Chloe Fineman

Like the last show, they were like, actually, there's like seven White Lotus ideas. And then I'm like, well, now I have nothing. Right, right, right. But we stay up writing till 2 a.m. healthy, 3 a.m., 4 a.m., whatever. Es ist wie, halbwegs ist es wie, es ist wie, es ist wie, du spielst einen All-Nighter.

Ja. Und ich würde sagen, Marcelo und ich sind definitiv so.

Aber wir machen alles. Und dann am Dienstag verabschieden wir unsere Sachen in der Morgen. Und wir lesen es laut mit dem Host, namens Table Read. And then we wait around. A handful of us usually will be watching a Bravo show for like an hour and a half while we're waiting for picks. It's like theater camp. You're like, did I make the list? Right, right.

And then at like 10 o'clock we find out what's picked in the show. And like you either are like, yes, or crying or like punching a wall.

Yeah.

Yeah, we all pile in and we'll watch a show. Right, right, right.

Well, Vanderpump was a big thing, but R.I.P.?

It's done, right?

I know.

Ja, sie hat es zu ihrem Vorteil benutzt.

Ja, Traders, das ist nicht Bravo, aber egal. Es ist wie diese wunderschöne Stunde, wo man wartet, ob man die Kassel-Liste bekommt. Richtig. Damals hatten wir es auf der Wand, also würde jeder runnen und so. Ja, ja. Es ist so verrückt. Wie in der Hochschule. In der Hochschule, aber wir sind Adelte.

I feel like when I started, there's like videos, but there wasn't, it was like weird that I liked Instagram videos. What? But yeah, like there was, you know, Kate and Cecily and all those like legends, I don't think were as like, Video-fokussiert. Und dann, nach Covid, kam Please Don't Destroy und sie kamen aus Videos.

Ich fühle mich, als wäre ich mehr Internet, nicht so, als hätte ich mehr Content gemacht. Ein bisschen mehr, bevor wir auf dem Show begonnen haben. Und jetzt sind wir, ich meine, wir waren nicht auf TikTok, wie ich glaube, bis 2020 vielleicht.

100 Prozent. Ja, besonders dieses Jahr. Ich wusste nicht, dass wir auf TikTok waren.

Ja, wir kommen da hin. Ja, wie Domingo.

Das war verrückt.

Ich weiß es nicht.

Not at all. No. No.

No, I mean, we had fun rehearsing it. And then like when Ariana sang Pitchy, we were like, ha, ha, ha. But it was like, we really were like, you have no idea. And then it just went crazy.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, my boyfriend has a place in New York. My parents live in... No way! Yes! I thought you grew up in Beverly Hills.

I grew up on one... It's okay, a lot of people think I'm nepo, but I'm not.

Okay.

Yes, every day.

Everyone looks like they work at the... It's the bear. There's a really hot sandwich guy.

And he is Jeremy Allen White to me. Yes! Oh my god, yes!

Everyone's into Capri Club now. Oh, Vidius? Do you ever go to Vidius? I'll see Quinta Brunson on the sidewalk. What? Ja, Vidiots ist unglaublich. Okay. Ja, sie machen all diese Screenings und Premiere. Oh mein Gott.

Hi.

Wirklich? Ich mache das mit Buchstaben. Ja, das gleiche.

Ja.

Okay, total. Ja, so I'm like, if I can do that, like, why go, you know, like, that's such a thing. I know.

Ja, ich lese zwei Bücher pro Jahr und das ist alles, worüber ich spreche. Oh, also du lernst. Aber zwei pro Jahr.

The Guest, da war ich wirklich drauf. Was ist das? Es geht um eine Mädchen in ihren Zwanzigern, die ein Slut ist. Und sie ist heiß und sie verheiratet einen älteren Mann. Und sie war so, ist sie ein Sexarbeiter? Ich weiß es nicht. Und dann geht sie nach den Hamptons und sie verursacht sein Leben. Und dann verursacht sie einfach alle Leben, die sie hat. Und es wird ein Film sein. Ja, das klingt so.

I don't know what else I would call it, honestly.

Ja, also ich lese es normalerweise, wenn jemand sagt, du sollst dir das ansehen, um zu spielen. Richtig, richtig, richtig. Und dann geht es immer zu jemand anderem, aber ich genieße es, es zu lesen.

I think like a biopic of any kind. Because I'm like, that's what I always thought I would do. And then it turned into like an impression is just like a little bio.

A comedian, yeah, but we're doing impressions.

I do love doing it. If it's someone like new.

Yeah.

Like if it's like someone I haven't done before.

