Deb Proctor

And so over the course of time, he began to tell me what happened. It was an elaborate story, intricate details.

And so over the course of time, he began to tell me what happened. It was an elaborate story, intricate details.

And they busted his feet with the butt of a gun so that he couldn't walk. But he got out, and he escaped, and he made it back to the U.S. forces by following the path of a stream. And it was so difficult because his feet were busted up. He was taken to a veteran's hospital. He had to have metal put in his feet because they were broken.

And they busted his feet with the butt of a gun so that he couldn't walk. But he got out, and he escaped, and he made it back to the U.S. forces by following the path of a stream. And it was so difficult because his feet were busted up. He was taken to a veteran's hospital. He had to have metal put in his feet because they were broken.

And if we flew anywhere, it would trigger the metal alarms as you go in.

And if we flew anywhere, it would trigger the metal alarms as you go in.

The trauma was so bad, he said it was just so awful that sometimes he would just get in the closet and he would just hide.

The trauma was so bad, he said it was just so awful that sometimes he would just get in the closet and he would just hide.

His siblings had said that his mother's 80th birthday party was coming up, and they wanted him to come. And he talked to me about it, and I said, well, we've got to. I've never met any of your family, and absolutely.

His siblings had said that his mother's 80th birthday party was coming up, and they wanted him to come. And he talked to me about it, and I said, well, we've got to. I've never met any of your family, and absolutely.

I finally got to meet his family. I was just so excited to be there and to meet them. And, you know, at one of the brothers' houses, we might play games and just chat and get to know each other. Deb fit right in. We didn't have any serious, meaningful conversations about life or anything. We were just doing a friendly, cordial, meet-the-family thing. He was upbeat. Everyone was upbeat.

I finally got to meet his family. I was just so excited to be there and to meet them. And, you know, at one of the brothers' houses, we might play games and just chat and get to know each other. Deb fit right in. We didn't have any serious, meaningful conversations about life or anything. We were just doing a friendly, cordial, meet-the-family thing. He was upbeat. Everyone was upbeat.

It was a good trip.

It was a good trip.

Come to find out, he met his siblings at the door and told him, I'm going by Jeff Walton now. I'll tell you later.

Come to find out, he met his siblings at the door and told him, I'm going by Jeff Walton now. I'll tell you later.

It was a profound moment. It's the duality of, oh my God, what in the world? Who is this cruel? Who can pull this off? Whose friends pull it off? How do you fabricate the details like that?

It was a profound moment. It's the duality of, oh my God, what in the world? Who is this cruel? Who can pull this off? Whose friends pull it off? How do you fabricate the details like that?

And a friend of ours found him sitting up against a tree and wanted him to let him take him into the hospital. And he said, no, just take me to my car. And so he did that. He got in his car and he drove home.

And a friend of ours found him sitting up against a tree and wanted him to let him take him into the hospital. And he said, no, just take me to my car. And so he did that. He got in his car and he drove home.

And he absolutely said, I will not go. I don't trust the government. I'm not going. And I said, well, that's bullshit. We're going broke. We've got to get your health care. That's when Jeff explained the VA wouldn't take him. He said, they don't even have a list of me because I was dishonorably discharged because I reported the officer's death.

And he absolutely said, I will not go. I don't trust the government. I'm not going. And I said, well, that's bullshit. We're going broke. We've got to get your health care. That's when Jeff explained the VA wouldn't take him. He said, they don't even have a list of me because I was dishonorably discharged because I reported the officer's death.

They won't even have me on to, well, anything to do with VA. And I said, that's bullshit. You were a soldier. You were captured. And he said, I won't go. He got up, and he never talked about it again. In that moment, I was like, that is weird.

They won't even have me on to, well, anything to do with VA. And I said, that's bullshit. You were a soldier. You were captured. And he said, I won't go. He got up, and he never talked about it again. In that moment, I was like, that is weird.

I wonder if I need to get a private investigator or something. And I logged on to the internet. And then I was like, God, I don't have any money to get a private detective job.

I wonder if I need to get a private investigator or something. And I logged on to the internet. And then I was like, God, I don't have any money to get a private detective job.

I had begun to say, I do not know what is wrong with my life. How am I going to get this guy health care? He's got to have health care.

I had begun to say, I do not know what is wrong with my life. How am I going to get this guy health care? He's got to have health care.

I began to drink, and then I drank heavily, and then it was uncontrollably. Alcohol became an escape from her marriage and its problems. When I started drinking, I didn't have to be confused anymore because my brain was numb.

I began to drink, and then I drank heavily, and then it was uncontrollably. Alcohol became an escape from her marriage and its problems. When I started drinking, I didn't have to be confused anymore because my brain was numb.

I was the person that was going to Al-Anon from the mid-80s, taking family, taking co-workers, taking friends to AANA, rehab. I was taking everybody to get help. But myself had, I guess, reached just a hard stop where I couldn't deal with it.

I was the person that was going to Al-Anon from the mid-80s, taking family, taking co-workers, taking friends to AANA, rehab. I was taking everybody to get help. But myself had, I guess, reached just a hard stop where I couldn't deal with it.

