probably...

Yeah. So that somehow I was born in the town of aliens.

So crazy. Nobody ever spoke about that, by the way.

I think everybody knew something and nobody was saying anything. What they knew is still a mystery. But they actually have kind of now come out with a joke kind of museum. But now they actually have something substantial that really documents a lot of kind of the government influence in keeping the radio shut down, people not sharing their stories. There was a lot more involvement.

So, you know, there's also one of the largest landing strips here. Genau. Genau. Als Kind, aber ich bin es noch nicht als Adultin. Du erinnerst dich daran, oder?

Und Carlsbad Caverns. Ich weiß es! Wahnsinnig! Wusstest du, dass die bottomlessen Flächen mit den Carlsbad Caverns verbunden sind? Nein. Ich weiß nur, dass, als jemand, der sehr viel echten Kram genießt, dass sie Böden gefunden haben, die getrunken sind. Wo sind die bottomlessen Flächen? Das ist nach Roswell, aber nach... Oh, also nach... Wow. Und sie haben dann Böden gefunden.

Ja.

In Carlsbad?

Als Adult?

Oh, snitch. But anyway.

Do you know the funniest thing? And it's such an imprinted memory. We did a lot of driving because I moved a lot as a kid. Yeah. In New Mexico, when it says, the last gas station for a hundred miles, you better listen to it, because you drive and there is nothing.

So we moved to California, moved around to a few different places in California.

This is my immediate family. Just my mom, dad, brother.

Not my original dad. But who I didn't ever even know or figure out until I was 14.

I mean, the crazy story, I think I write about this in my memoir, which is You know, I had an understanding just being a very nosy, curious kid that there was this, you know, young fireman that my mother became involved with when my dad went off to college. And the story, you know, that I bought for a long time was, you know, that they were together.

Then my dad came back from college and then she died.

Und mit meinem Vater, mit mir verheiratet.

Und dann hat er Charlie verlassen. Ja. Also dann, weißt du, wie diese Dinge sind, sie limitieren deinen vollen Zugang zu der Geschichte. Also ich wusste nicht wirklich, ich wusste, dass sie diesen Mann, Charlie, verheiratet hat, aber ich wusste nicht wirklich. Ja.

Und eines Tages, das war, als mein Vater, meine Eltern, mein adoptierter Vater und biologische Mutter, sich verheiratet haben, die gleichen Leute, zweite Zeit. Ja. Und wir fahren, um meinen Vater zu sehen.

Ja.

Und so hatten wir einen Freund im Auto und ich erzählte die Geschichte, die ich wusste. Du weißt, dass sie verheiratet war, aber dann ging sie weg und bla bla bla.

Und ich schlug zu meiner Mutter und sagte, ist er mein echter Vater?

And I don't even know why it came out of my mouth. And I just, as soon as I said it, I knew, I already knew the answer. And she said, who told you that? And then I knew. So from that moment to five days later, when I went to have a trip to visit my mom's youngest sister, I went from not having this information to the man who is my biological father showing up. Oh my God.

14.

War das verrückt?

Ich glaube, die Emotionen waren so viele Dinge. Verletzung.

Fühlen, als ob alle, aber mein Bruder und ich es wussten.

questioning everything that I thought I knew about who I am.

Like things where I've said, oh, I'm so like my dad.

But am I like my dad? And in many ways I was like my dad.

Yeah, of course, yeah. And my dad had adopted me. He was in the room when I was born. So I never knew anybody else.

And so there were so many mixed emotions, but to have... A relative stranger show up who you are now connected to. Wild. I think at that time there was no one really focused on what my experience was. And so I think I felt like my job was just to handle it.

Just handle it. I did.

I saw him one other time. Wow. And yeah, it was...

Aber ich habe diese Großeltern getroffen, die wunderschöne Menschen waren, die ich auch nie wieder gesehen habe. Ja.

Well, it was from my dad, but it was from the biological father.

It was different, but it was like one of those weird kind of, how do you make sense when you're a kid that you think, who you feel is grown up? Because obviously, if you've done a little bit of research, you know that mine was not the most kind of typical upbringing.

Definitely.

Yeah, on one hand it's kind of miraculous. Yeah. And the other, you know, I'm just, I feel like grateful for kind of an innate sense of not needing, A, to be a victim or to find fault or blame as any excuse. Well, I mean... Like...

Enough.