Für das, nein. Weil ich das schon immer gemacht habe. Das ist so, wie ich auf dem Show war. Es war so lange her, dass sie alle für Big Little Lies ausgestattet haben. Es war wie jede weiße Frau. Ich habe es jetzt gemacht. Ich denke, jetzt bin ich an einem Punkt, wo ich nur neue Sachen machen möchte. Und hast du, neben dem Sommer von 69, etwas Aufregendes gemacht?

Yeah, I shot a pickleball movie this year.

I know. And I feel like we're the first one.

I am. I guess I'm kind of doing an impression of a stripper.

Yeah, I think we're hopefully gonna beat everybody.

I know, and everyone's like... And it was so funny when I got it. Kirsten Forsythe? Kirsten, Kirsten, Kirsten.

Ich bin so schlecht bei Kirsten und Kirsten.

Ich mag Short Circuit. Sie war so, oh mein Gott, wir sind im Film. Und dann war es so, sie war in einem anderen Pickleball-Film.

Well, I think there's a bunch, but we are done. We wrapped and we come out before everybody else.

I represent tennis.

Yeah, I'm like the idea of tennis and Pickleball is like taking over. It's like Jake Johnson, he was a new girl. Okay. I'm like his crazy girlfriend. Got it, got it. Which is like a role I love to play.

I prefer it's scripted and then I take it and then I improv within.

How did they do it?

Okay. I, Brag, was at Cannes for a different movie.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was surprised she, yeah, for a while I thought she would be on the show.

Yeah. Do you watch Hacks? Of course. I love.

Yeah, I can't say anything.

Better.

And Mikey Madison was like winning all of these awards. And I was on TikTok and saw like her for two seconds saying all the training she did. Uh-huh. I don't know. I was like, this isn't that kind of movie, but like, why not? Yeah. My best friend and I were in L.A. and we took a pole class together. Uh-huh. Und er sagte mir, du solltest dich dazu einstellen. Es gibt Potenzial hier, es gibt Talent.

Weinen.

Oh, like, cry. And, like, Caitlin Dever is, like, our greatest actress.

I know. I know. And she's so unassuming. She's just, like, grounded and cool and, like, the coolest person in the world. And then I'll see. I'm not giving anything away. But, like, Emmy now. I'm not giving anything away.

Don't Google.

Like with what? Like Severance. I guess I get obsessed with like Severance. I was like, what is it? I go on like, I'm on Reddit. I'm on threads. I just like, I love the theory. I love to like, that's what I read instead of books.

No. Really?

Oh, I have actually.

Right, White Lotus. That's when you thought of it, right?

She comes from the theater.

Yeah, Tracy Letts, baby.

Obviously Love on the Spectrum.

Is it that good? It's like, I've never been more emotionally affected by something. Really? I follow everybody. Yeah.

Yeah, we've had like some season ones and twos come to the show and it's really exciting.

Yeah, that's always what's so funny about SNL. Like you'll be like, you know, Steven Spielberg. And then you're like, oh my God, it's... Abby. Yeah, or like, who was that? Or yeah, or like Ariana Maddox.

Und dann habe ich für einen Monat trainiert. nonstop every morning in Pasadena.

She was at the 50th. Got it. Meryl, I finally got to meet. And then we all got COVID from the 50th.

Yeah, but I, Meryl, the people I knew who got COVID were like me, Meryl.

So I got Meryls COVID.

Yeah, I have like Meryl COVID.

Yeah. And then she came to the show the week later and she went COVID, COVID, COVID. Ja, ich habe gesagt, hi Covid, hi Covid, Covid, Covid.

Das ist eine neue Sache. Ich wollte sie mein ganzes Leben kennenlernen. Ich habe sie in meinem College-Buch-Report bei NYU geschrieben. Ich habe ein volles Frühjahrs-Essay über Meryl Streeps Bracelet-Aktivität geschrieben. Bracelet-Aktivität? Sie hat das Behavior, ihr Behavior in den Stunden. Sie handelt sich mit all diesem Trauma. Und dann wird sie einfach mit einem Bracelet spielen. Richtig.

Ja, also ich habe ein 10-Page-Essay darüber geschrieben.

You should watch, yeah, her, like, she'll just do, like, little.

And she'll be, like, like a whore. Like, she, like, the love of her life is dead. She just, like, chattels it through, like, neckless acting.

Yeah, like, she always finds these, like, objects, and I'm very, like, fascinated by it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, basically I discovered LA is like the capital of pole class. Really? Yes, I swear, once you see it, you can't unsee it. Like every corner has a Hustlers. It's Starbucks and Hustlers. There are like three Hustlers stores in Pasadena. You think like Hollywood Boulevard and all that, but they're everywhere. Right. Truly. And yeah, I just like got really into it and I trained.

The best in the whole wide world.