Best move I ever made. I'm not going to tell you it was pretty. It was ugly. But there's always been a driving force within me to rise above.

Best move I ever made. I'm not going to tell you it was pretty. It was ugly. But there's always been a driving force within me to rise above.

I began to really observe. He was strange. Something was not right, not right.

I began to really observe. He was strange. Something was not right, not right.

And I began to say to him, Jeff, every day while I'm at work, I want you to work on your life story because I don't understand it. You told me you were born in Alaska and you moved to Canada. But I don't know where you even went to school. I don't even know when you moved to Canada. If something happens, I'm going to be honest with you, I can't even write an obituary.

And I began to say to him, Jeff, every day while I'm at work, I want you to work on your life story because I don't understand it. You told me you were born in Alaska and you moved to Canada. But I don't know where you even went to school. I don't even know when you moved to Canada. If something happens, I'm going to be honest with you, I can't even write an obituary.

My real name is Deborah, but typically everyone calls me Deb.

My real name is Deborah, but typically everyone calls me Deb.

And so every day I would come home and I would go, well, share your story with me. Well, I couldn't work on it today. After his stroke, Jeff's memory was worse than ever. He began to claim that he just didn't have much of a memory. But the neurologist at the time of his stroke had already advised me that the stroke was not going to impact his memory.

And so every day I would come home and I would go, well, share your story with me. Well, I couldn't work on it today. After his stroke, Jeff's memory was worse than ever. He began to claim that he just didn't have much of a memory. But the neurologist at the time of his stroke had already advised me that the stroke was not going to impact his memory.

Then he wanted me to get him checked for possible early dementia.

Then he wanted me to get him checked for possible early dementia.

It's a wonderful program where you stay in your home. But they basically have a center that's open during the day. And there's activities and transportation. There's clinic on site. Everything that you could need. And if you need something outside, they'll take you. He started going to the center every day. That was until... The program called me and they said, have you talked to Jeff?

It's a wonderful program where you stay in your home. But they basically have a center that's open during the day. And there's activities and transportation. There's clinic on site. Everything that you could need. And if you need something outside, they'll take you. He started going to the center every day. That was until... The program called me and they said, have you talked to Jeff?

Because nobody can find him. He's gone.

Because nobody can find him. He's gone.

Come to find out, he had left the group and the care team to go to the bank.

Come to find out, he had left the group and the care team to go to the bank.

It was a number I didn't recognize, and I typically didn't pick those up in my office.

It was a number I didn't recognize, and I typically didn't pick those up in my office.

That's when he began to say that they were looking for Ron Stan, and they had believed that they were tracking down through social media.

That's when he began to say that they were looking for Ron Stan, and they had believed that they were tracking down through social media.

There was a fire. in his barn at night and initially he was presumed to have been in that fire and he had left a wife an infant and another child deb's blood ran cold she knew what the officer was about to say before he said it the man she was married to who she knew as jeff walton was actually the complete fraud He was Ron Stan to this missing person.

There was a fire. in his barn at night and initially he was presumed to have been in that fire and he had left a wife an infant and another child deb's blood ran cold she knew what the officer was about to say before he said it the man she was married to who she knew as jeff walton was actually the complete fraud He was Ron Stan to this missing person.

After being an RN for, well, now it's been 48 and a half years,

After being an RN for, well, now it's been 48 and a half years,

So she asked the officer for proof, for details. The more I pushed for dates, times, names, locations, the more I realized, oh, ugh.

So she asked the officer for proof, for details. The more I pushed for dates, times, names, locations, the more I realized, oh, ugh.

Every detail, dates, times, information, I still have that notepad.

Every detail, dates, times, information, I still have that notepad.

I was sitting there when there was a nurse that looked at me from the office door and she said, are you okay? I remember saying, I don't know. I've just had the most bizarre phone call. So I went to talk to my director of nursing and she said, get out of here. What in the world?

I was sitting there when there was a nurse that looked at me from the office door and she said, are you okay? I remember saying, I don't know. I've just had the most bizarre phone call. So I went to talk to my director of nursing and she said, get out of here. What in the world?

When you mention bullshit detectors, I can spot them a football field away or further. Deb is Cherokee and proud of her Native American heritage. My grandmother, who lived until she was 99 years old, she is actually our family's original enrollee, which means she is on the Dawes Roll.

When you mention bullshit detectors, I can spot them a football field away or further. Deb is Cherokee and proud of her Native American heritage. My grandmother, who lived until she was 99 years old, she is actually our family's original enrollee, which means she is on the Dawes Roll.

He probably is in witness protection and you just blew it. So you're probably not safe, nor is he. And they said, we'll go with you to the Cherokee Nation marshals and we will get to the bottom of this.

He probably is in witness protection and you just blew it. So you're probably not safe, nor is he. And they said, we'll go with you to the Cherokee Nation marshals and we will get to the bottom of this.

I gave her the cell number, the badge number, and everything from the officer that called me. And she did call and she confirmed every last detail.

I gave her the cell number, the badge number, and everything from the officer that called me. And she did call and she confirmed every last detail.

I was just heart sick, gut sick, heart sick. My whole body responded and all I could think of was, who are you? How could you do this?

