Booth Crew
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This episode of your mom's house podcast was brought to you by Rogue. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
This episode of your mom's house podcast was brought to you by Rogue. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
We're almost into the new year and I'll be bringing my come together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025. January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in a while. January 24th, San Francisco. The 25th of January, I'm in Reno. January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia. And January 31st, Savannah. February 1st, I'll be in North Charleston. I can't wait to hit all these cities.
We're almost into the new year and I'll be bringing my come together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025. January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in a while. January 24th, San Francisco. The 25th of January, I'm in Reno. January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia. And January 31st, Savannah. February 1st, I'll be in North Charleston. I can't wait to hit all these cities.
What's going on? It's Charles. There he is. Oh, Charles. Oh, say around 8 o'clock. Oh, it's the greatest.
What's going on? It's Charles. There he is. Oh, Charles. Oh, say around 8 o'clock. Oh, it's the greatest.
So I'm going to start going, what's up, everybody?
So I'm going to start going, what's up, everybody?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fine.
Fine.
Good.
Good.
I wish you'd never choked. I was really worried about you. I was super concerned.
I wish you'd never choked. I was really worried about you. I was super concerned.
I have one for you too. Ready? Oh, shut up. It's a video.
I have one for you too. Ready? Oh, shut up. It's a video.
It's a puke video. Why are you always trying to fight somebody, bro?
It's a puke video. Why are you always trying to fight somebody, bro?
I don't care. Like, I am from the streets and gang gang, bitch. Yeah. Because I am from the same streets. You are not from the streets. Yes, I am. Because I ain't about to lie to you all. Shut the fuck up.
I don't care. Like, I am from the streets and gang gang, bitch. Yeah. Because I am from the same streets. You are not from the streets. Yes, I am. Because I ain't about to lie to you all. Shut the fuck up.
Fighting.
Fighting.
Swinging a bat. Look what you fucking did. And they go, yeah, sorry.
Swinging a bat. Look what you fucking did. And they go, yeah, sorry.
And the cool thing is, it is not in fashion.
And the cool thing is, it is not in fashion.
Yes, I know.
Yes, I know.
I think I'll just let the rest of the face come together. So much to mention. I don't even know where to start. I guess we should start by pointing out that we have finally, after a lot of back and forth, a lot of really emotional chats, we have welcomed back our, um, original, uh, booth crew.
I think I'll just let the rest of the face come together. So much to mention. I don't even know where to start. I guess we should start by pointing out that we have finally, after a lot of back and forth, a lot of really emotional chats, we have welcomed back our, um, original, uh, booth crew.
Coffee time. Strong black coffee. Best drink of the day. And today is a special coffee time, Tom. It's coffee time just for you. And I've got it on good authority. I have. Christina tells me you like a little bit of milk in your coffee. Well, I think I could do that for you, Tom. I'm sure I've got some milk somewhere for your coffee. A little splash. Oh, make it, yeah, make it just right for you.
Coffee time. Strong black coffee. Best drink of the day. And today is a special coffee time, Tom. It's coffee time just for you. And I've got it on good authority. I have. Christina tells me you like a little bit of milk in your coffee. Well, I think I could do that for you, Tom. I'm sure I've got some milk somewhere for your coffee. A little splash. Oh, make it, yeah, make it just right for you.
A hot, strong, black coffee with a splash of milk. You'll enjoy it, I'm sure. I'm turning red. I love it. Hey, Tom, enjoy your coffee. And Christina sends a love. And so do I. Have a great day.
A hot, strong, black coffee with a splash of milk. You'll enjoy it, I'm sure. I'm turning red. I love it. Hey, Tom, enjoy your coffee. And Christina sends a love. And so do I. Have a great day.
Thank you. I love how you're blushing. Well, for people that don't know, every morning Christina sends me a video of this lady.
Thank you. I love how you're blushing. Well, for people that don't know, every morning Christina sends me a video of this lady.
Every morning I open my phone and it's this lady going coffee time, strong black coffee.
Every morning I open my phone and it's this lady going coffee time, strong black coffee.
Best drink of the day.
Best drink of the day.
And then it's just that. And it's, there's a thousand variations of it. And every day I'm like, right. Good morning. It's every day.
And then it's just that. And it's, there's a thousand variations of it. And every day I'm like, right. Good morning. It's every day.
Yeah, that's very, very nice of you, Catherine. And this is a perfect segue. Perfect segue. We actually have to tell everybody.
Yeah, that's very, very nice of you, Catherine. And this is a perfect segue. Perfect segue. We actually have to tell everybody.
This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive.
This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive.
This is as fucking big as it gets.
This is as fucking big as it gets.
Yeah. It doesn't get any bigger than this.
Yeah. It doesn't get any bigger than this.
In just a few days, there's going to be a new resident of Austin, Texas.
In just a few days, there's going to be a new resident of Austin, Texas.
I don't think the audience knows.
I don't think the audience knows.
Well, I guess it's official. Charo is moving to Austin. Yeah, so... Now, we have been talking to her, of course, about coming in here more and getting involved in podcasts and whatnot. But, you know, she's 80 years old. She is a retiree. And she's always telling me, she's like, you know, I don't have your income. I need help. Like, she's always just like, can you pay for my gas today?
Well, I guess it's official. Charo is moving to Austin. Yeah, so... Now, we have been talking to her, of course, about coming in here more and getting involved in podcasts and whatnot. But, you know, she's 80 years old. She is a retiree. And she's always telling me, she's like, you know, I don't have your income. I need help. Like, she's always just like, can you pay for my gas today?
Like, it's just insane. So I'm like, look, why don't you fucking do something? Like do something that generate a little extra revenue in your life. And she's like, what? And so over Thanksgiving, we introduced the idea of her getting an OnlyFans going. It was the best conversation we've ever had.
Like, it's just insane. So I'm like, look, why don't you fucking do something? Like do something that generate a little extra revenue in your life. And she's like, what? And so over Thanksgiving, we introduced the idea of her getting an OnlyFans going. It was the best conversation we've ever had.
I laughed so hard.
I laughed so hard.
$5.99, $6.99?
$5.99, $6.99?
What's the monthly? It's whatever you want it to be. Okay. So I was like, yeah. I said something like $5. And people, I go, will subscribe to you. And then you put out things like this where you say, like, good morning. Yeah. And I say, you have a great day. Yeah. I said, people will watch you just like if you just want to set up a camera and go about your your morning routine in the kitchen.
What's the monthly? It's whatever you want it to be. Okay. So I was like, yeah. I said something like $5. And people, I go, will subscribe to you. And then you put out things like this where you say, like, good morning. Yeah. And I say, you have a great day. Yeah. I said, people will watch you just like if you just want to set up a camera and go about your your morning routine in the kitchen.
So they're here today, but, uh, they said that they wanted to say something before we moved on.
So they're here today, but, uh, they said that they wanted to say something before we moved on.
Yeah. And I go. And then maybe every once in a while you let a little fart go, you know.
Yeah. And I go. And then maybe every once in a while you let a little fart go, you know.
Oopsie.
Oopsie.
And she goes, I don't want to do it. I go, no, no, you don't have to make like very. I go just like, yeah, just like, oh, there's one there. Yeah. And you don't even have to look at the camera. You just let it go and you go about your morning. And she's like, what?
And she goes, I don't want to do it. I go, no, no, you don't have to make like very. I go just like, yeah, just like, oh, there's one there. Yeah. And you don't even have to look at the camera. You just let it go and you go about your morning. And she's like, what?
And then I was like, you know, and the people will like message you and you can message people like just, you know, you don't have to be like, it doesn't have to be like super.
And then I was like, you know, and the people will like message you and you can message people like just, you know, you don't have to be like, it doesn't have to be like super.
No. Which, by the way, was how that platform started. It was just supposed to be. Oh, really? For people that just wanted to engage with fans. And it morphed into this thing. And then they did this, I guess, second play where they've, as a platform, they've been like, no, this is, you know, DJ Khaled has one of these of like, hey, I'm grilling in my, it's supposed to be access to people, right?
No. Which, by the way, was how that platform started. It was just supposed to be. Oh, really? For people that just wanted to engage with fans. And it morphed into this thing. And then they did this, I guess, second play where they've, as a platform, they've been like, no, this is, you know, DJ Khaled has one of these of like, hey, I'm grilling in my, it's supposed to be access to people, right?
Yeah. You know, we all just wanted to extend our apologies. Um, I wanted to say I, uh, I extend my sincerest apologies for my inappropriate reaction during your moment of peril. Laughing while you were choking was not my finest hour, and I promise it wasn't because I was enjoying your distress. I'd like to formally ask for my job back.
Yeah. You know, we all just wanted to extend our apologies. Um, I wanted to say I, uh, I extend my sincerest apologies for my inappropriate reaction during your moment of peril. Laughing while you were choking was not my finest hour, and I promise it wasn't because I was enjoying your distress. I'd like to formally ask for my job back.
And they just had allowed for the sexually graphic stuff to happen. Point being, I've been encouraging her to do this.
And they just had allowed for the sexually graphic stuff to happen. Point being, I've been encouraging her to do this.
And what I would love to ask you, the viewers and the listeners of this show, please, please, please record a short 5-10 second video. Tag at YMH Studios on Instagram or on Twitter. Or you can email in yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. And just say like, because we want to put together a montage for her of like showing her the potential of doing this. Just a video being like, hey, I'm so-and-so.
And what I would love to ask you, the viewers and the listeners of this show, please, please, please record a short 5-10 second video. Tag at YMH Studios on Instagram or on Twitter. Or you can email in yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. And just say like, because we want to put together a montage for her of like showing her the potential of doing this. Just a video being like, hey, I'm so-and-so.
I'm Jim. I'm James. I'm Melissa. And Charles, I heard you're considering OnlyFans. I would love to sign up for a monthly OnlyFans account with you. And say how much you would pay. Yeah, and then be like, I would pay $5, $10 a month for that. And I'd love to see a good morning from Charlotte. And let us build this mega montage where it becomes undeniable.
I'm Jim. I'm James. I'm Melissa. And Charles, I heard you're considering OnlyFans. I would love to sign up for a monthly OnlyFans account with you. And say how much you would pay. Yeah, and then be like, I would pay $5, $10 a month for that. And I'd love to see a good morning from Charlotte. And let us build this mega montage where it becomes undeniable.
Where she goes, she's like, shit, is that like 100 people saying that they want to sign up for it? And then we'll get her to... To say her good mornings and to greet you and have a little... And then we'll gradually just try to ease in some fart content in there. But I need your help. I need your help. So please, this is what YMH is all about. Please, let's work together on making this happen.
Where she goes, she's like, shit, is that like 100 people saying that they want to sign up for it? And then we'll get her to... To say her good mornings and to greet you and have a little... And then we'll gradually just try to ease in some fart content in there. But I need your help. I need your help. So please, this is what YMH is all about. Please, let's work together on making this happen.
Just a short... It just has to be a few seconds. Say your name and say, Charo, I'd love to sign up for your OnlyFans and spend... $10, $5 a month, and tag at YMH Studios on Instagram or send it in, Twitter, or even email it, yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. Thank you so much.
Just a short... It just has to be a few seconds. Say your name and say, Charo, I'd love to sign up for your OnlyFans and spend... $10, $5 a month, and tag at YMH Studios on Instagram or send it in, Twitter, or even email it, yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. Thank you so much.
She does.
She does.
black coffee and it is the best drink of the day and it's so simple yeah and it's so inviting and you know there's a lot of people out there would love to have a good morning speaking of christmas why i have been pretty relentless i would say without overdoing it speaking of my love of rogues you know and i made a call i told them i was like i love these fucking things
black coffee and it is the best drink of the day and it's so simple yeah and it's so inviting and you know there's a lot of people out there would love to have a good morning speaking of christmas why i have been pretty relentless i would say without overdoing it speaking of my love of rogues you know and i made a call i told them i was like i love these fucking things
I introduce them to people all the time, wherever I go. I'm like, if you had a rope, I'd just do it. And it's a genuine thing.
I introduce them to people all the time, wherever I go. I'm like, if you had a rope, I'd just do it. And it's a genuine thing.
I get people into rogues everywhere I go. And so I said on this podcast, I love it. I love it. They sent me a present.
I get people into rogues everywhere I go. And so I said on this podcast, I love it. I love it. They sent me a present.
Thanks, Rogue. I got the present. It says flavors that pack a punch. Wow. Let's see. It's a cool little box. Oh, shit. Hey there. Thank you. Take a punch of spearmint. I love spearmint.
Thanks, Rogue. I got the present. It says flavors that pack a punch. Wow. Let's see. It's a cool little box. Oh, shit. Hey there. Thank you. Take a punch of spearmint. I love spearmint.
Oh, shit. Wow. And it has its flavors that pack a punch.
Oh, shit. Wow. And it has its flavors that pack a punch.
I promise to show the utmost respect for your health and well-being moving forward.
I promise to show the utmost respect for your health and well-being moving forward.
I like when companies do cool shit for their promotion.
I like when companies do cool shit for their promotion.
That's what your mom's house is all about.
That's what your mom's house is all about.
It's showing stuff you don't want to see and hearing things you don't want to hear.
It's showing stuff you don't want to see and hearing things you don't want to hear.
Welcome to your mom's house. That's so true. That's our slogan.
Welcome to your mom's house. That's so true. That's our slogan.
Okay, so they sent me Spearmint, which I've had.
Okay, so they sent me Spearmint, which I've had.
Mango. I've never had mango. Okay, mango. I'm going to try that. Peppermint, I've definitely had. I have peppermint in my pocket. What else do I have? Citrus. This looks like a new bold citrus. What else? Wintergreen. I've had those. They're delicious. I love wintergreen flavors. And apple.
Mango. I've never had mango. Okay, mango. I'm going to try that. Peppermint, I've definitely had. I have peppermint in my pocket. What else do I have? Citrus. This looks like a new bold citrus. What else? Wintergreen. I've had those. They're delicious. I love wintergreen flavors. And apple.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Wow. This is super exciting. Thank you, Rogue. These are flavors that indeed pack a punch. Wow. So let me get this off.
Wow. This is super exciting. Thank you, Rogue. These are flavors that indeed pack a punch. Wow. So let me get this off.
Okay, what should I start? I've never tried citrus. Try citrus. Would you like to try one?
Okay, what should I start? I've never tried citrus. Try citrus. Would you like to try one?
I will also learn the Heimlich maneuver and have it on standby at all times and refrain from laughing at any other life-threatening situations.
I will also learn the Heimlich maneuver and have it on standby at all times and refrain from laughing at any other life-threatening situations.
Yo, you mind if I try one? Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Which one do you want to try? Which one do you want? What you doing, the mango? Well, I just tried citrus. Oh, citrus. Do you want to try citrus? I'll try citrus. All right, come try it.
Yo, you mind if I try one? Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Which one do you want to try? Which one do you want? What you doing, the mango? Well, I just tried citrus. Oh, citrus. Do you want to try citrus? I'll try citrus. All right, come try it.
This is awesome. Rogies all day.
This is awesome. Rogies all day.
Rogues are the way to go.
Rogues are the way to go.
Tom, is it okay if any grabs me one? Yeah, of course.
Tom, is it okay if any grabs me one? Yeah, of course.
And there's other flavors if you want to try.
And there's other flavors if you want to try.
That's very nice of them. Thank, by the way, thank you. I, um, tried not to overdo my desire for more rogues, but this is very, very appreciated. I really do enjoy it. Okay.
That's very nice of them. Thank, by the way, thank you. I, um, tried not to overdo my desire for more rogues, but this is very, very appreciated. I really do enjoy it. Okay.
Yeah. You should identify. I identify with her too.
Yeah. You should identify. I identify with her too.
Coffee time.
Coffee time.
Well, this is, I don't even know where to go. There's so many fucking crazy updates.
Well, this is, I don't even know where to go. There's so many fucking crazy updates.
I think because.
I think because.
There's so much happening. I want to, I'm going to put these here so I can grab rogues whenever I want. Yeah, you should. This is part of our set deck now. I love that. Okay. So.
There's so much happening. I want to, I'm going to put these here so I can grab rogues whenever I want. Yeah, you should. This is part of our set deck now. I love that. Okay. So.
Very well.
Very well.
I just wanted to hear the rest before I commented.
I just wanted to hear the rest before I commented.
This is, I think, last week we all fucking lost our goddamn minds when for the first time in, I don't know, whatever, but in years we actually heard something from Tony Johns, right? And we got this crazy update from him. And what we learned, Gene, is that this guy has... completely changed his life.
This is, I think, last week we all fucking lost our goddamn minds when for the first time in, I don't know, whatever, but in years we actually heard something from Tony Johns, right? And we got this crazy update from him. And what we learned, Gene, is that this guy has... completely changed his life.
Thank you for your understanding, if you have any left for me, and for considering my request to return. If nothing else, I hope this apology serves as proof that I do, in fact, take you and your life very seriously.
Thank you for your understanding, if you have any left for me, and for considering my request to return. If nothing else, I hope this apology serves as proof that I do, in fact, take you and your life very seriously.
Once you're cool, it's pretty much for life.
Once you're cool, it's pretty much for life.
Yeah. And?
Yeah. And?
I think he's earned it.
I think he's earned it.
Take him off. Take him off. Let's see.
Take him off. Take him off. Let's see.
Wow.
Wow.
I think you should.
I think you should.
He's done. Yeah, he's off. He's off. And I also have a Tony John update here. Okay. Here it is. This is the update that we got. This came in later in the day after we recorded. So here you go.
He's done. Yeah, he's off. He's off. And I also have a Tony John update here. Okay. Here it is. This is the update that we got. This came in later in the day after we recorded. So here you go.
Just want to let everybody know, you know, I've got a lot of anxiety tonight. My balls are smoking. Fuck, man. Lost my job, dude. There's just a lot going on, man. Fuck. You know what? It's just wild, man. Because you know what? When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny. And I get very, very anxious. And I get a lot of anxiety. And I'm just being straight up. My balls, they are smoking tonight.
Just want to let everybody know, you know, I've got a lot of anxiety tonight. My balls are smoking. Fuck, man. Lost my job, dude. There's just a lot going on, man. Fuck. You know what? It's just wild, man. Because you know what? When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny. And I get very, very anxious. And I get a lot of anxiety. And I'm just being straight up. My balls, they are smoking tonight.