Yeah, I think that I, you know, being, one might, you know, it's like, and particularly from where I sit today, I look at how young my parents were.

They were so young. How young were your parents? 18 and 19.

Like, it's so, so young. And so I was thinking about, you know, like the kind of the, they were growing up as I was becoming, you know, a teenager. So it was almost more like looking at me,

Yeah, I mean, you know.

Yeah, definitely. Both, you know, drugs, alcohol and mental illness.

23.

Like reassuring them. Like it's okay. Yeah.

I mean, I just think I felt, and again, sometimes I think, maybe it's just something we come in with.

I'm the oldest, definitely. Don't I seem like an oldest?

Yeah.

But sometimes I think that's, Because in some way we do, even though we don't. I feel like I am the most autonomous I've ever been in my entire life right now. Where I've not waited with responsibility of others. That I was a parent for my parents in many respects. And then was a young parent.

Yeah, it's an interesting time to be just sitting in myself and experiencing life without my first priority being caretaking someone else.

So it's kind of amazing.

No, I went through that maybe at an earlier stage of like, well, what do I do with myself? Right. And where now it's, wow, this is kind of exciting to be much more comfortable in my own skin. Yeah. Es gibt eine gewisse Befreiung, glaube ich.

Das ist so schön. Und nicht, dass jeder andere schlecht war. Es ist einfach anders. Sicher. Weißt du, was ich meine?

Ich denke, natürlich. Es gibt viel Arbeit, die ich in die Reframierung gesetzt habe. Aber gleichzeitig gab es auch eine Part, die bereits eine bestimmte Perspektive hielt. Selbst mit, weißt du, But what happens when you go, so how did you end up in Los Angeles? Okay, so, you know, I was roughly, just on average, never less than two schools a year.

I think there was a lot of geographics taking place. On their part.

My dad was in the newspaper business.

Yeah. And he did, you know, advertising layout, but like the old school where they was like cut pace.

And a light board. You know, like it's like with like the text and all.

And he was quite good at it. And he worked for Scripps, Howard Scripps League. I can't remember which one is which. But anyway, they own newspapers all over. Yeah, yeah. So we had opportunities where he would get promoted, move, and promoted or... keeping ahead of that, who knows? But I learned, just know, that I learned how to load a U-Haul like nobody's business. And you did have siblings?

I have one younger brother.

But we, so, you know, I, we moved from New Mexico when I was five to California, which I can't remember, we did like Ontario, Merced, that kind of thing. Then we ended up in Moving back to Roswell for a few years. Then we moved to Pennsylvania.

We did. In that U-Haul.

In that U-Haul.

My spot was in the floorboard. You know, all the luxuries. And a few different places in Pennsylvania.

Yeah, definitely. So you think he was burning down the house and then having to leave town?

Got in trouble.

What kind of trouble? Well, it started with, like he was a doctor. Oh.

So do you think, or in your experience, did his issue with being bipolar, do you think that's something that developed later? Like, you were saying you were older.

Richtig, nur andere Isms. Ja, genau. Nur die Dysfunktion.

Ich meine, ich denke, aber, du weißt, ich weiß wirklich, dass es nicht alles okay war, die Dinge, die geschehen sind.

Aber was ich weiß, ist, dass, wenn sie es anders machen könnten, wenn sie es hätten, dass sie es hätten.

Ich weiß, ich weiß.

Aber ich fragte dich über den Bipolar. Meine Mutter war auch Bipolar. Aber ihr war bis eigentlich ziemlich spät in ihrer Leben und das war wahrscheinlich, was sie trank. Natürlich, all the self-medicating was trying to take it down. But I think it also evolved from undealt with trauma in her own life.

Yeah, I do.

Ja, und wenn die Macht, die wir glauben, also wenn wir Dinge umsetzen, wie in meinem Moms Fall, war ein tiefer Sinn, unverliebt zu sein.

Oh mein Gott.

Und es ist so interessant, wie sie dann Pattern wiederholt hat, auch wenn sie diesen... Sie hatten eine unglaubliche Lieblingsgeschichte, meine Eltern. Aber es war auch ein Lieb-Hate. Und sie konnten nicht mit einander leben, sie konnten nicht ohne einander leben. Und es war einer dieser wirklich zwischenden, manipulativen, all die Dinge, die mit dem gehen.

No central love of self.

I can help you. So you've got a project now.