Okay, wenn RuPaul hostete, kamen alle Drag-Queens nach dem Nachmittag-Party raus und wir tanzten alle auf Tafeln bis 5 Uhr morgens. Oh mein Gott. Und es war auch, glaube ich, das erste Mal, dass ich einen Wochenende-Update hatte. Du hast deinen ersten Wochenende-Update und ich habe ein paar Impressionen gemacht und ich war einfach so, das ist das Beste. Ja. Ja. Ja.

Ja, aber das ist cool. Ich werde auf unserer Finale bleiben. Ich werde wirklich spät gehen. Aber vielleicht war es der Billie Eilish. Es war wie Shoop. Und dann sind wir rein und ich war einfach so.

Ja, du wirst nicht verärgert von diesen Nachhinein. Nein. Du gehst zu den Leuten, wie wie. Manchmal gehen Leute zu den Popstars wie Haus. Richtig.

Oh, und die sind verrückt. Ja, sie sind bis neun Uhr morgens.

Ja. Nächstes Mal, wenn du da bist, müssen wir es machen. Ja.

Und schließe mich im Haus eines Popstars.

Es passiert vielen Leuten auf dem Show. Und dann kommen sie am Montag und erzählen mir darüber. Und ich bin so.

100 Prozent. 100 Prozent.

Ja.

Ja, sehr.

Um, I feel like lately there, I mean, there's so many of us that the, there's been a handful this year where it's like not the first time that person's done it. So they'll do it at dress rehearsal. It goes great. And then because there's like three people, there's just like all these mouths to feed or I don't, I don't know the reasoning, but there'll be like, sorry, not tonight.

And then they have to come back the next week and the train like re kill. So like that's nerve wracking. Um und Bomben da draußen ist schrecklich, aber wie weißt du, wenn du Bomben hast, weil die Audienz nicht lacht, sie lachen einfach nicht so hart.

Ein bisschen, aber du wirst nie zu dem Punkt kommen, dass du auf nationaler TV bist, wenn es dich nicht tötet, wenn es dich nicht tötet, wenn es dich nicht tötet, wenn es dich nicht tötet, wenn es dich nicht tötet, wenn es dich nicht tötet, wenn es dich nicht tötet.

Yeah, yeah, because they're not going to put it on TV if it's like mid.

Sketches, on the other hand, who know? Because it's less predictable.

All the time.

Yes, of course. Bombing at the table rate is amazing.

Yeah, yeah. My dream is to be at work and if it's bombing, just be like, move on! But no one's ever done that. And just be like, why are we here? Bye, done, sorry. Sorry, sorry, Lauren. Sorry, sorry. A sketch is like, 10-12 Bücher, es sollte 10 sein, manchmal sind es 12. Und nur um 12 Bücher zu sitzen und die Ruhe zu verhindern, ist die schlimmste Erfahrung. Oh, weil niemand lacht.

Es ist fast so schlimm wie dein Flug, den du fast haben musstest. Kein Charger, aber dann hat jemand dich gerettet.

And it's so fun and you would be good at it because you're a good dancer.

Es ist mir passiert. Ich fühle mich für dich und nichts ist schlimmer.

Also, what is wrong with that plane?

You're an amazing dancer.

I'm like, go in. And then when you're like,

Oh, an SOS. Heroin.

Yeah. Wait, and it's, okay, did you go to the bathroom? Because you can go into a wet southwest toilet and usually there is an outlet. What? But you will electrocute yourself, but you can get a little bit of juice.

Of course.

Yeah, I see even you as a child. Oh, you really do see. Oh yeah, I'm a day one.

No, we don't read in this house.

I've gone back in the day and gone to the flight attendants and be like, please, please. And what do they say? They're like, we can't. Why? Because they're like, if we give it to you, there goes the neighborhood. Yeah. And I'm not afraid to cry. I'm acting trained. I can cry on command.

Acting school.

I know, but that's healthy.

Okay, ready? You don't have to think about anything. It's also like hot in here. Think about your no battery phone. Think about what if you're going to Hawaii and you couldn't charge your phone because you're on like southwest to Hawaii and there's no Wi-Fi because there's no Wi-Fi when you go to Hawaii because you're over the ocean.

Yeah.

You can't be over the ocean.

So imagine we're in Hawaii. Okay. I'm like, I can't cry. It's okay. I see it. There it is. Sinking, sinking. You are, you are.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

I think I'm just like, I've had a day.

But you have days. Just like lead into the day.

Trying to drive over. I truly, I can't. I mean, there's, obviously I'm blessed and I'm grateful to be here, but like nothing gets me more therapist than like wrong turn.

LA is like hell. Yeah. And like the 134 is the five is the 101. Like make up your mind.

Do you Uber?

