Daniel Pink

Bingo. Okay, there you go. So, and that's a very common regret. And it's actually much more common than people who regret trying stuff and failing. It's much more common than that. There were people in the database who regretted, tried something, let's say entrepreneurship, it went south on them. They regretted doing that. But-

Bingo. Okay, there you go. So, and that's a very common regret. And it's actually much more common than people who regret trying stuff and failing. It's much more common than that. There were people in the database who regretted, tried something, let's say entrepreneurship, it went south on them. They regretted doing that. But-

I also did a lot of interviews and there are people who said, I tried it, it didn't work. I didn't like that, but I'm glad I tried. So let's say you have some, I had a great idea, but I never moved on it. All right. So we know from the science, there's a way to deal with that. So number one is how you treat yourself and that kind of thing.

I also did a lot of interviews and there are people who said, I tried it, it didn't work. I didn't like that, but I'm glad I tried. So let's say you have some, I had a great idea, but I never moved on it. All right. So we know from the science, there's a way to deal with that. So number one is how you treat yourself and that kind of thing.

And our tendency, and probably you hear it in the sort of the leap academy, people hear it in their own self-talk, which is I'm such an idiot. I'm so lazy. I'm such a weakling. I'm such a wimp.

And our tendency, and probably you hear it in the sort of the leap academy, people hear it in their own self-talk, which is I'm such an idiot. I'm so lazy. I'm such a weakling. I'm such a wimp.

Like the way we talk to ourselves, it's horrible. It's the worst. It's far harsher than we talk to than we would ever talk to anybody else. OK, so here's what the science says about that. Don't do that. All right. That's basically what the science concludes and what it says. And the reason not to do that is that it's not effective.

Like the way we talk to ourselves, it's horrible. It's the worst. It's far harsher than we talk to than we would ever talk to anybody else. OK, so here's what the science says about that. Don't do that. All right. That's basically what the science concludes and what it says. And the reason not to do that is that it's not effective.

I mean, this lacerating self-criticism doesn't, honestly, it doesn't improve performance. If it did, God bless America, let's go for it. But it doesn't. It typically has no effect on performance. It has an effect on your mood. It makes you feel worse, but it has no effect on your performance. And so don't do that.

I mean, this lacerating self-criticism doesn't, honestly, it doesn't improve performance. If it did, God bless America, let's go for it. But it doesn't. It typically has no effect on performance. It has an effect on your mood. It makes you feel worse, but it has no effect on your performance. And so don't do that.

What does have an effect on your performance is something very different, something I didn't know about until I did this research, which is something called self-compassion, which essentially is treating yourself with kindness rather than contempt. Don't treat yourself better than anybody else, but don't treat yourself worse than anybody else.

What does have an effect on your performance is something very different, something I didn't know about until I did this research, which is something called self-compassion, which essentially is treating yourself with kindness rather than contempt. Don't treat yourself better than anybody else, but don't treat yourself worse than anybody else.

And so treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt. Recognize that regrets are part of the human condition. Everybody has regrets. It's one of the most common emotions that people have. There's almost nobody who's not five years old or brain damaged or a sociopath who doesn't have any regrets. So treat yourself with kindness. You're not that special. Give me any regret that you have.

And so treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt. Recognize that regrets are part of the human condition. Everybody has regrets. It's one of the most common emotions that people have. There's almost nobody who's not five years old or brain damaged or a sociopath who doesn't have any regrets. So treat yourself with kindness. You're not that special. Give me any regret that you have.

Any of your listeners have a regret? I'll find it in 15 seconds in the database. And so treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt. The second thing, which I think is really important, Writing about your regret, talking about your regret.

Any of your listeners have a regret? I'll find it in 15 seconds in the database. And so treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt. The second thing, which I think is really important, Writing about your regret, talking about your regret.

Not only is it a way to relieve the burden, but there's some interesting research that shows that when we take this kind of amorphous dread of a feeling, which is abstract, and convert it to words, which are more concrete, they're actually less menacing. And so a lot of research about converting these blobby, amorphous kinds of feelings into actual words, which can be helpless and sense-making.

Not only is it a way to relieve the burden, but there's some interesting research that shows that when we take this kind of amorphous dread of a feeling, which is abstract, and convert it to words, which are more concrete, they're actually less menacing. And so a lot of research about converting these blobby, amorphous kinds of feelings into actual words, which can be helpless and sense-making.

And then finally, what you have to do is you have to stop and extract a lesson from it. So basically what it is for your person, it's this. First of all, you regret like not starting of, you're not trying something on your own, all right? Trying something yourself. So first of all, treat yourself with kindness. You're not the only one like that, okay? People make mistakes. That's how it works.

And then finally, what you have to do is you have to stop and extract a lesson from it. So basically what it is for your person, it's this. First of all, you regret like not starting of, you're not trying something on your own, all right? Trying something yourself. So first of all, treat yourself with kindness. You're not the only one like that, okay? People make mistakes. That's how it works.