Clint
Appearances
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
That soggy bottom was the reason I had to open the box in the first place. If I tried to drag it out whole, everything would spill onto the floor. I was going to have to dump the pieces of meat one garbage bag at a time, take them down to the dumpster, a process I wasn't looking forward to. My scissors tore through the tape along the top of the cardboard box.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
He also has a children's book he made, apparently, Little Pumpkin and the Fairy Lights, which is about, like, a little jack-o'-lantern pumpkin patch and stuff, and it looks very cute. So this guy's, like... These little figurines are sick. He's like an artist, but not in just talking about dead people and gross stuff like us. In a more legitimate way.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I thought the smell couldn't get any worse, but as I flipped the flaps open, I discovered a whole new gamut of stink. It was like opening a burning oven, but instead of a heat wave, I was met with waves of piss, sweat, shit, and putrefaction. It was so bad that I staggered back and had to force down the puke, begging to guzzle out of me.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I don't think I could have handled that scent mingling with the horrors coming out of the box. I'm not ashamed to admit I ran out of the door for a breath of fresh air, but in the short time I'd spent in the garage, the smell had become so ingrained in the fabric of my clothes that it clung to me like a shadow. Nothing I tried could keep the smell out of my nostrils.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Not air fresheners, not a face mask, not three showers and a change of clothes. Every second that box lay open in my garage was another second the smell was allowed a foothold into my home. I had to bite the bullet. I returned to the garage, the flaps of the box still open as though inviting me to look.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I was prepared, a clothespin pinning my nostrils shut, a garbage bag in one hand, the strongest cleaner I could find in the other, and long rubber gloves to keep my skin from having to touch what was inside. But, as it turns out, I needed none of those things. I would have to touch or clean the contents of the box. I would only have to suffer the nightmares every night.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
you see, there was meat in that box but it didn't come from a cow or a pig no, it was worse than that It was my neighbor, dead, still in one piece, but dead.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Yeah, the YouTube wannabe guy. Yeah, can you check the mail for me?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I called the cops, and naturally they took me in for interrogation. It's kind of hard not to suspect the man with a corpse in his garage, after all. Thankfully, they soon realized I wasn't involved. My DNA might have been all over the box, the smell might have left a mark throughout my house, but there was one piece of irrefutable evidence in my neighbor's own hands that proved my innocence.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
A vlogging camera. They showed me the footage only once. I'm not sure if they were allowed to, or if they felt so bad for me they figured it couldn't hurt. Either way, I saw it. My neighbor was sitting in the box outside of a shipping facility, laughing as he told the world how he was going to mail himself across state lines. He brought pee bottles, food, a pillow, and a few flashlights.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
His friend, a guy I'd seen at his place several times to help with his stunts, closed the lid and presumably dropped him off for shipment. Throughout the next couple of hours or days, I'm honestly not sure, my neighbor recorded a few short clips about his progress.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
That kind of stuff. And then, on the last entry, the box toppled over. He broke his neck, and that was it. The camera recorded until either the memory card got too full or the battery died. There's one thing I did tell the police after they showed me the video. One thing I heard in the footage that will haunt me to the day I die.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Just after the tumble that broke his neck, I heard the familiar screeching sound of my garage door.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Yeah, just like little micro horror vignettes.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
No. So he said, I went back to read it. So he drops it, puts it in the corner. And he says, after a few days passed, I'm not sure how long it took to waft in.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
This is, I was assigning, um, I was assigning, uh, a gender there when I have no idea what that, I think the word man in like subtly put into my brain, man. Uh, but I don't know that this person, whoever this is, It does little figurines.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
So he just died. And then he says, so after a few days, he started to smell something. And then he says the first few days after I smelled it, it was slow progress. But then like after a few more days, so after like a couple, he probably didn't open this guy for a couple of weeks.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Just a little funny. I have to compliment the writing here because it got me... like twice. Cause I remember the, at the very first time when it's like, because we, and you said from the beginning, like it's a human body, it's definitely a human body, but then it's like, Oh, it's a human body. Oh, that's a surprise. And then at the end of it, it's like he died because he dropped him.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
And that crack mentioned earlier was his neck. It's like, Oh, like it, it kept having fun deliveries, even though you kind of knew where it was going.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
He did like a J station. Like I'm ordering someone from the dark web video or whatever, like a body showed up. Yeah.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Pigeons around here aren't real. Are you ready, Hunter? The pigeons around here are not real. I'm ready. It's no secret that big cities have pigeon problems. Toronto was no exception. Like rats in the Middle Ages, the disease-carrying vermin spent the past decade running amok and increasing their numbers. It was my job to try and keep Toronto's ever-growing pigeon population in check.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Thankfully, I came across an article about a pilot project where researchers replaced pigeon eggs with wooden substitutes. The birds, too stupid to know the difference, spent months caring for the fake eggs instead of producing more. The project was a huge success, and the pigeon population decreased significantly in a short amount of time.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
It sounded like the perfect plan, so I implemented the solution in my city. What I didn't count on was for those fake eggs to hatch and for the abominations inside to be released into the world. That's kind of interesting. Weird. Yeah, that's cool. Clint, my partner, came in one morning carrying a large wooden crate with a straw poking out of every crevice.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Looks like Christmas came earlier this year. What is this stuff? I walked over excitedly, helping him set the box down on a workbench. This, I said, prying it open to reveal its contents, is the solution to our pigeon problem. Reaching inside, I took one of the eggs. I was a little disappointed to see that they weren't wooden as promised.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Instead, they were thin, light, hollow, like those cheap plastic Easter eggs. It wasn't close to what I was expecting.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
We were well aware of what the eggs felt like. Up until then, the only way to decrease the pigeon population was to sneak into their nest and steal the eggs. It was a futile, temporary solution because the birds would just lay new eggs once they realized theirs were gone. That's what made the idea of using substitutes so damn good. It's fine, Clint. They don't have to fool us.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
They just have to fool the pigeons. This'll work, trust me. I was right. The pigeons fell for it hook, line, and sinker. A few months passed and we started seeing a decline in the amount of younger birds in the area. I can't tell you how proud I was of what I'd done.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I'd found a safe, environmentally friendly way of dealing with the flying rats at the cheap cost of a few hundred dollars and an elevator trip to pigeon nesting grounds atop high-rise rooftops around the city. The problem started about three months in. Clint and I were inspecting nests on opposite sides of the city. I was halfway up the building when Clint called me.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