I was just heart sick, gut sick, heart sick. My whole body responded and all I could think of was, who are you? How could you do this?

That poor wife and those two sons that he walked away from in this barn fire in the middle of the night, What horror, what pain, what trauma that they must have endured thinking that they were watching him burn up in front of their eyes.

That poor wife and those two sons that he walked away from in this barn fire in the middle of the night, What horror, what pain, what trauma that they must have endured thinking that they were watching him burn up in front of their eyes.

Go to an attorney, go to the bank, and get protection. So that's what I did.

Go to an attorney, go to the bank, and get protection. So that's what I did.

I just was in a state of robot, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. and then formulate a plan on how to tell the family.

I just was in a state of robot, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. and then formulate a plan on how to tell the family.

I loved that boy. He was my son, too, you know. He was a third son. So my heart hurt for him, just like it did for my boys, to tell him. Everyone in the family called him Little Jeff.

I loved that boy. He was my son, too, you know. He was a third son. So my heart hurt for him, just like it did for my boys, to tell him. Everyone in the family called him Little Jeff.

And his response was, you know, silent initially, as you could imagine, and then just struggling. We both needed some time to just deal. The one person she didn't want to speak with was Jeff. I really did not have any communication with him whatsoever. I just had nothing to say.

And his response was, you know, silent initially, as you could imagine, and then just struggling. We both needed some time to just deal. The one person she didn't want to speak with was Jeff. I really did not have any communication with him whatsoever. I just had nothing to say.

There was no charges to be made here. You know, he's a scam, but there's no charges that I could file. The only legal action Deb could take was filing for divorce. The domestic violence service of the tribe helped me and just took the papers. And when they served him the papers, he just signed it. He didn't even question it.

There was no charges to be made here. You know, he's a scam, but there's no charges that I could file. The only legal action Deb could take was filing for divorce. The domestic violence service of the tribe helped me and just took the papers. And when they served him the papers, he just signed it. He didn't even question it.

Media showed up from Canada, from Oklahoma, from the UK. I just didn't have any peace. I could rarely go home. My phone rang constantly. I was just completely overwhelmed.

Media showed up from Canada, from Oklahoma, from the UK. I just didn't have any peace. I could rarely go home. My phone rang constantly. I was just completely overwhelmed.

Evidently, he was messing with young college girls, and he was getting ready to get in trouble.

Evidently, he was messing with young college girls, and he was getting ready to get in trouble.

Which was pretty unusual to have an original rollie in your life for most of it.

Which was pretty unusual to have an original rollie in your life for most of it.

When he left Canada in the fire and came to New Orleans, he said, I've got to find a woman with money.

When he left Canada in the fire and came to New Orleans, he said, I've got to find a woman with money.

He got a Social Security from somebody that had died in the 70s, a girl. So he took over her Social Security.

He got a Social Security from somebody that had died in the 70s, a girl. So he took over her Social Security.

That's how he worked in the decades that he came to the United States. He used the Social Security and false name. I don't know how anybody pulls this off. It's so elaborate.

That's how he worked in the decades that he came to the United States. He used the Social Security and false name. I don't know how anybody pulls this off. It's so elaborate.

I had seen his birth certificate, and I still have it. But when you look... There are things that have been changed.

I had seen his birth certificate, and I still have it. But when you look... There are things that have been changed.

I think I got a lot of my Proctor will and strength and courage from her. She was born before statehood, and she was still stacking her own wood when she was in her early 90s. She was a survivor of many, many situations in her life.

I think I got a lot of my Proctor will and strength and courage from her. She was born before statehood, and she was still stacking her own wood when she was in her early 90s. She was a survivor of many, many situations in her life.

There was never anybody that played football for Woody Hayes by his name, ever.

There was never anybody that played football for Woody Hayes by his name, ever.

He never counts his strokes, and when he was out of bounds, he never counted it.

He never counts his strokes, and when he was out of bounds, he never counted it.

It's very possible because, look, this is rural. This is a dead-end road. Maybe he did think, hey, I can get out in the woods in rural Oklahoma and continue to hide.

It's very possible because, look, this is rural. This is a dead-end road. Maybe he did think, hey, I can get out in the woods in rural Oklahoma and continue to hide.

They did it because they'd lost him once and they didn't want to lose him again. I think they were just so happy to have him back in their lives.

They did it because they'd lost him once and they didn't want to lose him again. I think they were just so happy to have him back in their lives.

But I had a really dear friend. She nicknamed him Ref. And so for a while, when I referred to him, it was Ref. But now I usually just say Jeff.

But I had a really dear friend. She nicknamed him Ref. And so for a while, when I referred to him, it was Ref. But now I usually just say Jeff.

I just remember it was a profound moment. It's the duality of, oh my God, what in the world? Along with, you have to live, you have to deal with this and go on. And I remember just laying in the floor, just face down, and just sobbing and saying, my God, how does another human do this to a human in the guise of love?

I just remember it was a profound moment. It's the duality of, oh my God, what in the world? Along with, you have to live, you have to deal with this and go on. And I remember just laying in the floor, just face down, and just sobbing and saying, my God, how does another human do this to a human in the guise of love?

