David Fisher (Father)
Appearances
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Now, it's important for them to know that you disagree sometimes.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Because they need to see then after the argument, They need to see mom and daddy holding hands, mom and daddy hugging, mom and daddy kissing, to know that you can argue and still love each other. And that's just crucial. There's some people who keep the conflict so far away from the kids, the kids don't have any way to process it.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And then there's some kids who they are in the middle of just horrible conflict. Yeah. And that's neither of those extremes are really healthy for kids.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You said one other thing a little bit earlier, I think it's really important, is the willingness, not only the willingness, but to do it, to say, I'm sorry. I was wrong in front of your kids. I would say that to my wife. I was wrong. I'm sorry. But to say it to your kids. Yeah. Because sometimes we can misjudge what they did or why they did it.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You know, maybe one they're picking on each other and one started it and you jump to a conclusion too quickly. And it's important to be able to say, I'm sorry, I was I was wrong. Right. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I think it's really important for dads, especially because I know people who say my dad never said he was sorry. Yeah. And I just can't imagine that. I mean, yeah. You know, we mess up.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And that's not a sign of weakness. Yeah. That's a sign of strength in my mind. That's a sign of strength to say I'm secure enough about myself to admit that I was wrong.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Insecure people can't say I'm sorry and I was wrong.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I think it's amazing. I think it's just wonderful. It's just a different generation of communicating. So I think God just put you in that niche just at the right time, and it took off much farther than you ever anticipated.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Yeah, or could see. And I know that created a lot of anxiety. I've seen a lot of that calm down. I think it's been a wonderful platform for you. I can't tell you how many friends that I've had from high school, college, and law school said, Hey, man, was that Jefferson's, you know, that's your son. That's got to be your son.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I saw that video, you know, and it it looked like you're sounded like you're the kind of thing I know you would have said.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And it's been really neat. What's really neat is to see friends of mine on Facebook who will tag you and share one of your posts to one of their kids. Oh, yeah. And when it first started to happen, I kind of sent them a private message. I said, you know, that's my son. Yeah. Well, I wondered if it was or not. That's funny. It's been neat to have friends who have come across it.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You know, people of our generation, our older generation. Yeah. That's kind of the Facebook crowd. The Facebook crowds. Yeah. The 50s through 80s. Right. And but. That's true. In age, but it's been it's been a neat experience. Yeah, it's been a neat experience. And what's what's rewarding to me is that we've we've done some things right.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Sherilyn, you go with that one.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You know, and and to see the post and the comments from people. because it's given you an opportunity really to minister to a lot of people.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
A little I'm a lawyer ad. Yeah. A little discussion. Was that almost three years ago? Yeah, right about. And, boy, it's completely changed to something really, really productive.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You want to go first? You go ahead. I don't remember you having a problem with assertiveness. You were always very assertive. You were never timid. And you did it with a cheerful disposition. You had a very cheerful, assertive disposition as a child. And you were rarely disrespectful. And because we had a zero tolerance for that, you quickly, quickly stopped.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And so I don't remember us having to encourage you to be assertive. What I can remember doing is is sitting down and. And explaining maybe how do you deal with disappointments or something that didn't go well. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Right. And be thankful. That was one thing y'all hated, you know, say, well, give me 10 things that you're thankful for. Yeah.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And that's a good way to deal with a child. You know, when you start, well, I'm thankful for Daddy and Mama. Yeah, yeah. You know, Sarah and Jonathan. No, no, not family members. What are some things you're thankful for? The downside was is when I'd get upset, y'all would turn it on me. I said, Daddy, there's 10 things you're thankful for. Yeah, yeah. Turnabout was fair play.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
But y'all really were. Y'all were sweet children. And I give that to your mama because she – She demanded respect, not only for herself and for the parents, but for y'all to respect each other and to defend each other and to be kind to one another. I don't remember y'all ever coming to blows. No, that was never in the question. And, you know, every now and then y'all would nyan-nyan.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
But she really did a good job of saying, that's enough.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I can remember you being just in your little infant stroller. Yeah. You were a very strong-willed child. Right. Not in a mean way, but you were very strong-willed.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And you'd go over and start knocking off the magazines. And even from a very young child, just not hurting you, but spat your hand or say, no, don't do that. And then you'd go back and you'd do it again. And we'd have to discipline you then again and discipline you again and maybe do it four or five times in a row.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And finally, that fourth or fifth time, you'd go up to it and look at it and look at us to see whether we're watching it. And we'd just look at you, and you'd pull that hand back, and you'd scoot off and do something different. As a walker. And you're a walker. I mean, that's when you were one of those little bitty walkers. And so I think that we were consistent.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And that's what's so hard for parents is they'll do it a couple times or say, well, I'm going to count to three. No, no, we don't do that. If I tell you to stop, stop. And if you don't, then there's a little bit of not being abusive in any way, but there's a repercussion. But you were a people pleaser in the sense that you wanted your parents to be happy to you.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
In fact, that's what you would say when you were a child. If we would discipline you, you'd say, please be happy to me.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
yeah happy to me and you want to be held and so you wanted to please us and so it hurt your heart to know any displeasure right and so it's in but it's important for children to know the boundaries and it's important to be consistent and it's so hard for a parent to stay consistent yeah i do it a couple times it's just worn you out you got it they're looking kids are looking for boundaries
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And they're always going to push them. Yeah. And you want them to do that. It means they've got a strong personality.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Which is good. You just got to mold it. Right. In a way that's helpful without breaking their spirit. And you can do it.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You're not going to break their spirit by spatting their hand.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