That's a good apology. Thank you, Josh.
That's a good apology. Thank you, Josh.
Fuck, man.
Fuck, man.
He lost his job the day that we talked to him. Yeah.
He lost his job the day that we talked to him. Yeah.
Don't do it, it's bad.
Don't do it, it's bad.
All right. And then he talked to Josh Potter on Behind the Scenes. Oh, he did? Yeah.
All right. And then he talked to Josh Potter on Behind the Scenes. Oh, he did? Yeah.
You mentioned you're working at Lowe's now, and I saw some of your Instagram. That's cool. I mean, hey, dude, what are you doing out at Lowe's?
You mentioned you're working at Lowe's now, and I saw some of your Instagram. That's cool. I mean, hey, dude, what are you doing out at Lowe's?
Man, dude, they canned me Friday. No! Why did they do that? What happened?
Man, dude, they canned me Friday. No! Why did they do that? What happened?
Breaking news here on Behind the Jeans. What happened?
Breaking news here on Behind the Jeans. What happened?
Tell us. Man, well, they claimed it was for attendance, but, like, it's iffy, man. I don't think, you know, I just, I don't know, man. It's just real iffy.
Tell us. Man, well, they claimed it was for attendance, but, like, it's iffy, man. I don't think, you know, I just, I don't know, man. It's just real iffy.
Thank you, Chad.
Thank you, Chad.
Heather wants to know, should we start beef with Lowe's? Do we got to get on the anti-Lowe's train?
Heather wants to know, should we start beef with Lowe's? Do we got to get on the anti-Lowe's train?
Oh, no. No, man. No, no.
Oh, no. No, man. No, no.
We'll make Lowe's regret this. We can do that. Oh, no.
We'll make Lowe's regret this. We can do that. Oh, no.
We stand with Tony Johns.
We stand with Tony Johns.
Yeah, what a bummer though, man. I think it's... Yeah, I know what to do.
Yeah, what a bummer though, man. I think it's... Yeah, I know what to do.
I think it's probably best. No, I can't see the thing. you can't even get a girl to fucking hang something up right well now that he's back i think it deserves another you know well i hope i hope tony um finds a another gig i think it's important you know i think it's really important yeah he needs a job asap he's in upstate new york is that right
I think it's probably best. No, I can't see the thing. you can't even get a girl to fucking hang something up right well now that he's back i think it deserves another you know well i hope i hope tony um finds a another gig i think it's important you know i think it's really important yeah he needs a job asap he's in upstate new york is that right
They didn't mention anything about that.
They didn't mention anything about that.
I've never heard that before. When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny.
I've never heard that before. When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny.
Well, it's familiar. It's a trauma you know.
Well, it's familiar. It's a trauma you know.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
I know.
Yeah, well, he said it's very iffy.
Yeah, well, he said it's very iffy.
He's like, they said it's a tardiness or attendance, but it's real iffy right now. Like, I'm not really sure what that means. It sounds like a fucking, you know, something that, you know, somebody cool would say. What happened to your job? I asked some iffy shit. I'm not quite sure. Fuck. Okay. Yeah, well, I hope it gets... Yeah.
He's like, they said it's a tardiness or attendance, but it's real iffy right now. Like, I'm not really sure what that means. It sounds like a fucking, you know, something that, you know, somebody cool would say. What happened to your job? I asked some iffy shit. I'm not quite sure. Fuck. Okay. Yeah, well, I hope it gets... Yeah.
So, by the way, we haven't really discussed it, but, you know, it's really crazy the way the UnitedHealthcare shooter story has evolved and how a lot of the Internet isn't just, you know, ideologically developed.
So, by the way, we haven't really discussed it, but, you know, it's really crazy the way the UnitedHealthcare shooter story has evolved and how a lot of the Internet isn't just, you know, ideologically developed.
kind of siding with this guy but like the man that he murdered you know represented the health care industry which is obviously it's a horrific reality in this country that health care is just it's it's it's so set up seemingly to not take care of people and oh yeah you know people get denied coverage and they're spending so much money it's a shit show right mm-hmm
kind of siding with this guy but like the man that he murdered you know represented the health care industry which is obviously it's a horrific reality in this country that health care is just it's it's it's so set up seemingly to not take care of people and oh yeah you know people get denied coverage and they're spending so much money it's a shit show right mm-hmm
That stuff aside, saying let's just take out his reason on that side, the internet has flipped for this guy as being a hottie.
That stuff aside, saying let's just take out his reason on that side, the internet has flipped for this guy as being a hottie.
Have you done a dive on this?
Have you done a dive on this?
Well, I just wanted your opinion on his level of attractiveness.
Well, I just wanted your opinion on his level of attractiveness.
I mean, it's the story. It's the big story.
I mean, it's the story. It's the big story.
I mean, look at those abs in that photo.
I mean, look at those abs in that photo.
And also a hot killer who people... It's interesting because it's kind of doubled up. If he was objectively unattractive, he would still have people going, you know, cheering for him because they hate the healthcare industry and they're like, this had to happen. But the fact that it happened... And he's viewed as an attractive person.
And also a hot killer who people... It's interesting because it's kind of doubled up. If he was objectively unattractive, he would still have people going, you know, cheering for him because they hate the healthcare industry and they're like, this had to happen. But the fact that it happened... And he's viewed as an attractive person.
It's just everything kind of morphs and changes where they go, yeah, I side with you. Also, I like you even more because they find him attractive. The gays lost their mind for him.
It's just everything kind of morphs and changes where they go, yeah, I side with you. Also, I like you even more because they find him attractive. The gays lost their mind for him.
Oh, yeah. Gay Twitter was on fire when they caught this guy. Yeah. A lot of women, a lot of young women are just being like, yeah, this guy's, he's it, you know, which has always been a thing. Killers always get the chicks.
Oh, yeah. Gay Twitter was on fire when they caught this guy. Yeah. A lot of women, a lot of young women are just being like, yeah, this guy's, he's it, you know, which has always been a thing. Killers always get the chicks.
He doesn't. I heard rumors, and I don't know if this is true, that he was openly bi.
He doesn't. I heard rumors, and I don't know if this is true, that he was openly bi.
So maybe that got people even more fired up.
So maybe that got people even more fired up.
Does it say anything? Where, okay. Oh, this is great about the internet. You just right away. One of the, McRib. Can you make that bigger? One of the related terms that comes up in Google when searching the name of the UHC shooter is, is Luigi Mangione bisexual? It might seem like a pretty strange thing to focus on, but obviously things went viral.
Does it say anything? Where, okay. Oh, this is great about the internet. You just right away. One of the, McRib. Can you make that bigger? One of the related terms that comes up in Google when searching the name of the UHC shooter is, is Luigi Mangione bisexual? It might seem like a pretty strange thing to focus on, but obviously things went viral.
Oh, my God. It was a rough year for me.
Oh, my God. It was a rough year for me.
A 26-year-old was arrested last week, spent a wild seven days that he was killed in a premeditated, preplanned, targeted attack outside an NYC hotel. He was on his way to speak, blah, blah, blah. Where does it get to that part? Ex-users in particular were positively tripping over each other to see who could post the horniest response to the photos.
A 26-year-old was arrested last week, spent a wild seven days that he was killed in a premeditated, preplanned, targeted attack outside an NYC hotel. He was on his way to speak, blah, blah, blah. Where does it get to that part? Ex-users in particular were positively tripping over each other to see who could post the horniest response to the photos.
It was, at its core, an outlet for people's intense frustration about the U.S. health care crisis, as well as a distraction. Okay.
It was, at its core, an outlet for people's intense frustration about the U.S. health care crisis, as well as a distraction. Okay.
This is basically why he got caught. Hmm. This is like, well, I'm sure there was other physical evidence that could have led to him being caught. He did have prints there, you know, the shell casings, footage elsewhere. But this was the first time he lowered his mask. It was reported to flirt with, like to smile at one of the, like the sales lady at Starbucks or something.
This is basically why he got caught. Hmm. This is like, well, I'm sure there was other physical evidence that could have led to him being caught. He did have prints there, you know, the shell casings, footage elsewhere. But this was the first time he lowered his mask. It was reported to flirt with, like to smile at one of the, like the sales lady at Starbucks or something.
He was like, hey, or like at the hostel or something. So that's what gave, you know, the image of his face. Um, so still, we're still not seeing why, where this came from the buy stuff. Um, I don't know. This is still not it. A small but vocal minority of LGBTQ plus people started at that point to claim him as one of their own.
He was like, hey, or like at the hostel or something. So that's what gave, you know, the image of his face. Um, so still, we're still not seeing why, where this came from the buy stuff. Um, I don't know. This is still not it. A small but vocal minority of LGBTQ plus people started at that point to claim him as one of their own.
Despite any evidence other than his love of artists beloved by the queer community. At that point, several users began to call Mangione gay and shared unconfirmed photos of his, quote, boyfriends.
Despite any evidence other than his love of artists beloved by the queer community. At that point, several users began to call Mangione gay and shared unconfirmed photos of his, quote, boyfriends.
However, the Luigi Mangione is bisexual rumor really took flight at 745 UK time when the ex-account, which covers University of Pennsylvania campus culture, treated breaking by confirmed, along with unverified screenshot of what it looked like a text message that read, a friend of mine made out with him when he was a student. For those curious, he is bi. Thank God that's confirmed. I know. So fun.
However, the Luigi Mangione is bisexual rumor really took flight at 745 UK time when the ex-account, which covers University of Pennsylvania campus culture, treated breaking by confirmed, along with unverified screenshot of what it looked like a text message that read, a friend of mine made out with him when he was a student. For those curious, he is bi. Thank God that's confirmed. I know. So fun.
That's just somebody's tweet, right? Yeah. And then it led to an immediate spike in Google searches. Anyway, I don't know if it goes on from there. There is no evidence that he is bisexual.
That's just somebody's tweet, right? Yeah. And then it led to an immediate spike in Google searches. Anyway, I don't know if it goes on from there. There is no evidence that he is bisexual.
Well, I don't... I mean, I don't have really much to read on other than like the case and like a mugshot. I don't really know... I know that he was valedictorian of his extremely elite prep school. I saw the clip.
Well, I don't... I mean, I don't have really much to read on other than like the case and like a mugshot. I don't really know... I know that he was valedictorian of his extremely elite prep school. I saw the clip.
No, I'm saying I saw him speak briefly in that. Nothing in that would prompt that. The fact that he has great abs is pretty gay.
No, I'm saying I saw him speak briefly in that. Nothing in that would prompt that. The fact that he has great abs is pretty gay.
No, 26, it's easier to have a great physique. But I mean, nothing about that, obviously. Now, then there was a photo of him holding his dick. But when that came out, I was on set when that was like being passed around. And one of our directors was like, that's a Photoshop. Like he was like, here's the blur line or whatever. I don't know if that's true or not.
No, 26, it's easier to have a great physique. But I mean, nothing about that, obviously. Now, then there was a photo of him holding his dick. But when that came out, I was on set when that was like being passed around. And one of our directors was like, that's a Photoshop. Like he was like, here's the blur line or whatever. I don't know if that's true or not.
I was trying to tell everybody, thank you for digging out those details.
I was trying to tell everybody, thank you for digging out those details.
I would say I saw a pose of him with like hand over like this. I was like, that's a gay pose. That's a gay pose. If you see that pose, you'd be like, I don't know that straight. Like, can you pull up his nude photo and tell me if you think a straight guy does this pose? Because I think it's the only thing where I go, that's kind of gay. This one?
I would say I saw a pose of him with like hand over like this. I was like, that's a gay pose. That's a gay pose. If you see that pose, you'd be like, I don't know that straight. Like, can you pull up his nude photo and tell me if you think a straight guy does this pose? Because I think it's the only thing where I go, that's kind of gay. This one?
This one.
This one.
Yeah, that pose. Okay. Does a straight guy ever? Would you guys ever pose like that? No. I feel like that's the gayest evidence I've ever seen.
Yeah, that pose. Okay. Does a straight guy ever? Would you guys ever pose like that? No. I feel like that's the gayest evidence I've ever seen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I also don't like how bro kept the underwear on. That's kind of crazy.
I also don't like how bro kept the underwear on. That's kind of crazy.
If you're going to do all that, just.
If you're going to do all that, just.
Oh, there's the big.
Oh, there's the big.
That's what was considered the. I don't know if that's him.
That's what was considered the. I don't know if that's him.
That feels gay.
That feels gay.
I'd like our gays and straights to weigh in.
I'd like our gays and straights to weigh in.
That arm behind the shoulder. It feels to me very gay.
That arm behind the shoulder. It feels to me very gay.
If you ask the guy for a photo and he sent you that
If you ask the guy for a photo and he sent you that
The only thing I'm wondering, though, is if the fact that he's holding... Because it's always weird when you're holding a phone to make a pose, so maybe that's making it weird. Right. No, that's a good point.
The only thing I'm wondering, though, is if the fact that he's holding... Because it's always weird when you're holding a phone to make a pose, so maybe that's making it weird. Right. No, that's a good point.
And I've got violated.
And I've got violated.
Here's the thing. If you didn't know who Burt Reynolds was... That doesn't scream necessarily masculine. That's a famous pose.
Here's the thing. If you didn't know who Burt Reynolds was... That doesn't scream necessarily masculine. That's a famous pose.
I know, but I'm saying that it's a hardcore masculine guy. And you know that that's Burt Reynolds.
I know, but I'm saying that it's a hardcore masculine guy. And you know that that's Burt Reynolds.
Thank you.
Thank you.
But that pose itself is not.
But that pose itself is not.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's the wider one if you scroll up.
Yeah, there's the wider one if you scroll up.
But see, you know that's Bert who was slanging dick into ladies forever.
But see, you know that's Bert who was slanging dick into ladies forever.
But if you were just like, this is some guy.
But if you were just like, this is some guy.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
Is there anyone else in there? Oh, yeah. I'm in here. Yeah, so I wrote... Wrote a little something... So, I mean, I wrote that. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I didn't really do shit, to be honest. But at the same time, like, I ain't trying to put my man down. You know what I'm saying? So, like, if an apology is going to be what you need to feel right, like, we could go there. Okay.
Is there anyone else in there? Oh, yeah. I'm in here. Yeah, so I wrote... Wrote a little something... So, I mean, I wrote that. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I didn't really do shit, to be honest. But at the same time, like, I ain't trying to put my man down. You know what I'm saying? So, like, if an apology is going to be what you need to feel right, like, we could go there. Okay.
Well, here's the thing. I've always said this. We tackle the real issues on this show. And I was dying to get your take on this. Well, hold on.
Well, here's the thing. I've always said this. We tackle the real issues on this show. And I was dying to get your take on this. Well, hold on.
We did it. We did the research. Yeah, he did. Wait, there's another woman in the booth now.
We did it. We did the research. Yeah, he did. Wait, there's another woman in the booth now.
Is that a gay pose?
Is that a gay pose?
It feels like, right?
It feels like, right?
Is your take that he is gay or are you undecided?
Is your take that he is gay or are you undecided?
Yeah, I'd say he's pretty gay. I'd say so.
Yeah, I'd say he's pretty gay. I'd say so.
You know, we also have never had a... Hold on.
You know, we also have never had a... Hold on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's got him got arrested. That's his arrest photo.
Well, that's got him got arrested. That's his arrest photo.
No, but that's not style is my point. Looks good, but he still looks good.
No, but that's not style is my point. Looks good, but he still looks good.
That's years of maintenance and proper product, conditioners, all that shit.
That's years of maintenance and proper product, conditioners, all that shit.
Yeah. And what does that tell you? Gay.
Yeah. And what does that tell you? Gay.
No, I just, it was just, you know, we're really. Oh, also the fact that this is, here's another thing that's pretty gay. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. He's very smart.
No, I just, it was just, you know, we're really. Oh, also the fact that this is, here's another thing that's pretty gay. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. He's very smart.
They are the smartest. But I mean, when you have somebody who's really fit, really well read, I mean, this valedictorian, he got, he went to an Ivy league. So we went to a university, Pennsylvania. He got a, I think a degree in mechanical engineering.
They are the smartest. But I mean, when you have somebody who's really fit, really well read, I mean, this valedictorian, he got, he went to an Ivy league. So we went to a university, Pennsylvania. He got a, I think a degree in mechanical engineering.
I mean, these are some of the gayest things I've ever listed.
I mean, these are some of the gayest things I've ever listed.
Loves Britney Spears and Sabrina fucking whatever, Carpenter. Yeah. These are, I mean, these are just gay building blocks.
Loves Britney Spears and Sabrina fucking whatever, Carpenter. Yeah. These are, I mean, these are just gay building blocks.
He 3D printed his gun. I mean, that's a thought.
He 3D printed his gun. I mean, that's a thought.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Pretty much.
don't know pew pew pew like that pew pew pew pew yeah these are just so many so now he's now the little gay details but then yeah you throw in a curveball like why are you shooting i don't know how are you shooting yeah it's all very fascinating gosh um anyway
don't know pew pew pew like that pew pew pew pew yeah these are just so many so now he's now the little gay details but then yeah you throw in a curveball like why are you shooting i don't know how are you shooting yeah it's all very fascinating gosh um anyway
We will revisit this topic, obviously, as we learn more.
We will revisit this topic, obviously, as we learn more.
I think more people are sympathetic to this guy than... A lot of people would be sympathetic because of the healthcare world, but it brings even more people over when they find the person attractive.
I think more people are sympathetic to this guy than... A lot of people would be sympathetic because of the healthcare world, but it brings even more people over when they find the person attractive.
But, like, at the same time, like, I straight up, you know, I didn't really do shit like that. Like, I already told you what it was. So, like, you know, we could talk. But, yeah, that's, I stopped writing. Okay.
But, like, at the same time, like, I straight up, you know, I didn't really do shit like that. Like, I already told you what it was. So, like, you know, we could talk. But, yeah, that's, I stopped writing. Okay.
You finally watched American Nightmare.
You finally watched American Nightmare.
And?
And?
Tell me your true opinion.
Tell me your true opinion.
You think an FBI guy?