I just had so much pain and confusion. I got on my knees. I leaned into a chair and I just kept praying and asking for help. And just, if you can get me on my feet, I will go forward. I will keep my sobriety. I promise, I promise. I made a commitment to live life, to help others, to be the best person I can, to be loving, kind.

I just had so much pain and confusion. I got on my knees. I leaned into a chair and I just kept praying and asking for help. And just, if you can get me on my feet, I will go forward. I will keep my sobriety. I promise, I promise. I made a commitment to live life, to help others, to be the best person I can, to be loving, kind.

I mean, those were the things I'd always been, but I was not going to let this make me harsh and hateful.

I mean, those were the things I'd always been, but I was not going to let this make me harsh and hateful.

You know, we often talk of spiritual awakenings. I feel like I've had a few in my life, but that was profound. Profound. And when I stood up, you know, I was still crying, but I wasn't suffering as much. I didn't feel the pain as deep at the betrayal or shock. And I knew that when I stood up that it was something greater than me. It said, get up. You got work to do.

You know, we often talk of spiritual awakenings. I feel like I've had a few in my life, but that was profound. Profound. And when I stood up, you know, I was still crying, but I wasn't suffering as much. I didn't feel the pain as deep at the betrayal or shock. And I knew that when I stood up that it was something greater than me. It said, get up. You got work to do.

I made a commitment to do that in that moment, and I've never turned back, and I've never tried to rewrite the story. And I don't want to live in bitterness. I still wanted to be open-hearted and help others. And that's what set the tone for the years to where we are today. She's now 11 years sober. I maintain sobriety.

I made a commitment to do that in that moment, and I've never turned back, and I've never tried to rewrite the story. And I don't want to live in bitterness. I still wanted to be open-hearted and help others. And that's what set the tone for the years to where we are today. She's now 11 years sober. I maintain sobriety.

Those life events are what gives the background and the experience to what we would call intergenerational trauma or historical trauma.

Those life events are what gives the background and the experience to what we would call intergenerational trauma or historical trauma.

I was dedicated to my meetings and I was dedicated to the spiritual journey and dealing with my loss and grief and shock.

I was dedicated to my meetings and I was dedicated to the spiritual journey and dealing with my loss and grief and shock.

I would say you've still got to stay working on your emotional health because it's a tough service. What I know for sure is that we can't help others adequately or appropriately if we haven't began our own work to heal. I feel like I'm more effective in these last years because of all the work I've done.

I would say you've still got to stay working on your emotional health because it's a tough service. What I know for sure is that we can't help others adequately or appropriately if we haven't began our own work to heal. I feel like I'm more effective in these last years because of all the work I've done.

It was a sense of relief. But also all the emotions that flood into that moment, you just have to hold them.

It was a sense of relief. But also all the emotions that flood into that moment, you just have to hold them.

I just recently married on September 7th, and I never saw it coming. Both of us are nevers. And it was the most beautiful wedding outdoors overlooking the lake. It was just beautiful, romantic, just wonderful.

I just recently married on September 7th, and I never saw it coming. Both of us are nevers. And it was the most beautiful wedding outdoors overlooking the lake. It was just beautiful, romantic, just wonderful.

He is also sober. Him, 40-something years. Both of us love golf. Both of us love music. It's just a blessing for us both. We feel so grateful. It's too bad we're meeting each other at 70 and 67, but here we are.

He is also sober. Him, 40-something years. Both of us love golf. Both of us love music. It's just a blessing for us both. We feel so grateful. It's too bad we're meeting each other at 70 and 67, but here we are.

If my story could help others identify lies from their partner earlier, that's one part. The real part is we can hear and we can have a good life and we can live well. The trauma and the pain and the suffering and the sorrow, we have the potential to just be an amazing human on the other side. Leave your heart open, love others, help others, learn boundaries, set limits.

If my story could help others identify lies from their partner earlier, that's one part. The real part is we can hear and we can have a good life and we can live well. The trauma and the pain and the suffering and the sorrow, we have the potential to just be an amazing human on the other side. Leave your heart open, love others, help others, learn boundaries, set limits.

When you're a very sensitive nature child, your little heart's open and you're intuitive. You pick up that energy.

When you're a very sensitive nature child, your little heart's open and you're intuitive. You pick up that energy.

The violence I experienced, I truly in my heart know that it's as a result of those that could not heal.

The violence I experienced, I truly in my heart know that it's as a result of those that could not heal.

He taught me a lot about community service. He would be in his vehicle driving through the rural areas, seeing what the natives needed. And ultimately, he was a councilman for our tribe, served many, many years.

He taught me a lot about community service. He would be in his vehicle driving through the rural areas, seeing what the natives needed. And ultimately, he was a councilman for our tribe, served many, many years.

They had a birthday party for me, and he asked me to marry him, and I accepted. That was the day I turned 16.

They had a birthday party for me, and he asked me to marry him, and I accepted. That was the day I turned 16.

He was the one in the family who said you must have an education. And so at age 17, I did start college and I finished at 19 with my first RN degree. That was as a result of my dad pushing me.