Es gab einen Zeitpunkt, in dem ich wirklich New York vermisst habe und ich in die Stadt geflogen bin. Und ich habe mein Auto entfernt, weil ich mir gedacht habe, es ist New York, es ist in der Stadt L.A. Ich weiß, ich weiß. Und ich habe viel Uber gemacht. Aber dann hat sich der AXE-Body-Spray-Scent wirklich angefangen, mir zu kommen. Ja, ich weiß, wie man das... Du weißt, wie das riecht.

Und es ist distinctiv L.A. Und dann gibt es auch das Cherry-Alkohol. Es ist wie ein Auto-Freshener. Ja, genau.

Right.

Yeah, I like that.

Do you have your license?

But you have your license? No. So you illegally drove?

Oh my gosh.

That's a great idea.

Oh.

Right, right, right.

I almost didn't get my license.

Yeah, true story. How? My thing was expiring. What is that? Not your life.

Permit. My permit was about to expire and I was in Oakland and the only DMV appointment I could get was by the airport and there were all these... Ich weiß nicht. Wenn jemand am Morgen auf der Straße ist, fahre ich schnell auf. Ich war nur ein schrecklicher Fahrer. Aber ich war in meiner Moms Mini Cooper. Ich habe alle Tests verfehlt. Und dann war ich so, nein, aber meine Lizenz.

Du verstehst das nicht. Ich werde meine Lizenz nicht bekommen. Und dann war sie so, ich dachte nicht, dass ich in dieses Auto fit werden würde. Und es ist wirklich cool, dass ich das gemacht habe. Sag nicht deiner Mutter, aber du brauchst mehr Hilfe. Und dann hat sie einen Punkt erzielt und ich habe meine Lizenz bekommen.

Yeah, true story.

Yeah, because the Mini Cooper isn't as mini as you think.

Really?

Ja, aber dann, drei Jahre später, als meine Schwester all diese Sachen machte, gab es einen Knall an die Tür für den Studentenfahrer. Und ich war so, oh, lass mich meine Schwester holen. Und dann war meine Familie so, nein, es ist für dich. Also haben sie mich geäußert und mich getrainiert.

Weil ich ein schrecklicher Fahrer bin. Es hat mich eine Stunde und eine halbe Zeit gebraucht, um hierher zu kommen, als die ETA 26 Minuten lang war.

Yeah, true story. And how did you... I just made a lot of wrong turns and wound up in Sherman Oaks for a long time.

Me too, obsessed.

You were just driving through?

Yeah, I agree. Sushi and frozen... What more can you ask for, really?

Yeah, true story.

Yeah.

Okay, so are the pussies in the camera?

Am I doing this right? Yeah, this camera. Okay, the plot of Summer of 69 is a high school girl has a crush on the football player and overhears that he is really into 69ing and she doesn't quite know what 69ing is and for whatever reason hires a stripper to teach her about sex and confidence and I play the stripper.

Ja.

Ich habe mich immer mit Jillian Bell besorgt. Als ich Groundlings machte, war sie auf der Wand. Ja, sie ist fantastisch. 21, 22, Jump Street, einfach die lustigste Person. Und ich wusste, dass es ihr erstes Mal sein wird, und ich wusste, dass wir Impro und so machen können. Und dann habe ich das Skript gelesen, und es war so heiß und überzeugend. Und ich war so, ich spiele das.

Sign me up. But we did like, the script was one way and Jillian like rewrote it. And then like throughout the summer, we were kind of like rewriting it and tweaking and doing all the fun stuff.

My favorite movie? Or television show. What's yours?

Wow, I love that.

Yeah, that's true. Number one movie, Devil Wears Prada, wow.

Ich liebe es. Und ich fühle mich, als ob alle Mädchen jetzt wieder herausfinden. Ja. Und ich war literally.

Ich habe es gesehen, als es rausgekommen ist.

23, 24.

Ja, wirklich?

Weil, okay, interessant.

Well, obviously in my head I've always, like, it was like with anything, like, I wanted to be Jemima Kirk, Mermaid, but, like, I'm probably, like, wired as Shoshanna.

I agree. But, yeah, it's kind of like with Sex and the City. Like, my friends and I were all virgins watching Sex and the City when it came out, and I was like, I am Samantha.

Hadn't...

Seen a penis.

I did. I don't. Yeah. I'm obsessed with it. What is it? My V. When I lost my V-Card. Okay. Okay. Where to begin?

I was like, I'm an hour late.

I was 15 minutes late.

No!

Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, cool.

I kind of want to hear yours, because you make me laugh so hard. You make me laugh so hard. And then I'll tell you mine.

Post-college.

Yeah.

Were you a cigarette smoker?

Okay.

Okay, so you're getting like catfishy.

Ja, genau.

Wow.

Weil ich glaube an die zweite Zeit. Meine Freunde und ich waren besessen mit Sex in der Stadt. Es ist eine lange Geschichte, aber kann ich die Vorgeschichte geben?