You think an FBI guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know about that. I mean, it's an interesting, uh, what I really thought was the real lesson here is there are tells in behavior that we all register as normal, uh, Normal is a term that people think of as relative. But the reality is there are objective normals. So like, in other words, you know, something horrible happens to a family member.
I don't know about that. I mean, it's an interesting, uh, what I really thought was the real lesson here is there are tells in behavior that we all register as normal, uh, Normal is a term that people think of as relative. But the reality is there are objective normals. So like, in other words, you know, something horrible happens to a family member.
Thank you. I appreciate your choice of words, and I feel what you're saying. It's a very unique way of doing it, and it's very any.
Thank you. I appreciate your choice of words, and I feel what you're saying. It's a very unique way of doing it, and it's very any.
There's a there's a normal way that people react.
There's a there's a normal way that people react.
When they pulled... When you watch this doc, and we are spoiling it if you want to skip ahead, but the first episode focuses on the boyfriend at the time. The way he is in the interrogation room is so peculiar. It's so outside of the range of normal behavior for an interrogation that you're like, this is not... Something's up with this dude, right? And it ends, and then episode two...
When they pulled... When you watch this doc, and we are spoiling it if you want to skip ahead, but the first episode focuses on the boyfriend at the time. The way he is in the interrogation room is so peculiar. It's so outside of the range of normal behavior for an interrogation that you're like, this is not... Something's up with this dude, right? And it ends, and then episode two...
focuses on the woman that was kidnapped and her behavior in the interrogation is also outside of the norm, of normal behavior, which again, you go, oh, now we're gonna get to how this is like what really happened. And to learn that they were actually telling the truth and that their behavior was in fact genuine was to me the biggest surprise of the entire story. The way that they behaved
focuses on the woman that was kidnapped and her behavior in the interrogation is also outside of the norm, of normal behavior, which again, you go, oh, now we're gonna get to how this is like what really happened. And to learn that they were actually telling the truth and that their behavior was in fact genuine was to me the biggest surprise of the entire story. The way that they behaved
in their interrogations after going through something traumatic was so outside of the realm and the spectrum of normal behavior that I couldn't believe. I was like, I would have bet... I mean, I know, obviously, when you make a documentary, you can produce moments, but you're not producing the moment of them answering the questions in the interrogation room.
in their interrogations after going through something traumatic was so outside of the realm and the spectrum of normal behavior that I couldn't believe. I was like, I would have bet... I mean, I know, obviously, when you make a documentary, you can produce moments, but you're not producing the moment of them answering the questions in the interrogation room.
He's like, yeah, came in, put goggles on us, and then was like, drink this, and then they... You're like, this is... There's no, like...
He's like, yeah, came in, put goggles on us, and then was like, drink this, and then they... You're like, this is... There's no, like...
Well, it was, it was any, it was, I know where he's coming from. I said the word apology. You didn't hear it? No, I heard it. You said, yeah, you said, if you need one, I will be there.
Well, it was, it was any, it was, I know where he's coming from. I said the word apology. You didn't hear it? No, I heard it. You said, yeah, you said, if you need one, I will be there.
Well, he has that in his mind because that is how police investigators are trained. They're trained to go into a crime like that. And if there's somebody there who is present, that is close to the person that is missing.
Well, he has that in his mind because that is how police investigators are trained. They're trained to go into a crime like that. And if there's somebody there who is present, that is close to the person that is missing.
They have to do that.
They have to do that.
they really let those people down especially when they pivot to like fucking burn that bitch to the ground i know so why would but i'm saying why would that police department not look for they ended up having to pay them quite a sum of money for being shitty but it's a fascinating story and we just ruin it for everybody but just fast forward all right let's take a quick break yeah we'll be right back and once again merry christmas
they really let those people down especially when they pivot to like fucking burn that bitch to the ground i know so why would but i'm saying why would that police department not look for they ended up having to pay them quite a sum of money for being shitty but it's a fascinating story and we just ruin it for everybody but just fast forward all right let's take a quick break yeah we'll be right back and once again merry christmas
Get your tickets now at tomscrow.com slash tour, and I will see you there. Welcome. Welcome to your moment. Buongiorno. Welcome to your mom's house. This is very exciting. This is actually going to count as our Christmas episode because we don't have an episode Christmas day. We're taking the day off. Everybody's having the day off. So this is our Merry Christmas episode.
Get your tickets now at tomscrow.com slash tour, and I will see you there. Welcome. Welcome to your moment. Buongiorno. Welcome to your mom's house. This is very exciting. This is actually going to count as our Christmas episode because we don't have an episode Christmas day. We're taking the day off. Everybody's having the day off. So this is our Merry Christmas episode.
Ready in five, four, three, in five, four, three, two, one.
Ready in five, four, three, in five, four, three, two, one.
And we are back, and joining us is a comedian whose latest special, The Last Cowboy in L.A., is available now on YouTube. You can get tickets at jeffdye.com. It's Jeff Dye, everybody. What's up, you guys?
And we are back, and joining us is a comedian whose latest special, The Last Cowboy in L.A., is available now on YouTube. You can get tickets at jeffdye.com. It's Jeff Dye, everybody. What's up, you guys?
Thanks for having me. Welcome to Texas.
Thanks for having me. Welcome to Texas.
Love what you've done with the plays. Thank you.
Love what you've done with the plays. Thank you.
Congratulations on the special.
Congratulations on the special.
Thank you very much. Where'd you shoot?
Thank you very much. Where'd you shoot?
um in nashville at a place called the electric jane which is like a music venue nashville's a great comedy town it was awesome yeah uh i i don't know a lot about nashville and every time i go there i kind of have a different experience than i'm like i like this place every time people always like have it as like the sister city to this city oh really yeah they think i think it's there's there's some similarities to it but yeah it's a big city but it's got that country thing
um in nashville at a place called the electric jane which is like a music venue nashville's a great comedy town it was awesome yeah uh i i don't know a lot about nashville and every time i go there i kind of have a different experience than i'm like i like this place every time people always like have it as like the sister city to this city oh really yeah they think i think it's there's there's some similarities to it but yeah it's a big city but it's got that country thing
It's got a country feel to it. Accessible city. There's more people there than the city is built for, just like Austin. It's cool.
It's got a country feel to it. Accessible city. There's more people there than the city is built for, just like Austin. It's cool.
It's growing. If you have a cool town, we will ruin it. We will all move there and ruin it.
It's growing. If you have a cool town, we will ruin it. We will all move there and ruin it.
No, I get it. I've been around you enough to know exactly how it works.
No, I get it. I've been around you enough to know exactly how it works.
I would hate to start the podcast on a negative note, but I don't hate anything more than that.
I would hate to start the podcast on a negative note, but I don't hate anything more than that.
You'll see it here. It's popular here. I hate it so much. So much. Because also, if you want to drink and have fun, just go do it. I know. Why do we have to be part of it? Like, why is a guy working? I have to hear you shouting, fall out, boy. And they're like, the guy's working. Like, why did the bar come to me out here?
You'll see it here. It's popular here. I hate it so much. So much. Because also, if you want to drink and have fun, just go do it. I know. Why do we have to be part of it? Like, why is a guy working? I have to hear you shouting, fall out, boy. And they're like, the guy's working. Like, why did the bar come to me out here?
It is a bummer. And I always, every time I'm down, because you always see it downtown, when you see that, I always think about a truck hitting them. I would love that.
It is a bummer. And I always, every time I'm down, because you always see it downtown, when you see that, I always think about a truck hitting them. I would love that.
What was that noise? It was a phlegmy cough.
What was that noise? It was a phlegmy cough.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know it sounds terrible, but I hate it so much. Yeah.
I know it sounds terrible, but I hate it so much. Yeah.
Well, you don't even have to pedal. That's the big coup about it. They're not even part of the system. Oh, really? There's a main guy who's in charge. He's the one. That's the whole thing. Well, he's got gray legs. Yeah. Those other people pedaling, it's like paying taxes. Like they're doing a lot of work, but it ain't going. It's not doing anything. Yeah. That's good.
Well, you don't even have to pedal. That's the big coup about it. They're not even part of the system. Oh, really? There's a main guy who's in charge. He's the one. That's the whole thing. Well, he's got gray legs. Yeah. Those other people pedaling, it's like paying taxes. Like they're doing a lot of work, but it ain't going. It's not doing anything. Yeah. That's good.
It was what's called a productive, productive cough. Yeah.
It was what's called a productive, productive cough. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't want to drink and do any exercise.
I don't want to drink and do any exercise.
I don't do it.
I don't do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous. Right? No, I want to sit down.
That's ridiculous. Right? No, I want to sit down.
Saw the greatest thing ever with one of those pedal carts in Detroit. One of the black Israelites were out on a Saturday. You know these guys? Yes. You don't know who they are. Look them up. They just yell at people. Yeah. They're just trying to invoke any sort of thing.
Saw the greatest thing ever with one of those pedal carts in Detroit. One of the black Israelites were out on a Saturday. You know these guys? Yes. You don't know who they are. Look them up. They just yell at people. Yeah. They're just trying to invoke any sort of thing.
They usually stand at a corner and they just like...
They usually stand at a corner and they just like...
But it was Detroit, so it's really cold. So they're wearing their Muslim garb, but then he had like a Detroit Lions like starter jacket like over it because it's cold. But they're like, you white devil bitch, like just yelling at people, right? And I'm just kind of got my headphones in and kind of like, I'm scared if I'm honest. And I'm waiting to cross the light or the street.
But it was Detroit, so it's really cold. So they're wearing their Muslim garb, but then he had like a Detroit Lions like starter jacket like over it because it's cold. But they're like, you white devil bitch, like just yelling at people, right? And I'm just kind of got my headphones in and kind of like, I'm scared if I'm honest. And I'm waiting to cross the light or the street.
But then coming down the same street is one of these pedal carts full of just bachelorettes singing to music. And I was like, wait, they might have to be on the same street. Yeah. So I waded through my walk sign to just see if those two worlds would collide. Collide, yeah. And it did. Yeah.
But then coming down the same street is one of these pedal carts full of just bachelorettes singing to music. And I was like, wait, they might have to be on the same street. Yeah. So I waded through my walk sign to just see if those two worlds would collide. Collide, yeah. And it did. Yeah.
I thought it would be this masterpiece of whatever, but instead just both groups were uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. So they both just silently stopped their bullshit. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of it.
I thought it would be this masterpiece of whatever, but instead just both groups were uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. So they both just silently stopped their bullshit. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is such a thing, too, because I would have done the same thing. Like, I'm going to stand here and look like I'm doing something. Oh, it was amazing to watch this.
It is such a thing, too, because I would have done the same thing. Like, I'm going to stand here and look like I'm doing something. Oh, it was amazing to watch this.
I had to wait like a few minutes, too. I was like, okay, they're coming. The cart's coming. Oh, I forgot to check something on my phone. Yeah, exactly.
I had to wait like a few minutes, too. I was like, okay, they're coming. The cart's coming. Oh, I forgot to check something on my phone. Yeah, exactly.
They're the same everywhere.
They're the same everywhere.
A drunk girl in her 20s is the same in every city.
A drunk girl in her 20s is the same in every city.
I'm terrified of drunk women now.
I'm terrified of drunk women now.
You'd be lucky if she talked to you. Like, they're always... Defending their ugly friends. Oh, yeah, for sure.
You'd be lucky if she talked to you. Like, they're always... Defending their ugly friends. Oh, yeah, for sure.
You're like, no, she's talking to me. What do you mean you have to go?
You're like, no, she's talking to me. What do you mean you have to go?
I mean, that's an Austin look and a Nashville look for sure. Yeah, it's adorable. I like it. It's always the white boots. You see it a lot, obviously, on game day here, like when UT's playing. You just see 80,000 chicks like this.
I mean, that's an Austin look and a Nashville look for sure. Yeah, it's adorable. I like it. It's always the white boots. You see it a lot, obviously, on game day here, like when UT's playing. You just see 80,000 chicks like this.
It seems like women copy these looks. Like, what is the playbook? Do you guys go, is it a celebrity, or is it just a thing you see, and you go, I want to dress like this?
It seems like women copy these looks. Like, what is the playbook? Do you guys go, is it a celebrity, or is it just a thing you see, and you go, I want to dress like this?
it's usually it could be celebrity based I think a lot of people and my friends do what we want yeah do her do her she's like she's just awful though it's awful because it's because she's drunk you know she's drunk and then she's just like mean yeah and entitled but I like that she thinks she's a rugged individualist she's like
it's usually it could be celebrity based I think a lot of people and my friends do what we want yeah do her do her she's like she's just awful though it's awful because it's because she's drunk you know she's drunk and then she's just like mean yeah and entitled but I like that she thinks she's a rugged individualist she's like
Can I tell you something? I know what you mean, because it was a young, fresh.
Can I tell you something? I know what you mean, because it was a young, fresh.
Well, they always, I swear, like, you can be, like, passing by, like, minding your own business. And that girl has, like, somehow goes, like, fuck, are you looking at? I know. Yeah, they'll reject you from, like, six feet. Yeah, you're like, I'm not talking to you. I'm not looking at you. Well, you should be looking at us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did talk to you.
Well, they always, I swear, like, you can be, like, passing by, like, minding your own business. And that girl has, like, somehow goes, like, fuck, are you looking at? I know. Yeah, they'll reject you from, like, six feet. Yeah, you're like, I'm not talking to you. I'm not looking at you. Well, you should be looking at us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did talk to you.
You're like, fuck, are you looking at us?
You're like, fuck, are you looking at us?
and then you notice her like 230 pound friend and then they're like what was that yeah i just saw the fucking starting linebacker for the horns here yeah they're just so entitled and it's so embarrassing because i was a 20 year old girl obviously a million years ago and i had a friend like that yeah every girl does the instigator yeah that's right why do they think they're so tough it's not it's it's booze babe it's just like but
and then you notice her like 230 pound friend and then they're like what was that yeah i just saw the fucking starting linebacker for the horns here yeah they're just so entitled and it's so embarrassing because i was a 20 year old girl obviously a million years ago and i had a friend like that yeah every girl does the instigator yeah that's right why do they think they're so tough it's not it's it's booze babe it's just like but
It's booze riddled with insecurity, which is what usually fuels a booze binge. You're insecure, and you do it for a different reason.
It's booze riddled with insecurity, which is what usually fuels a booze binge. You're insecure, and you do it for a different reason.
It felt so fresh and young and vibrant.
It felt so fresh and young and vibrant.
But I get sad when I'm drunk and insecure. I don't get overly confident.
But I get sad when I'm drunk and insecure. I don't get overly confident.
This is what you see. Booze affects people. I've never been a confrontational drunk. Me neither. But that's just wiring. It's not in me. I had a friend in high school, college, who was like, Super cool guy. And then you get a few and he would come and headbutt you.
This is what you see. Booze affects people. I've never been a confrontational drunk. Me neither. But that's just wiring. It's not in me. I had a friend in high school, college, who was like, Super cool guy. And then you get a few and he would come and headbutt you.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Fuck, man. But then what happens is you're like, yeah, I don't want to be around. Yeah, it's not fun in this situation.
Fuck, man. But then what happens is you're like, yeah, I don't want to be around. Yeah, it's not fun in this situation.
I don't know if they're experienced, though. I think after a couple weeks, you'd be like, oh, fuck, what's going on? Because these guys, this is like the varsity team. But it is fun when you bring your kids to school. You know what I mean? Bring your kids to work day. Is that what you think they were? They were cute. It was a much younger vibe.
I don't know if they're experienced, though. I think after a couple weeks, you'd be like, oh, fuck, what's going on? Because these guys, this is like the varsity team. But it is fun when you bring your kids to school. You know what I mean? Bring your kids to work day. Is that what you think they were? They were cute. It was a much younger vibe.
You know, like I was I'm like a nice drunk. I was with a bunch of comics at a nice dinner recently. And we were they were describing one of their celebrity friends that I was like, I'd love to meet that guy. I'm not going to say his name just because it's not my story to tell. But they were like, oh, he's real fun till he's not.
You know, like I was I'm like a nice drunk. I was with a bunch of comics at a nice dinner recently. And we were they were describing one of their celebrity friends that I was like, I'd love to meet that guy. I'm not going to say his name just because it's not my story to tell. But they were like, oh, he's real fun till he's not.
They go, he's the best, the best, the best. And then at a certain point, with the drugs and drinking, it's just a nightmare. And I was like, oh, that sounds not as exciting as I'd hoped.
They go, he's the best, the best, the best. And then at a certain point, with the drugs and drinking, it's just a nightmare. And I was like, oh, that sounds not as exciting as I'd hoped.
Please tell the story. It's already a good setting for this. It's one of my favorite.
Please tell the story. It's already a good setting for this. It's one of my favorite.
Saddle Ranch. I was an intern at Copelson Entertainment.
Saddle Ranch. I was an intern at Copelson Entertainment.
what is it for the record like a management or like no copelson was a production company that they made um the fugitive you know the harrison ford movie oh yeah yeah uh murder at 1600 arnold copelson's a big-time producer and because i was like i'm going to la and i want to make movies so that i started interning there and i ended up doing script coverage and i moved on to do more coverage for other producers but when i was interning there
what is it for the record like a management or like no copelson was a production company that they made um the fugitive you know the harrison ford movie oh yeah yeah uh murder at 1600 arnold copelson's a big-time producer and because i was like i'm going to la and i want to make movies so that i started interning there and i ended up doing script coverage and i moved on to do more coverage for other producers but when i was interning there
some of the assistants, so I'm an unpaid intern. And the assistants are like, you want to come out with us tonight? And I was like, sure. And I know I want to be performing, so I think I, I don't even know if I had done stand-up. If I had done stand-up, I'd done it like once.
some of the assistants, so I'm an unpaid intern. And the assistants are like, you want to come out with us tonight? And I was like, sure. And I know I want to be performing, so I think I, I don't even know if I had done stand-up. If I had done stand-up, I'd done it like once.
and we go out and like what age were you 21 okay so um start at one bar and i have a few and i just just keep drinking yeah to the point where i i mean i definitely black out so i only remember bits of people but it was retold to me that we we made it to was it saddle ranch or was it miyagi miyagi sunset boulevard like i think it's still there whatever sushi is
and we go out and like what age were you 21 okay so um start at one bar and i have a few and i just just keep drinking yeah to the point where i i mean i definitely black out so i only remember bits of people but it was retold to me that we we made it to was it saddle ranch or was it miyagi miyagi sunset boulevard like i think it's still there whatever sushi is
bad sushi, you know, it's like a party place. So now this is like our second or third location, and I am completely shit-faced. And I am holding court, I'm telling the story. And we're all standing in the circle, and there's like six assistants from work. And I'm just like, telling the story. And then I only learned this later because I don't recall it much.
bad sushi, you know, it's like a party place. So now this is like our second or third location, and I am completely shit-faced. And I am holding court, I'm telling the story. And we're all standing in the circle, and there's like six assistants from work. And I'm just like, telling the story. And then I only learned this later because I don't recall it much.