He was the one in the family who said you must have an education. And so at age 17, I did start college and I finished at 19 with my first RN degree. That was as a result of my dad pushing me.

I mean, I'm running the hospital as a baby nurse. I'd probably turn... 20, maybe 21 by then. It was tough, but I spent a good part of my energy on trying to achieve perfection. Deb and her husband shared a very similar upbringing. He came from a violent background, very similar to mine. And so we just went together like peanut butter and jelly.

I mean, I'm running the hospital as a baby nurse. I'd probably turn... 20, maybe 21 by then. It was tough, but I spent a good part of my energy on trying to achieve perfection. Deb and her husband shared a very similar upbringing. He came from a violent background, very similar to mine. And so we just went together like peanut butter and jelly.

He struggled with drugs and drinking, and he had violent tendencies. It was really hard.

He struggled with drugs and drinking, and he had violent tendencies. It was really hard.

And so for many years, I remained single and just spent time with myself and the boys. And so for the next few years after we divorced, I sought to understand. I bought books. I joined book clubs. Anything on self-understanding.

And so for many years, I remained single and just spent time with myself and the boys. And so for the next few years after we divorced, I sought to understand. I bought books. I joined book clubs. Anything on self-understanding.

you know, someone to enjoy life, that I meant something to, that I mattered to.

you know, someone to enjoy life, that I meant something to, that I mattered to.

His profile was just romantic. It was something like, I'm looking for my Guinevere.

His profile was just romantic. It was something like, I'm looking for my Guinevere.

You know, the music, a spiritual journey. He loved the Native American spiritual practices. And when I talked to him, I was just smitten with him. She looked forward to his phone calls and emails. I saved all of that. I printed everything. I had a huge three-inch purple binder with all of our exchanges.

You know, the music, a spiritual journey. He loved the Native American spiritual practices. And when I talked to him, I was just smitten with him. She looked forward to his phone calls and emails. I saved all of that. I printed everything. I had a huge three-inch purple binder with all of our exchanges.

He didn't know he's real dad. His stepdad was very violent and he would share stories like, you know, his stepdad murdered the family poodle in front of his sister and his mom and him. And I mean, it was horrible stories.

He didn't know he's real dad. His stepdad was very violent and he would share stories like, you know, his stepdad murdered the family poodle in front of his sister and his mom and him. And I mean, it was horrible stories.

So when he would talk to me on the phone, he would have that accent. you know, dialect. He would say, hello, darling. Yeah, I can't do it, but it was definitely New Orleans.

So when he would talk to me on the phone, he would have that accent. you know, dialect. He would say, hello, darling. Yeah, I can't do it, but it was definitely New Orleans.

He was a project manager for a big construction company that You know, worked on Toyota plants, that worked on the University of Kentucky, that had done all this great work.

He was a project manager for a big construction company that You know, worked on Toyota plants, that worked on the University of Kentucky, that had done all this great work.

He was a pilot and played football for Woody Hayes at Ohio State and was, oh. phenomenal. Deb could really see herself with this guy. We're going to embark upon this journey together. We love music. We love golf. We're both seekers. I just was so excited about meeting this man.

He was a pilot and played football for Woody Hayes at Ohio State and was, oh. phenomenal. Deb could really see herself with this guy. We're going to embark upon this journey together. We love music. We love golf. We're both seekers. I just was so excited about meeting this man.

I'd had a traditional healer, a medicine man, gone to him and asked him to bead a feather. There was a song by Robbie Robertson, and the name of it was Golden Feather. Give my love a golden feather. And if you were to look it up, it's so that I never lose my way home.

I'd had a traditional healer, a medicine man, gone to him and asked him to bead a feather. There was a song by Robbie Robertson, and the name of it was Golden Feather. Give my love a golden feather. And if you were to look it up, it's so that I never lose my way home.

And I thought, what a beautiful expression of love for this new man in my life to give him a feather because he loves that Native American song so much. So I met him at the plane with that and I said, here's so you can always find your way home.

And I thought, what a beautiful expression of love for this new man in my life to give him a feather because he loves that Native American song so much. So I met him at the plane with that and I said, here's so you can always find your way home.

As soon as he got off the plane and he was walking toward me, it seemed like his voice was shaking. And he said, you will marry me, won't you? You're going to marry me, right? You are marrying me, right? That was Jeff's marriage proposal. And I was like, well, of course, of course, yes.

As soon as he got off the plane and he was walking toward me, it seemed like his voice was shaking. And he said, you will marry me, won't you? You're going to marry me, right? You are marrying me, right? That was Jeff's marriage proposal. And I was like, well, of course, of course, yes.

You know, I drove around, showed him the rural area, my history, some of the culture, where I worked. We went out to my golf course. I introduced him to a lot of my friends, met the family. It was just a really good weekend. I just loved him. Just loved him.

You know, I drove around, showed him the rural area, my history, some of the culture, where I worked. We went out to my golf course. I introduced him to a lot of my friends, met the family. It was just a really good weekend. I just loved him. Just loved him.