yo i said as i brought the phone to my ear the sound of wind could be heard in the background evidently clint had reached his destination hey some of our eggs broke the elevator came to a stop doors swinging open to let me off i stepped out and made my way to a small staircase leading to the rooftop we'll just have to replace them no big deal
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
There had been a few violent storms since our last inspection, and I figured the eggs must have fallen from the nest and shattered on impact. See, this is why wood would have been better. I grumbled to myself as I exited onto the rooftop for my inspection.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
What? Most of my eggs were broken too. The strange thing was that they were still tucked in the nest, right where we left them. Had the pigeons figured out our ploy and attacked the replicas? Were the fake eggs too frail to survive our harsh Canadian weather? I groaned. It's the same here. We're going to have to start over. I told him, defeated. It's all good. We can hatch a new plan.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I paused for a moment. Did you just... I began, but he interrupted.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Puns at a time like this, puns. Don't yoke with me. The funniest slide there to me was puns at a time like this, puns. It's like, this isn't a joking matter, Clint. The eggs are broken. Yeah, the fragile hollow eggs. This is not a time for laughter. You never take anything seriously. This is why Margaret left. We couldn't leave the nest unattended for too long.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Otherwise, all our progress would go down the drain. I sent Clint to replace the broken eggs with what was left from our original order. In the meantime, I searched online for anyone selling wooden eggs. Unfortunately, the cheapest and fastest shipper was the person we had ordered from the first time around. We needed these eggs quickly, and our budget was pretty tight.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I figured I'd order the subpar eggs one more time. If they lasted long enough for city officials to see the plan was working nicely, then I was sure I could convince them to increase our budget so we could order better supplies next fiscal year. Just to be sure the pigeons weren't attacking our fake eggs, I also set up a security camera on one of the rooftops.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I needed to know if they'd gotten wise to our ruse, though I highly doubted they had the mental capacity to do so. Still, the project would prove fruitless if the birds weren't fooled by our cheap imitations, so it was best to keep an eye out. Over the course of the following weeks, I started getting strange reports about small animals behaving weirdly.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Frankly, I didn't pay much attention to them at first. They sounded a little insane to tell the truth. One woman claimed she'd seen a pigeon climb a tree. She said he crawled up the bark like a squirrel. Another report stated that a chipmunk had been seen attacking and killing a neighborhood dog. Another witness called in about an injured cat, but when he investigated, all he found was a pelt.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
By the time I read the fifth report, I was starting to get a little worried. What was even more troubling to me was that these reports were coming from all over the city. If it had been confined to a single neighborhood, I would have suspected an outbreak of rabies or a new disease of some sort.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
But the reports were coming in from all around Toronto and its suburbs, which span an extremely large area. How could anything spread so quickly? It had to be something else. I was just about to do a bit of research on the subject when Clint came in wearing a scowl. Broke shitty fucking eggs. Broke again. Grumbled, throwing himself on a chair. I force a grin. Crack a smile, would ya? The puns.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
He tossed his worksheet on the table. That was an egg-cellent pun. He replied, releasing a chuckle. You remember to bring the footage? He unzipped his coat and reached into his pocket for an SD card. Got you covered. Movie time. We uploaded the footage and took a look. Pigeons. Pigeons sitting on their nests. Pigeons preening. Pigeons flapping their wings at one another. A squirrel.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
A squirrel getting chased away by birds. More pigeons. It must have been the dullest security tape in the world, the kind of footage that even David Attenborough's lovely voice wouldn't be able to save. We fast-forwarded through days of pigeons doing pigeon-y things. Never once did they show any violence towards our replica eggs.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Clinton had dozed off by the time something finally happened on screen. The only reason I was still conscious was due to the copious amount of coffee I'd ingested that morning. It was dead of night. In the video, at least. One of the birds flew off its egg and perched itself on the nest, peering inside. This is it, I thought, leaning closer to the screen.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I figured he'd attacked the egg, but I was wrong. I watched as the video soundlessly continued, and something cracked open the egg from the inside. My jaw gaped open. This wasn't possible. The eggs were plastic shells. The only explanation was that we'd missed one real egg somewhere in the bunch. Yeah, that had to be it. I was witnessing the birth of a baby pigeon, nothing weird.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Except, baby pigeons don't look like smoke. A puff of dark air came out of the egg. The pigeon, head inches from it, inhaled the gassy substance. It reared back and stood completely still for about a minute before falling over. I watched as it started thrashing violently, like it was having a seizure. Then, from its beak spewed some kind of chunky liquid that evaporated as soon as it hit the air.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
The pigeon's body seemed to deflate like a balloon, and so the creature was being hollowed out. I was left staring incredulously at the flat, immobile husk of what had once been a pigeon. Suddenly, the pigeon's chest bulged out and the animal regained its form. At least, sort of. Its proportions were all wrong. Its wings were bloated and angled oddly.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Most of its girth was in its neck rather than stomach, and its midsection had stretched out unnaturally. It was like looking at an animal pelt draped over the wrong mound. Like a lunatic taxidermist's cruel experiment. The abomination of nature jerked its head towards the ledge. It twisted onto his back legs, contorting and dislocating in such a way as to be able to reach the ground.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Is this the part where you launch into a story about you watched a parrot get molested or something when you were a child? No, no, no. Actually, I can give you a quick story about a bird.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
From its throat, I could see stump-like arms stretching out, clawing at the cement rooftop. In quick and jagged movements, the creature skittered over the edge and disappeared from view. I was shocked, unable to believe what I had seen. I had to watch and rewatch the video several times before it occurred to me to wake Clint up. He grumbled unhappily, rubbed his tired eyes, and looked at me.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
You won't believe this. I rewound the footage and pressed play. His eyes widened with the same disgusted disbelief as mine. Even on my fifth viewing, I couldn't wrap my head around it.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
After watching the video a few more times, we went home. I think we both hoped a good night's sleep would help clear our minds. Maybe upon reviewing the tape, we'd realize we were mistaken. Maybe it was a trick of the light. Unlikely, but we could only hope. Clint was already at work when I came in. His eyes were glued to the screen.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I approached the desk and peered at the monitor.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
His face was pale and his eyes weighed down by large bags. How long had he been here? Had he come in extra early?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I felt a flush of nervous energy climb up my spine like an elevator, and then turn to the reports I'd been reading the day before. Were the eggs at the center of it all?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