I think that really, as I continue to grow, and which I think is, I think really everything else we do is all the set dressing for us all as human beings to reach a place of true love and acceptance of self. I do. I think everything else is just what we're given to be able to have the experiences, to find those reflections, challenges.

You know, I look at that also and I can look at like, would you be who you are? Would I be who I am?

If I had had it all cushy and nurturing, would I have pushed to do the things that I've done? Yeah. I didn't know anything about acting. I didn't know anything about this industry. Yeah. Ja. Ja.

Happily.

Yes, but everything in its right time. I know. It sounds a little cliche, but it's so true. You have to look at it like that. Yes, would I have liked to have felt more comfortable, more confident, more, you know, have a sense of trust in myself. But not having that trust also has given me a deeper compassion to feel others in a way that I don't know if I would have.

Ja, weil es so ist, diese Kompassion zu finden, weil ich, wenn ich irgendein Schmerz oder Schmerz oder Verletzung, irgendeine dieser Dinge, die kommen, ich sehe wirklich, dass es ein Geschenk ist. Und ich in der Partei behalte diese Vorstellung, dass alles in der Leben passiert für mich, nicht für mich.

And that is a huge game changer. Everything is happening for me, not to me.

That's true. But think about it. If you just apply this language, when you look at something, you go, okay, I don't like it. It's not the way I want it. Let's just say something's happening. This feels really shitty. Yeah. But if I can trust that this is happening for me, then I can step back and then also say, what is this trying to give me that I'm missing?

And there is always something that it is trying to give you. It is trying to give you more of you than you had before you opened up to that awareness.

As opposed to it just being like, ah, shit happens.

That little gem. Okay. Ich denke, es gab einen Teil von mir, der sich darauf gelegt hat. Und dann habe ich einen unglaublichen dreijährigen Kurs mit der Universität Santa Monica auf spirituelle Psychologie gemacht. Was war das Jahr? Das erste Jahr war vor der Pandemie, also 2020. Also recently. Ja.

Aber ich habe schon mit einem Mentor gearbeitet, der einen Master in diesem Thema hatte. Und das Jahr, in dem ich angefangen habe, haben sie es für jemanden geöffnet, der sich interessiert hat, in der Psychologie zu studieren.

It's really more a practical application and exploring the idea that psychology had kind of become in the academic world very much just centered on the mind.

And it had lost kind of a connection to spirit.

And so this was trying to bring back, I think, a more whole kind of perspective that they're not two isolated aspects. Ja. Ja. Definitely. There are things like where I, you know, and I think, again, part of the exploration in my book really was like an interesting kind of cathartic putting down on paper certain events with that essential question of like, how did I get here?

And really being able to see not just the traumas, but also the, you know, all the events and the interconnectedness of these events and how that happened. Ja, genau. Ja, ich würde sagen, ich habe, ich war einfach, und die verrückte Sache ist, bis ich angefangen habe, Spiritualität zu besprechen, Und ich war in ein paar unterschiedlichen Kirchen.

Und ich dachte, die Kirche war ein Ort, wo man geäußert wird. Und dann war es nur später, dass ich dachte, oh mein Gott, das ist wie wenn du einen Priester oder einen Minister hast. Oder sie berufen dich, dass es Geheimdienst sein soll. Ich konnte das nicht verstehen. Als du jünger warst. Nein. Und ich wollte fragen, Zu diesem Baptist, zu diesem Methodist.

Ich wurde late in the game gebetet, katholisch. Aber meine Eltern waren nicht wirklich, sie waren offen, aber sie fuhren nicht wirklich etwas. Und ich denke, da war etwas, was ich suchte. Ich suchte etwas, was ich wusste, war da, aber es ... Wahrscheinlich eine Art unvergesslicher Stabilität.

Aber auch diese Verbindung mit etwas, das größer fühlte, dass ich nicht wusste, dass ich in etwas geankert war.

Ich erinnere mich an die Zeit, als ich zwölf war und eine Frau in einer neuen Schule zu einem griechischen Orthodox war. Und ich dachte mir, oh wow, ich würde gerne sehen, was das ist. Ja, sicher. Ich glaube nicht, dass ich eine Klarheit oder eine Bewusstheit hatte, wofür ich suchte. Weißt du, was es ist? Ich glaube, ich suchte die Wahrheit. Was ist die Wahrheit?

Und ich denke, wahrscheinlich, weil ich in eine Lüge geboren bin.