But they told me, they're like, you're telling the story. And, you know, people are laughing, but they're also looking at you because you're so clearly completely fucked up. And they go, and then you just start throwing up, right?
But they told me, they're like, you're telling the story. And, you know, people are laughing, but they're also looking at you because you're so clearly completely fucked up. And they go, and then you just start throwing up, right?
And you puke everywhere. You know, like, post-puke, you spit. So you're like, it's like, they're like, you're spitting. You're like, pfft, pfft. And then you stand up and you just go right back in your story. That's the best. And they're all like, ah. And the only reason I blacked out when I got home. And I had a friend who I was living with at the time. He was like, yeah, you were fucking...
And you puke everywhere. You know, like, post-puke, you spit. So you're like, it's like, they're like, you're spitting. You're like, pfft, pfft. And then you stand up and you just go right back in your story. That's the best. And they're all like, ah. And the only reason I blacked out when I got home. And I had a friend who I was living with at the time. He was like, yeah, you were fucking...
That's the king of storytelling, though. Like, you're the storytelling guy. Storyteller. And they're like, where was I? Hold on, where was I? That's amazing.
That's the king of storytelling, though. Like, you're the storytelling guy. Storyteller. And they're like, where was I? Hold on, where was I? That's amazing.
But I remember that I got into... Like, he told me he was like, you were fucking... And I still was like, eh. And then I get into work on Monday, and all of them were like... Changed your rep. Oh, yeah. They were like, this guy. You're a fucking mess, dude. Like, just puking in front of people. It's cool, though.
But I remember that I got into... Like, he told me he was like, you were fucking... And I still was like, eh. And then I get into work on Monday, and all of them were like... Changed your rep. Oh, yeah. They were like, this guy. You're a fucking mess, dude. Like, just puking in front of people. It's cool, though.
That, I don't know. I'm sure.
That, I don't know. I'm sure.
Oh, any story could have been that good.
Oh, any story could have been that good.
When you're in it. When you're in it. You know, like.
When you're in it. When you're in it. You know, like.
But I have to pivot away from this because I actually feel like after a lot of thought, these guys weren't the worst when I nearly choked to death. The worst person was definitely you. And And it's not lost on me, and it's not lost on anybody that watched me basically hang on for my life and have my spouse mock me as I was on death's door. It's so funny.
But I have to pivot away from this because I actually feel like after a lot of thought, these guys weren't the worst when I nearly choked to death. The worst person was definitely you. And And it's not lost on me, and it's not lost on anybody that watched me basically hang on for my life and have my spouse mock me as I was on death's door. It's so funny.
And you don't lose focus, too. You're like, oh. Hold on.
And you don't lose focus, too. You're like, oh. Hold on.
Like I was saying.
Like I was saying.
So I come around the corner. And they're like, uh-huh.
So I come around the corner. And they're like, uh-huh.
And it could be a legend at a workplace, too. They carried me home.
And it could be a legend at a workplace, too. They carried me home.
They carried me home. Charlie and Jack carried me back to my place. And then in the morning, I had no clothes. And there was a towel on the ground because I had also puked when I got back to the place. What happened to your clothes? I don't fucking know. I don't know.
They carried me home. Charlie and Jack carried me back to my place. And then in the morning, I had no clothes. And there was a towel on the ground because I had also puked when I got back to the place. What happened to your clothes? I don't fucking know. I don't know.
They took it off of me? I don't know. I don't know if this is interesting or not, but I'm always fascinated when people are surprised when people get drunk. Like I said, I don't know if this is interesting, but so many times we'd go to a bar in San Diego, me and my buddy Josh Nelson, great comedian, and we would just get hammered. The bartenders were our friends. They would get us hammered.
They took it off of me? I don't know. I don't know if this is interesting or not, but I'm always fascinated when people are surprised when people get drunk. Like I said, I don't know if this is interesting, but so many times we'd go to a bar in San Diego, me and my buddy Josh Nelson, great comedian, and we would just get hammered. The bartenders were our friends. They would get us hammered.
We would flirt with them. Obviously, it's never going to happen. We'd try to do whatever. We'd look at girls too young for us, and then we would go home. And then the next day, we'd get lunch at the same bar, and they'd be like,
We would flirt with them. Obviously, it's never going to happen. We'd try to do whatever. We'd look at girls too young for us, and then we would go home. And then the next day, we'd get lunch at the same bar, and they'd be like,
last night you're like yeah you got us drunk yeah we're at a bar what are you talking about and i go did i do anything embarrassing i go no i go did i like try to fight someone or get on the bar or puke they go no i go then why are you telling me that i was drunk last night like it drives me crazy just to shame you yeah or like streakers will run on a baseball field and they'd be like that fucking drunk guy you're like yeah dude you've been selling him 30 bud lights all night like yeah like he's gonna do drunk guy shit
last night you're like yeah you got us drunk yeah we're at a bar what are you talking about and i go did i do anything embarrassing i go no i go did i like try to fight someone or get on the bar or puke they go no i go then why are you telling me that i was drunk last night like it drives me crazy just to shame you yeah or like streakers will run on a baseball field and they'd be like that fucking drunk guy you're like yeah dude you've been selling him 30 bud lights all night like yeah like he's gonna do drunk guy shit
Oh, we want names. This is a podcast.
Oh, we want names. This is a podcast.
Yeah. I was like, I got to go.
Yeah. I was like, I got to go.
Yeah, I get to drink a few.
Yeah, I get to drink a few.
You can also do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever I want. I mean, it's not a crime to get hammered. On your vacation. Well, so anytime. It's not a crime to get hammered at all. I mean, when you drive, you can get in a little bit of trouble.
You can also do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever I want. I mean, it's not a crime to get hammered. On your vacation. Well, so anytime. It's not a crime to get hammered at all. I mean, when you drive, you can get in a little bit of trouble.
Everybody who drinks has had at least... 10 incidents in their life where they were like, I should have gotten a DUI.
Everybody who drinks has had at least... 10 incidents in their life where they were like, I should have gotten a DUI.
Yeah, you reflect the next day. Oh, my God.
Yeah, you reflect the next day. Oh, my God.
I've had two that are so traumatizing. You need them. If you don't get one, you need the incidents to scare the fuck out of you. One time where I was... in L.A.
I've had two that are so traumatizing. You need them. If you don't get one, you need the incidents to scare the fuck out of you. One time where I was... in L.A.
and I got pulled over on Sunset I'd been drinking my buddy's in the passenger seat and I was like and I just go what do I do and he just goes I don't know because he knows we've been drinking yeah he knows the deal yeah and the guy comes up and he's like you're driving kind of erratically and I go it's a rental
and I got pulled over on Sunset I'd been drinking my buddy's in the passenger seat and I was like and I just go what do I do and he just goes I don't know because he knows we've been drinking yeah he knows the deal yeah and the guy comes up and he's like you're driving kind of erratically and I go it's a rental
that was i was like i just oh that makes sense because that part was true i was like i don't even know how it all works it is a pg cruiser maybe that's why it's and he was like you know license and i was you know your heart rate is just and then it's like a movie a fucking call comes out he's like he goes it's your lucky day i gotta go oh It is your lucky day. I just got out of the car.
that was i was like i just oh that makes sense because that part was true i was like i don't even know how it all works it is a pg cruiser maybe that's why it's and he was like you know license and i was you know your heart rate is just and then it's like a movie a fucking call comes out he's like he goes it's your lucky day i gotta go oh It is your lucky day. I just got out of the car.
I was like, let's just fucking walk. Yes. Seriously. Oh, that's so traumatizing. And then another time where I was annihilated. Yeah. Like fully fucking.
I was like, let's just fucking walk. Yes. Seriously. Oh, that's so traumatizing. And then another time where I was annihilated. Yeah. Like fully fucking.
Well, to be driving erratic is, you know. Which I was doing.
Well, to be driving erratic is, you know. Which I was doing.
I really was doing because he was right. It was a rental. And I was like, this is fun. I'm like fucking with the gears. But the one time I was in college and I had drank a bunch and then smoked. So I was like blasted. And I insisted in getting in my car and driving back to my place. And as I pulled onto this main street to go to my place...
I really was doing because he was right. It was a rental. And I was like, this is fun. I'm like fucking with the gears. But the one time I was in college and I had drank a bunch and then smoked. So I was like blasted. And I insisted in getting in my car and driving back to my place. And as I pulled onto this main street to go to my place...
cop comes and what he does is he rides my blind spot for probably you know I don't know half a mile but when you're that up yeah it feels like 10 miles and you're just all in the mirror just kind of you're just like all I was doing was like I go the speed was like 35 and like stay in the lines and I was just like You just turn your brain on to focus so hard.
cop comes and what he does is he rides my blind spot for probably you know I don't know half a mile but when you're that up yeah it feels like 10 miles and you're just all in the mirror just kind of you're just like all I was doing was like I go the speed was like 35 and like stay in the lines and I was just like You just turn your brain on to focus so hard.
And I was like, just don't fucking do anything. Just stay in these lines. Stay going 35. And I was just waiting, and then he just broke off. But it was clearly, it was one of those where I was like, I pulled over. I was like, oh, my God. Like, it was, you see your life, like, because if that one, he wouldn't have been like, it's your lucky day. He'd be like, we need to call extra units over here.
And I was like, just don't fucking do anything. Just stay in these lines. Stay going 35. And I was just waiting, and then he just broke off. But it was clearly, it was one of those where I was like, I pulled over. I was like, oh, my God. Like, it was, you see your life, like, because if that one, he wouldn't have been like, it's your lucky day. He'd be like, we need to call extra units over here.
Yeah, like, what is this guy? Yeah, this guy's fucking heavy.
Yeah, like, what is this guy? Yeah, this guy's fucking heavy.
A funny drinking thing I think of with you is, you know when you do college gigs, the kid, for whatever reason, I don't know why this was a thing, maybe it's not anymore, but if there was a thing where they're like, all right, it's going to be this amount of money, you're going to get picked up at this time, do 60 minutes, and then the students want to take you out to dinner. Oh.
A funny drinking thing I think of with you is, you know when you do college gigs, the kid, for whatever reason, I don't know why this was a thing, maybe it's not anymore, but if there was a thing where they're like, all right, it's going to be this amount of money, you're going to get picked up at this time, do 60 minutes, and then the students want to take you out to dinner. Oh.
And for whatever reason, you're like, why is this part of it? And they're all younger than me and stuff. And then sometimes I say, I don't want to do the dinner or whatever. But then I'm so lonely and I'm in whatever town that they'll be like, we're going to go to a bar if you want. But you know it's a college bar and you're still like, I don't know.
And for whatever reason, you're like, why is this part of it? And they're all younger than me and stuff. And then sometimes I say, I don't want to do the dinner or whatever. But then I'm so lonely and I'm in whatever town that they'll be like, we're going to go to a bar if you want. But you know it's a college bar and you're still like, I don't know.
And then you know what? I wasn't really remembering this, but then somebody pointed something out.
And then you know what? I wasn't really remembering this, but then somebody pointed something out.
And I was also like, last time I did college was like 10 years ago. But... I remember one time they were like, Tom Segura came with us once and he drank with us. And I remember being like, are you sure? And I felt like I should do it. Cause I was like, well, if Tom did it, he's a better comic than me. If he's drinking with these fucking young kids.
And I was also like, last time I did college was like 10 years ago. But... I remember one time they were like, Tom Segura came with us once and he drank with us. And I remember being like, are you sure? And I felt like I should do it. Cause I was like, well, if Tom did it, he's a better comic than me. If he's drinking with these fucking young kids.
He had so much fun with us. Like, no, he didn't. It was in Colorado somewhere. Oh, I know where that was. Really? Was that the School of Mining? Yeah, Golden, the town of Golden. That was in the School of Mining. I remember doing that. You know what the craziest thing was at that show? I remember that it was Obama was either president or being elected. That's how long ago that was.
He had so much fun with us. Like, no, he didn't. It was in Colorado somewhere. Oh, I know where that was. Really? Was that the School of Mining? Yeah, Golden, the town of Golden. That was in the School of Mining. I remember doing that. You know what the craziest thing was at that show? I remember that it was Obama was either president or being elected. That's how long ago that was.
And the reason I'll never forget, first of all, they had me perform in the cafeteria.
And the reason I'll never forget, first of all, they had me perform in the cafeteria.
that's jor yeah i was so uh we got this email i recently introduced my husband to the full ymh experience episode 788 where tom nearly dies uh choking please right after finishing this episode i wanted to show him more and i clicked on the episode with charo and blanca in this episode we noticed a moment where christina chokes on water and tom shows genuine love and concern Not laughter.
that's jor yeah i was so uh we got this email i recently introduced my husband to the full ymh experience episode 788 where tom nearly dies uh choking please right after finishing this episode i wanted to show him more and i clicked on the episode with charo and blanca in this episode we noticed a moment where christina chokes on water and tom shows genuine love and concern Not laughter.
yeah I did this exact show in the cafeteria outside of Lance Armstrong statue why is it always in the cafeteria they don't have anywhere else they don't care so there's like let's say 200 people in there and I'm getting into like I have you know a bit about I just can't remember whether it's he's being he's running or he's elected something Obama joke it's my Obama bit and I go and I say something like
yeah I did this exact show in the cafeteria outside of Lance Armstrong statue why is it always in the cafeteria they don't have anywhere else they don't care so there's like let's say 200 people in there and I'm getting into like I have you know a bit about I just can't remember whether it's he's being he's running or he's elected something Obama joke it's my Obama bit and I go and I say something like
What do you think? And some guy goes, oh, he's an N-word. Oh, my God. And I just go, what? Like, what did you say? And then he repeats it. And I look around the room and everyone's like, so what's your bit? And I'm like...
What do you think? And some guy goes, oh, he's an N-word. Oh, my God. And I just go, what? Like, what did you say? And then he repeats it. And I look around the room and everyone's like, so what's your bit? And I'm like...
I was like this is insane Corey told you do your bit is your bit similar to that no that's wild it was wild and I just went back and I walked off and I remember I forget who I had with me but I was like did you and they were like yeah that happened to me too I feel like you took my story and just made it yours
I was like this is insane Corey told you do your bit is your bit similar to that no that's wild it was wild and I just went back and I walked off and I remember I forget who I had with me but I was like did you and they were like yeah that happened to me too I feel like you took my story and just made it yours
It's another place that that could happen.
It's another place that that could happen.
I had a story, no N-word story, but at the School of Mines in Colorado, I was doing my liberal bullshit. I'm from Seattle. I'm a pretty liberal guy. Not by today's standards. And I was doing some bit about like, that was like an anti-oil bit. Because I was like, you know, like if we have a problem with oil and gas, you know, the Bush administration is always talking about that.
I had a story, no N-word story, but at the School of Mines in Colorado, I was doing my liberal bullshit. I'm from Seattle. I'm a pretty liberal guy. Not by today's standards. And I was doing some bit about like, that was like an anti-oil bit. Because I was like, you know, like if we have a problem with oil and gas, you know, the Bush administration is always talking about that.
Like then let's cancel NASCAR. Like they're wasting, they're just going in circles. And I was doing well until this bit. And then they all just got weird on me, like crying. And I was like, no. And then afterwards they're like, oh, you know why? This is like a big oil place. Oh, like people work on that. It's a school of minds. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Yeah.
Like then let's cancel NASCAR. Like they're wasting, they're just going in circles. And I was doing well until this bit. And then they all just got weird on me, like crying. And I was like, no. And then afterwards they're like, oh, you know why? This is like a big oil place. Oh, like people work on that. It's a school of minds. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Yeah.
I did my dumb liberal anti-oil bit.
I did my dumb liberal anti-oil bit.
We're going to shift gears on how we like you.
We're going to shift gears on how we like you.
Exactly. And it happened right away. So fast. But I got them back with some, you know, frivolous cats and Mario Brothers bullshit.
Exactly. And it happened right away. So fast. But I got them back with some, you know, frivolous cats and Mario Brothers bullshit.
You don't have a good comeback?
You don't have a good comeback?
That's the one I'm talking about. The one running for president.
That's the one I'm talking about. The one running for president.
Yeah, same guy, same guy. You got it. Or I would just shame them. I'd be like, Jesus Christ, what is my Uncle Al here? You know, just playfully shame them as like, that's not how we speak. Or double down and agree with them. Like say, yeah, that's the guy. Wait, why are you interrupting? You know who I'm talking about.
Yeah, same guy, same guy. You got it. Or I would just shame them. I'd be like, Jesus Christ, what is my Uncle Al here? You know, just playfully shame them as like, that's not how we speak. Or double down and agree with them. Like say, yeah, that's the guy. Wait, why are you interrupting? You know who I'm talking about.
The crazier thing to me when this happened was A, there's the nerve, right? Sure. But the fact that the whole room was like... Same as Shreveport.
The crazier thing to me when this happened was A, there's the nerve, right? Sure. But the fact that the whole room was like... Same as Shreveport.
Well, this isn't a popular take. I'm risking something to say this. I think a lot of that kind of thing is this, aren't I being naughty? Yeah, yeah. Sure. Like, they don't really, I mean, some people really do think that, obviously. Yeah. But I'm saying, like, I think a lot of times it's very, like, aren't I, I'm being a shocking guy. Sure.
