Brandi Carlile
Appearances
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
It was wild going to see Elton in Vegas. I remember coming down that long hallway and I could hear his voice, speaking voice before I saw him. And I had spent so much time as a kid growing up with Live in Melbourne and Tantrums and Tiaras and all of his interviews.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
And it was his voice and I was like, oh my God, I'm going to come around the corner in a minute and Elton John is going to be sitting there.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
In a tracksuit, but there was a lot of pink. There was a lot of pink.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
There's no discussion. If Elton doesn't like it, he just yells, cut the line, and it's gone.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
He makes decisions very, very quickly. It's not really even to be thought about. So there's no time to really stew in your kind of artistic, you know, whatever. It happens very quickly. He's a quick, quick songwriter.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Yeah. The first time we actually sang together, though, I don't know if you remember this exact, the exact first time we actually ever sang together in real life was in Joni's living room. On that country song.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
No. What a sentence. It was an old country song that I've loved since I was a little kid called You Can Tell Your Friend They're With You, He'll Have to Go.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
It's getting more and more common. I started seeing it happen at all the tributes and stuff like that. But now I think it's just kind of a part of it because they look like monitors on stage, so you can't tell. But I'm sure that it's interesting because a lot of musicians haven't figured out how to not look at them when they're performing, so I hate seeing that.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
But at the same time, it provides some spontaneity because then a musician can take a request out of the audience and actually play a song.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
But the crazy thing is I never saw a camera. We don't know where they were. They were fixed little tiny things. So we fucking forgot about them constantly. And just our behavior is reflected in that, you know, it was a very strange concept. And I don't know. I think for that reason, it's like, it's a wild ride.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Oh, it's just, it's like about that moment, like when you have kids, like where it's like they depart you in some way. It can even happen when they're young and you're so devastated and you're so proud at the same time and you don't know which feeling to pick. It's about that.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Kind of, but it can happen early on too. Like the first time that they choose something you don't believe in or pick a record you don't like or decide to stay home on a trip when you wanted to. Yeah, those moments are so sad, but also so, he's so proud.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
I think I want everybody to see it because it's really human, like deeply flawed and embarrassing. And the kind of shit that you do when you forget that there is a camera on is what's really interesting. But that moment, I got to be in there and I witnessed that moment because when we were making the record, I would sit behind him when he was writing his melodies.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
and try to remember some of the ones that were really hitting me hard. And I was recording him on the melody of this song because I thought, okay, well, I want to remember this melody so that in case he moves on to another one, he can remember how good it was. And he got to the end of that chorus and his voice started to shake and I thought, oh, he's going, like he's going to really go.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Yeah, you were in Vegas. And we had kind of, yeah. So yeah, I thought that.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
The first time I went to go visit David and Elton in France with Catherine and my girls, we landed and we met downstairs at this table, this beautifully adorned table for breakfast. I mean, everything is like decked out. There's like designer napkins and it's like unbelievable. You wouldn't believe it.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
And I had a three-year-old at the time and she was at that table for three seconds before without any warning, she projectile vomited all over the entire thing. He didn't even pretend it was okay. He was just like... God damn it. But no, he and David were so sweet about it and they calmed our anxiety. But I mean, I died a thousand deaths when that happened.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Yes. The nuanced things like respect or credibility are things I value so much now. I hadn't really fantasized about, but I would close my eyes and dream of myself on stage in Madison Square Garden. I would think of myself, like I would visualize myself winning a Grammy and thanking Elton John before I ever met Elton.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
I was like, oh yeah, I pictured I would get up on stage and thank Elton John and the Indigo Girls. And I was like maybe 13 years old, like visually. So I've visualized a lot of what has happened, oddly. And I don't understand or profess to know why that is. But yes, I did allow myself to dream really big from that single wide mobile home.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
I've done lots of things. I've been a roofing laborer, a barista, a grocery store worker. I've done lots of things.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Well, it's all about tips. It's all about tips. So I was great.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Yeah, we know how to do this in the music business, in the entertainment industry. We know how to chameleon.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
If he didn't always do what he says he's going to do, I wouldn't have believed it. But he does. And he was coming off of that massive tour, Dodger Stadium, Glastonbury, just like really highlight moments like in anyone's life. And he was coming out of this with all this adrenaline. And I thought, well, he's not going to do it. He's saying it, but does he mean it?
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
And the thing you guys got to understand is I have loved Elton John and Bernie Taupin since I was 11 years old. They're the only reason I ever wrote a song or touched an instrument. Yeah, same. And so it feels really mystical and bizarrely beautiful that at this point in my life that this is what's happened to me and Elton in our relationship, but also it kind of makes sense.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
And that's more than I can explain, but it's also more than I could have asked for.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
Not for a long time. I mean, imagine that, you know? Like, think how that could have gone. It was like an existential crisis for me. It could have gone really wrong. Like, that first time I put a lyric down in front of Elton John, what if he hadn't have been able to write a song to it?
