Dejan Asfaha

So I live in a gentrified white neighborhood. So there's a lot of pressure on me to be the friendly local black guy. And it's tough, you know? It's hard. It's hard being a real nigga when you live on Avocado Street. You know? It's hard because people don't understand race, you know? Like one time I was at a comedy show and I was watching a black comedian perform. He was saying the N word a lot.

And this white woman next to me turned to me and she was like, am I allowed to laugh? I was like, absolutely not. As a matter of fact, every time you hear the N-word, hold your breath. All right, that's my time.

I started in L.A., and then I moved back to Seattle like a year ago.

There was no reason to be there in L.A. Right.

I already knew that shit was coming. You might as well play the Lion King music now. Well, you know what?

What do you do for work, Dejan? I'm about to work as a tutor. I'm about to work with kids, but I was just working security right now. Okay.

I got an elementary school. Oh, wow. I did that, too, when I was in L.A. for a bit.

Yeah.

Kids like me, generally.

Oh. I be dating casually.

Man, that's crazy you say. I do like a fat ass.

I mean, I like grabbing it. You know what I'm saying? I like, if she on top, yeah.

I just, I have done security work for just, like, office buildings around type shit.

Yeah, I used to do that just because it was, like, cushy and I could, like, write jokes during the daytime type shit. Yep. But, um, I had the other security job I had, they were just trying to make me do, like, actual security. And I was like, fuck no, nigga. Like, what, what? Yeah, they would be like, confront that crackhead. No. I'd be like, what? They'd be like, you're good.

You don't have a gun, but it's okay. Like, because it was unarmed security. I was like, nigga, that's a paradox. Right. Exactly. Skateboarders and shit.

I mean, it's hard to have hobbies because I'm constantly doing this shit. But honestly, casually dating. I was dating a lot when I got back to Seattle. What do you like to do?

And then it's G-E-N. I know it's spelled confusing. Yeah, you have a point. I don't mind when people mispronounce it.

Hey. Bitch, you be blacking up my name. And you know what's crazy? Somebody mispronounced my name while I was hitting it, too. Oh, shit. Yeah, she said it just the way you said it, nigga. What did she yell, Beetlejuice? Yeah. She was like, ooh, Dejan. And I was like, uh-huh.

If you're talking to her, you got to schedule the date ASAP, like within the first five messages type shit. Yep. And then you meet her in person. By the way, I'm not no nigga that be getting pussy all the time. That's what you have to say.

But you got to schedule the date ASAP. Do some simple shit. Just talk to her, get drinks type shit. You don't got to take her to an aquarium. You're goddamn right. You're goddamn right. You don't got it. Hell yeah. And introduced the idea of sex ASAP. That's what I... Absolutely. My early 20s, I fucked that up. I never, like... Yeah, you would go to the aquarium.

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