Clip Speaker
Appearances
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Not everybody could do this.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Nigga what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Nigga my knives.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Are your mom's house exclusive? You smelt it here first.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And if she let me eat her booty, yeah, I'm gonna eat her booty.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
$12.84.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Great. Amazing. Thank you. Wish everybody in there a happy birthday for me. Have a good one.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I feel alright, feel alright today. I feel alright, it is home day.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Fuck off, you fucker! Fuck off, you...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Dude.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Fuck this bitch. If you need to focus and you have low focus, what you do is just pull back your foreskin. That'll put a pressure on your frenulum, which stimulates the pineal to secrete the god molecule. See, I'm talking like Andrew Huberman here. And then you just rub, rub, rub the juicy mushroom. Whoa! And it tingles the balls and it just gives you... It's like having a dose of espresso or...
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And don't worry, my American brothers, if you're circumcised, what you can do is rub your ball bag and then mix the ball bag smell with a little bit from your stink portal. So just rub the starfish and then... Oh, it does the same thing!
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Hey, guys. How are you guys? Jeff and I are meeting Pret and Megan for an early dinner tonight.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
You never know where those conversations may go.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
I want to hear your French pronunciation on the menu. I'll critique you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Very good.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Of course. Hello. Welcome to boulangerie.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Don't laugh. It's not that funny.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Can I get you all an appetizer to start? You know, your hummus looked good. Your hummus plate. It's excellent. Great. We'll try it. Okay?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Did you guys notice anything?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
He's a very good-looking guy. We have a very open relationship. And this is just one more way we try to be open. And I found it's more freeing to just acknowledge, yeah, that is a beautiful man.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
That's your type. Well, yeah, sure.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah, yeah. I don't feel like I fit the mold of guys that are attracted to other men.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Other than my deep and abiding love for Broadway show tunes and the attraction to males. Those are the two things that are kind of gay about me.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
The danger scale goes from zero to four. A one on the danger scale means you notice, you look. A two means you looked again.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Uh-oh.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
A three, you'd be tempted to turn around and look again and again. Uh-oh. Four pretty much means you're requiring restraints.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Thank you. Being friends with other guys that deal with same-sex attraction, it's really been helpful.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Somebody cares about you, Tom.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
They're kind of in a place that I want to be. I want to meet a girl and like her and say, by the way, I'm attracted to guys. That's what my friends have done, and they've made it work.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Red is like the best color ever.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Yeah. I don't anymore.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Okay. Let's talk about it. I'm too fat to safely ride in a Waymo. And you might be, too. It's your favorite automotive educator. And recently, my wife and I took our first spin in the self-driving ride share service. I had concerns, but was cautiously optimistic about the experience. After loading up our suitcases and getting comfortable, I buckled my seatbelt.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
No way I was riding in a futuristic self-driving machine without it. And bam, the seatbelt clicked and immediately locked. Okay, it happens. Let me try again. Removing my seatbelt instantly made the car scream at me. But you know, I had to. The seatbelt locked yet again, almost instantly. Damn it. Wait, isn't it supposed to lock?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Before you think I'm the problem, we're just too damn fat for this car. The seatbelt locked on my smaller wife too. Fat people deserve a safe, comfortable ride just like anyone else. Waymo, you need to provide seatbelt extenders. It's as simple as that. They're relatively inexpensive and should simply be in the car for customers to use when they're needed.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
And while we're on the subject of seatbelt extenders, being an ally to the fat people in your life means you too should have a seatbelt extender because they're not universal.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
A quick Google search or call to your local parts department at the dealership will let you know if the car manufacturer makes them. And if they don't, you can get it from seatbeltextenderpros.com for $20 to $30.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
To all the other countries that wonder and say that Americans are just fat and lazy and they don't do anything to better themselves, this is what $115 gets you. Let me show you. We were able to get some Ritz crackers, one thing of cereal, some ramen, more ramen, tuna, bag of potatoes, a few avocados. Donuts. Snacks, desserts. No, those aren't snacks. Two bags of chips, ice cream. Funyuns. Fritos.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Pizza rolls. Some sausage biscuits. One thing of Dr. Pepper.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
All of this for $115.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
You can't wait for me to go to work because I need my me time. What does that me time mean? What does that mean? You know. You know. No, I don't know. Yes, you do know. Tell me I don't know. You thought this would cheer me up? Oh, are you jacking off? Ma! Oh, fuck.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Birthday shout-out, nigga, what? Hey, yo, Elia, word on the street is it's your 16th birthday today, pussy lips. And speaking of pussy lips, what's up with your mama's fat-ass purple pussy lips? Nigga, what?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799
Jesus, Tom. Mom Segura.