Ja, bitte.

Also die Vorgeschichte. Wir sind aus San Francisco. Wir waren sehr körperlich vorwärts. Meine Freunde und ich, wir haben uns alle wie Vibratoren besessen. Wir waren 15 Jahre alt. Ja, genau. Und meine Eltern waren wirklich nackt und wir haben uns alle für das erste Mal in meinem Haus getrunken, weil meine Mutter nicht so dumm war. Und wir waren immer so nackt, wie normal.

That's incredible.

Und meine Mutter kam nach unten, wir waren wirklich trank, ich hatte keinen Topf an und meine Mutter war so, oh, ihr Mädchen. Und dann wusste meine Freundin Hannah nicht, wo ihr Kleid war. Ja. And I was like, Hannah, it's right here. And I was like kind of doing like a science lesson. Because I was like, you have to know. Like you cannot go through life not knowing.

Yeah, but I guess like, you have to pause.

And so we were like so schwasted. And then my friends were like, you need to lose your virginity. And I was like, good idea. And so they called my boyfriend. And then instead of just saying like, you have to have sex, like we drunkenly, my best friends were like, you need to go down on her yesterday. Ich habe mich aufgehängt, am nächsten Morgen wachgehe ich auf, ich schnauze überall.

Alle meine Freunde kommen in die Krümmel und sind auf der Grundlage. Ich habe es nicht gemacht, weil ich meinen Eltern gesagt habe, dass ich getrunken bin. Und sie sagten mir, danke für deine Ehrlichkeit. Auf jeden Fall, das ist ein Side-Note.

Das ist mein Pre.

Ja, also dann, am nächsten Wochenende, sind seine Eltern aus der Stadt. Sie werden Antiquieren gehen, weil das ist wie in Nord-Kalifornien.

Ja, hast du je Antiquieren gemacht? Ich gehe jetzt Antiquieren. Du gehst einfach nach... Honestly, like near here, you can get an antique, like a furniture.

They were going antiquing.

I don't know why I shared that part.

I mean, I would have wondered where they went. Yeah, they were going antiquing. Okay. And I got like this like hot pink bra and underwear set from Gap Body, which was like new at the time.

Yeah, Gap Body was just as hot as Victoria's Secret, but I thought like, you know. So I'm wearing my Gap Body and I go to his house and he's like, my parents are antiquing, but I'm still worried that they might come home, so let's go upstairs. And I was like, what is upstairs? And he was like, well, my grandma used to live here and now it's just like empty and there's a room. And I was like, okay.

Yeah. So it gives you like something in your chest? Yeah.

So we go upstairs and it turns out she had a clock collection. So there were like truly like 200 ticking clocks. Now it's like The Shining. It's like an A24 horror movie. And they're like, coo, coo, coo, coo. And everyone's like, tick, tick, tick, time to lose your virginity, little girl. Tick, tick, tick, tick. And then we're like making out.

And then we go into this room and there's like doilies and like old florals. And it's like kind of spooky. And then as I'm like gonna have it happen and it's like, ow. Obviously that's part of it, right?

Ow. Ow.

Ja, also die Au. Und ich bin zurückgekehrt und es war nur ein Bild von seiner toten Großmutter, die mir die Seele angeschaut hat. Und sie hatte so ein bisschen das. Ja, ja, ja. Es waren so 80er-Bilder mit den großen Gläsern. Ja, also das ist passiert. Und es war schrecklich. Aber dann, weil ich so viel Sex in der Stadt gesehen habe, war ich so, wir machen es wieder.

Und so haben wir aufgehört und haben Fake-Handkerne bekommen. Und dann war ich so, mach mich richtig.

Man boobs? Yeah. No, I think a lot of things give moobs. I never thought it would be marijuana. But I appreciated that they weren't like... Pot, hashish.

Yeah. All in the same day.

Yeah.

And then the Bible fell.

Yeah, the Bible fell. We went to his room and the Bible fell.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yes.

No, I don't actually. I almost lied, but I couldn't.

Okay. Okay.

I feel like it would be like, wait, wait, no, no.

I'd have to like get, yeah, I think it's this or this.

This is my favorite thing.

Yeah. Do I do that? Yeah, like I was like Last of Us. Don't tell me, don't tell me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have to get the voice.

I'm gonna get your voice, bitch. Ah.

Okay, quickly. Okay. Only if the fans don't hate it. Do people get mad at you for it?

Have you seen this Drew Barrymore impression? Okay, ready? Okay. Hi, Drew. Hi.

Thank you.

Yeah, I really do. It's like, I'm like emotional, like talking about it.

A hundred percent. It's the most thrilling, beautiful, generous thing I could do. You know, it's the mom and a mother. It's like to the side. That is uncanny. Thank you. That's incredible.

