Carlos Lopez

No, I got a beautiful girlfriend at home. You do? Yes, sir. What does she do for a living? She works for a law firm doing law stuff.

I had a belt buckle. I got a belt buckle guy that makes belt buckles.

Howdy. So I had some pipes break in my house this last freeze. I went down to the hardware store to grab some parts. And when I walk in, the first employee I find is trans. I don't want to be a fucking bigot. So I treat them like anyone else and ask for help. They then ask me if the parts I need are male or female. Me being a smart ass, I'm like, well, what are my other options?

They them said, buddy, don't get me started. You think your plumbing's fucked up? My dick's in a jar.

Man, it's been wild. Learning comedy. Learning to crawl before I could even walk. That's right. I know they don't recommend everybody come up here their first time, and I understand why now. You know, you get offered shows and stuff. So I've just been trying to catch my pace, you know, figure it out.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And you drive trucks for a living? I haul horses for a living, yes, sir.

It's my type of Carlos. Hell yeah. I'm Mexican the same way I have a big dick. For some people, it's too much.

It could be. Is it too much? Because some people it is. No, it's fantastic.