And I'm a planner and an organizer in every aspect of my life. So shoot, the next thing you know, I'm getting busy. I'm helping him find jobs. He's getting his resume. Of course, we're still using faxes then. And he would send things and I would write cover letters for him to help him get relocated. A few months later, Jeff moved in.

And I'm a planner and an organizer in every aspect of my life. So shoot, the next thing you know, I'm getting busy. I'm helping him find jobs. He's getting his resume. Of course, we're still using faxes then. And he would send things and I would write cover letters for him to help him get relocated. A few months later, Jeff moved in.

So he lost his golf clubs. Well, heck, you know, I got to go buying golf clubs, you know, because he's got to have golf clubs if we're going to play. So then he needed lessons because he just hadn't got to play in a while, he said, needed to brush up. But on their first golf trip with her friends... Once we got all the scores in and everything, the winner was him.

So he lost his golf clubs. Well, heck, you know, I got to go buying golf clubs, you know, because he's got to have golf clubs if we're going to play. So then he needed lessons because he just hadn't got to play in a while, he said, needed to brush up. But on their first golf trip with her friends... Once we got all the scores in and everything, the winner was him.

And on this particular resume, it says Vietnam veteran. I was like, my God.

And on this particular resume, it says Vietnam veteran. I was like, my God.

You never told me you were a veteran. You never told me you were in the Vietnam War. That is a significant event in life. I was flabbergasted. It had never come up. And he said, well, I don't like to talk about it, Deb. I use it on my resumes because, you know, that ought to tell you something. I was like, but you should have told me. I should never have found out here.

You never told me you were a veteran. You never told me you were in the Vietnam War. That is a significant event in life. I was flabbergasted. It had never come up. And he said, well, I don't like to talk about it, Deb. I use it on my resumes because, you know, that ought to tell you something. I was like, but you should have told me. I should never have found out here.

And so over the course of time, he began to tell me what happened. It was an elaborate story, intricate details.

And they busted his feet with the butt of a gun so that he couldn't walk. But he got out, and he escaped, and he made it back to the U.S. forces by following the path of a stream. And it was so difficult because his feet were busted up. He was taken to a veteran's hospital. He had to have metal put in his feet because they were broken.

And if we flew anywhere, it would trigger the metal alarms as you go in.

The trauma was so bad, he said it was just so awful that sometimes he would just get in the closet and he would just hide.

His siblings had said that his mother's 80th birthday party was coming up, and they wanted him to come. And he talked to me about it, and I said, well, we've got to. I've never met any of your family, and absolutely.

I finally got to meet his family. I was just so excited to be there and to meet them. And, you know, at one of the brothers' houses, we might play games and just chat and get to know each other. Deb fit right in. We didn't have any serious, meaningful conversations about life or anything. We were just doing a friendly, cordial, meet-the-family thing. He was upbeat. Everyone was upbeat.

It was a good trip.

Come to find out, he met his siblings at the door and told him, I'm going by Jeff Walton now. I'll tell you later.

It was a profound moment. It's the duality of, oh my God, what in the world? Who is this cruel? Who can pull this off? Whose friends pull it off? How do you fabricate the details like that?

And a friend of ours found him sitting up against a tree and wanted him to let him take him into the hospital. And he said, no, just take me to my car. And so he did that. He got in his car and he drove home.

And he absolutely said, I will not go. I don't trust the government. I'm not going. And I said, well, that's bullshit. We're going broke. We've got to get your health care. That's when Jeff explained the VA wouldn't take him. He said, they don't even have a list of me because I was dishonorably discharged because I reported the officer's death.

They won't even have me on to, well, anything to do with VA. And I said, that's bullshit. You were a soldier. You were captured. And he said, I won't go. He got up, and he never talked about it again. In that moment, I was like, that is weird.

I wonder if I need to get a private investigator or something. And I logged on to the internet. And then I was like, God, I don't have any money to get a private detective job.

I had begun to say, I do not know what is wrong with my life. How am I going to get this guy health care? He's got to have health care.

I began to drink, and then I drank heavily, and then it was uncontrollably. Alcohol became an escape from her marriage and its problems. When I started drinking, I didn't have to be confused anymore because my brain was numb.

I was the person that was going to Al-Anon from the mid-80s, taking family, taking co-workers, taking friends to AANA, rehab. I was taking everybody to get help. But myself had, I guess, reached just a hard stop where I couldn't deal with it.

Best move I ever made. I'm not going to tell you it was pretty. It was ugly. But there's always been a driving force within me to rise above.

I began to really observe. He was strange. Something was not right, not right.

And I began to say to him, Jeff, every day while I'm at work, I want you to work on your life story because I don't understand it. You told me you were born in Alaska and you moved to Canada. But I don't know where you even went to school. I don't even know when you moved to Canada. If something happens, I'm going to be honest with you, I can't even write an obituary.

My real name is Deborah, but typically everyone calls me Deb.

And so every day I would come home and I would go, well, share your story with me. Well, I couldn't work on it today. After his stroke, Jeff's memory was worse than ever. He began to claim that he just didn't have much of a memory. But the neurologist at the time of his stroke had already advised me that the stroke was not going to impact his memory.

Then he wanted me to get him checked for possible early dementia.