Ich wurde in einer Lüge geboren, also suchte ich die Wahrheit, aber ich wusste nicht, warum.

Ja, aber ich glaube nicht, dass es, wiederum, nicht Sprache war.

Aber ich denke, es hat sich definitiv entwickelt für mich.

So after we moved to Pennsylvania, Washington State, we moved from Washington State to, I actually had a pit stop back in New Mexico, where I had some very grounding, amazing time with my grandmother.

Hahaha.

Yeah. Miracle.

So I then went from Washington State, we moved to Redondo Beach.

That's nice. So we kind of moved, you know, youngish family to Redondo Beach. From Redondo Beach... War she in show business? No. Huh. No, she worked in accounting at Electra Records for a short time. Like, I mean, it was not, no.

No, but I was in Hollywood. But knew nothing of acting, knew nothing of the entertainment industry. But it was obviously around, but I was, you know.

At this point, I think I was... turning 14 or like right around there.

I didn't think I had anything, but I didn't have anything to lose. And we lived in this Kings Road apartment. And I remember Tim Hutton was living there with his single dad. And they were just, I think, moving out as we were moving in. But the real impactful moment of this Kings Road apartment, kind of a swinging singles-ish type spot,

was this incredibly stunning, breathtaking, self-possessed young German actress that Roman Polanski had flown over, who was also living there with her somewhat crazy single mother. And she was just a tiny bit older than I was. And we became friends. And this was Nastassja Kinski.

Ja.

Ja.

15.

Like, what is it? How do you do it?

Somebody said, well, you need to get an agent. How do you do that? Well, you need to get pictures.

I think... Truth is, I could have kind of done whatever I wanted.

I'm 15.

My mom's, what, 32? Right. And she's worrying about her own shit. Yeah. Yeah. So, I just set out. Very... Kind of in a very practical kind of way. But I didn't ever feel I had a real sense of a foundation. It's not like somebody said, go study theater. And I had, you know, as part of the survival pathway, you know, my education was completely a mess. And so I needed to work.

And so I didn't finish 11th grade. You did all right. I did okay. Aber der Vorteil davon, und das ist das, was ich immer empfehle, es ist nicht so, dass man eine andere Bildung nicht haben kann. Leben ist eine Bildung. Leben ist eine Bildung. Was mehr brauchen wir? Aber es gab einen missbrauchten Teil in meinem eigenen Selbstvertrauen, dass ich nicht klug war.

Und das war eine der großen Dinge, die ich arbeitete, um zu überwachen, weil ich nicht auf die Idee war, wie man lernt. Richtig. So you got a job? Ich arbeitete bei einer Kollektionsagentur. Ich hatte natürlich eine tiefe Stimme, also hat das für sie funktioniert. Auf dem Telefon? Sie wussten nicht, dass ich ein Kind war, auf der anderen Seite des Telefons. Ja.

Ich denke, Hollywood und Vine. Ja, ja. In einem verdammten Büro. Ja. Ich denke, wir nehmen den Bus. Und es war wie, ich hatte ein bisschen, ich hatte in Fairfax High School für einen kurzen Zeitpunkt. Und das ist ziemlich, da waren einige Sterne da, richtig?

Anthony Kiedis, Flea.

I didn't know them, but we were there the same year.

Ich denke, sie sind in einem anderen Weltraum gewesen. Und ich war so kurz, weil ich in Fairfax war. Dann ging ich nach Palais und war dann wieder in Fairfax. Aber in der Weiterentwicklung, in der Scheißaufgabe.

How did you do that? Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, that's what that was. Right? And then... And I don't know if through the agent and I got these two lines, which was playing a young prostitute.

Fifty dollars, mister.

That was my big moment. That was the big line. But you know what? Like, that was a game changer. Yeah. Like, there was something that felt like game on, official.

But then I... Well, you're on a set.

I think it had to have been in one of the studios in the Valley. I don't remember exactly. Yeah. I had not a clue. I was definitely of the university, fake it till you make it.

But I learned very quickly, as I started to go on some auditions, that they would rather hire somebody over 18 to play a teenager, unless you were somebody like, say, Jodie Foster, who had been doing it since she was quite young, or even Helen Hung. There was a lot of these other actors my age, but who had a lot more experience.