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
It was all down to Elton had this vision. It was like at first he was like, okay, he was trying to conceptualize what it would be. He goes, okay, we're going to be like Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. And then he would call me a week later and go, no, no, no, it's the Eurythmics. And then he would call me a week later and go, no, it's Buddy Holly and Patsy Cline.
SmartLess
"Elton John & Brandi Carlile"
And then one day he just called me and he said, no, it's going to be us. Let's have it just be us, but we're not going to do anything anybody expects from us. And then the vision just came clear.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
This is a group of thousands of people who are witnessing and enduring a world adjacent to, if not completely entrenched in turmoil. Coming together for four days every year, not to leave their emotions and their feelings and their fears at the door, but to fully bring them in, break them apart, and share one another's burdens.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
To be here in support of each other, and to be here in the euphoria of music, under the stars, just being fully who they are, whatever that means, for four days. Boom.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
It's all down to the things that these people did when they didn't have a stage. And the fact that now it has a stage is just like, it's like being on a roller coaster watching that happen. But I know what you mean about that kind of little twinge of pain of like, oh, oh.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Is there a joint like pod in the future between you and Muna? Because they love you guys.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
They already have. They have. They want to like talk. I mean, this is like, you know who should talk about this is them. Because they actually have such insight.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Like I've been able to pull them aside for a couple of conversations and the things that they're thinking about and the things that they're saying are so heartening and so beautiful and so exciting that I just, you guys got to talk to them.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Well, is there any other way?
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Yeah, I was sitting with Shania and she looked at me and she goes, I trust her. Me too.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
The phone rings and you might answer.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Do you want to take that one, baby?
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
I love hearing you have to say that. Yeah. So Catherine, when she was in London, like people would come to her door and knock on her door and she would not come downstairs and answer the door. Well,
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Yeah. And I'm just like, my favorite song growing up was Car Wheels on a Gravel Road because I just wanted to hear people approaching me. I just wanted to hear that there was constantly going to be someone in my space every day. And I have always really kind of doubled down on community or, you know, I've been accused of being extremely codependent by mystery people. LAUGHTER
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And I have dealt with the reality of that probably most of my life. And it's a bit of a controversial thing. I think a lot about Joni's lyrics in that Hegira album about these pilgrimages and to flee with honor and to go and find yourself. And I get all that.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And it may be a controversial take on things, but I just really fundamentally don't believe, correct me, fix me later, but I don't believe people are meant to be alone. It doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship. It doesn't mean you have to be with your dysfunctional family if that's toxic for you. It just means you cannot become isolated and disenfranchised.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
You have to find your people so that you have support and spiritual alignment with your fellow human beings, because it helps you. It reflects who you are back onto you. And I don't know how to live without as many people as I can get my hands on.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
You know, that's so beautiful. And you are... I'm going to put you on the spot in a moment and I'm going to go on about you two and community too in a second. But I want to say one thing about people that are exhausted by community. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Yeah. And me sometimes. Yeah. And it's not like a... it's not friction, it's not an inability to be with other people or acquiesce or be flexible. It's feeling too many people's feelings, taking on all that responsibility and wondering how you could possibly conserve any energy when there are so many people in the room that you really just wanna lean into.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
You don't get a warning, it just... No, I think it's just that, like... And the kids know this, and Catherine knows this, and this is probably the biggest criticism that I've learned to sustain about it. It's like, Brandy's gonna Brandy.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And it's like, from the time I was a kid, if somebody would come to my house, I would answer the door with a Nintendo controller in one hand and flip the person off with the other hand and go, there's an onion in the fridge, fuck off, I'm gonna take a shower. And, like, not even, not be present. Just do whatever I was going to do anyway.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And that's my, that's how I get through days like this, is just deciding on my own whether or not to wear makeup or get out of my pajamas. And I'm just going to, like, turn up and be however I am. Sorry. And that, you know, hasn't always... been great, but that's how I don't get tired is I know I'm just going to, I don't know how to not just be exactly how I am at all times.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And that could mean totally ignoring someone or everyone while they're in my home.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
No, I don't know. It's like a social problem I have. Yeah, that's good. It does give me a lot of stamina because I'm not really rising to the occasion.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Exactly. Exactly. I'm tired. Welcome. Give me something. Give me energy or a new thing or a goss. Like, let's... Yeah, let's talk shit. I definitely am always open to whatever I can get from another person. And now, Catherine, I would say you're like that. You don't have a choice, because Americans, they just... They just what? They just grab you. We don't let you go. Well, I grab them too.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
You're our Mary Poppins. You know.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
But I'm gone. I'm gone at that point. Then I'm in a piano and I'm just not there, you know? This is good news.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And that everything would be okay. And that, you know, we're not going to have lightning every night.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And that we're not all going to get norovirus and that, you know, and it's like, yeah, no, it takes, it's actually can be a bit like crippling fear sometimes for me because I'm just so afraid that whatever I told everybody to come do is going to be like fire festival and it's just going to be, I have nightmares about it, you know, but again, it's not about me being victorious at the end of a successful weekend.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
It's about everyone else experiencing each other and me remembering that I'm really just a part of it. I'm not trying to air our dirty laundry or make our lives too public, but the things that I have called you two for advice about, the ways that we have leaned into one another and our families and our kids, it's been life-giving for our family. And I know that...