Well, this isn't a popular take. I'm risking something to say this. I think a lot of that kind of thing is this, aren't I being naughty? Yeah, yeah. Sure. Like, they don't really, I mean, some people really do think that, obviously. Yeah. But I'm saying, like, I think a lot of times it's very, like, aren't I, I'm being a shocking guy. Sure.
I mean, there's a lot of comedians that live in that world of, like, what's taboo?
I mean, there's a lot of comedians that live in that world of, like, what's taboo?
I'll say it. Right, right.
I'll say it. Right, right.
Howard Stern made a whole career off of it. If you say the thing, but it's also a good joke, then it's like, that's art. But if you're just like, here's something that I shouldn't say and I'll say it, then you're just... But I did it when I was a kid.
Howard Stern made a whole career off of it. If you say the thing, but it's also a good joke, then it's like, that's art. But if you're just like, here's something that I shouldn't say and I'll say it, then you're just... But I did it when I was a kid.
I'll admit that I used to like... Because I grew up in this white bread area of Washington that's south of Seattle. And me and all my friends, we'd play video games. We're smelly little boys. It's very classic kind of whatever. We had two black kids at our school. Yeah.
I'll admit that I used to like... Because I grew up in this white bread area of Washington that's south of Seattle. And me and all my friends, we'd play video games. We're smelly little boys. It's very classic kind of whatever. We had two black kids at our school. Yeah.
And I remember like the bad kids, the rebellious, the naughty kids, they got to get in, like they would get in fights or they would steal or they would blow up mailboxes or they would do these things. Well, that all has risks. Yeah. You know, like, like you can get arrested or you can get suspended or in trouble. You could get in a fight hurts.
And I remember like the bad kids, the rebellious, the naughty kids, they got to get in, like they would get in fights or they would steal or they would blow up mailboxes or they would do these things. Well, that all has risks. Yeah. You know, like, like you can get arrested or you can get suspended or in trouble. You could get in a fight hurts.
Whereas like, if I just said the N word while we're playing video games, everyone would be like, Jeff is nuts.
Whereas like, if I just said the N word while we're playing video games, everyone would be like, Jeff is nuts.
And so I learned like, oh, just, you're just saying a forbidden word for you. What's that? We should show them the merch.
And so I learned like, oh, just, you're just saying a forbidden word for you. What's that? We should show them the merch.
Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What is the thing? Yeah, this is a real thing here.
Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What is the thing? Yeah, this is a real thing here.
Now, the question is, does it fall into the same category that we're discussing, which I think it does. The person who really buys this isn't like, God, this is my favorite fisherman.
Now, the question is, does it fall into the same category that we're discussing, which I think it does. The person who really buys this isn't like, God, this is my favorite fisherman.
I felt like I needed to have Tom's back here and wanted to provide the evidence to help redeem him after the way he was treated. I tune in weekly and have never wanted to write into the show more until this evidence presented itself. However I do, you'd ask Tom, please forgive the staff and your beautiful co-host. Everyone deserves another chance. Keep them high and tight. Love, Keely from Oregon.
I felt like I needed to have Tom's back here and wanted to provide the evidence to help redeem him after the way he was treated. I tune in weekly and have never wanted to write into the show more until this evidence presented itself. However I do, you'd ask Tom, please forgive the staff and your beautiful co-host. Everyone deserves another chance. Keep them high and tight. Love, Keely from Oregon.
Yes, they think it's naughty and hilarious.
Yes, they think it's naughty and hilarious.
It's fun to be naughty. In this instance, you get away with it. Somebody goes, what the fuck? You go, this is a fucking fisherman. 100%.
It's fun to be naughty. In this instance, you get away with it. Somebody goes, what the fuck? You go, this is a fucking fisherman. 100%.
Well, my favorite way to phrase it is Beth Stelling. We'll talk about how it's sometimes fun, and I'm very guilty of it in my act all the time, to be a little piggy in the mud. Yeah, sure. It's fun to be naughty, and that's all it is. That's what every comedian loves. There's no hatred in our hearts. It's just kind of fun to be the mischievous.
Well, my favorite way to phrase it is Beth Stelling. We'll talk about how it's sometimes fun, and I'm very guilty of it in my act all the time, to be a little piggy in the mud. Yeah, sure. It's fun to be naughty, and that's all it is. That's what every comedian loves. There's no hatred in our hearts. It's just kind of fun to be the mischievous.
Or there's a college football player named Noah Kaniga.
Or there's a college football player named Noah Kaniga.
can you pull him up this one's not even spelled too aggressive that fisherman it's not spelled that aggressive what we're about to see is spelled pretty aggressive and it's his name this is a linebacker the K is not silent it is the K is silent for sure he's gotten famous just because of his name but he's also pretty good I think I think you changed that last name there he is
can you pull him up this one's not even spelled too aggressive that fisherman it's not spelled that aggressive what we're about to see is spelled pretty aggressive and it's his name this is a linebacker the K is not silent it is the K is silent for sure he's gotten famous just because of his name but he's also pretty good I think I think you changed that last name there he is
And it's like, do you need a linebacker?
And it's like, do you need a linebacker?
When also you've got a Noah, it's kind of good, too.
When also you've got a Noah, it's kind of good, too.
Well, yeah, I think the recruiting thing was like, we need a linebacker. I think a Noah.
Well, yeah, I think the recruiting thing was like, we need a linebacker. I think a Noah.
Right. It's perfect.
Right. It's perfect.
And that has no K for that. I love it.
And that has no K for that. I love it.
Yeah. Yeah, you know that, what is it called? The broadcasters are always like, whoa.
Yeah. Yeah, you know that, what is it called? The broadcasters are always like, whoa.
Oh, dude, I wouldn't do it. There's a guy named, look up Seattle Mariners Mitch. Han, H-A-N, H-A-N. And the rest will come up. And when I cheer for him in Seattle, I call him Mitch H. And sometimes people will look back because I'm going, come on, Mitch H. And they'll turn around and I'll go, well, I'm not going to say his whole name.
Oh, dude, I wouldn't do it. There's a guy named, look up Seattle Mariners Mitch. Han, H-A-N, H-A-N. And the rest will come up. And when I cheer for him in Seattle, I call him Mitch H. And sometimes people will look back because I'm going, come on, Mitch H. And they'll turn around and I'll go, well, I'm not going to say his whole name.
And I'll get a little laugh from the person like, I see what you did there.
And I'll get a little laugh from the person like, I see what you did there.
There was a, I remember because I always followed FSU football, that they had a wide receiver named Dakota. And there's just no way around that.
There was a, I remember because I always followed FSU football, that they had a wide receiver named Dakota. And there's just no way around that.
There's no way around that.
There's no way around that.
They would just be like, the guys calling the game would be like, you know, first down by fact.
They would just be like, the guys calling the game would be like, you know, first down by fact.
What do you do? Yeah, you got to do it. Also, is he straight or gay? This guy. Because it would be great if he was also gay. What a treat. There he is. You know what I mean?
What do you do? Yeah, you got to do it. Also, is he straight or gay? This guy. Because it would be great if he was also gay. What a treat. There he is. You know what I mean?
There he is. There's Dakota Fagg.
There he is. There's Dakota Fagg.
Oh, yeah. He looks pretty straight, actually. If I had to profile, I think that's a straight guy.
Oh, yeah. He looks pretty straight, actually. If I had to profile, I think that's a straight guy.
There is no doubt that what fueled this guy to be a Division I football player was being called a fag his entire life.
There is no doubt that what fueled this guy to be a Division I football player was being called a fag his entire life.
This is the pro-athlete version of Boy Named Sue, for sure. Yeah.
This is the pro-athlete version of Boy Named Sue, for sure. Yeah.
Also, at this point, don't you think if you're in this family, you're like, I think we can petition to do the name change?
Also, at this point, don't you think if you're in this family, you're like, I think we can petition to do the name change?
Or you're like, no, we're devoted fags. No.
Or you're like, no, we're devoted fags. No.
We love our back. Like, come on.
We love our back. Like, come on.
For my podcast, we basically play a game where it's like, how much? We just ask you a thing. And then we crowdsource the money. So you actually have to do whatever the thing is you said you'll do.
For my podcast, we basically play a game where it's like, how much? We just ask you a thing. And then we crowdsource the money. So you actually have to do whatever the thing is you said you'll do.
and we were like one of them was how much to change your name for a year yeah and so like to change my name to Jeff Farts for a whole year and I've got to commit to it I've got to like everywhere you go yeah we put a caveat for like comedy because you spend so long building your brand as far as like tour posters and stuff sure so you can Whatever.
and we were like one of them was how much to change your name for a year yeah and so like to change my name to Jeff Farts for a whole year and I've got to commit to it I've got to like everywhere you go yeah we put a caveat for like comedy because you spend so long building your brand as far as like tour posters and stuff sure so you can Whatever.
But for your everyday life, your male, your IG, I'd do it for five grand.
But for your everyday life, your male, your IG, I'd do it for five grand.
Five grand.
Five grand.
That's it? And I think it's kind of funny also. It's very funny.
That's it? And I think it's kind of funny also. It's very funny.
That one is a good example. And they'll never believe you. So you'd have to do like a P-H-A-R-T-Z or something, you know? Because I feel like it's F-A-R-T-S. It's like, what?
That one is a good example. And they'll never believe you. So you'd have to do like a P-H-A-R-T-Z or something, you know? Because I feel like it's F-A-R-T-S. It's like, what?
Well, if they don't believe me, I can just show them my ID. Oh, your ID will say it. And be like, gosh, it's my real name. I'm not trying to be silly here.
Well, if they don't believe me, I can just show them my ID. Oh, your ID will say it. And be like, gosh, it's my real name. I'm not trying to be silly here.
Well, let's talk about it. Let's see what she was talking about. Yeah, Keely.
Well, let's talk about it. Let's see what she was talking about. Yeah, Keely.
A table for farts is ready.
A table for farts is ready.
That's great.
That's great.
Yeah. See, I think this guy's name fuels either if you're an athlete, you become a high-level athlete, or this would be the perfect fuel to make a comedian.
Yeah. See, I think this guy's name fuels either if you're an athlete, you become a high-level athlete, or this would be the perfect fuel to make a comedian.
100%.
100%.
Yeah, that'd be fine. I mean, I always do a fake name at Starbucks anyway.
Yeah, that'd be fine. I mean, I always do a fake name at Starbucks anyway.
I do, but it's not for humor. I just can't believe they're going to take any name I tell them. What names have you gone with? I usually do Mortal Kombat names, but the most preposterous ones I can think of, like Cyrax. And they'll be like, Cyrax? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, they don't push back much. They just write it on the cup.
I do, but it's not for humor. I just can't believe they're going to take any name I tell them. What names have you gone with? I usually do Mortal Kombat names, but the most preposterous ones I can think of, like Cyrax. And they'll be like, Cyrax? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, they don't push back much. They just write it on the cup.
In their defense, they're doing a lot of writing in there.
In their defense, they're doing a lot of writing in there.
Here's the difference. Here's me hanging on for dear life.
Here's the difference. Here's me hanging on for dear life.
In their defense, they are, you know.
In their defense, they are, you know.
Teenagers who hate their jobs. I've done it. Wait, just a second ago you said, that makes a good comedian. Yeah. You're a therapy person. Have you guys kind of gotten to the thing that makes you believe why you're a comedian? I mean, definitely. So much.
Teenagers who hate their jobs. I've done it. Wait, just a second ago you said, that makes a good comedian. Yeah. You're a therapy person. Have you guys kind of gotten to the thing that makes you believe why you're a comedian? I mean, definitely. So much.
thought about it. I think the most simple, broad thing for me is, well, two things. One, I think moving a lot as a kid plays a role in the fact that you're just always new and wanting to be accepted by a new group. That's how you get friends, by just being humorous. I went to eight or nine different schools. That's a lot. That's a lot of being new.
thought about it. I think the most simple, broad thing for me is, well, two things. One, I think moving a lot as a kid plays a role in the fact that you're just always new and wanting to be accepted by a new group. That's how you get friends, by just being humorous. I went to eight or nine different schools. That's a lot. That's a lot of being new.
Okay. Here's me just trying to live. Hey, guys. I was listening to the Adrienne Appaloochee episode. By the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix. You guys are, of course, what? Are you okay? I just choked for a second. I can't choke. Hey, fuck you.
Okay. Here's me just trying to live. Hey, guys. I was listening to the Adrienne Appaloochee episode. By the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix. You guys are, of course, what? Are you okay? I just choked for a second. I can't choke. Hey, fuck you.
And I think I have a good bit of middle child syndrome of where you just are kind of ignored because you have your first kid who's taking all the attention and then your baby. And so they're just like, well, we're glad that you don't need anything. So I think those things play into the psyche of how you become a comedian.
And I think I have a good bit of middle child syndrome of where you just are kind of ignored because you have your first kid who's taking all the attention and then your baby. And so they're just like, well, we're glad that you don't need anything. So I think those things play into the psyche of how you become a comedian.
Full of rage, too.
Full of rage, too.
Well, that helps for comedy.
Well, that helps for comedy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a great one.
It's a great one.
I'm just, it's very simple, short and sweet. Like, my parents just were like, I was not like a victim of abuse, but we were like victims, me and my sisters, of neglect. And neglect makes you go, like, you know, I'll get in trouble. Yeah. I'll draw something. Look what I drew. I'm, you know, like that family guy thing where he's like, mom, mom, mom.
I'm just, it's very simple, short and sweet. Like, my parents just were like, I was not like a victim of abuse, but we were like victims, me and my sisters, of neglect. And neglect makes you go, like, you know, I'll get in trouble. Yeah. I'll draw something. Look what I drew. I'm, you know, like that family guy thing where he's like, mom, mom, mom.
That's a version of like middle kid, right? You just feel, you feel lost.
That's a version of like middle kid, right? You just feel, you feel lost.
We just, they're never around.
We just, they're never around.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And when they were around, they weren't around. So it was just like, constantly needing validation, which is a comic.
And when they were around, they weren't around. So it was just like, constantly needing validation, which is a comic.
No, I've never been able to really... No people are like my parents. I've never met any people like my parents. Now, what I'm about to tell you, you won't believe. Okay. They have no friends. They have no hobbies. They have no favorite movies. They don't have a favorite food. There's no interests. They don't connect with anyone else in the family.
No, I've never been able to really... No people are like my parents. I've never met any people like my parents. Now, what I'm about to tell you, you won't believe. Okay. They have no friends. They have no hobbies. They have no favorite movies. They don't have a favorite food. There's no interests. They don't connect with anyone else in the family.
They're just these two people that work, and then when they get done with work, they just sit home. They don't want to be parents. They don't want to be married, I don't think. They don't want to cheat. There's no interests. So the reason I want to do everything, and I want everyone to be my friend, and I need so much, is because they did nothing, I want to do everything.
They're just these two people that work, and then when they get done with work, they just sit home. They don't want to be parents. They don't want to be married, I don't think. They don't want to cheat. There's no interests. So the reason I want to do everything, and I want everyone to be my friend, and I need so much, is because they did nothing, I want to do everything.
So they're uninspiring people.
So they're uninspiring people.
They don't want to do anything.
They don't want to do anything.
Really?
Really?
I'll go watch the show, and they'll say, yeah, put it on. I'll put a show on, I'll look over, and they're getting up, and then go into their room, napping.
I'll go watch the show, and they'll say, yeah, put it on. I'll put a show on, I'll look over, and they're getting up, and then go into their room, napping.
I think this is my least, the thing, I had a good relationship with my father, and one thing that always made me crazy is I'd be like, I know you like this topic, So, like, check this out. And I'd put on, like, a movie or a show about something that I know interests him. And I'd be like, what do you think? He'd be like, what's that? Are you watching this?
I think this is my least, the thing, I had a good relationship with my father, and one thing that always made me crazy is I'd be like, I know you like this topic, So, like, check this out. And I'd put on, like, a movie or a show about something that I know interests him. And I'd be like, what do you think? He'd be like, what's that? Are you watching this?
I just showed you this for you.
I just showed you this for you.
no i i already know this i'm like no you don't you don't know this and he's like i gave him a book one time and i was like this book is like exactly what we were discussing and i you know it's aliens and then he would be like oh thanks buddy and then the next day i was like you're reading that but he goes yeah i finished it i go 600 pages he goes well i knew most of it and i was like
no i i already know this i'm like no you don't you don't know this and he's like i gave him a book one time and i was like this book is like exactly what we were discussing and i you know it's aliens and then he would be like oh thanks buddy and then the next day i was like you're reading that but he goes yeah i finished it i go 600 pages he goes well i knew most of it and i was like
On Netflix. It was scary.
On Netflix. It was scary.
So would you just kind of like skim through it? He's like, yeah, yeah, interesting. I'm like, it makes me crazy.
So would you just kind of like skim through it? He's like, yeah, yeah, interesting. I'm like, it makes me crazy.
It drives me nuts. I'm actually the worst. This is like whoever my future partner will end up being is going to be so annoyed with how much I need someone to see what I'm seeing or watch what I'm watching. I'm the best consumer, because if you gave me a product and I liked it, I wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. I'm the best for everything I have. I've got to share and tell.
It drives me nuts. I'm actually the worst. This is like whoever my future partner will end up being is going to be so annoyed with how much I need someone to see what I'm seeing or watch what I'm watching. I'm the best consumer, because if you gave me a product and I liked it, I wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. I'm the best for everything I have. I've got to share and tell.
But I'll show my buddy a movie or a YouTube clip, and if I look over and they're texting, I go crazy. I'm like, dude, I'm showing you something.
But I'll show my buddy a movie or a YouTube clip, and if I look over and they're texting, I go crazy. I'm like, dude, I'm showing you something.
Everyone's fired. Okay, first of all, I'm being re-traumatized. I'm just trying to show you something. I don't like this at all. I don't like where this is going.
Everyone's fired. Okay, first of all, I'm being re-traumatized. I'm just trying to show you something. I don't like this at all. I don't like where this is going.
It also makes me crazy when somebody goes, this is really funny, and they send it to me, and I go... This made you laugh?
It also makes me crazy when somebody goes, this is really funny, and they send it to me, and I go... This made you laugh?
Oh, no. Yeah, that would drive me crazy. Stop being my friend. But you're honest. I think that's the good part of that.
Oh, no. Yeah, that would drive me crazy. Stop being my friend. But you're honest. I think that's the good part of that.
