Charlie Bleeker
Appearances
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
So you guys knew? How? I only figured it out a couple of months ago. Who told you? Well, let's see. Your parents, teachers, mailman. Coach Riley, Pastor Tim, Shalumba, that foreign exchange kid back in eighth grade.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
You know how hard it was for me to admit? Oh, relax. Gay is the new black. Just ask Charlie's gay black wife. Yeah, the only reason we never said anything was because it seemed like such a big deal to you. So wait, this entire time I could have been just proud and loud.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Sure, yup, I'll call ya. What was that all about? That? Just one of my backers telling me he's, uh, he's back.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
What's with the long faces? I thought we were celebrating. Celebrating what exactly? Our collective midlife crises? Sammy coming out, you being canned? Whatever. Listen, I got three words for you. Kill me now. All-inclusive vacation. Oh, please don't tell me this has something to do with your investment opportunity. Gentlemen, a little investment opportunity has fallen into my lap.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
And there it is. I would like the two of you to join me on a sun-filled getaway to... Yes, the answer is yes. Oh, sorry, go on. Columbia. Yes! Columbia? Are you insane?
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Okay, let's see. Kidnapping, drug cartels, salted pork. Pick one. The only people who go to Columbia are drug mules and guys with hairy chests named Rico. Okay, first off, racist. Secondly, you just described half the Bay Area.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Check this out. Pareso Perdido. Oh, please tell me you did not buy a vacation resort. Better. I bought it. Okay, well, not yet, but my buddy Manny's making us an incredible deal. Marcus, you are insane, and I have prison man love for you. Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry. Did you just say us? It's the deal of a lifetime. Why wouldn't I want to cut my best friends in?
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Okay, because I thought we agreed you were going to run these kind of things by me from now on. I am! Right now! We're taking five glorious days of coma-inducing fun in the Caribbean sun. Columbia's not in the Caribbean! Whatever, Comrade Xavier. Ha ha ha! Marcus, you do not know the first thing about running a resort. So we hire people to run it for us. You keep using this word, us.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
All right, look, if it wasn't for me, all you'd ever do is stay home, play with your dolls, and cry over your failed marriage. They are reenactment figurines. Besides, you need this. It's time to get back on the whore. with an S. Plural. Exactly. Wouldn't you rather be an action figure instead of play with him?
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
No, no, I can't just up and run off to Columbia. I've got responsibilities.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Well, I came by to tell Ben I won't be able to take him to the Civil War reenactment this weekend. Turns out I need to work.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
The camping trip. He forgot? Yeah, absolutely. I just want you to have fun. Just don't let her tie you to any trees.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Stay in your lane. Wouldn't you rather be an action figure instead of play with them?
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Matter of fact, Carla, I am headed to a little country called Colombia. Only one of the deadliest places on Earth. Jungle's so dense, even the trees will kill you. 20-foot anaconda ready to swallow you up.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
A cesspool of cutthroat gorillas and drug pushers armed to the teeth with automatic weapons looking to rip out your tongue and use it for a stamp licker. That's where I'm going. And if you ever tie my kid up again, I will come back and show you how it's done. We clear, Carl?
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
I need a Fanta. Anyone else? Click, photo of Charlie. How about a tetanus shot? Shots! Yeah, now you're thinking. All right, let me see if I can find our ride. Do bring the car around, Marcus.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Excellent, excellent. Did, uh, Senor Rojas send you? See? Manny Rojas? He said he'd send a car, but I guess... Did you just say Manolo Rojas? Oh, great! So you do know Manny.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
But what's your name? Can I call you? What a beautiful name. In your dreams, Charlie.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Oh, yeah. What did she say her name was? It was something exotic sounding. Something like that.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Okay, really? Because I thought it had something to do with, oh, I don't know, you suddenly discovering that you are a lesbian!
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
.. a, P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P,實,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, ch li was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was e was bo P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
, , , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a a a a a a to P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P GGGGGG già gà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà grà gr la grà grà gr a gr a gr hair g, gr hair g, gr hair g, gr hair g, ac g,
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
, . . . . .. a, P P P P P P P P P P G實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a a
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Propriada de Pablo Escobar. Holy shit, dude. Not just any rhino. You just killed Pablo Escobar's rhino. Is that bad? I would say that is in a whole other fucking time zone from bad. End of act one.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Aim higher next time. Okay, Terrence, on the phone, you said you had some important news.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Well, okay, but you know what? That's actually a good thing because I was thinking of switching things up. You know, maybe write a thriller.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Oh, hello, Marcus. How's my old asbestos friend? I'm fine, Charlie. Thanks for asking. Listen, I'm late for Ben's career day. Whoa, Ben needs a job? Why didn't you say so? Can he tend Bart? Uh, he's nine, so I'm thinking no.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Men's room attendant, then. Anyway, listen, I need your input on a business thingy. Okay, what kind of business thingy? Investment opportunity. Love it. Okay, Marcus, I'm pretty swamped these days. Working on a new book. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, remind me again, who saved you from drowning back in third grade? Sam did. Only because I pushed him in, too.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
What's the matter? Nothing. Nothing. We'll discuss it at Sam's party, so do not bail.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
Oh, Stacy and I are, well, we're just so happy to have our friends and family here.
Table Read
Pablo’s Rhino – Act One
To help us celebrate our, oh, engagement like, like this and, well, we, we look forward to seeing you at,