We are the authorities. I paced around the room, back and forth, back and forth, like a pendulum. The phone rang, interrupting my anxious march. It was another report of odd animal behavior. This time, the culprit was a deer. In a spooked and almost disgusted tone of voice, the woman on the line explained that she'd seen a deer slithering along the river.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
She said its body was sideways, but its head was upright. What? Oh no, I thought. Whatever those things were, they could affect larger animals. While I tried to comfort the worried caller, I heard something from Clint's workstation.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
crack i turned around only to see a puff of smoke rising towards my co-worker oh near his keyboard was a cracked shell just like the ones on the rooftop without a word clint bolted to the bathroom holding a hand over his mouth as though about to puke i dropped the phone and ran over to the door it was locked clint are you okay silence silence silence
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
All of a sudden, I heard him heaving violently. A sound of moist gurgling and boiling water erupted from the bathroom. Terrified of what would happen if Clint got out, I pushed the heavy workbench in front of the door. I stood in terrified silence as the noise came to a stop. Was Clint now lying as flat as a pancake against the porcelain throne?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Clint threw himself against the door violently. Just one blow nearly threw the thing off its hinges. Again and again, he slammed himself against the surface, causing the workbench I'd placed in front of it to slowly inch away. All I could do was push myself against it to try and keep the door closed. My only thoughts were to keep him from escaping, for my own safety.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I knew he'd attack me if I let him out, I just knew it. The sound came to an unexpected halt, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe he'd expired. Maybe that thing needed fresh air to survive. Whatever the reason, I thought I was safe. But then I heard a crash. The window. I'd forgotten all about the bathroom window. He's out there now. Him and those other mutated atrocities.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I don't know what they are or what they want. All I know is that they're roaming the city right now, doing God knows what. Most of them probably look like pigeons, but they can be anyone or anything. I just hope something figures out how to stop them because at last count, there were over 700 of those cursed eggs planted around Toronto.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Now that I know these things can reproduce, God knows how many more eggs might be out there. Sick. So that was the end before the first update. Uh, that's a, that's a really cool idea.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Do you think that there are some kind of like cursed egg or something, or it sounds like it like hollows you out, as he said, and it fills you with some other animal, right? Uh, Cause it describes the pigeons looking like squirrels and it describes like the squirrels behaving like it, like chipmunks behaving like other things.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
So it's like, there's different, uh, animals that kind of, it's like they hollow you out and just fill you up with something. Right. Like the, the deer that's slithering like a snake, right. It's like the soul of the soul, the soul, almost the figure of a snake inside of a deer.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
We're going to get updates that may describe it and that's fine. But I almost kind of like you never see what a human looks like when it goes through the process. It like goes into the bathroom and you hear it throwing itself and it goes out.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Well, but don't you like imagining the pigeon man?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Fair enough. All right. Let's read the update. All right. Update one. He came back. I should have known he'd come back. He warned me before. He said, creature on our recording returned to its nest to lay an egg. Those monsters seem to have the salmon mentality, going back to their place of birth when it came time to reproduce.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Too busy answering a slew of panic calls, all the while panicking myself. I didn't hear him when he came in through the front door. Thankfully, I caught a shape from the corner of my eyes. Without even finishing my sentence, I dropped the phone and locked myself in the maintenance closet, praying he hadn't seen me. Outside the thin wooden door, the room was quiet.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
If he was breathing, I couldn't hear it. His footsteps were just as silent. Had I overreacted? I hadn't actually seen Clint, just a shadow in my peripheral vision. Maybe it was my imagination. I needed to know, so I knelt down, peered through the crack under the door, closed an eye to get a better look. I wish I had it. I wish I could erase that thing from my mind.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
To preserve Clint's memory as the man I knew him to be. Not that. Anything but that. What I saw was a mess of flesh inching along the floor like a slug. I couldn't figure out what was facing up, his back or his chest. His spineless torso had folded over, bringing his arms nearly perfectly in line with his legs. His head, now completely shapeless, lay flat at his midsection.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
His mouth reminded me of a figure in Munch's famous painting, The Scream. His grayed eyes stared at me, but I could tell, as he continued to slither toward his desk, that they were useless decorations. He disappeared from view. Then came a horrid sound. A squishy and gooey noise that reminded me of that old slime ball toys I used to play with as a child.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
It lasted a few moments, stopped, started again, and stopped for good. Shaking in my boots, I remained concealed in my dark prison all day, ignoring repeated hunger pangs and my own instinct to run. I couldn't afford the risk of being caught. As day shifted into night, I began to wonder if I could sneak past him.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
On our security tape, I'd seen normal pigeons sitting on nearby nests, seemingly unfazed by the creature. Maybe Clint wouldn't attack me. I had to take the chance. I couldn't hide forever. As quietly as I could, I swung the door open and stepped into the office. The thing wearing Clint's skin was gone. Thank God, I thought.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Out of morbid curiosity, I glanced at his workstation, where I'd heard the unsettling noises earlier. There were two massive eggs sitting on his desk, coated in a viscous substance. I didn't even want to think of the implications. I didn't want to know out of which orifice he laid them. I wanted nothing to do with this anymore. I ran out of my office, to my car, and drove straight to Kingston.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I'm not going back. I will never go back. Someone else will have to deal with this situation. How do you feel about slug man? Are you okay with that?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Well, that's the point I was making earlier.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
You can, their body's rotting and they can't change it. Yeah.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Last update, update two. I thought I could get away from them, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm imagining it, but the pigeons outside look odd. Not as disproportionate and disfigured as what I saw in Toronto, but there's something wrong about the way they move. I think those things are learning to better mimic the shapes of what they're possessing.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I'm going to trick them into not reproducing. Yeah.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
yeah yeah i think i like that story it's a fun little vignette of like uh this thing is like possessing shapes it's very invasion of the body snatchers um yeah but it starts with animals and then works its way up to people and stuff that was fun i like that yeah i gotta say for like micro horror this guy's really i guy or girl since we i don't know uh uh, which one, but who knows who cares?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Who cares? I like their stuff there. This is a good author. I'm, I'm digging it so far.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Kind of like me and you, our relationship. It's true. Me and you floating above the clouds.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Take it away. It appeared on the horizon early one morning at the very far edge of Caleb's field. It was just a blip at first, but as it gently wafted closer to my property, it became large enough to blot out the sun. My son Henry was captivated. He'd never seen a hot air balloon in person before.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