Yeah.

No.

She has to have an intervention.

Does the girl know her teeth are visibly rotting?

Oh my God, how brutal.

I have encountered, I'm like, that is like, I cannot.

I have had bad breath in my life, not like at me. And I will go and be like, someone needs to handle this.

So maybe there's like a, well, have they been like, hey, do you want some gum? Like usually that, that I used to do. Like, do you want some gum? Right, like you have the resources. Yeah, like just go to like CVS or whatever.

Yeah, I'd say like start with gum, then be like Listerine. And like a toothbrush.

I kind of did. I like humidity a lot.

And a shower. Or like have a sleepover and be like, time to brush our teeth.

Yeah.

I forget, like I will be the first to admit like we end works at like four in the morning, nine in the morning or whatever. Right. And my boyfriend is like, did you brush your teeth? Sometimes I forget. A lot of our relationship is me being like, I brush my teeth.

Yeah, I do. Miami is like my favorite place in the whole world.

4am is hard, but I'm doing it.

I think it's fate.

100% Pastries.

And packing. You don't have to hire somebody. Or like, you know.

whatever, roadway movers.

I don't think they do. Every time I see someone move, they're like, thanks, roadway. And I'm like, what is this company?

No, and they're not a real company. But I will be needing them if I do. Are you planning on moving?

I leave on a red-eye midnight tonight.

Wait, really?

Please come over. It's cute. I'm proud of it.

I'm Jewish too!

I did AD like a while ago. Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, I think it's just... Sometimes that's just party. That's not a sex term.

Yeah, I think so, for sure.

That's also like all of like college.

I agree. I have a lot of, like, some of my closest friends aren't, like, we're gonna go dance.

Yeah.

Totally.

Oh, that's interesting. Buckets of friends.

I was Northern California, Berkeley.

But it's like the 360 is like your best friend.

Yeah.

That's like too much.

Oh, I get that.

Yeah, Berkeley, Miami makes no sense. None at all.

A special ending?

Oh my god.

Yeah.

That girl's crazy.

That's sociopathic. Yeah, 100%.

Ja, okay, ich weiß nicht, ob dir das bekannt ist, aber es gibt eine Clown-Szene in L.A. Was? Ja, Leute, die schlecht mit Improvisation sind, gehen in die Clown-Szene. Das ist die oberste Seite.

Es gab eine große Clown-Szene in L.A. Es war für Leute, die Stand-Up und Improvisation machten. Und dann gab es Clown-Szene.

Got it.

Um, and I had a crush on my teacher, my clown teacher. Cause he was like very in his body. And I was like, I feel like he'll be good in bed.

Like clown. Yeah. And then I had these other clown friends. Anyway, cut to a couple days later, he like messaged me on Facebook. And I was like, that's weird. And he was like, I lost my phone. Can I come over? I also left my jacket. And I was like, okay, I guess we want to like, you know, again or whatever. And then he came over in a wife beater.

I love it. Really? Yeah, because you can like tan.

He was in a tank top. He had just been auditioning for Cirque du Soleil China, true story. And basically was like, I hooked up with someone else in the community.

Yeah, and I was like, the clown community? Basically my friend sucked this clown guy's dick, but now they're married and they live in Vegas and I truly think they do Cirque du Soleil. But I obviously haven't let it down.

In January.

Nein, nicht überhaupt. Und dann dachte ich, ich werde nach SNL gehen. Und dann, ja.

Ja, es ist so, ich glaube, ich werde dir Comedians senden, die Clowns sind.

Es ist wie eine andere Art von, ich glaube, Clown, ich bin letztes Jahr in der Clown-Schule gegangen. Oh, okay. Unglaublich. Casual. Ja. I'm weird, sorry. I went in January. It's kind of fabulous. Julia Garner went to the same clown school. Julia Garner went to clown school?

I did. I went to the beach.

It's like a thing. But you learn that clown school teaches you. You come out and I try to make you laugh. And if you're not laughing... It's like you learn about the audience. A lot of comedians come out and they're like... And they aren't aware of how the audience is responding.

And clown is like, oh, they're not laughing. Well, I bombed. Let me try something else. And then it's like that kind of style. I'm surprised Hacks hasn't explored clowns.

Kind of, yeah. It's like being a more present comedian. And less self-involved and more like, I'm performing for you. Do you like it?

In comedy, yeah. Honestly, yeah.

Oh mein Gott. Um, you need the rights, but not the, how much kisses? Could you just do like a little kiss?

Right.

That's like, I mean, that's like a lot of money.

Like. Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like you're into it. It's like if a Taskrabbit came over.

Wait, what?

I had a Taskrabbit phase. Not that I ever hooked up with them, but I kept hiring Taskrabbits with the hope.

Interesting.

Really?