It's a wonderful program where you stay in your home. But they basically have a center that's open during the day. And there's activities and transportation. There's clinic on site. Everything that you could need. And if you need something outside, they'll take you. He started going to the center every day. That was until... The program called me and they said, have you talked to Jeff?

Because nobody can find him. He's gone.

Come to find out, he had left the group and the care team to go to the bank.

It was a number I didn't recognize, and I typically didn't pick those up in my office.

That's when he began to say that they were looking for Ron Stan, and they had believed that they were tracking down through social media.

There was a fire. in his barn at night and initially he was presumed to have been in that fire and he had left a wife an infant and another child deb's blood ran cold she knew what the officer was about to say before he said it the man she was married to who she knew as jeff walton was actually the complete fraud He was Ron Stan to this missing person.

After being an RN for, well, now it's been 48 and a half years,

So she asked the officer for proof, for details. The more I pushed for dates, times, names, locations, the more I realized, oh, ugh.

Every detail, dates, times, information, I still have that notepad.

I was sitting there when there was a nurse that looked at me from the office door and she said, are you okay? I remember saying, I don't know. I've just had the most bizarre phone call. So I went to talk to my director of nursing and she said, get out of here. What in the world?

When you mention bullshit detectors, I can spot them a football field away or further. Deb is Cherokee and proud of her Native American heritage. My grandmother, who lived until she was 99 years old, she is actually our family's original enrollee, which means she is on the Dawes Roll.

He probably is in witness protection and you just blew it. So you're probably not safe, nor is he. And they said, we'll go with you to the Cherokee Nation marshals and we will get to the bottom of this.

I gave her the cell number, the badge number, and everything from the officer that called me. And she did call and she confirmed every last detail.

I was just heart sick, gut sick, heart sick. My whole body responded and all I could think of was, who are you? How could you do this?

That poor wife and those two sons that he walked away from in this barn fire in the middle of the night, What horror, what pain, what trauma that they must have endured thinking that they were watching him burn up in front of their eyes.

Go to an attorney, go to the bank, and get protection. So that's what I did.

I just was in a state of robot, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. and then formulate a plan on how to tell the family.

I loved that boy. He was my son, too, you know. He was a third son. So my heart hurt for him, just like it did for my boys, to tell him. Everyone in the family called him Little Jeff.

And his response was, you know, silent initially, as you could imagine, and then just struggling. We both needed some time to just deal. The one person she didn't want to speak with was Jeff. I really did not have any communication with him whatsoever. I just had nothing to say.

There was no charges to be made here. You know, he's a scam, but there's no charges that I could file. The only legal action Deb could take was filing for divorce. The domestic violence service of the tribe helped me and just took the papers. And when they served him the papers, he just signed it. He didn't even question it.

Media showed up from Canada, from Oklahoma, from the UK. I just didn't have any peace. I could rarely go home. My phone rang constantly. I was just completely overwhelmed.

Evidently, he was messing with young college girls, and he was getting ready to get in trouble.

Which was pretty unusual to have an original rollie in your life for most of it.

When he left Canada in the fire and came to New Orleans, he said, I've got to find a woman with money.

He got a Social Security from somebody that had died in the 70s, a girl. So he took over her Social Security.

That's how he worked in the decades that he came to the United States. He used the Social Security and false name. I don't know how anybody pulls this off. It's so elaborate.

I had seen his birth certificate, and I still have it. But when you look... There are things that have been changed.

I think I got a lot of my Proctor will and strength and courage from her. She was born before statehood, and she was still stacking her own wood when she was in her early 90s. She was a survivor of many, many situations in her life.

There was never anybody that played football for Woody Hayes by his name, ever.

He never counts his strokes, and when he was out of bounds, he never counted it.

It's very possible because, look, this is rural. This is a dead-end road. Maybe he did think, hey, I can get out in the woods in rural Oklahoma and continue to hide.

They did it because they'd lost him once and they didn't want to lose him again. I think they were just so happy to have him back in their lives.

But I had a really dear friend. She nicknamed him Ref. And so for a while, when I referred to him, it was Ref. But now I usually just say Jeff.

I just remember it was a profound moment. It's the duality of, oh my God, what in the world? Along with, you have to live, you have to deal with this and go on. And I remember just laying in the floor, just face down, and just sobbing and saying, my God, how does another human do this to a human in the guise of love?

I just had so much pain and confusion. I got on my knees. I leaned into a chair and I just kept praying and asking for help. And just, if you can get me on my feet, I will go forward. I will keep my sobriety. I promise, I promise. I made a commitment to live life, to help others, to be the best person I can, to be loving, kind.

I mean, those were the things I'd always been, but I was not going to let this make me harsh and hateful.

You know, we often talk of spiritual awakenings. I feel like I've had a few in my life, but that was profound. Profound. And when I stood up, you know, I was still crying, but I wasn't suffering as much. I didn't feel the pain as deep at the betrayal or shock. And I knew that when I stood up that it was something greater than me. It said, get up. You got work to do.

I made a commitment to do that in that moment, and I've never turned back, and I've never tried to rewrite the story. And I don't want to live in bitterness. I still wanted to be open-hearted and help others. And that's what set the tone for the years to where we are today. She's now 11 years sober. I maintain sobriety.