So then I figured out that I could potentially model, lie about my height, lie about my age. und ein Leben zu machen, ohne einen normalen Job zu haben, wie einen 9-5-Job. Ich konnte das. Und sobald ich 18 war, habe ich angefangen, mehr Arbeit zu machen. Aber dann war der echte Gamechanger, als ich den Soap bekommen habe. Ja. Einen Monat vor meinem 19. Geburtstag.

Du hast keine Aktivitätstraining gemacht? Nein. Ich habe nicht viel gemacht. Es gab diese wundervolle Frau, sehr theatrisch, namens Zina Provendy. And somebody had recommended that class. But the weird thing is, this is how weird sometimes our brains work. In my weird twisted brain, I thought I could go on an audition and if I get rejected, there's a lot of reasons why.

But if I go into an acting class and they tell me I'm terrible, that might mean I can't really do it. So I should avoid that. So alcoholic.

No, it is and it's very clever.

It's very clever how my brain maneuvered like this kind of

Weil es irgendwie so wäre, als ob jemand es gesagt hätte. Ja. Das könnte die Wahrheit sein.

Und so konnte ich das nicht ermöglichen.

Nein, ich hatte nicht genug von mir selbst zu glauben. Nicht für eine lange Zeit.

General Hospital.

So all in two years, because right in the first, you know, beginning, I got offered this movie, Blame it on Rio.

With Stanley Donnan, Michael Caine and Joe Bologna.

Where Michael Caine played my dad.

So, which is not a movie. You could not make that movie today.

Well, it's two fathers taking their daughters and the one father ends up having an affair with the other daughter.

Could not make that day.

Es hat mich in etwas gedrückt, das ein ganz anderes Welt war. Ja. Und ich habe wirklich gesehen und was das mir gegeben hat. Ja. And at the same time, and I also saw people that really loved being there, who had been there for years. And I thought, that's so incredible. What an amazing thing to feel so content where you are enjoying this. And I thought, wow, that is not me.

Like I'm so, I see this as like this beginning of possibilities. There's so much out there.

Ja, ich komme zurück, ich mache noch einen Film. Ich gehe zurück, beende meinen Kontrakt, mache noch einen Film mit Jerry Schatzberg, Small Affair. Und dann habe ich St.

Das war ein großer Film. Ja, für ein paar junge Schauspieler war es wie der Veränderung auch. Die waren nicht in Filmen, die die Geschichten von jungen Menschen waren.

Also, ich? Ja. An diesem Punkt? Ja. Also, ich habe... Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. And I remember Joel Schumacher saying to me, if I hear of you even drinking one beer. And I was like, I don't drink. And then I Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. I can handle it. And the woman who was the administrator had spoken with me and she said, you know, we'd like to put you in a bed.

And of course they did it as they had my bag and everything was already all set. So I couldn't have, they covered all the excuses I might have. Und ich sagte, nein, nein, aber du verstehst nicht, ich starte einen Film in 15 Tagen. Und sie sagt, was ist wichtiger, der Film oder dein Leben? Und ich sagte, der Film. Weil, weißt du was, das war an dem Moment alles, was ich hatte. Das war mein Leben.

Und durch die Gnade Gottes, Joel hat seinen Nacken ausgestoßen, das Studio hat seinen Nacken ausgestoßen, der Produzent hat seinen Nacken ausgestoßen. Und ich war niemand. Ich war an einem Punkt, an dem ich Box-Office hatte. Es gab keinen Grund, außer ich denke, es war ein Teil von diesem Grupp, das für mich tat, was sie nicht für sich selbst tun konnten. Und es war ein Wunder.

Und ich bin wirklich so. Ich brauche keinen anderen Detour.

Ja, ich bin auch vegan.

Ja, ich fühle mich besser.

I mean, that, like, kind of the trajectory was St. Elmo's About Last Night.

And that was, you know... Did Mamet write that script? It was based on sexual perversity in Chicago, right. He did Ed Zwick. Oh, yeah, yeah, I know that guy. Jim Belushi.

Elizabeth Perkins.

And it was, if I really look back, it's not like things happened overnight, but it was all moving in a very steady direction. And I can look back today and realize, wow, I was terrified.

That I didn't know what I was doing, that I definitely was a fraud.

I didn't know how I was, how did I, where was it coming from? Yeah. I didn't know.

I mean, there was something. The thing was, when you don't know what that is, it's very scary. Because you're like, maybe it'll show up today, maybe it won't. How did that happen?