A lot of this is in your head.
A lot of this is in your head.
I don't think so. I know so.
I don't think so. I know so.
If I said something... Give him an example of something that... Here's my point.
If I said something... Give him an example of something that... Here's my point.
If you say something once for her, she goes, that is... That's an always thing. You're like, no, I said something one time.
If you say something once for her, she goes, that is... That's an always thing. You're like, no, I said something one time.
Right. What was the one thing he said that he hated that was on Netflix? Some gay shit she was watching. I don't know. Well, do you watch like some girl, like girls like shows that men don't like. She loves period pieces. And it's tough for us to understand.
Right. What was the one thing he said that he hated that was on Netflix? Some gay shit she was watching. I don't know. Well, do you watch like some girl, like girls like shows that men don't like. She loves period pieces. And it's tough for us to understand.
I love that she finds a show that she loves, because I think it's a great feeling when you find... But sometimes he'll like my dumb girl stuff. She got me into Downton Abbey, and I think it's a period piece. Never saw it. It looks like some gay shit. Here's the thing.
I love that she finds a show that she loves, because I think it's a great feeling when you find... But sometimes he'll like my dumb girl stuff. She got me into Downton Abbey, and I think it's a period piece. Never saw it. It looks like some gay shit. Here's the thing.
It's the best. It is phenomenal.
It's the best. It is phenomenal.
The writing is top tier. The acting's incredible. I'm out, then.
The writing is top tier. The acting's incredible. I'm out, then.
It's so gay. It's really gay. Well, me and Burt were talking about this recently on his thing. It was like... I am pretty easy to convince, too. I'm like, I'm not watching this shit. And then they just go, just watch like an episode. And then I'm like, all right, I'm in. That one's fantastic.
It's so gay. It's really gay. Well, me and Burt were talking about this recently on his thing. It was like... I am pretty easy to convince, too. I'm like, I'm not watching this shit. And then they just go, just watch like an episode. And then I'm like, all right, I'm in. That one's fantastic.
No, it's just about to be, seriously, I'm about to shut the studio down. Okay, so that's how you react to your spouse literally having a life-threatening moment. And then here's how this is the other way.
No, it's just about to be, seriously, I'm about to shut the studio down. Okay, so that's how you react to your spouse literally having a life-threatening moment. And then here's how this is the other way.
And then I'll watch the whole thing. That one's fantastic.
And then I'll watch the whole thing. That one's fantastic.
But I'm like, I'm a judge at first, and then I'm an easy sell after.
But I'm like, I'm a judge at first, and then I'm an easy sell after.
And you probably, look, if I sat down and watched it, I don't know if I'd like it. But if it's good, if it's quality, like the thing about television and movies is there can be genres that you're drawn to and ones that you're not. But if something actually is great. Yeah. It's the same with sports, right? There's sports that I'm like, yeah, I'm not really into this.
And you probably, look, if I sat down and watched it, I don't know if I'd like it. But if it's good, if it's quality, like the thing about television and movies is there can be genres that you're drawn to and ones that you're not. But if something actually is great. Yeah. It's the same with sports, right? There's sports that I'm like, yeah, I'm not really into this.
If you show me, I don't know, a World Cup game, the drama, the stakes, the best players, I'm like, oh, I'm into this because it's the highest level. So, yeah, it's just, you know.
If you show me, I don't know, a World Cup game, the drama, the stakes, the best players, I'm like, oh, I'm into this because it's the highest level. So, yeah, it's just, you know.
I don't hate your music.
I don't hate your music.
What is goth music?
What is goth music?
It's really incredible. I've never heard of any of this. I've never met somebody quite like her, too.
It's really incredible. I've never heard of any of this. I've never met somebody quite like her, too.
People have a favorite band sometimes, and you're like, okay.
People have a favorite band sometimes, and you're like, okay.
I just learned about a genre of music. I didn't even know goth. I thought goth was like some teenagers I picked on in school.
I just learned about a genre of music. I didn't even know goth. I thought goth was like some teenagers I picked on in school.
It's so funny to me how devoted she is. It's kind of amusing because, like I said, I like some different genres of music. I don't think I have a favorite one group, but But, like, you know, I'll listen to different things. With her, she's like, oh, I love Bauhaus, right? Yeah, I've never heard of that either.
It's so funny to me how devoted she is. It's kind of amusing because, like I said, I like some different genres of music. I don't think I have a favorite one group, but But, like, you know, I'll listen to different things. With her, she's like, oh, I love Bauhaus, right? Yeah, I've never heard of that either.
I can't tell you how many times I walk by her closet and I just hear her go, hey, Siri, or hey, Alexa, whatever, play Bauhaus. It's like hundreds of times. I'm like, god damn, you really want to hear this every day. Is that a band or is it a genre?
I can't tell you how many times I walk by her closet and I just hear her go, hey, Siri, or hey, Alexa, whatever, play Bauhaus. It's like hundreds of times. I'm like, god damn, you really want to hear this every day. Is that a band or is it a genre?
That's them. Oh, Bauhaus is the band. That's the band.
That's them. Oh, Bauhaus is the band. That's the band.
You told Siri to play it.
You told Siri to play it.
It's not mine. That's my phone.
It's not mine. That's my phone.
Yeah, Tom, it's yours because you said, hey, Siri. Oh, you said, hey, Siri.
Yeah, Tom, it's yours because you said, hey, Siri. Oh, you said, hey, Siri.
Oh. But Ed Sheeran came on.
Oh. But Ed Sheeran came on.
What's the song name? Maybe it's that.
What's the song name? Maybe it's that.
Stop the Rain?
Stop the Rain?
I'll tell you this. I like Ed Sheeran. Stop. I like Ed Sheeran.
I'll tell you this. I like Ed Sheeran. Stop. I like Ed Sheeran.
This is the only thing I want to tell you. It's because she's a teacher. It's the most annoying thing in the world that you don't prove to Blanca.
This is the only thing I want to tell you. It's because she's a teacher. It's the most annoying thing in the world that you don't prove to Blanca.
Well, I don't think he said he doesn't criticize anything. He's not even listening to us right now. I am. I'm just seeing what the hell happened.
Well, I don't think he said he doesn't criticize anything. He's not even listening to us right now. I am. I'm just seeing what the hell happened.
I do feel like women watch and like things that are... And it always is a great balance when a man likes sports. Do you like sports? Yeah.
I do feel like women watch and like things that are... And it always is a great balance when a man likes sports. Do you like sports? Yeah.
Because then you go, see how you don't like this and I'm really into this? I get that that's what your shit is. That's what I'm saying. His Downton Abbey. Her being really into a show. I go, that's great. Right. Yeah.
Because then you go, see how you don't like this and I'm really into this? I get that that's what your shit is. That's what I'm saying. His Downton Abbey. Her being really into a show. I go, that's great. Right. Yeah.
Yeah, 100%. For her, football, she's like, is it still on? I'm like, yeah, it's the fucking second quarter.
Yeah, 100%. For her, football, she's like, is it still on? I'm like, yeah, it's the fucking second quarter.
Yeah, they're long, yeah.
Yeah, they're long, yeah.
Shorter than Marvel movies, I'll tell you that. What happens on the show?
Shorter than Marvel movies, I'll tell you that. What happens on the show?
I know.
I know.
This always amuses me because I've never heard it through this lens. And it actually is very funny. The funniest one is like, you know, the shows where they recap games. She's like, are they talking about the game you just watched? And I'm like, yeah. And it's just like five guys who are like, they should have held on to the bulb.
This always amuses me because I've never heard it through this lens. And it actually is very funny. The funniest one is like, you know, the shows where they recap games. She's like, are they talking about the game you just watched? And I'm like, yeah. And it's just like five guys who are like, they should have held on to the bulb.
It can be three days with the same coughing.
It can be three days with the same coughing.
Yeah, that's true. That is true. But I tell you what, every message, anything I ever send to Maria, I send it to Maria. So why?
Yeah, that's true. That is true. But I tell you what, every message, anything I ever send to Maria, I send it to Maria. So why?
And they laugh at their dumb... I was like, until you pointed that out, I just thought this was totally normal. It is normal to us. I was like, no, it's super lame.
And they laugh at their dumb... I was like, until you pointed that out, I just thought this was totally normal. It is normal to us. I was like, no, it's super lame.
You cared about the game, right? So you have to have an emotional investment, some. Otherwise, if you don't give a shit... It also reminds me what happened.
You cared about the game, right? So you have to have an emotional investment, some. Otherwise, if you don't give a shit... It also reminds me what happened.
Yeah, it reminds you what happened. It sounds really lazy, but I'm like, oh yeah, that happened in the first quarter. Because there's a lot going on. It's a four-hour game. And then if you lost...
Yeah, it reminds you what happened. It sounds really lazy, but I'm like, oh yeah, that happened in the first quarter. Because there's a lot going on. It's a four-hour game. And then if you lost...
You're like, why did we fucking lose? And then these guys are talking about why.
You're like, why did we fucking lose? And then these guys are talking about why.
And we like to believe that they know more than us. Like, oh, he played for the Steelers in the 70s. He must have a better idea of what happened. Also, Tom might not admit this. I don't know if I really will admit it, but I think maybe... Some people like to then regurgitate what those old athletes said later, like the next day at work.
And we like to believe that they know more than us. Like, oh, he played for the Steelers in the 70s. He must have a better idea of what happened. Also, Tom might not admit this. I don't know if I really will admit it, but I think maybe... Some people like to then regurgitate what those old athletes said later, like the next day at work.
It becomes your point of view.
It becomes your point of view.
Right. Because I agree with that. I will now absorb that. And then I will say that like I thought of it. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't know a lot about sports as much as I love sports. My heart for sports is bigger than my brain for sports. Right.
Right. Because I agree with that. I will now absorb that. And then I will say that like I thought of it. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't know a lot about sports as much as I love sports. My heart for sports is bigger than my brain for sports. Right.
But why the game of... If you can't convert third downs, I mean, how are we going to fucking win?
But why the game of... If you can't convert third downs, I mean, how are we going to fucking win?
Exactly. I'll say stuff like, I mean, are you going to... That was more of a great defensive play than it was a bad interception.
Exactly. I'll say stuff like, I mean, are you going to... That was more of a great defensive play than it was a bad interception.
Someone's like, that's your thought? You're like, yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Someone's like, that's your thought? You're like, yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.
It's not to shame. First of all, they're contractually obligated to do it.
It's not to shame. First of all, they're contractually obligated to do it.
I am the mother. Don't you think I know what I'm doing with my daughter? You're right. I'm just joking. Hold on. You keep moving your chair, by the way. Sorry, go ahead.
I am the mother. Don't you think I know what I'm doing with my daughter? You're right. I'm just joking. Hold on. You keep moving your chair, by the way. Sorry, go ahead.
Which I think is dog shit. Terrible. I agree with you on this one. Sad. Let's stop interviewing athletes and coaches who have had media training. They give them training to teach them to not say anything. Then we interview them. And I'm friends with some journalists who won't like this take, but...
Which I think is dog shit. Terrible. I agree with you on this one. Sad. Let's stop interviewing athletes and coaches who have had media training. They give them training to teach them to not say anything. Then we interview them. And I'm friends with some journalists who won't like this take, but...
The only time an athlete is interesting and it goes like viral is if the player screws up and then the player gets fined for saying something he shouldn't.
The only time an athlete is interesting and it goes like viral is if the player screws up and then the player gets fined for saying something he shouldn't.
It's the best.
It's the best.
They're like capitalizing on like, look, he screwed up. He said a thing he shouldn't have.
They're like capitalizing on like, look, he screwed up. He said a thing he shouldn't have.
It's why the UFC is amazing. Oh, I love that. They're allowed to say anything. They say anything. And Dana White is amazing. He encourages it.
It's why the UFC is amazing. Oh, I love that. They're allowed to say anything. They say anything. And Dana White is amazing. He encourages it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he also is like, fuck that shit.
And he also is like, fuck that shit.
Right. And you're like.
Right. And you're like.
Because all the other commissioners are like, you own this league? You run this. The other guys are terrible. They're literally like talking to the, like the, Roger Goodell is like the CEO of Coca-Cola.
Because all the other commissioners are like, you own this league? You run this. The other guys are terrible. They're literally like talking to the, like the, Roger Goodell is like the CEO of Coca-Cola.
Like he's not going to say anything interesting ever. It's just like, and as an organization, we are committed to making their communities better. And you're like, okay. Like Dana is just like, You want to see that fucking fight?
Like he's not going to say anything interesting ever. It's just like, and as an organization, we are committed to making their communities better. And you're like, okay. Like Dana is just like, You want to see that fucking fight?
Yeah, he's the best. Cool. Well, that's why I used to say, before Donald Trump, I used to always talk about how, like, why would you even want a politician on your podcast? Because, like, when Obama did WTF, I was like, Barack Obama went into Marc Maron's cat-infested garage in Silver Lake or wherever. I couldn't believe it.
Yeah, he's the best. Cool. Well, that's why I used to say, before Donald Trump, I used to always talk about how, like, why would you even want a politician on your podcast? Because, like, when Obama did WTF, I was like, Barack Obama went into Marc Maron's cat-infested garage in Silver Lake or wherever. I couldn't believe it.
And then you listen to the episode, you're like, oh, yeah, he's the president. He can't just get on there and be like, you know...
And then you listen to the episode, you're like, oh, yeah, he's the president. He can't just get on there and be like, you know...
Shlobodan Milosevic is a psycho listen to this story he can't he's the president now he does better interviews I've seen clips of him like he did what is it like Ryan Clark and Channing Crowder's podcast and those clips the way he was speaking you're like oh this is a guy who's not in office anymore right and those that's great
Shlobodan Milosevic is a psycho listen to this story he can't he's the president now he does better interviews I've seen clips of him like he did what is it like Ryan Clark and Channing Crowder's podcast and those clips the way he was speaking you're like oh this is a guy who's not in office anymore right and those that's great
And he was funny on that and interesting because he's an ex-president, right?
And he was funny on that and interesting because he's an ex-president, right?
Right.
Right.
So, yeah, most of the time, no one's like Trump.
So, yeah, most of the time, no one's like Trump.
Well, that's why he kind of broke the mold of that. He totally did. Which I don't even think we'll see again. I don't think we'll see that again.
Well, that's why he kind of broke the mold of that. He totally did. Which I don't even think we'll see again. I don't think we'll see that again.
I don't think the next few presidents will be like that.
I don't think the next few presidents will be like that.
If Barack Obama would have called a woman fat, it would have been the worst thing for his life ever. He would have tailspin. But if I told you, Donald Trump called some lady fat, you guys would go, yeah, yeah. He does that all the time. And it's Tuesday. That's what he does, dude. I think we're going to see more of it, not less.
If Barack Obama would have called a woman fat, it would have been the worst thing for his life ever. He would have tailspin. But if I told you, Donald Trump called some lady fat, you guys would go, yeah, yeah. He does that all the time. And it's Tuesday. That's what he does, dude. I think we're going to see more of it, not less.
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't think...
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't think...
I think people will try there's something that he has like a it's just like a mix of qualities that allows him look you can find a hundred things he's said that would have ended people's careers anyone else I think part of it is the source people are just like this is I think the only reason Trump won and like won the popular vote and all this stuff is because he wasn't a politician now if any other person was running that wasn't a politician they would have won instead right that's why I think we'll see more of it
I think people will try there's something that he has like a it's just like a mix of qualities that allows him look you can find a hundred things he's said that would have ended people's careers anyone else I think part of it is the source people are just like this is I think the only reason Trump won and like won the popular vote and all this stuff is because he wasn't a politician now if any other person was running that wasn't a politician they would have won instead right that's why I think we'll see more of it
Maybe if it's another non-politician.
Maybe if it's another non-politician.
That's what we need.
That's what we need.
Because you can't get into politics with that. You have to come from the outside.
Because you can't get into politics with that. You have to come from the outside.
And politics used to be, they'd come to your town, right? Before the internet. They'd come to your town and go, you guys like guns? Oh, hey, guns are good. We're going to help you. And they'd go to the next town and they'd say, what do you got? They'd go, we hate guns. They'd go, we're going to get rid of guns. But now with the internet.
And politics used to be, they'd come to your town, right? Before the internet. They'd come to your town and go, you guys like guns? Oh, hey, guns are good. We're going to help you. And they'd go to the next town and they'd say, what do you got? They'd go, we hate guns. They'd go, we're going to get rid of guns. But now with the internet.
Yeah, you can't.
Yeah, you can't.
You can see that a politician will say a thing and then you'll go, but they just said a different thing in this. And now we can compare it. We have reels. We have social media. And so like the age of being a politician where you just kind of say what works is it's over.
You can see that a politician will say a thing and then you'll go, but they just said a different thing in this. And now we can compare it. We have reels. We have social media. And so like the age of being a politician where you just kind of say what works is it's over.
Just look at us. You have to look at us and you'll know where sisters are. Now, this is...
Just look at us. You have to look at us and you'll know where sisters are. Now, this is...
That's a good point. You got to be authentic. Yeah. Authentically yourself. That's the other thing is that he's not. I don't think he's like.
That's a good point. You got to be authentic. Yeah. Authentically yourself. That's the other thing is that he's not. I don't think he's like.
putting one on when he does that that's who he is i think so too and i think that like that not to confuse that with being honest but it is he's not telling different stories in different places is all yeah he's he's coming with his flaws and his things right there and you go all right i do like we know what we're getting i like that he lost weight and i like that he's not as orange and i like and like my crazy neighbor oh yeah you want to talk politics i like that he lost weight and he's orange
putting one on when he does that that's who he is i think so too and i think that like that not to confuse that with being honest but it is he's not telling different stories in different places is all yeah he's he's coming with his flaws and his things right there and you go all right i do like we know what we're getting i like that he lost weight and i like that he's not as orange and i like and like my crazy neighbor oh yeah you want to talk politics i like that he lost weight and he's orange
He did, he did.
He did, he did.
He does.
He does.
After they tried to murder him, after the FBI tried to kill him, now he's like, all right, I'll lay low a little ways.
After they tried to murder him, after the FBI tried to kill him, now he's like, all right, I'll lay low a little ways.