Those life events are what gives the background and the experience to what we would call intergenerational trauma or historical trauma.

I was dedicated to my meetings and I was dedicated to the spiritual journey and dealing with my loss and grief and shock.

I would say you've still got to stay working on your emotional health because it's a tough service. What I know for sure is that we can't help others adequately or appropriately if we haven't began our own work to heal. I feel like I'm more effective in these last years because of all the work I've done.

It was a sense of relief. But also all the emotions that flood into that moment, you just have to hold them.

I just recently married on September 7th, and I never saw it coming. Both of us are nevers. And it was the most beautiful wedding outdoors overlooking the lake. It was just beautiful, romantic, just wonderful.

He is also sober. Him, 40-something years. Both of us love golf. Both of us love music. It's just a blessing for us both. We feel so grateful. It's too bad we're meeting each other at 70 and 67, but here we are.

If my story could help others identify lies from their partner earlier, that's one part. The real part is we can hear and we can have a good life and we can live well. The trauma and the pain and the suffering and the sorrow, we have the potential to just be an amazing human on the other side. Leave your heart open, love others, help others, learn boundaries, set limits.

When you're a very sensitive nature child, your little heart's open and you're intuitive. You pick up that energy.

The violence I experienced, I truly in my heart know that it's as a result of those that could not heal.

He taught me a lot about community service. He would be in his vehicle driving through the rural areas, seeing what the natives needed. And ultimately, he was a councilman for our tribe, served many, many years.

They had a birthday party for me, and he asked me to marry him, and I accepted. That was the day I turned 16.

He was the one in the family who said you must have an education. And so at age 17, I did start college and I finished at 19 with my first RN degree. That was as a result of my dad pushing me.

I mean, I'm running the hospital as a baby nurse. I'd probably turn... 20, maybe 21 by then. It was tough, but I spent a good part of my energy on trying to achieve perfection. Deb and her husband shared a very similar upbringing. He came from a violent background, very similar to mine. And so we just went together like peanut butter and jelly.

He struggled with drugs and drinking, and he had violent tendencies. It was really hard.

And so for many years, I remained single and just spent time with myself and the boys. And so for the next few years after we divorced, I sought to understand. I bought books. I joined book clubs. Anything on self-understanding.

you know, someone to enjoy life, that I meant something to, that I mattered to.

His profile was just romantic. It was something like, I'm looking for my Guinevere.

You know, the music, a spiritual journey. He loved the Native American spiritual practices. And when I talked to him, I was just smitten with him. She looked forward to his phone calls and emails. I saved all of that. I printed everything. I had a huge three-inch purple binder with all of our exchanges.

He didn't know he's real dad. His stepdad was very violent and he would share stories like, you know, his stepdad murdered the family poodle in front of his sister and his mom and him. And I mean, it was horrible stories.

So when he would talk to me on the phone, he would have that accent. you know, dialect. He would say, hello, darling. Yeah, I can't do it, but it was definitely New Orleans.

He was a project manager for a big construction company that You know, worked on Toyota plants, that worked on the University of Kentucky, that had done all this great work.

He was a pilot and played football for Woody Hayes at Ohio State and was, oh. phenomenal. Deb could really see herself with this guy. We're going to embark upon this journey together. We love music. We love golf. We're both seekers. I just was so excited about meeting this man.

I'd had a traditional healer, a medicine man, gone to him and asked him to bead a feather. There was a song by Robbie Robertson, and the name of it was Golden Feather. Give my love a golden feather. And if you were to look it up, it's so that I never lose my way home.

And I thought, what a beautiful expression of love for this new man in my life to give him a feather because he loves that Native American song so much. So I met him at the plane with that and I said, here's so you can always find your way home.

As soon as he got off the plane and he was walking toward me, it seemed like his voice was shaking. And he said, you will marry me, won't you? You're going to marry me, right? You are marrying me, right? That was Jeff's marriage proposal. And I was like, well, of course, of course, yes.

You know, I drove around, showed him the rural area, my history, some of the culture, where I worked. We went out to my golf course. I introduced him to a lot of my friends, met the family. It was just a really good weekend. I just loved him. Just loved him.

And I'm a planner and an organizer in every aspect of my life. So shoot, the next thing you know, I'm getting busy. I'm helping him find jobs. He's getting his resume. Of course, we're still using faxes then. And he would send things and I would write cover letters for him to help him get relocated. A few months later, Jeff moved in.

So he lost his golf clubs. Well, heck, you know, I got to go buying golf clubs, you know, because he's got to have golf clubs if we're going to play. So then he needed lessons because he just hadn't got to play in a while, he said, needed to brush up. But on their first golf trip with her friends... Once we got all the scores in and everything, the winner was him.

And on this particular resume, it says Vietnam veteran. I was like, my God.

You never told me you were a veteran. You never told me you were in the Vietnam War. That is a significant event in life. I was flabbergasted. It had never come up. And he said, well, I don't like to talk about it, Deb. I use it on my resumes because, you know, that ought to tell you something. I was like, but you should have told me. I should never have found out here.