And so you have no... Like, I had no blueprint or barometer for my own... All the way up through Ghost. Well, yeah. Like, I think Ghost was... Ghost became a shift because it was... Weil es mich wirklich tief aus meiner Komfortzone gedrängt hat. Weil es mich wirklich gedrängt hat, mich mit etwas zu beschäftigen, mit dem ich es noch nie beschäftigt hatte.

Und ich denke nicht selbstbewusst, dass ich es sogar im Prozess beschäftigt habe, was Grief war.

Nur Grief. Genereller Grief. Weil der Film, Ghost, ist alles um Verlust.

That's the thing is, I think I had such deep grief. By that point, my dad had killed himself. I was, you know, had a very, you know, challenged relationship with my mother. I had been on my own so long. You know, I did Ghost at 25, almost 26, I think, 26. I'd been on my own already 10 years. So I think...

I don't think that, I mean, I had only a little bit by being sober.

But I don't think that, I think that I had a lot of grief there. I just, it wasn't processed. Right, yeah.

Es muss sein, ich muss es irgendwo eingetappt haben, weil es da ist und ich konnte es nur, weil meine jüngste Tochter und ihr Verwandter nie einen Geist gesehen haben. Und so haben wir es literally nur zwei Wochen ago gesehen. Wow. Und ich habe es in über 30 Jahren nicht gesehen. Ja. Das war wild. Was denkst du?

I was much more appreciative and forgiving and still like I had a lot of compassion for that little girl that was there who didn't know what she was doing or how it got there. And I was actually like, wow, you did okay, kid. Fuck.

It's like the beauty of having a little time is just that kind of gentility with self that you can see that you couldn't give then. I was so hard on myself all the time. Nothing was ever enough. I was never enough, ever. I beat the shit out of myself.

Ich bin auch besser. Es ist nicht so, dass es nicht aufkommt. Ich kann es einfach... Identifizieren. ...prozessieren und es so schnell schützen.

Nein.

I think I just was kind of staying, like, I don't know, just trying to do the best I could with whatever was in front of me.

Und es ist so, dass ich denke, dass die Wahrheit die Wahrheit ist. Und es resoniert. Ich denke, es gab so viel in dem, was ich aus den verschiedenen zwölf Schritten bekommen habe, dass ich gesagt habe, ja, ich erkenne die Wahrheit. Und wie ich am Anfang gesagt habe, war ich ein Seeker der Wahrheit. Ich bin immer noch ein Seeker der Wahrheit.

Well, what's interesting about that too, it was framed as equal pay. I think what I was, in that moment, because I've indirectly had some very bold moments that have made what some people would refer to as feminist statements. And for me, they were always just Ja. Ja. Ja. Es gab Parodien. Wenn man etwas geliefert hat, wurde das auch zurückgegeben.

Es war also wirklich nur die Frage, was ich als verdient fühlte. Ich wollte nicht versuchen, einen Mann zu vergleichen. Ich war nicht in Kompetition mit Männern. Ich war in Kompetition mit vielleicht... Mit dem Glauben, fair zu sein.

Und es war wirklich, wieder einmal, sehr praktisch. Ich sah es sehr praktisch. Und offensichtlich bin ich nicht naiv daran, dass, als das angefangen hat, der Fakt, dass, wow, das könnte es für alle Frauen ändern. Ja. Und ich war sehr energisiert und bewegt von dieser Idee. Ja. Und auch bewusst, dass jeder, der als der Erste rauskommt, ein paar Hits nehmen wird. Und du hast das gemacht? Oh ja.

I think that there was a lot of shaming. There was a lot of... They did not want to let G.I. Jane win. They were killing it months before it ever even was seen or could come out. It's like the idea of me playing a stripper. I said it in my book, which is... In Reflection, I feel like Striptease, I kind of betrayed women. In G.I.J. and I betrayed men.

And then I had so much media focus around the price tag. It's like, you're not that good. You don't really deserve that. And, you know, you took your clothes off. And so everything was diminishing what I was bringing to the table. And so it was like, they're going to kill this before it can get anywhere.

Es tut es wirklich.

And I think, you know, for me, I think I've naturally gravitated towards roles and they to me that have challenged the status quo. Sure. Have brought provocative questions, whether it's indecent proposal or, you know, things that really, you know, are not sexually provocative necessarily, but just thought provoking.

Aber wie wir vorher gesagt haben, alles in der richtigen Zeit.

Hier ist das Ding. Nobody can throw you under the bus unless you've thrown yourself under already. And I think, you know, I shared when I won the Golden Globe that story about being a popcorn actress. I don't know if you heard that.