He watched it drift closer and closer, then ran out on the porch in his dinosaur onesie, watched it creeping even closer. As I drank my coffee, I could hear the sputters of the fire keeping the colorful thing afloat. It would stop and start periodically, bursting to life in a geyser of flames. My son waved excitedly, but his excitement waned as the hot air balloon drew near.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I stretched down and peered up at the object in the sky. Henry was right. There was no one manning the hot air balloon. Weird, I thought, must have gotten loose. There hadn't been much wind that morning, but if whoever the balloon belonged to hadn't tied it down properly, it could have drifted off on its own.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Out of curiosity, I grabbed my keys, buckled my son in the backseat of the truck, and took off after it. The balloon ran out of fuel and landed on the outskirts of my field, where I finally caught up to it. Caleb was already there, sitting on his four-wheeler and scrutinizing it with a perplexed expression on his face.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Morning, Grace, he said, never looking away from the object as the envelope slowly lost its circular shape and fanned to the ground like curtains in the breeze.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I opened the back door to let Henry out. My excitable son jumped out of the truck and bolted towards the hot air balloon. Thankfully, Caleb grabbed him by the shoulders and held him back.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
My cat's fire was to keep your distance. He told Henry. His gaze then fell on me. Not sure.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Yeah, that's probably it. Henry squirmed at Caleb's firm grip. Mom, I want to go look. The last of the fabric fell and draped over a patch of soil. Should be safe now, said Caleb, jerking his head towards my son. I nodded back. He let Henry go. My boy squealed and ran towards the basket.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
careful not to touch the burner, honey, it's still hot I called out, hands on my hips Caleb followed him at a much slower pace it's quiet this morning did you notice? I shook my head
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I picked up the pace as Henry pulled himself aboard. Though I knew it wasn't possible, a small part of me was afraid the balloon would inflate and my son would float off into the sky, never to be seen or heard from again. Just one of the many ridiculous automatic thoughts you get when you're a parent. Everything has the potential to be dangerous, even when it's not.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Thankfully, the hot air balloon stayed right where it was, and Henry ran around in the basket like it was the best toy he'd ever seen. Oh, now don't break anything, Henry, I said, leaning over the side of the basket. Caleb knelt down, lifted the fabric, and inspected it curiously.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I whispered, straining to lift it. Heavier than it looks. Beads of sweat were rolling down Caleb's face. Probably because of the burner. I nodded. It wasn't easy, but we managed to force it into the truck. Caleb helped me tie it down while Henry watched eagerly from the back seat. Phew.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
mumbled wiping my brow I was definitely having second thoughts about bringing it into the barn maybe I just throw a tarp on it once I got home and call it a day Caleb wiped his hands on his jeans my best be hid back the wife will want to know what all the excitement was about he hopped on his four wheeler and gave me a wave thanks Caleb y'all take care we both took off in opposite directions Henry watched as Caleb disappeared on the horizon and then stared at our rows of corn the rest of the way home
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
As we pulled into the driveway, Henry said, Mr. Scarecrow doing a good job today. All right. Nope. Nope. Nope. All right, Henry, you're going in that balloon. I'm going to light it myself.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Just the idea of like a kid says one freaky thing and you're like just the most brutal way to murder someone. I would do, oh yeah? I mean, Mr. Babadook's scary. You know what else is scary?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I followed his gaze to the scarecrow. For the first time in years, there were no crows cawing around it or anywhere else on the property. The stupid thing never worked before. Don't know why it was working now.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Caleb was right. Without the incessant bird calls, and with most of the animals still asleep, it was rather quiet out. So quiet, in fact, that I could hear a low atmospheric hum droning out in the background. The kind of sound you only notice when everything else goes away. It was neither peaceful nor annoying. It was just a constant, low sound, easily drowned out by my son's babbling.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
This feels very nope to me. Yeah. Yeah, like the way that the balloon's like just a vessel for like some, or it is some alien.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Spencer, our farmhand, arrived late that morning. I was already washing the dishes from breakfast when I saw him driving up the road. He had a bad habit of being tardy, so I wasn't exactly surprised when he came running through the door, huffing, puffing, and apologizing.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
It's fine. Just get to work, all right? He nodded, just as he was about to step out the door. However, he heard a booming noise off in the distance. What in the tarnation was that? Yeah, spearing out towards the field. Transformer exploded.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I know she meant Transformer like a power transformer, but... Yeah, it must be Optimus Prime. Yeah, they look out the window. I guess they're go-bots. Like star screams, like exploding over the field. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to kill you.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
They have to do this battle in order to obtain the cube. What's the name of that cube in those movies? The Allspark. They're trying to fight for the Allspark, man.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
just the idea of like these two rednecks there's like 30 foot tall robots like rolling like straight bullets are hitting the house every now and then yeah henry's just like i can't believe what i'm saying this is going on and they're used to it that's like a hot air balloon oh my god the hard air balloon i've never seen that before that's incredible
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
The hot air balloon turns into a transformer. They're like, oh. Just another one of those.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
We stepped onto the porch and scan the area until we spotted a wisp of smoke in the distance.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
The fields are on fire and something exploded and you're like, are you procrastinating? Get to work. Hey, fucking idiot.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
His eyes stayed locked on the small column of smoke for a moment, but he eventually nodded.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
While Spencer was doing hard labor outside and Henry was watching cartoons in the other room, I got to work pickling vegetables for storage. It was nearing lunch when Spencer finally showed up again. He was covered in dirt.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I watched him walking into the barn while I tended to the hash browns. Then I waited. Waited for a couple of minutes. Then five. Then ten. What the hell is taking so long? I paced back and forth, irritated. His car was still in the driveway, so I knew he hadn't slipped away to go flirt with some girl in town. The grunt stomped into the barn, expecting to see him lounging about.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I prepared to chastise him for his laziness. Spence! I asked angrily as the door swung open. A ladder was propped against the wooden loft, the tarp at its feet. I grabbed the top and peered up, trying to find Spencer.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Still nothing. Not even a single creak from the wooden planks. All I could hear was the quiet hum from earlier. This time, slightly louder. If Spencer was up there, he was being perfectly still and quiet. Two things he wasn't too good at. Tarp wedged under my arm, I grabbed the ladder and began climbing the rungs. I was about halfway up when I heard Henry calling. Well, I had what I needed.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I had the tarp. Spencer could play his stupid games all he wanted. Spencer could play his stupid games for all he wanted, for all I cared.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
