Dave Moran
Appearances
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
As the students filed into the classroom, I tried but failed to stop my hands from shaking. Now, I'm a law professor, so I'm used to seeing students in a classroom. I've given hundreds of lectures to thousands of students. But this wasn't a law class. This was an art class at a community college. And I was seated on a stool in the center of the classroom wearing only a white robe.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And in five minutes, I was scheduled to take it off. How did I get there? Well, as you might guess, it was a midlife crisis I had about a year earlier when I suddenly decided I needed to find out if I could learn to do something creative. And I ended up taking a drawing class at a community arts center.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And I hadn't drawn anything since junior high, and my drawings were terrible, but I gradually got better. and better as the class went on. And we ended with drawing a model, a live nude model. And drawing a person, as I learned, is very difficult. And so as the class went on, the instructor, Heather, at one point said, I'm going to give Helen, the model, a break. Anybody want to stand up there?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
Keep your clothes on, but anybody want to stand up there and take a turn posing? And I raised my hand, and I did. And for 15 minutes, I stood up there with my hands on my hips, twisting my torso. And my mind went blank for maybe the first time in my life. I now know that I discovered a form of meditation, but it felt great.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And then afterwards, I looked at the drawings that my fellow classmates had made of me, and I liked them. And I thought, this was wonderful. And so after the class was over, I emailed Heather, the instructor, and said, that was wonderful. Are there more opportunities to do that? And she came straight to the point in her email back, are you willing to pose nude?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
This led to an interesting conversation with my extremely indulgent wife. And ultimately, the answer was, yes, I'd like to see if I have the guts to do that. And I'd like to have that feeling again. And so fast forward a few months, I made contact with a community college professor. And I had a date, September 14, 2010, a Wednesday evening. And so I started preparing for it.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
So I did poses in front of the mirror. I did poses in front of my extremely indulgent wife. I went online hoping to find reassurance because I was getting more and more frightened as the date approached. And I did not find reassurance online. Instead, I found advice such as, if you're a male model, whatever you do, for God's sakes, don't think of any sexual thoughts.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And if you do think of any sexual thoughts, immediately start counting backwards from 100 while thinking about penguins. And so that didn't help me. And so we showed up. I showed up on the day at the appointed time with my bag, with my robe and my slippers. And Kathy, the instructor, showed me to a room where I changed. And I came back out. And the students filed in. And I looked at them.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And they were a varied lot, all ages from 18 or 19 to people older than me. And Kathy gave some instruction. She said, tonight we're going to start with some gesture poses, some two-minute action-type poses. And then she looked straight at me and says, Dave, whenever you're ready. That's my cue.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And so I stood up shaking, my hands shaking violently, took the robe off, kicked the slippers off, and assumed a pose reminiscent, I hope, of Descobulus, the discus thrower from ancient Greece. And as I stood there with my imaginary discus, every neuron in my brain screamed, grab the robe and run. But I managed to fight it off. And after about 30 seconds, the heart rate came down.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And I started to feel great. And then I did another pose where I was throwing a ball. And I did another pose where I was catching something. I did another pose where I'm reaching for the ceiling. I had a break, and then I had a long pose, and then a pose where I get to lay down for a while. And at the end, Kathy said, you were wonderful. Can you come back again? And I did.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: Brand New YOU
And eight and a half years later, I'm still doing it. I still model once or twice a month at community colleges. and local art centers. And so I'm so glad that I overcame the fear because I love the feeling of meditation, of losing myself while staring at a wall while people are drawing me. And I love the fact that this face, this body, can produce beautiful art. Thank you.