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
When we do that for each other, it has a ripple effect that can extend to all of our friends here. And it's pretty extraordinary, the things we've talked each other through.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Right back at you. You're leaders in ways that... I think people feel but don't overtly know. They know. They know. They're behind almost everything me and Kath do right. That's the truth.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Talk about mom guilt, honey.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Yeah, that's it. Right? Leave the hang, and then they'll be there. Yeah.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And I want to say one thing really quick, too, or the quick thing is that Alex said something earlier about returning to the ones who remember you, is that, you know, you went through a really intense journey when you went through IVF and when you did your family planning, and a person that watched you do it is your wife, and I promise you, your wife is in awe of you.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And she knows exactly who you are and who you were, and she'll help you find it again. So good.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
You hear that giggle of agreement?
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Thank you for coming out of the sun for a little while to join us and do some soul work.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Yeah, yeah. I wrote a song that just, I just was thinking of you the whole time I was writing it. That song, Human. And I sent you the lyrics and I sent you the song. But what else did I text you?
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
I said, and this is so, it's not been lost on me, that verse. I don't want to cry now. Where's the crying corner? I said, have you ever seen the beauty of a wildfire sun?
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
So, I think... And then I texted her a wildfire sun, okay? The photo of one.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
They're all here right now. What? They're all here. Yeah, they're all here. That's right.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Hmm. This is another one. I called Glennon about this recently, didn't I?
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
I think that's right. Well, I just think it's the most radical thing you can do is to forgive yourself and forgive someone else. But it's hard because sometimes you can be in a fight with someone and they don't know you're in a fight with them.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Even if they've done something so awful to you, they might not really see it. And then you sit here and it's a year later and you're like, I don't want to forgive them because it's really negative energy in my life and I don't need it. It makes me a worse person. Forgiving them means allowing them to come back in.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And then, you know, forgiving yourself means that you would sort of move on from this person without telling them that you're in this place. world with them where you're, you're wounded or you're upset or you're angry. You're kind of fucking done even, but like there has to be, if they're alive.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And if there's a way for you to have a moment without any expectation of outcome to say what you're forgiving them for or what you think that they did to wrong you, if there's a way for you to do that and make yourself safe, I think you can really aid in the forgiveness process of yourself. And then I think you can helpfully move on.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And also, I don't know about the specific situation, so I don't want to encourage anything particularly dangerous for you, but also something may happen that would surprise you. So if you can find a way to have a confrontation and hold on to yourself first, sky's the limit. I think you can go all the way to forgiveness all by yourself once you've done that.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And if you just can't, you can do it anyway. You can do it anyway.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Done and dusted, as Abby would say.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
She got so nervous right before, and then she's just like, unstoppable.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Good luck. Good luck. I mean, I just have to start by saying it's just so important to me.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
I need it so much as a reminder of how people can be when they get together en masse and how, you know, we were talking earlier about swarm intelligence, how you see these flocks of birds change direction and you're like, how are they communicating with each other, you know, or flying fish or bees or something like that.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And there's just something beautiful about the fact that we are meant to be innately connected to one another. and spiritually aligned. And we come to this place and everybody just gets it. And even the new people, you just get here and you get it. It's a little culty, but it... That just doesn't bother me. I think it... That doesn't surprise me. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
I just think it's innately good, you know. I was telling Shania the other night, because Shania was just like, hasn't ever seen anything like this before. And, you know, I'm always a little worried about what outsiders are going to think when they come in and see how we all behave for four days. But she was pretty stoked.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And I was trying to tell her, I was like, you know, when Lilith Fair came to town in like 1997, I was like 16 or 17 years old. And it was like kind of the first big thing I got to do on my own with like a group of friends. And we were in this little sapphic rock band and just like living our best lives in the sun at Lilith Fair. And I remember I had like money to buy like a
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
big gulp-sized Mountain Dew when I was all sunburned like a baby dyke with like my hair all cut short and I remember like just standing in this line to go get my Mountain Dew and there was this woman that was just like honey come here and she just put sunscreen all over my shoulders and she said you can buy one thing with that money and that's water and I was like I'm not gonna get away with shit here like
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
But there was just something about, and then it was like all her friends were the same, and then I met somebody else that was like, well, who were you with? You need to sit with us. There was just this thing that was taking place where women were put into positions of agency, autonomy, and power. Something happens to the people that go to support that.
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LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
And I think that that might be minimizing what's happening here because I'm learning that it might be more powerful than that. But it has something to do with it, and I kind of feel like I'm 16 again every time I'm here.
We Can Do Hard Things
LIVE from Mexico with Brandi and Catherine Carlile
Okay, okay. I'm talking to them. I need to be talking about them. I understand, I understand.