He goes, well, it would make me very happy if I could go throw away this piece of paper. First he said, first my mama lets me, or my daddy lets me throw it away. I said, well, your mom and daddy aren't here. You're not going to do that. He says, well, next he then went to, it would make me very happy, very happy, Papa, to do that. I said, well, I'm sorry, but we're not going to do that.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
He stopped and ate some more ice cream, and then he said... He makes me very sad. He said he was trying to find... He'll come at it at different angles.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You had a knack for memorizing scripts like in Disney movies and dialogues. Very, very gifted with that and then knew how to use it.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And to see value in other people.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Even if they do something wrong, see value in them. There's something good about that person. And if they're having trouble with other kids at school, even if it's a bully or somebody, Tell me something good about them. And you try to speak to and encourage that positive aspect of that other person instead of just focusing on their negative qualities.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
But as far as building and influencing a child, I think the most important thing is just to hold them, just to touch them by the face and say, I want you to know I love you. And there's not a thing you could do in this world that would keep me from loving you. And that's important. The world is ugly and nasty and mean.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And I think we saw our role as parents is to give you the biggest shield, the biggest suit of armor that you could possibly have. So that you could walk out there knowing I'm loved, I'm protected, and I always have a place and I always have people I can go to who will love me and build me up. No matter who's shooting at me, no matter what people are saying, I am loved.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And when a child has that foundation. Mm hmm. it just builds them up because they're going to get attacked out in the world. Sure. Even as a child or as they grow into maturity. And if they don't have that foundation of knowing that they are loved by a parent like that, it's so much more difficult for them. Yeah.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And so a lot of times those are the ones who go looking for things, just trying to find love. Right. Yeah. And that's where you see so much dysfunction.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And I'll still do that. I'll still send text messages to all of my children on occasion. Not every day, but every now and then. I love you or I'm proud of you, son. I'm proud of you to the daughter, sweetie. And I think that's so important. But my father did that to me. That's one thing that my father did. He regularly said, I love you. I'm proud of you. And that is so validating for children.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And I'm sure we made mistakes. I know we made mistakes. And so you do your best to try to do better than we did. You always want your children to do better than you did.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Yeah. Enjoy it. And, And I'll just keep getting this mental image of your mom and I were in our bedroom. You were very small. And all of a sudden, we looked over and saw these little fingers underneath the door. So it was you outside.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
It started laughing and thought, you know, what a special time that was. You know, you just wanted to play. Right. And you wanted your parents to know where you were and checking on us with your fingers. Yeah. It was a joy. You were a joyful child. Yeah. You're joyful.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I'd come home from work. I'd come home from work, and she says, David, you've got to get this mirror off this wall. It's driving me crazy. When he's crying, he looks in the mirror to see how much he can look pitiful. Yeah.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I can't think of any goals that I had before. But I do remember specifically praying over you as a child, as an infant, before you go to bed. And we'd always, you know, we'd tell stories. And usually I'd put you in the story where you were the hero. You know, Prince Jefferson was going to come save you. Queen Sherilyn from the dragon, you know. So you loved, oh, you just giggle and laugh.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You love those kind of stories. But the thing that I really remember and I believe has been a moving force in your life is I pray, so dear God, give Jefferson wisdom and always be his friend. Yeah. And that's how we ended prayers. Yeah. And he's done that. Yeah. And I believe that.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And I think it's so important for parents to bless their children, say good things over them, speak good things over them. I've seen other parents, you know, where they say, oh, you're a little monster or you're a little meanie. No, no, just speak kindness over them. Speak encouraging words, things that build them up of what you want them to be. And I believe it happens.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I really saw that in your life. Yeah.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Yeah, I can remember my mother doing the same thing to me. Oh, David, you're so smart to know how to do that. And it really builds a child up when you do that. And we did the same thing with you. Oh, you're so smart and you are so thoughtful. You speak kindness and you speak love. Edifying words of your children. And I believe they become that.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
If you tell the kid he's a horrible person or you're such a bad kid or you're always doing something wrong, well, that's what they a lot of times become.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
The first consonant of a word he dropped off.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Had a zero tolerance for unkindness among the siblings.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You're talking about kindness and the role that you stepped into is you took ownership. Yes. You felt that they really were your brothers and your sisters. You know, they'd call you and you'd even you would create a persona. Chef Baba. Yeah. And you loved you loved you asked, really, can we quit having babysitters? Can I babysit?
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You know, you took that ownership and. It was probably a lot of pressure. A lot of kids aren't asked to do things like that. You seem to enjoy it and thrive with it. And it really made you mature way, way early. You were kind of an old soul, even though you were a kid. And you were, in a way, almost like a second father. Because there was a little distance in time.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
But you did it because you enjoyed it. And you poured yourself into them. Y'all were talking a second ago about how your mother was kind. And so you were very defensive about that. And I remember the story where that boy came up to you in day school and said, you're mean. And you came up and you pushed him down.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
You pushed him down and said, my mama is not mean. Yeah.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
And so you just, you were defensive for your parents too.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
I know with my parents, they didn't argue in front of us very often. They did the same thing back in the bedroom rule. And I think that's a really good policy. And the truth is because if you get into a heated argument in front of the kids, they almost always blame themselves.
The Jefferson Fisher Podcast
How My Parents Raised an Expert Communicator
Oh, I should have done something. And they internalize it. And so we were friends for long before we got married, and we both agreed we're not going to have that kind of argument in front of the children.