You have to go too far. Like I'm talking about like, Oh, she's so mean to this guy. Do you always take it to some? I mean, she's like, she's making him feel like a freak show. Some proclivity, some horrendous, like it's something sucking his lips. See licking his lips and beating his big.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
All right. All right. All right. All right. Tap out, tap out, tap out, tap out. Okay. Well, I had what I needed. I had the tarp. Spencer could play his stupid games all he wanted for all I cared. I slid back down and went back inside to serve lunch.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
We weren't there. The story wasn't there. Our bit wasn't there. You just accelerated it. Maybe if the bit ran its course for another two sentences, it would have got there. But you are flooring it to get to the rancid.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
See what I mean? Now you're talking about her speaking to her son with that tone of voice.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Why you gotta do Spence like that, bro? I like Spencer. Oh, gosh. We finished eating with no sign of Spencer. I was starting to get a little worried. He wasn't the most reliable guy. He'd often come in late and cut out early. But he'd never run off with me in the middle of the day. And he'd certainly never leave his car behind. I figured I'd go look for him once I was done with the dishes.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Henry was playing with his toys and I was drying off the last of the pots and pans. I probably never would have noticed it if the sun wasn't shining at just the right angle, sending a beam of light from floor to ceiling. Dust particles. They were dancing through the room's air currents. However, about a foot below the ceiling, there was a visible decrease in the density.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I watched as little flakes swam up and disappeared beyond the invisible border. Weird, I thought, squinting at the empty space. There was something about it that made me feel unnerved. It's like I knew something was wrong, but couldn't quite put my finger on what. I looked outside. Not a bird in sight for miles. I thought of the hot air balloon and how empty it had been.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I thought about Spencer up in the bars loft. Oh, oh, that's cool. A bumblebee buzzed by the window, flew up beyond the intangible line and disappeared. One second it was there. The next, it was just gone.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Squeaked Henry as he ran towards the stairs. I grabbed him so quickly that he nearly fell. Don't go upstairs, I warned, my voice a mix of stern conviction and cackling terror. I gulped down a nod of apprehension. My eyes were locked on the immaculate separation between the dusty and nearly dustless air. In that moment, I could only think of one thing. Something I heard on TV.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Dust is mainly comprised of dead skin cells. My blood ran cold. I could see it moving, the separation, I mean, slowly, like the motion of the sun setting on the horizon. It was subtle, but it was definitely moving down. That's when I realized that humming sound from this morning was getting even louder. We need to get to lower ground, I thought,
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I wasn't even sure what was going on, but I knew that something bad would happen if we were caught under the unseen ceiling slowly dropping on us. We lived on a plateau surrounded by mountains, the lowest point for Miles. There was no lower ground except for the cellar. Ducking my head, I grabbed Hendry's arm and pulled him towards the door.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
He whined, tugging back. I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say. I closed the door tightly, unsure whether or not it would help keep it, whatever it was, out. The mere possibility that it might help was enough to bring me some form of comfort. With my free hand, I nabbed the flashlight I kept on the top step and climbed down with my son. It was cold downstairs, perfect for storage.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I had shelves with jars full of pickled vegetables. homemade jams, and sealed meats lying in every wall. The concrete room wasn't very inviting to a seven year old, so Henry usually stayed out unless I asked him to fetch me something. I let out a sigh of relief and took a seat on the bottom of the wooden staircase. I could hear frogs and crickets chirping happily outside.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I didn't answer. Instead, I went over the facts in my mind. Was I exaggerating? What had compelled me to run and hide? An empty hot air balloon? A missing farm hand?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
He bounced around from foot to foot. What's going on? There's... I paused, thinking it over. What was I supposed to tell the kid? I didn't even know what was happening. My eyebrows came together. There's bad air up there.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I hung my head and hid my face behind my hands. I was being stupid. At least, that's what I thought, until the croaks came to a sudden stop, as though all the bullfrogs in the creek out back were suddenly holding their breath. I found myself holding mine, waiting for the sound to come back. But all I heard were the crickets. Ten minutes later, the crickets went silent.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
The void from the hush that fell over the room couldn't even be filled by the pitter-patter of Henry's feet as he ran in circles, poured out of his mind. This is great, by the way. This is such a cool... The idea of, like, you can imagine where the level is because the frogs go first and then the crickets, right? Oh, man.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
My fear only increased as I spotted the jars of meat sitting on the top shelf of the rack in the corner. They were empty. I pointed the flashlight up and looked at the dust particles in its ray. They were disappearing about two feet from the ceiling, just like they had upstairs. And, just like upstairs, the invisible divide was getting lower. that low hum following suit.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
All I could do was watch as, over the course of an hour, the separation came closer and closer to my son and I, till it became clear that I couldn't sit on the stairs anymore. I pulled Henry into my lap and sat on the cold concrete floor, shaking as I watched the invisible ceiling falling on us. From time to time, I had to jiggle the flashlight to get it working again.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I rocked my son gently, praying whatever was falling on us would stop and pull back. praying Henry wouldn't go rogue on me and run out of my grasp. As it came closer, I lay down and told my son to do the same. We had to stay as low to the ground as possible.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I wasn't sure what to expect. Would it hurt when it happened? Would we disappear like the people in the hot air balloon? Could we somehow be saved? I held my hand against Henry's chest, pinning him down like a seatbelt. I could feel him shivering against the cold stone floor. I was terrified he'd squirm and disappear forever. Should have brought a blanket, I thought.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
No, the blankets were on the second floor. The second floor hadn't been safe. There was a rock digging into my thigh, but I couldn't risk moving. The threshold was closing in on us, making me feel claustrophobic in the wide open room. I dropped the flashlight, closed my eyes tightly, and held my breath for as long as I could.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I waited, listening to the droning hum getting louder and louder like a bug circling my ear. I could feel Henry's body heat radiating from his chest. As long as I felt the warmth on my arm, I knew my boy was okay. Even if I disappeared, at least he'd be lower to the ground. Low enough to be safe, I hoped.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
We must have been there for at least an hour, maybe two, before the sound became more distant. Henry had somehow fallen asleep despite the displeasing conditions. I opened my eyes, finally gathering enough courage to reach for the flashlight. I flicked it on and carefully aimed it at the ceiling. The dust wasn't back, but I couldn't see a divide anymore.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Either we'd been engulfed, or the phenomena had passed. I was afraid to move at first, but I finally raised my arm. Nothing happened. I sat up. Still nothing. I let out a sigh of relief. We'd been spared. Somehow, by some miracle, we'd been spared. When the hum completely faded, I cautiously climbed up the stairs, keeping my head low. I opened the door and looked around. The sound was gone.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