I like this.

Yeah, I agree.

I agree. But if it's a long ride and you're like, damn, like... I guess it depends on how much you have to... If it's just like... Yeah. That's fine.

That sounds like, say, damn, a devil's itch.

It's like French.

Stay out, stay out, stay out. My instinct is always to get involved, but now that I've gotten a little older and not wiser, stay out.

Stay out.

100%.

You shouldn't even like know about it. Right. That's their own chaos.

Wow. Okay. Interesting. I like these prescriptions. My roommate, when I moved to LA, would always prescribe, men love bitches. Do you know that book? Real men love bitches.

Yeah. But I think it's kind of the same idea of like, do you. Like, focus on you, build you.

Thrive.

Girl boss, she boss, she thing.

Yeah. I mean, I was never over my first love.

I don't think I ever fully will be.

17 to like 22. You met in college? Pre, actually 16 to 22.

Yeah, he was from Philly, I was from here.

I probably broke up with him first, then he broke up with me, then I broke up with him.

Yeah.

No, I think your first love is like always a thing. And that's just something we all know.

I have a different. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but I think a lot of it is just focus on yourself. Right. Yeah.

Great friends.

Have the best friends.

What's that?

You have to watch Someone Great. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. I got a Pilates addiction.

Oof, I hate that.

Yeah, no, get out of it.

Also like sexy playlet, like come on.

I do too.

I know.

That's a WebMD term. Yes.

Get the fuck out.

Yeah, no, I, yeah, yeah. Do they have kids?

Ich glaube für mich, weil ich immer kleine Freundschaften habe, von als ich ein Kind war. Eigentlich bin ich dieses Wochenende in meinen Camp-Kreisch eingegangen.

Devil's itch.

Ja, ich hatte ihn auf meinem Wall. Ich weiß nicht, was ich sagen möchte. Du bist in deinen Camp-Kreisch eingegangen. Ja, aber ich denke, wenn es Kinder gibt, ist es so, geh raus. Und wenn er auch verheiratet ist, ist es so.

That I need to see this Gina Rodriguez movie?

We learned that you have strip potential, because you're in your body.

No, you're an amazing dancer.

And we learned that we both learned about each other's virginity, which is cool.

And I loved your virginity story.

But you had an accent, which is like props.

Yes, we are.

Of course.

Bye, pussies. Bye, pussies. Bye. Bye.

Oh mein Gott.

And that was in Miami?

Are you sure it didn't just have like poison ivy?

Oh, so it's like ghosty.

Dang, I hate itches.

I would scrub my arm with an old loofah. I was like at my parents house and I think they just like forgot to throw out a loofah and I got, I think maybe it was devil's itch.

Yeah, it was like all my arm in the room was like, what is that? And I was like, I haven't been around a jellyfish, but it looks like my whole arm. And then when you have an itch or something, you don't like send it to a doctor.

Not to stereotype, but I feel like you.

You seem like someone who would send a photo.

No. Yeah. Because you... There was a lump, or, like... No, it was, like...

And I remember being like, like freaking out.

It was a bump or like a bug bite. I remember getting to my bit on my cooch as a child at camp and thinking I had my herpes.

I was like 16, but it was a bug bite.

Where did you go? It was called Camp Kitov. It was a Jewish camp, obviously, in Berkeley. And I... I worked there and went there.

100%.

Yeah, I did get, like, fired immediately, but then rehired famously.

Um, there was this kid who will remain unnameless, because he maybe watches this, I don't know. Um, ****, but we won't... And he had three mommies, which was cool, because it was, you know, Berkeley. His moms are lesbians.

And divorced, yeah. It took a while to do the math. But he would always do this thing where he was like, can I have a hug? And he was like a really bad kid, but I was like, I had a soft spot and I would like go to hug him. And then he would lift up my shirt, which was like savage. And I remember I was 16 and I was like, I was like, I'm gonna get back this piece of shit, motherfucker.

And so we were on a hike and I was like, oh. Do you see the hawk? And he's like, where? And then I pulled his pants down. And he wasn't wearing underwear, so his little peen is flopping in the wind. And a bus, true story, a bus of other campers come by and all these kids are like, no! And everything was in slow motion and his furs were like, f***! Und dann war ich nicht gefragt zurück.

Es war verrückt.

Ich war so, was war ich denken? Ich glaube, ehrlich gesagt, ich war so, haha. Nein, weil ich keinen Ruhm hatte, weil ich gesagt habe, dass ich zu... von älteren Kanzlern, wo sie sagten, du kannst nicht Kampfer sein. Und ich war so, aber er hat meine Schuhe auf.

Und ich war so, aber er ist ein Scheiß. Und ich dachte, es war lustig. War es ein Schlafkamp? Es war wie ein Tagkamp mit Nachmittagen.