Of course. Good for him.
Of course. Good for him.
He looks great. He eats McDonald's like three times a day. So yeah, maybe he did take some Ozempic.
He looks great. He eats McDonald's like three times a day. So yeah, maybe he did take some Ozempic.
He likes KFC.
He likes KFC.
I don't know much about Ozempic. Everyone talks about it. It's in everyone's act. Oh, it's great.
I don't know much about Ozempic. Everyone talks about it. It's in everyone's act. Oh, it's great.
I know nothing about it. You're on it? Back on it. Are you? Oh, yeah. Are there any negatives?
I know nothing about it. You're on it? Back on it. Are you? Oh, yeah. Are there any negatives?
What are we, splitting hairs here? You want to lose the weight, right?
What are we, splitting hairs here? You want to lose the weight, right?
Yeah, and it's easy to get.
Yeah, and it's easy to get.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Everyone talks about it. Oh, yeah. I'll be with someone, and they'll say, I think your friend took Ozemp because I don't even know what that means.
Everyone talks about it. Oh, yeah. I'll be with someone, and they'll say, I think your friend took Ozemp because I don't even know what that means.
But most people don't take that.
But most people don't take that.
Yeah, he was pre-diabetic. He was like 285, and he took it and lost some weight. Interesting, yeah.
Yeah, he was pre-diabetic. He was like 285, and he took it and lost some weight. Interesting, yeah.
I want to show you something. You tell me whether this is horrible or hilarious to you. Okay, it's probably going to be both. Those overlap. Sometimes. Here we go. I've got an interest in humor.
I want to show you something. You tell me whether this is horrible or hilarious to you. Okay, it's probably going to be both. Those overlap. Sometimes. Here we go. I've got an interest in humor.
Well, okay, first of all, it was annoying to listen to.
Well, okay, first of all, it was annoying to listen to.
That's amazing.
That's amazing.
Yeah, I really like it. That's pretty good.
Yeah, I really like it. That's pretty good.
I like these kind of Darwinistic, like, well, what'd you expect kind of stuff. Like, did you guys see Chimp Crazy on HBO?
I like these kind of Darwinistic, like, well, what'd you expect kind of stuff. Like, did you guys see Chimp Crazy on HBO?
no it's this it's the people the guy who made tiger king made a movie or made a doc series about the same kind of thing instead of with cat people it's people that have monkeys and chimps wow it's you'll love it what's it called it's called chimp crazy oh wow it's just as good as tiger king but now we're not in a pandemic so everyone's not chimps when they feel the need to be aggressive
no it's this it's the people the guy who made tiger king made a movie or made a doc series about the same kind of thing instead of with cat people it's people that have monkeys and chimps wow it's you'll love it what's it called it's called chimp crazy oh wow it's just as good as tiger king but now we're not in a pandemic so everyone's not chimps when they feel the need to be aggressive
will do almost always the same things first to a male because they identify that you're male. They'll bite your fingers off because they know that these are your kind of weapons. And they'll rip your testicles off. And then they usually will pull your jaw out and they can pull strips of skin off of your back
will do almost always the same things first to a male because they identify that you're male. They'll bite your fingers off because they know that these are your kind of weapons. And they'll rip your testicles off. And then they usually will pull your jaw out and they can pull strips of skin off of your back
My thing was just like, you're about to die. And then I was like, you're good. And you told me you're good. I did not mock you.
My thing was just like, you're about to die. And then I was like, you're good. And you told me you're good. I did not mock you.
like it's just pieces the only reason I know all this is because of Chimp Crazy they go through everything Travis the Chimp who fucked up that lady like they go through all this it made me hate monkeys too they're kind of gross to me now or hey made me hate chimps but I'm trying to think why I brought that up oh because of the guy that bombed his hand off right there so for this it's like listen
like it's just pieces the only reason I know all this is because of Chimp Crazy they go through everything Travis the Chimp who fucked up that lady like they go through all this it made me hate monkeys too they're kind of gross to me now or hey made me hate chimps but I'm trying to think why I brought that up oh because of the guy that bombed his hand off right there so for this it's like listen
if this dumb lady needs to keep a bunch of gross chimps locked up to be happy, good for her. I don't give a shit. Lock up these ugly, non-working Hollywood monkeys, right? But if those monkeys rip her fucking face off and she looks like some ghoul on the Oprah Winfrey show, I'm fine with that too. I don't care about either. I don't give a fuck about these monkeys or this dumb lady.
if this dumb lady needs to keep a bunch of gross chimps locked up to be happy, good for her. I don't give a shit. Lock up these ugly, non-working Hollywood monkeys, right? But if those monkeys rip her fucking face off and she looks like some ghoul on the Oprah Winfrey show, I'm fine with that too. I don't care about either. I don't give a fuck about these monkeys or this dumb lady.
And so I feel like that's kind of like the bomb in the hand. You want to go shoot a bomb up?
And so I feel like that's kind of like the bomb in the hand. You want to go shoot a bomb up?
at the lake then go for it do it but also when your hand blows off I go that's hilarious to me that's what you get stupid you set this up that was 200 grams of ammonium nitrate and nitro is it methane it has a Detonation velocity of, what is it? 58 kilometers a second. The person basically made a bomb, leading to his hand being blown straight off.
at the lake then go for it do it but also when your hand blows off I go that's hilarious to me that's what you get stupid you set this up that was 200 grams of ammonium nitrate and nitro is it methane it has a Detonation velocity of, what is it? 58 kilometers a second. The person basically made a bomb, leading to his hand being blown straight off.
The ammonium nitrate was used in World War I to make low-cost explosive dynamite. His hand is gone, and it took seven weeks to recover. Jeebus.
The ammonium nitrate was used in World War I to make low-cost explosive dynamite. His hand is gone, and it took seven weeks to recover. Jeebus.
Also, go back to the beginning of the video.
Also, go back to the beginning of the video.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look how happy he is. And when he's looking back, like he's like, look at him looking back. He's really trying to impress everybody. Like, check this out.
Look how happy he is. And when he's looking back, like he's like, look at him looking back. He's really trying to impress everybody. Like, check this out.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I like the scream. The screams are always good.
I like the scream. The screams are always good.
Everybody hated it. Everybody hated it because it was prolonged. If you're going to choke, make it quick. Don't fucking make it a whole show. That was really long. It was really horrible.
Everybody hated it. Everybody hated it because it was prolonged. If you're going to choke, make it quick. Don't fucking make it a whole show. That was really long. It was really horrible.
Also, maybe just try to get, like, a super long wick on something.
Also, maybe just try to get, like, a super long wick on something.
That's the kind of thing, though, part of me, I go, that's hilarious. And then I always just think about our boys.
That's the kind of thing, though, part of me, I go, that's hilarious. And then I always just think about our boys.
They're going to have a thing.
They're going to have a thing.
I've learned that with my sisters. Sisters will have bickering between mom. They'll go through these wars where one girl will be mean to mom, mom will be mean back. It's this weird female battle. But with boys, it's always some big one thing. They get arrested or they knock up a girl or they beat up a kid in school who's gay. Some weird thing. Some big thing.
I've learned that with my sisters. Sisters will have bickering between mom. They'll go through these wars where one girl will be mean to mom, mom will be mean back. It's this weird female battle. But with boys, it's always some big one thing. They get arrested or they knock up a girl or they beat up a kid in school who's gay. Some weird thing. Some big thing.
Just for being alive and gay.
Just for being alive and gay.
Tie him to a fence and now you can't go to Colorado anymore or Wyoming or whatever. What was I going to say about that? What country was this in?
Tie him to a fence and now you can't go to Colorado anymore or Wyoming or whatever. What was I going to say about that? What country was this in?
It feels Russian.
It feels Russian.
Yeah, it does. Let's see if it's... Because it says normal if it's Russian.
Yeah, it does. Let's see if it's... Because it says normal if it's Russian.
It was Slovakia. Of course. On the way. Nearby. Here's another one. Let's see if this makes you laugh.
It was Slovakia. Of course. On the way. Nearby. Here's another one. Let's see if this makes you laugh.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I didn't even know that was possible. A new fear unlocked.
I didn't even know that was possible. A new fear unlocked.
Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen pectairs?
Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen pectairs?
That made me... I didn't like that.
That made me... I didn't like that.
Yeah, that was... He didn't ask for that. That counts as horrible.
Yeah, that was... He didn't ask for that. That counts as horrible.
Yeah, he didn't ask for that. No, he didn't ask for it. He's just weightlifting. Yeah. He's not some jackass. He's just a cute guy trying to... Just some super hot guy.
Yeah, he didn't ask for that. No, he didn't ask for it. He's just weightlifting. Yeah. He's not some jackass. He's just a cute guy trying to... Just some super hot guy.
Oh, but see, look at... I don't know. He's got four plates on there. Maybe he was exceeding... You know what I mean? Barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, he was like, hey, dude, if you try to flex for the camera, sometimes it can go.
Oh, but see, look at... I don't know. He's got four plates on there. Maybe he was exceeding... You know what I mean? Barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, he was like, hey, dude, if you try to flex for the camera, sometimes it can go.
Sounds like you were looking for attention. It didn't seem like you were.
Sounds like you were looking for attention. It didn't seem like you were.
Maybe that could be it.
Maybe that could be it.
I know. I don't like that. Okay. Oh, I've seen that. I love that one.
I know. I don't like that. Okay. Oh, I've seen that. I love that one.
Oh, the aftermath video is great.
Oh, the aftermath video is great.
You got to have the aftermath.
You got to have the aftermath.
I love that. This one's a mix of the two. She wasn't asking for it, but I still like it. I know.
I love that. This one's a mix of the two. She wasn't asking for it, but I still like it. I know.
She had a great sense of humor because she put out the aftermath video, I think, in the same exact area.
She had a great sense of humor because she put out the aftermath video, I think, in the same exact area.
What could be the aftermath? Like, how bad could it be?
What could be the aftermath? Like, how bad could it be?
Just, oh, it's bad, dude. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her face hit that platform right.
Just, oh, it's bad, dude. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her face hit that platform right.
really fucking hard it seems like it'd be kind of a just an embarrassing one with a couple bruises or something but she was trying to be like an influencer and say something come to Fiji you know like hey check this out and she hit that shit so hard face first yeah you know that was a tough one let's go check it out oh that's pretty good you guys don't have it
really fucking hard it seems like it'd be kind of a just an embarrassing one with a couple bruises or something but she was trying to be like an influencer and say something come to Fiji you know like hey check this out and she hit that shit so hard face first yeah you know that was a tough one let's go check it out oh that's pretty good you guys don't have it
Yeah, it was like, oh, is this moment not about me?
Yeah, it was like, oh, is this moment not about me?
Bad work. Something about beautiful women getting hurt makes me happier.
Bad work. Something about beautiful women getting hurt makes me happier.
Because it happens to them too? They're so like, we're so beautiful. And so to like see it makes it that much more funny to me.
Because it happens to them too? They're so like, we're so beautiful. And so to like see it makes it that much more funny to me.
I don't know what it is about it. Because there used to be an Instagram account that I followed. It got banned. But it was called Girls Getting Hurt. And I'd send it to my buddy. He'd get so mad at me. Because he'd be like, stop. Do you hate women? Why are you sending me this? I was like, it's just funny.
I don't know what it is about it. Because there used to be an Instagram account that I followed. It got banned. But it was called Girls Getting Hurt. And I'd send it to my buddy. He'd get so mad at me. Because he'd be like, stop. Do you hate women? Why are you sending me this? I was like, it's just funny.
I think it's amusing, too. Because you know that somebody has an easier life just by being attractive. Right.
I think it's amusing, too. Because you know that somebody has an easier life just by being attractive. Right.
Well, they're protected. We protect women. Yeah, we protect them. And there are like these, you know, like... I don't know, it's like squishing a flower or something. There's something kind of rebellious about it.
Well, they're protected. We protect women. Yeah, we protect them. And there are like these, you know, like... I don't know, it's like squishing a flower or something. There's something kind of rebellious about it.
Yeah, there is. There is. All right, well, here's the next one. Sorry, I keep talking too much during these.
Yeah, there is. There is. All right, well, here's the next one. Sorry, I keep talking too much during these.
That's a drunk. That's a drunk, yeah.
That's a drunk. That's a drunk, yeah.
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
The good thing is she won't feel that. Yeah. She had to check her ring camera and go, that's why my butt hurts. Oh, God.
The good thing is she won't feel that. Yeah. She had to check her ring camera and go, that's why my butt hurts. Oh, God.
Everything that she owns, though, made it on the patio.
Everything that she owns, though, made it on the patio.
Cigarettes, keys, wallet. It all fell perfectly. Perfectly, yeah.
Cigarettes, keys, wallet. It all fell perfectly. Perfectly, yeah.
Although she's got some cushion. She does have a guy shave. Yeah, big butt. That's a good one.
Although she's got some cushion. She does have a guy shave. Yeah, big butt. That's a good one.
Fuck, I could see myself doing that.
Fuck, I could see myself doing that.
That was hilarious.
That was hilarious.
That's all we got today. That's it? That's it, man. Those are the four of the day. Sometimes they're great. Do you ever show like deaths?
That's all we got today. That's it? That's it, man. Those are the four of the day. Sometimes they're great. Do you ever show like deaths?
I think you put on a bit of a show. But I just want to thank Keely for pointing that out. There's two different types of people.
I think you put on a bit of a show. But I just want to thank Keely for pointing that out. There's two different types of people.
No.
No.
I mean, it's happened. Try not to go like, here's 10 people dying. Your guest is like, what the fuck? I feel like the face plant stuff is kind of about this lady. Yeah. Harmless fun. Harmless fun. Sometimes we're like, hey, here's a workplace accident. And then you're like, uh.
I mean, it's happened. Try not to go like, here's 10 people dying. Your guest is like, what the fuck? I feel like the face plant stuff is kind of about this lady. Yeah. Harmless fun. Harmless fun. Sometimes we're like, hey, here's a workplace accident. And then you're like, uh.
Here's a shooting at a volleyball game.
Here's a shooting at a volleyball game.
You're like, what the fuck? Oh, shit. Yeah.
You're like, what the fuck? Oh, shit. Yeah.
Like what, like a forklift dropped in, like nine million bottles of Coke?
Like what, like a forklift dropped in, like nine million bottles of Coke?
Yeah, those are brutal, too. I always wonder about those. Like, how do we know which ones are alive still? Yeah.
Yeah, those are brutal, too. I always wonder about those. Like, how do we know which ones are alive still? Yeah.
especially when they're like like the china ones and the russia ones they're just always like that machinery yeah they're just posting the video like look at this they don't have the fucking osha like standard it's like when a robot dies here they just go that's one of our employees we've seen some china workplace ones where like there's a pressure valve and a guy just explodes like his body just explodes and they're in china they're just like
especially when they're like like the china ones and the russia ones they're just always like that machinery yeah they're just posting the video like look at this they don't have the fucking osha like standard it's like when a robot dies here they just go that's one of our employees we've seen some china workplace ones where like there's a pressure valve and a guy just explodes like his body just explodes and they're in china they're just like
And that.
And that.
I know this guy. He answered it so... I'll remove that if you have one in. Because I got to remove all the stuff from the inside. All of that comes out.
I know this guy. He answered it so... I'll remove that if you have one in. Because I got to remove all the stuff from the inside. All of that comes out.
Don't do that with your hands.
Don't do that with your hands.
So there's a tampon in there. That comes out too. I'll remove it. You're welcome. I don't want you to spend eternity with one of those in there. Don't you get, like, sick or something if one stays in too long? We don't want that to happen.
So there's a tampon in there. That comes out too. I'll remove it. You're welcome. I don't want you to spend eternity with one of those in there. Don't you get, like, sick or something if one stays in too long? We don't want that to happen.
I know. Let's put choking past us, hopefully, for the rest of the day.
I know. Let's put choking past us, hopefully, for the rest of the day.
We don't want that to happen.
We don't want that to happen.
I got you. I'll remove everything. Everything gets removed. Got it. I'll throw that away. All your pieces will get put in a bag, and then the bag will be put in your belly. So you'll get to keep everything except for that tampon. I'll throw it away. I'll put it in the red bin. We'll get rid of it.
I got you. I'll remove everything. Everything gets removed. Got it. I'll throw that away. All your pieces will get put in a bag, and then the bag will be put in your belly. So you'll get to keep everything except for that tampon. I'll throw it away. I'll put it in the red bin. We'll get rid of it.
Yeah, he's got him. He keeps them. Jesus.
Yeah, he's got him. He keeps them. Jesus.
But I like that he has a sense of humor about this.
But I like that he has a sense of humor about this.
Is there any sort of, because you said you like to talk about the underrepresented on these things. Yeah, marginalized. Is there like a channel that you watch or anything on YouTube where you're like, I wish more people knew about this? Do you? Yeah.
Is there any sort of, because you said you like to talk about the underrepresented on these things. Yeah, marginalized. Is there like a channel that you watch or anything on YouTube where you're like, I wish more people knew about this? Do you? Yeah.
no because I watch some stuff where people come over and they go you watch this and I go yeah this guy rules or this person oh no what are you into like there's a channel called Decoy Voice which is like a great political channel but then there's one called Muck Bang Mermaid oh well those are on the talk you know Muck Bang of course I know Muck Bang do you know Muck Bang Mermaid I do not
no because I watch some stuff where people come over and they go you watch this and I go yeah this guy rules or this person oh no what are you into like there's a channel called Decoy Voice which is like a great political channel but then there's one called Muck Bang Mermaid oh well those are on the talk you know Muck Bang of course I know Muck Bang do you know Muck Bang Mermaid I do not
This is a person doing mukbang, which I just learned what that is. I thought this was just the name of this character, Mukbang Mermaid. I thought that was like a funny name she put before mermaid. But she wears like this terrifying mask and eats foods. But she's doing this great character. And the mask is so... That's her, Mukbang Mermaid. But she's comedically brilliant.
This is a person doing mukbang, which I just learned what that is. I thought this was just the name of this character, Mukbang Mermaid. I thought that was like a funny name she put before mermaid. But she wears like this terrifying mask and eats foods. But she's doing this great character. And the mask is so... That's her, Mukbang Mermaid. But she's comedically brilliant.