So, which was a real experience that I had. But again, it doesn't matter who he was. oder sogar wirklich, was er gesagt hat. Es ist, was es für mich bedeutet. Und wie diese Idee, okay, du kannst das sein, aber du kannst das nicht sein. Irgendwie habe ich die Idee verloren, dass die beiden Dinge zusammenhängen könnten. Und das Universum zeigte mir auch, dass das nicht passiert ist.

Und ich begann, es zu glauben, bis ich wirklich fragte, ob es wirklich so ist. there was meaningful, memorable work still out there for me. And not in a way that I felt bad or sorry for myself, but really, again, very practically, like maybe the universe was saying to me, it's time to shift gears, try something else.

Yeah. Oh, okay. What would that be? You know, who knows? Maybe I'd become a psychologist. But I think it's... So my point to all of that is... It's not like, oh, I should have gotten something. That doesn't matter, because that's not how it happened. And maybe it didn't happen so that the impact right now could affect and be so much more important to so many other people that it's bigger than me.

This is happening and it's bigger than me. Ja. Ja. All of my lows are part of the humanity of my vulnerability of my humanness. People see that maybe that's what it's for.

No, it's all of those things that led me. It's all of the things that I tortured myself in my younger years. All that violence against myself. That I was able from a more healed place to be able to go in and also bring a different perspective. That is that we are not victims. That nobody could do something worse to me than what I've done to myself.

And there's been some pretty awful things that I've experienced.

Yeah.

Ja, und diese Begegnung, dass die Antwort nicht auf der Außenwelt ist. Ich weiß. Es gibt keine Anzahl von Suchen, Erfüllung, die uns das Ding, das wir suchen, geben wird, was die echte Liberation ist. Ich denke, erstens, Ja. Ja, ja.

I read this great, you know, page from Mark Nepo today that was all about the door.

So it's the door. There's a word for it. This door. And that you can go and do a lot of things, but that door is still waiting. And you can try to sand the door down and repaint it, but you've got to go through the door. Ich weiß. Du musst durch die Tür gehen. Aber ich denke auch, wir müssen die Gentilität haben und uns der Dignität unseres Prozesses geben. Ja.

Und, du weißt, so viel wie es verrückt macht, gibt es Dinge, die du immer wieder wiederholst, bis du es nicht mehr musst. Ja, ja. Ich sehe, dass dein Bein jetzt geht, als wir das gemacht haben.

Ja, es ist wie die echte Idee des Verabschiedens, die nicht zu geben ist, sondern zu lassen. Das ist richtig. Yeah, it's like letting go of these stories that are misunderstandings, misperceptions and misidentifications.

Yeah, it's like these comfort zones that keep us safe but also keep us limited.

By the way, as I got this respiratory thing, I immediately thought, somebody wrote me and said, you know, lungs are... Ja, es ist so jung. But it's also, it's not even stuff that I could pinpoint because it's not relevant. But my body doesn't know the difference. So I just have to encourage it to move through this and open the pathway.

We are.

I'm glad we talked. I think it was helpful. Was it? Yeah. I hope so. Did we do it? Yeah. Alright.

Musik

I'm a little bit more hoarse than I normally am. Why? So much stuff? I think respiratory. Really? I just think I picked a little something up and then I traveled. I went to Europe.

Yeah, and then I go back Tuesday? Monday? Das ist eine sehr spannende Zeit. Hey. Gott. Ich kann meinen Kontakt ausziehen und in Blasen sein. Das ist mehr meine Norm.

Hier, ich mache, wie ich alle Props, ihre Wasserbottle.

Ja.

Sie ist eine Superstar.

Ja, ich kann das. Erzähl mir, wie wir das tun. Das ist professionell.

Du hast ein paar Big Wigs hier.

Ich fühle mich sehr erfreut.

Okay, I love it.

Yeah, she said you guys met. I don't remember now. Oh, was it at a comedy show?

She's a great human.

Yeah.

Nein, ich denke, ich habe wahrscheinlich, ich will sagen, wir haben es gemacht, weil wir die Entscheidung gemacht haben, Bruce und ich zusammen. Wahrscheinlich das Smarteste, was wir jemals gemacht haben, war... Ja. Ja. Sorry, that's Pilaf, the little mouse. And the first time I went, my oldest daughter was 12 days old. Wow.