Das macht Sinn, oder? Nein, es ist wie eine Schuhe. Ja, ja.

Ja.

Ja.

Immediately. It actually weirdly makes sense. I'll explain why.

Okay, so every morning we had sketch comedy.

It was called Kumsitz.

Kumsitz is Yiddish for like skits, I guess.

So I discovered my comedic voice at Kumsitz. You've never heard of Kumsitz?

Mensch? Ja, ja.

STD or something.

It means you're a good person. A good person, yeah. My friends were always, I don't know, let's see. My friends were really funny. I was good at kumsits as a hot counselor, pantsing boys. And I think I did discover I had comedic talent at this camp. And then I did nothing with it whatsoever. I went to NYU. and was like a dramatic actress.

Yeah. Yeah, plot twist.

I, yeah, I like shaved head. I kind of had like a Natalie Portman phase where I smoked and I had a pixie cut and I was really serious.

Yeah, I literally, I saw that movie and I was like, this is the story of my life. Even though I never had chance. But it like, it like deeply affected me in a crazy way.

What?

Why? Because of the lesbians?

There's a hot lesbian scene in it. I need to see it. You have to see it. Now it's like... Did she win for that? She did. Yeah, good for her. Yeah, she did. And Mila Kunitz is amazing. Yeah, she is in that. Yeah, it's very good.

Du bist auch eine Schauspielerin, aber wir gehen zurück. Du musst jetzt Black Swan sehen. Ich weiß, ich weiß.

Ja, ich habe ein bisschen Hacks gemacht.

Das ist so spannend. Oh mein Gott.

I read the trades. Yes, you do. You do read the trades.

Okay, yeah, so drama, drama, drama, pixie cut, smoker. And then I graduated and, like, when you go to acting school, you play, like, 50-year-old alcoholics for four years. Right. And then you graduate and you're like, wait, I have to be a teenager? So I had, like, a, like, oh, God. Yeah, yeah. I moved home and I drove my parents crazy. And then I moved to L.A.

Just because other people call it... You're USC, right?

I know everything about you.

Yeah, NYU. The other one. They're cousins in my head.

They are. Yeah, and then I did an improv class to meet friends. Truly. I had no interest in it, but I was like, maybe I'll meet a friend. And then... Als ich 27 war, habe ich herausgefunden, dass ich Drew Barrymore in einer Impro-Klasse machen konnte. Ich dachte mir, oh mein Gott. Es war wirklich seltsam. Und dann habe ich angefangen, Front-Facing-Videos zu starten. Vor TikTok.

Ich habe sie auf Instagram gestartet und dann auf SNL. Das ist verrückt. Ja.

Ich meine, wo fangen wir an? Gib mir ein Genre.

Ariana Grande.

Andi, Andi, Andi. Ja, sicher. Also, es gibt Pedro. Ich glaube, Ryan Gosling. Natürlich. Aber dieses Jahr war Ariana 10 aus 10. Best personality, most talented, loveliest. Ja. Ja.

Es ist auch so, dass ich aufgeregt werde, wenn ein Host wirklich nicht in der Lage ist, deine Idee zu gewinnen oder Mädchen zu gewinnen. Ich liebe leine Mädchen. Ja, ja, ja, ja. Mädchen, gay, was auch immer. Und manchmal ist es schwierig, diese Ideen durchzuführen. Also wenn Ariana sagt, wir müssen Jennifer Coolidge Lipstick machen. Richtig, richtig. Ich bin so, ja, danke.

No. We wake up exhausted on Sunday after being out till like 4 in the morning.

Which afterparty? Do you have more sex in New York? I used to have that before.

That was me for years. 10 years I would like sleep with people in New York and then like focus on me in LA.

Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah, I see it. But it's all a blur.

I had a good show that night, I remember.

Um, there's so many. I remember the first time never being in the show. Um, I was like dressed as Natasha Lyonne in the bathroom, like crying.

And then you're like, I, I, I started Sunday, which was crazy because it does start Monday. Yeah.

Monday we come in and we pitch ideas to the hosts that aren't real. So it's like a joke idea, but I've had success with those. So like when Sydney Sweeney hosted, like as a joke, I was like, maybe we both work at Hooters and we're like counting tips. And I'm like, oh my God, I made $14. And then you're like, I made $60,000. Und dann hat sie... Sorry. Nein, aber es ist lustig. Danke.

Nein, ich brauche es. Ich liebe es. Ich fühle mich so gut. Du hast keine Ahnung. Und dann war das einfach eine dumme Idee. Und dann hat sie mich DM'ed und gesagt, wir müssen mit meinen Boobies verabschieden. Und ich war so, großartig. Also manchmal kommen Ideen aus dem. Ariana Grande, ich war so, ich sage nur meine...