The invisible divide gone with it. It was over. After waking Henry and warming him up, I headed out to the barn. It was empty. No birds, no livestock, not even a single fly buzzing around the cow manure. Every single animal on my farm had gone missing. We got in the truck and headed towards town. As we passed the Burns farm, I saw their crop duster crash to pieces in the field.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
This had been the explosion Spencer and I heard earlier. I stopped to check, but the plant was empty. I knocked on the Burns store, but received no answer. I drove to Caleb's farm and tried them. No answer. I drove to town. There was no one. Not a single living being, not even a damn squirrel. I don't know exactly what happened, but I'm afraid it's about to happen again.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I can hear that hum in the distance. As much as I want to get out of here, I can't take the risk. I mean, the only path out of here is through the mountains, and I don't fancy going anywhere too high right now. I'm going to try my luck and hide in the cellar again. If you don't hear from me, it means we weren't lucky enough to be spared twice. What a cool idea, man.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
That was awesome. Just like that's just such a creative idea of like there is a visible line that anything like biological, even meat jars of meat that go in its threshold just disappear. It's almost like a rapture story, right? Like everyone disappeared all at once.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
like the explosion mentioned earlier and it's like the plane crashing and it all started with the hot air balloon like what a fun take or like the the visual of spencer walking up a ladder and disappearing that's so cool yeah i think uh i don't know i still feel like it's like a fun tale like i almost still read it as like an alien thing or something the humming i definitely think it is a flying saucer that's coming through and it's like a a new like an interesting way of like a tractor being
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
It's almost like you could imagine aliens have come to Earth and they've put like a film around the planet. Yeah, and it's just like killing any life that it can catch in like this field. So they're just doing sweeps over and over. What a cool... This was awesome. That was really cool.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Cause it's, it's such an inventive threat. Uh, and like that part where she's laying down, I was thinking to myself, like, would it hurt? Would you disappear all at once? Does part of you have to touch it? You have to completely disappear. Like it's just such a, it's so unique, such a unique concept. And it was delivered so well. Yeah. It's very me. Cause like, what do you do?
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
And you could like very, very, you could do so many scenarios with that setting. Cause that's like a new setting to me. It's like, Oh, maybe you had a group who was like out deep sea diving and they come up and everyone's gone. Or you've got like someone who's like in a swimming pool and they have to decide between drowning or like falling into it.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
And so like, there's just, this is a very fun scenario. That was awesome. I liked everything, but I agree with you. I think the hot air balloon was the strongest, I think.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
We will see you in the next one. And also to everyone, check out Manon Lysett on Twitter and Facebook. And of course, check out their subreddit, user slash Manon Lysett, or not their subreddit, their Reddit account where they post all these stories on NoSleep. Fantastic author, and they make really cool little Halloween designs. So be sure to pick some up if you're interested.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
And thank you, Manon, for making really cool stories. That last one especially was awesome. I loved it. Thank you all so much for watching. It means the world. We will catch you in the next one. Bye.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
My neighbor is one of those annoying wannabe YouTube personalities. Okay. Well, immediately. Okay.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
They're pointing guns at us. Okay. Out of the gate swinging over the years. I've seen him cough out cinnamon lay flat on the hood. Oh, it's one of these people. Okay. In that case. Yes, I agree. We have to kill this guy. Uh,
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
i've seen him cough out cinnamon lay flat on the hood of his car as it slowly creeps down the driveway and douse himself in lukewarm water all while screaming epic win epic fail or epic maintenance would you like to read these in a youtuber voice and an influencer voice epic win epic fail fuck
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Who the fuck says that? Where did that come from? I think that's screaming. That's the author being sarcastic. It's like they're screaming epic win, epic fail or epic maintenance of the status quo for all I know.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Yeah, I think that's the vibe. Sheeple. It can get tiring to watch him go about his shenanigans in the pursuit of viral fame. So when he knocked on my door the other day, told me he was going away for a few weeks, and asked that I get his mail, honestly, it was a relief. I can't explain the peace of mind I had knowing I didn't have to brace myself for any of his stupidity for a while.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I was always afraid his stunts would wind up bleeding over into my life.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Well, he said like his car on his own car.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I mean, this guy should know all you need in order to be successful on YouTube is just find a bunch of stories that you didn't write and then make glorified react content.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I want to hear what your defense of this would even be. Go ahead. What do we do? That's a good work.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
How bad can I be? I'm just building the economy. Why do I feel like you've done a little fucking... Why do I feel like you've done a little scratchy sniff with your buddies down by the river? We are not finishing whatever that sentence was you were about to say. You cut that out right now. I was making a joke about us being like greedy economists.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
There's no reason for you to take it to that degree. That was uncalled for.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
You also, you can never... Okay, I'm not getting down. I'm not going down to your level. I'm not stepping into the trench.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
You can never just say... Did you ever do anything? Did you ever have like an experience with a friend, a man? You phrase it like, got a little scratch and sniff with your buddies. You always make it so much worse.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
See, like that, you always bring it down like five steps past where it would, we don't even need to be there in the first place, but you go to the sub-basement of the floor where you weren't even supposed to be on every time.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
that Manon, I'm not seeing like a ton of published work, but it looks like a thing he does a lot of is he crafts like these little Halloween decorations, stuff like that. Like he does little sculptures of like jack-o-lanterns and go,
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
That is how desperate we are for content. We're cannibalizing our own clips that people like.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
It was a Comedy Central show. Okay. Can I go back to reading the story? He's a neighbor's a YouTuber. He asked him to take the mail. Okay. Yes. I come get the mail. Things were pretty normal for the first couple of days. He received a few bills, a bit of spam and what I could only assume was a birthday card. Then one evening I got home to find a cardboard box waiting on his front porch.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Big red letters was written, return to sender.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
I would think so, yeah. I'm no small fry, but I admit I had trouble lifting the box on my own. It was really freaking heavy. Lugging it across the road to my house was even harder and I quickly realized there was no way I was going to drag it up the stairs and through my front door. I decided I'd leave his package in my garage. It wasn't like I kept my car in there.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
The garage door was a piece of shit that refused to open without a good thug and a whack. It was less trouble just leaving the car in the driveway than it was to fight with the garage door every morning and night. In hindsight, I should have set the package down while I struggled to open the tricky door, but you know how it is when you've got a good grip on something.
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The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
No point in setting it down if you don't have to. It was as I kicked the door for a third time that I lost my grip on the package and it fell to the ground. I heard a light crack inside. Shit. I hoped I had broken anything important, but figured I just wouldn't tell my neighbor about it and let him assume the break happened en route. What a guy. What a buddy.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
If it broke while it was in the box, then it broke while it was in the box. Who am I to say when... I'm not omniscient. I don't know when it cracked.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
It was close when I found it. Who's to say? It is Schrodinger's broken cap. It's neither broken or not broken until you open it. Philosophical. That's right. Hands free, I finally managed to get the garage door unstuck. And boy, did it screech in protest as it rolled up and over me. I tracked the box the rest of the way, set it in the corner for whenever my neighbor would come back to claim it.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
So if you go to his Twitter, which is the same name as his NoSleep, Manon Lysette, or Manon Lysette, however it's pronounced, he has a link to an Etsy page called Manon's Pumpkin Patch, and he crafts little, like, Christmas ornaments that are skulls and ghosts and stuff like that. It looks pretty cool.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Then I forgot all about it. Until a few days passed, that is. I'm not sure exactly how long it took for the smell to waft in from the crack under the garage to house door, but it came in slow progression. It was a sickly sweet odor, similar to a skunk. And for the first few days after I smelled it, I genuinely assumed that's exactly what it was. Roadkill that had left its mark on my house.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
It was only when I realized the scent was growing more intense instead of fading that I went looking for a source. That's when I opened the garage door. That's when the odor knocked me back, holding my nose. So my guess right now is that it's a dead person.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Yes, I think because that smell, the sickly sweet smell is always the way that dead human bodies are described. So maybe.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
How would it be sweet? Smells like like how it smells like rotten fruit. Oh, okay. That there's like, it's weird. There's a tone. It's because I think it's because of like the bacteria in people or something like that. It's kind of like, it's like there's a tinge of like, oh, there's supposed to be something there that isn't rotten, you know, like when food goes bad.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
Uh, but it's mostly just like sickly is a good word for it. It's like, there's a drape of like smog on top of it. Yeah. Yeah. The culprit wasn't hard to identify. The only change in my garage was the box in the corner. I remember thinking it must have been one of those meat of the month subscription boxes. The meat must have gotten rancid from being left out of the fridge for so long.
CreepCast
The Pigeons Around Here Aren't Real | Creep Cast
How much meat could have been in there for the box to have been so large and heavy? An entire freaking cow? I covered my nose as I approached the box. A pair of scissors in my hands. I probably wouldn't have needed them to open it, as it had become soggy enough at the bottom to poke through with a finger. But I wasn't about to poke my finger into spoiled meat juices.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Of course, it's morning. You guys know how Mikey got hired by Matt?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Mikey's his name, right?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Oh, okay.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
So I was hanging out the first time I ever filmed with Demo. I think we were strapping dog shock collars to our legs trying to shoot, and it was me and Admin competing for an LNT. I didn't watch that. What the fuck? Yeah. He's like, yeah, we have this LMT and we're going to have a shooting competition and whoever wins gets to take it home. Did you cheat? Oh, I cheated like a motherfucker.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
And he was supposed to be shocking him the whole time. They set up Battleship and we had to walk up with a shotgun and point blanket and there was cans of shaving cream on the other side. I stuck a couple of cans of my shaving cream out of bounds. And Mikey comes up and is like, that's out of bounds. And I go, I know.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
He's a gun YouTuber. He already shoots me.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
So we did that.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
It's awesome. It's the one that's on my coffee table in the background of all my videos.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
And then like the final event was we were shooting like a hundred yards away at a big operation map and we had to shoot directly through the holes while a dog shot collar was strapped to us. So I don't give a shit about getting shocked. I wasn't phased at all. So that gave me a pretty big advantage too, but yeah. I was hanging out with Mikey. I was like, how the fuck did you get this job?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
You just homies with him or what? And he's like, no, bro. I was on Indeed, the job website, and responded to a job as a ranch hand.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
And then showed up.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Did he have the mullet then?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
What's Matt's middle name? Oh, you know it. That's a red flag.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Wow, I don't remember that. Weren't you the one that did admin without his balaclava on for the first time, too? Twice.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Just the eyes?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
It wasn't Vegas. It was the time we were all together before that. We might have been here. I forget where we were, but Zach was there. And it was me and Zach were in the rooms next to each other, so we had all split up for the night. But me and Zach... I like took the same elevator up and Zach is just like, man, I really need to find what I'm autistic about.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
And I was like, what are you talking about? Cause at dinner, like 20 minutes prior was right when the Luigi, a guy had shot that CEO and you literally in the first time seeing the footage go, that's the problem. Like immediately you're like, yeah, you're like, it doesn't have a whatever device on it. Yeah. Yeah.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Zach is like, just how does he know that? I don't understand. And then me and Zach were just talking about it for the next week as everybody on the internet's desperately trying to figure out what's going on. It's like, yep, Brandon was right in four seconds. You were talking about bedroom with a sign. Yeah. Bedroom with a sign. Yeah.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Yeah, speaking of that, what are some shirts you've had to say no on?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
It's got to be like the all dogs go to heaven cover art, but a little bit different.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
What bothers me is the thought process that goes into like, I'm really into cycling. I feel like There's like levels to things, you know what I mean? Like I need to wear a full on fucking skin tight singlet to reduce wind resistance is like elite level like competition thing.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
If you're a hobbyist, like I'm more aerodynamic. Like bro, you're 45 pounds overweight and you're on your way to a brewery. Let's fucking calm down. You're 62 years old.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Were they in the current warehouse at that point? Or did you show up to Matt's garage?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Haven't you guys seen the meme for income levels? The what? The meme for income levels where it's like both parents are working, one parent works with a stay-at-home parent, one parent works and spends a bunch of money and it's like the top highest income level is one parent works and the other one has a business that loses $80,000 a year. Yeah.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Were you wearing a cum shirt?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Were any of you?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Oh, 100%. It's way better. All the time.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Dude. Oh, yeah.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Is it Argentinian? Yeah. Yeah.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Just open flame. He made like empanadas and like pineapples and all kinds of shit. Yeah. We had a... This is my grandfather's recipe. Argentina, you say? Oopaville and Call Me Chris and all their friends came out to like have a tour of Bunker and like. It was the perfect day. Oopaville takes one bite of an empanada and just looks at me like a deer in hell.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
He goes, bro, I don't know what's happening. This thing's so good. I want to start fighting people.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
That's just the idea.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I have a fever dream that John is going to go become a security guard for a little while and then just start doing security guard video breakdowns to troll you. And it becomes immensely popular. That would be hilarious.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Oh, you mean like us backing a truck up to a house and throwing a fridge through a window?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
So we'll see. We're going to try. That's how fat files started. Yeah. I just wanted to see if I could do it again or if it was all just, I got lucky once. So I just started the second channel. It didn't really tell anybody I was doing it at all and just uploaded the video.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I think it's about to break half a million. That's awesome. That's pretty quick. There's a lot of people that don't know that I have two channels. So there's a lot of people that just think that the Fat Electrician channel uploads like random videos about businesses and hockey games and shit.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
A lot of the videos on Fat Files have like a million views, but it's only got half a million subscribers because so many people don't even know it's a different channel.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
That's a little more obvious. Before I became a host, when you guys transitioned from Batty's dining room to this house, all the neighbors thought Eli was a fucking drug cartel. What? I mean, think about it from their perspective. A bunch of cars roll up one week a month.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Hold it next to your forearm first.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I was shitting my pants at the time. Because I had just taken out a very substantial loan that my house was up against to buy into the company. Was that that week? Three days later, that happened.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I'll say it again. They're shitty influencers at this point because all they care about is clicks, but they're just not even good at it.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Yeah. Yeah.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
as long as the media gets their clicks and that's what they were doing with matt there like as long as they get some adsense and they can get their clicks like that's all they were doing that's all they were doing the thing that drives me nuts about your content though is it's like all he does it all he does is defend cops like bro he's got a ton of videos calling cops idiots and saying they should be fired like
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I don't know.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
The one that I always share is the one that happened here in town while the kid was sitting in a parking lot eating a burger or eating at McDonald's.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
There was another attempt like a week later.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Or, or he had ulterior motives and he was like, I'm going to make this look bad about guns. And he Googled who's the biggest gun YouTuber. Yeah. You never know.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
um i mean can you after doing this for five years no yeah i mean yeah what's what's jenna's name
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Not allowed to say that.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
He's been steering on something for a while. I can't fucking stand getting on fitness influencer Instagram and just having some normal sized gym trainer be like, I mean, I would eat less and move more and just autistic, heavy labored breathing screeching in the comment section of fucking women being like, you're not a doctor. You don't know that people are different.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
It's like, no, this literally physics. Like if you eat less fucking calories and you burn, you lose weight. Okay. You ever seen Newton came up with this? Have you ever seen? And like my argument is, and I,
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
how i know this is true for sure without a peer-reviewed study and i'm not a doctor watch any fucking footage from any pow camp ever there's never any obese motherfuckers in the pow camp when they're starving to death just saying yeah well you know if you you have too much of a caloric deficit your body actually stores more fat like tell that to the holodomor right yeah
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
That's your first shirt, by the way, for your YouTube channel.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
You're the one bleeding over into my optic. It's not my fault.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I think I sent Cody a reel the other day. It was, like, the day that TikTok was banned for, like, 12 hours or whatever, but it was, like, the day before, like, leading up to the count, and it was the scene from, I forget which Matrix it is, but they're all in, like, the big mech suits with machine gun hands getting ready to fight the tentacle.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Octopus things come through the walls, like, me and the boys getting ready to defend our racism app against the characters dancing. It's like, Jesus! What?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Oh, God. TikTok refugees. Such a good term.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
What does he mean? I think it'd be fun if all the hosts on Unsub took YouTube boxing matches at the same time on the same card. We talked about it at some point. And fought each other? No, just like other people. I couldn't hit anybody at this table. You hit me. No, we're not fighting each other. We're not fighting each other.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I don't think any of us are in the same weight class even, but I mean, if we all fought on the same card against other YouTubers or whatever.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
300 milligrams. Is that the lock and load company?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Boom.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Perfect.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I'm gone. Lagging at the pearly gates.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
So it wasn't even like... Are these like...
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
10, 20, 30, 10, 20, 30.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I've had a bunch of surgeries, yeah.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Yeah, I've had both pecs, tonsils. Yeah, I've had a bunch too. ACLs, I've had all kinds of shit.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I've done surgery so many times that I dick around the whole time. Every time they're like, like they lay you down, they put like the mask over your face or whatever. And like the anesthesiologist is like, okay, I want you to count slowly backwards from 10. I'm like, what is it? Every time I do that now. That's so good. And then I just wake up in the after room. It's fine.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
One, two, three, four, five. God. At least five. Maybe more.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Jesus.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
2007.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
30.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
2004.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
You eat macaroni and cheese because you like it. I ate it because I had to.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Good thing for the enemy.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I don't know. I got little tiny kids. You're used to being up.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
dad get up i want milk yeah you don't have a choice yeah you know what i mean it's like i'm getting up at seven every day you guys don't get up till 10 yeah so it's like i'm not gonna sit here at the young sub house by myself for three hours i might just go hang out with one of y'all needs to wake him up for milk
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Get milk. Turn on Bluey.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
That's a good night. Four in the morning?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
At one in the morning. And then he demanded that we only eat them with raw onions, which was giving Cody a panic attack.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
That's an interesting take. Cody's like, you're not going to caramelize them or put them in a pan? Chef, go here. No! Raw onions!
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I mean, you do have ketchup and mustard this time. If Trout wants to make hot dogs, we won't have to wait on that.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I will say, this is the first time I've ever been over your house and there wasn't a ballistic gel head in the fridge. There is.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
So you're going to go to like shoot the dummy and then stop and then film a vlog moving to Argentina or what are you doing?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
You guys want to do what gang does in Brazil?
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I want to go see the Confederados.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Huh? That would be interesting. After the Civil War. Sounds like. After the Civil War, when they lost, a bunch of Confederates were like, fuck this, we're moving. And they migrated down to Brazil. And there's like a couple of towns in Brazil that are completely founded. And the population is predominantly the descendants of Confederates. They're called the Confederados.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I don't know. I want to know if they do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Bring up my cartoon crush like that. Okay.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Show Chell some respect.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
You and I are like a Mexican standoff. Yeah, I'm so confused right now.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
That was funny.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Alarmingly. Shut up. Bro, it's shocking.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
This is why I'm always happy. You just keep the beard. If you grow your hair out a little more and shave the beard off, we might have an issue.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
Again. Every time I get drunk.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
The Willem Dafoe picture you took.
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
they're good guys pure people yes and and zach zach got angry and wanted to wanted to start social media beef and all of us were like no that's our job you have to stay pure we got you we'll do it
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206 - I Got Fired From Demolition Ranch ft. The Sanders & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 206
I think you got interrupted. I don't think you told the name of the new show.