Okay.
Okay.
Baby Yezushka was born and then he takes over the world real soon.
Baby Yezushka was born and then he takes over the world real soon.
Whoever's in that costume is crushing it.
Whoever's in that costume is crushing it.
Because it's very funny.
Because it's very funny.
I love it.
I love it.
Oh, nice. See, this is my shit right here. Look at this guy. Oh, my God.
Oh, nice. See, this is my shit right here. Look at this guy. Oh, my God.
Why an index finger for that? I think he just can't show you what he wants to show you.
Why an index finger for that? I think he just can't show you what he wants to show you.
But it's just an index finger, and he's bragging about being a 300-pound caveman?
But it's just an index finger, and he's bragging about being a 300-pound caveman?
Well, he's giving you the POV for sure. Yeah. That is terrifying. Maybe the index finger is the perfect. Yeah, maybe that is. Yeah. He's being honest.
Well, he's giving you the POV for sure. Yeah. That is terrifying. Maybe the index finger is the perfect. Yeah, maybe that is. Yeah. He's being honest.
Ready for the show? I'm ready. Let's do it.
Ready for the show? I'm ready. Let's do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You look at you guys. You got this great, you know, you shoot a thing. If you want to shoot an opinion about something, you might walk around. Why is everyone in their goddamn car?
You look at you guys. You got this great, you know, you shoot a thing. If you want to shoot an opinion about something, you might walk around. Why is everyone in their goddamn car?
Most people really don't have a space.
Most people really don't have a space.
Anywhere they could do this?
Anywhere they could do this?
I think that a lot of people are like, where can I go that I can sit and talk and they can be quiet?
I think that a lot of people are like, where can I go that I can sit and talk and they can be quiet?
That's true. It's good for sound.
That's true. It's good for sound.
It's my car.
It's my car.
Really? I think so. It drives me nuts. You're right. I can't hear to anyone's opinion if you're sitting in a toilet. No, you're totally right. It's always a car. It is. It drives me nuts. I saw it because now my algorithm is insane. I got the best curated algorithm for what I like. But you'll see a girl being like, I'm going to eat this whole pizza. And you're like, in your car?
Really? I think so. It drives me nuts. You're right. I can't hear to anyone's opinion if you're sitting in a toilet. No, you're totally right. It's always a car. It is. It drives me nuts. I saw it because now my algorithm is insane. I got the best curated algorithm for what I like. But you'll see a girl being like, I'm going to eat this whole pizza. And you're like, in your car?
Yeah, you have to do that in the car. Yeah.
Yeah, you have to do that in the car. Yeah.
Maybe a picnic table. You do? You film ones in your car?
Maybe a picnic table. You do? You film ones in your car?
Well, also, as a COVID-conscious queer.
Well, also, as a COVID-conscious queer.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
A COVID-conscious queer.
A COVID-conscious queer.
Can you believe that's not an insult? That sounds like something I'd yell at her. I know. COVID conscious queer. But now it's her identity.
Can you believe that's not an insult? That sounds like something I'd yell at her. I know. COVID conscious queer. But now it's her identity.
At least she was like, well, anybody really. Yeah, she went back. If you're a conscious human.
At least she was like, well, anybody really. Yeah, she went back. If you're a conscious human.
She thinks she's helping. We're definitely filming the ass. Pan down. Oh, and the person didn't? Yeah, that's cool.
She thinks she's helping. We're definitely filming the ass. Pan down. Oh, and the person didn't? Yeah, that's cool.
She's a world-class marathon runner. I saw this story. She's like, yeah, top tier. She finished in the top three on this one. And yeah.
She's a world-class marathon runner. I saw this story. She's like, yeah, top tier. She finished in the top three on this one. And yeah.
which correct me if I'm wrong that's a common thing to shit yourself especially if you're the best in the world but you think the best in the world would evacuate their bowels before the race I think they have to it still could happen because don't forget she's running at least 26 miles do you know why it's called a marathon I just learned this no no
which correct me if I'm wrong that's a common thing to shit yourself especially if you're the best in the world but you think the best in the world would evacuate their bowels before the race I think they have to it still could happen because don't forget she's running at least 26 miles do you know why it's called a marathon I just learned this no no
No idea.
No idea.
That's a good one to know.
That's a good one to know.
I love learning things like that. I think that history is the best thing to know for comedy.
I love learning things like that. I think that history is the best thing to know for comedy.
It helps a lot. It wasn't funny right now, but you know. I liked it.
It helps a lot. It wasn't funny right now, but you know. I liked it.
No, I think it actually does inform. Yeah. Yeah, it gives you.
No, I think it actually does inform. Yeah. Yeah, it gives you.
Knowing things. People like, you'll reference a war and they go, what are you talking about? You go, you don't know this? Yeah. It makes you look smart. It makes you feel smart. Yeah.
Knowing things. People like, you'll reference a war and they go, what are you talking about? You go, you don't know this? Yeah. It makes you look smart. It makes you feel smart. Yeah.
And then you can weave in the dumbest shit because you said something smart.
And then you can weave in the dumbest shit because you said something smart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
That's true.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Who knew that was in there so good, huh? This is like a. Oh, shit. This is like a DIY talk.
Who knew that was in there so good, huh? This is like a. Oh, shit. This is like a DIY talk.
It's very funny.
It's very funny.
Also, why is he doing his own demo? Save a few bucks. He's like, I can do this myself.
Also, why is he doing his own demo? Save a few bucks. He's like, I can do this myself.
Hopefully I just got his pants. I wish women knew the feeling of getting nut tapped. That's okay. There's no way. You can never explain it. You really can't. All right. You'd feel that. And there's a delay. I mean, of course, you'd feel it. It would hurt you is what I'm saying. That fragile would hurt you. I believe it. Those are fragile bits. Those are carrying.
Hopefully I just got his pants. I wish women knew the feeling of getting nut tapped. That's okay. There's no way. You can never explain it. You really can't. All right. You'd feel that. And there's a delay. I mean, of course, you'd feel it. It would hurt you is what I'm saying. That fragile would hurt you. I believe it. Those are fragile bits. Those are carrying.
Also, when I was young, I got hit in the nuts a lot.
Also, when I was young, I got hit in the nuts a lot.
That's insane.
That's insane.
Yeah, that's why we got the tube at the top part for like at Wild Wings. That would never pass here. That's scary.
Yeah, that's why we got the tube at the top part for like at Wild Wings. That would never pass here. That's scary.
That would be like week one. Somebody would fly off of that and be like, it's shut down. They've seen us.
That would be like week one. Somebody would fly off of that and be like, it's shut down. They've seen us.
So I know Burt would do this bullshit, but would you do this? No. This? A slide like that? No, I don't think so. I mean, I couldn't do it. Well, actually, I could if you had me. Oh, my God.
So I know Burt would do this bullshit, but would you do this? No. This? A slide like that? No, I don't think so. I mean, I couldn't do it. Well, actually, I could if you had me. Oh, my God.
I just feel like my luck, too, I would go right off of it. I would just go right to the right. I would, too.
I just feel like my luck, too, I would go right off of it. I would just go right to the right. I would, too.
Vicky had such a good career, you know. I would die. Ruined it all with a stupid water slide.
Vicky had such a good career, you know. I would die. Ruined it all with a stupid water slide.
With a stupid Greek slide. I would die.
With a stupid Greek slide. I would die.
That is insane, though.
That is insane, though.
Getting work done.
Getting work done.
He's a helper under the desk. You up for it?
He's a helper under the desk. You up for it?
Who wants to suck me off?
Who wants to suck me off?
I know what it means, but I mean like why would he think that's going to help
I know what it means, but I mean like why would he think that's going to help
because the armpit you're right and this babe apropos the earlier discussion the armpit is like you guys like that really some guys like yeah I fucking love smelling armpits gross oh what the fuck yeah it's such a gay pose isn't that a gay we're talking about there's no way that's him right is it him that's him I think that's him
because the armpit you're right and this babe apropos the earlier discussion the armpit is like you guys like that really some guys like yeah I fucking love smelling armpits gross oh what the fuck yeah it's such a gay pose isn't that a gay we're talking about there's no way that's him right is it him that's him I think that's him
No wonder everyone's so into this guy Yeah But also isn't that pose The arm up to me And the panties down Also this is a strong move By whoever censored the cock Yeah Because they make the bar super long Yeah Yeah It's smart Yeah It is smart Wait what were you guys Oh the arm thing
No wonder everyone's so into this guy Yeah But also isn't that pose The arm up to me And the panties down Also this is a strong move By whoever censored the cock Yeah Because they make the bar super long Yeah Yeah It's smart Yeah It is smart Wait what were you guys Oh the arm thing
Welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.
Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.
Well, we're just talking about they're a community that deserves representation.
Well, we're just talking about they're a community that deserves representation.
It's true.
It's true.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
This can't be America. It is. It is? Yes. It is. Chicken? Next is the 30 second tight hug from this big latex sheet and a few wild rooms completed later. You move into the party room where you begin to celebrate making it before being buried above the head deep in balls. I wasn't the only one that made it out though as I found this little guy in my pocket way after finishing.
This can't be America. It is. It is? Yes. It is. Chicken? Next is the 30 second tight hug from this big latex sheet and a few wild rooms completed later. You move into the party room where you begin to celebrate making it before being buried above the head deep in balls. I wasn't the only one that made it out though as I found this little guy in my pocket way after finishing.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
That is an experience. I can see how this could be some people's favorite fucking thing.
That is an experience. I can see how this could be some people's favorite fucking thing.
You know, the people that just love- I love Horror Nights and Halloween things. They made a great documentary about these type of places. Yes.
You know, the people that just love- I love Horror Nights and Halloween things. They made a great documentary about these type of places. Yes.
Do you like haunted houses and stuff?
Do you like haunted houses and stuff?
I love haunted houses. I don't like this kind of stuff. But also the reason like McManny Manor, I think it's called. It was one of the most extreme haunted houses. I think it's still going. Is that right? Did I say the name right? McManny Manor? McCamey Manor. McCamey Manor, yeah. Anyways, the reason his was so controversial is because there's no safe word.
I love haunted houses. I don't like this kind of stuff. But also the reason like McManny Manor, I think it's called. It was one of the most extreme haunted houses. I think it's still going. Is that right? Did I say the name right? McManny Manor? McCamey Manor. McCamey Manor, yeah. Anyways, the reason his was so controversial is because there's no safe word.
Like this one, at any point they can leave. He said, I made it out, meaning like some people were able to go, ah, let me out.
Like this one, at any point they can leave. He said, I made it out, meaning like some people were able to go, ah, let me out.
uh that's the most extreme one and they waterboard you and like there's no out you can't there's no safe word that's why they think this guy should be locked up he also films it which is because he's a creep and he wants to like watch all these people yeah uh yeah that guy in the middle is the guy who runs it and also to get in you have to like do this waiting list it takes years it's a huge contract that's two dog food cans you have to donate which is strange
uh that's the most extreme one and they waterboard you and like there's no out you can't there's no safe word that's why they think this guy should be locked up he also films it which is because he's a creep and he wants to like watch all these people yeah uh yeah that guy in the middle is the guy who runs it and also to get in you have to like do this waiting list it takes years it's a huge contract that's two dog food cans you have to donate which is strange
Really?
Really?
That's part of it.
That's part of it.
Cool. I don't know why.
Cool. I don't know why.
I mean, it's cool that like, you're totally crazy.
I mean, it's cool that like, you're totally crazy.
Yeah, you have to be a psycho.
Yeah, you have to be a psycho.
The person doing that is completely insane.
The person doing that is completely insane.
Sexual kinks for sure. Fuck. I also, this is a TikTok thing when he was doing, when he was explaining it. I don't like the cadence in which he's, why is it so, like so. Some of those narration voices. I went into the things and then once you go through the 13 chickens, then you have to go to the electric thing that's being those. And then like, why is that how he's explaining it?
Sexual kinks for sure. Fuck. I also, this is a TikTok thing when he was doing, when he was explaining it. I don't like the cadence in which he's, why is it so, like so. Some of those narration voices. I went into the things and then once you go through the 13 chickens, then you have to go to the electric thing that's being those. And then like, why is that how he's explaining it?
It's very weird.
It's very weird.
Yeah, I hate the way he was explaining that on and off. Oh, shit. Oh, I saw this. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I hate the way he was explaining that on and off. Oh, shit. Oh, I saw this. Yeah, yeah.
New Zealand's youngest MP started by... Look at his face. This is so silly.
New Zealand's youngest MP started by... Look at his face. This is so silly.
It's like... It's so ridiculous.
It's like... It's so ridiculous.
In parliament? Doing their battle song? It's ridiculous. And we're all supposed to think, isn't it great?
In parliament? Doing their battle song? It's ridiculous. And we're all supposed to think, isn't it great?
So we look virtuous. It's ridiculous.
So we look virtuous. It's ridiculous.
Yeah. I hope you beat the USC. It's fine on a football field. What are we doing it in parliament for?
Yeah. I hope you beat the USC. It's fine on a football field. What are we doing it in parliament for?
The white guy faces are the best part.
The white guy faces are the best part.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
All right, you guys did your little song. It's so ridiculous.
All right, you guys did your little song. It's so ridiculous.
And I know people are going to hear, like, oh, he's being a dickhead about it. No, it's like, knock it off. Yeah, that's what you do, like, before the rugby game. We've also evolved. It is. I don't bring my gun into that parliament and go, it's my culture. This is what we used to do. We're all cowboys.
And I know people are going to hear, like, oh, he's being a dickhead about it. No, it's like, knock it off. Yeah, that's what you do, like, before the rugby game. We've also evolved. It is. I don't bring my gun into that parliament and go, it's my culture. This is what we used to do. We're all cowboys.
This form of protest.
This form of protest.
We've evolved past you shouting some tribal thing.
We've evolved past you shouting some tribal thing.
And then 2,000 years later, everyone's like, that was the guy. That was our homie. He was the best. Yeah. We have so much fun stuff planned for today. Number one, I'll let me just tell you, you've noticed that my facial hair is different yet again. So everyone's going to be like, what's going on? Why?
And then 2,000 years later, everyone's like, that was the guy. That was our homie. He was the best. Yeah. We have so much fun stuff planned for today. Number one, I'll let me just tell you, you've noticed that my facial hair is different yet again. So everyone's going to be like, what's going on? Why?
But that's why I'm against it. I'm not against them doing the haka. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I think so. I'm just against them doing it in Parliament. The guy was dressed like Papa Shango, and it's supposed to be like this civilized thing.
But that's why I'm against it. I'm not against them doing the haka. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I think so. I'm just against them doing it in Parliament. The guy was dressed like Papa Shango, and it's supposed to be like this civilized thing.
I would love to hear this guy on the bottom summary when he got home. Oh, yeah. Telling his wife. Well, you know how they get. Hey, man. They started screaming, hollering, doing their dance.
I would love to hear this guy on the bottom summary when he got home. Oh, yeah. Telling his wife. Well, you know how they get. Hey, man. They started screaming, hollering, doing their dance.
Yeah, you know. They did the whole thing. She goes, did they do the eyes thing? Oh, yeah, that was part of it. The handshaking. I tried to get order, and they kept popping in with some new ones. What'd you do? Oh, I just said, we're just calling it a day. We're just not going to do this. You should have seen Gary. He was fucking terrified.
Yeah, you know. They did the whole thing. She goes, did they do the eyes thing? Oh, yeah, that was part of it. The handshaking. I tried to get order, and they kept popping in with some new ones. What'd you do? Oh, I just said, we're just calling it a day. We're just not going to do this. You should have seen Gary. He was fucking terrified.
He was like, all right.
He was like, all right.
This needs to be cleared.
This needs to be cleared.
Come on. The next day, he's like, are we going to do a fucking show again today?
Come on. The next day, he's like, are we going to do a fucking show again today?
Yeah, I know. I hated it. I saw that video like four times and every time I was like, this is ridiculous. And read the comments. The comments are like so supportive. Like, isn't this beautiful? It's not beautiful. It's ridiculous. Also, if they were going to stick to the tradition, they wouldn't be wearing female pantsuits. Yeah.
Yeah, I know. I hated it. I saw that video like four times and every time I was like, this is ridiculous. And read the comments. The comments are like so supportive. Like, isn't this beautiful? It's not beautiful. It's ridiculous. Also, if they were going to stick to the tradition, they wouldn't be wearing female pantsuits. Yeah.
Yeah, that's not part of it.
Yeah, that's not part of it.
It went worldwide, like globally viral.
It went worldwide, like globally viral.
Pretty cool. Yeah. All right.
Pretty cool. Yeah. All right.
Excuse me. The special, The Last Cowboy in L.A. Yes. Is available on YouTube right now. Please check it out. And people can get tickets at jeffdye.com. Yeah. I'm going to be all over.
Excuse me. The special, The Last Cowboy in L.A. Yes. Is available on YouTube right now. Please check it out. And people can get tickets at jeffdye.com. Yeah. I'm going to be all over.
And welcome to Texas soon. I'm always touring. Yeah, I'm moving here. Yeah, dog. I'm very excited. It's very exciting. I love it here. Awesome. I love you guys' show. We'll come back.
And welcome to Texas soon. I'm always touring. Yeah, I'm moving here. Yeah, dog. I'm very excited. It's very exciting. I love it here. Awesome. I love you guys' show. We'll come back.
Thanks for having me on. My mom's moving here too, so maybe you guys can become good friends. I'd like that. Yeah, is she cool? Very cool. She's fast. You'll be into it then. All right. Thank you for coming. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you. We'll see you next week.
Thanks for having me on. My mom's moving here too, so maybe you guys can become good friends. I'd like that. Yeah, is she cool? Very cool. She's fast. You'll be into it then. All right. Thank you for coming. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you. We'll see you next week.
I'm pissed the fuck off right now, man. This letter was not orange when I bought it. It was not orange when I bought this motherfucker. If this was the real lighter thing,
I'm pissed the fuck off right now, man. This letter was not orange when I bought it. It was not orange when I bought this motherfucker. If this was the real lighter thing,
So if you're into Bass Pro Shop, fish style fishing and all that, he's one of the big stars.
So if you're into Bass Pro Shop, fish style fishing and all that, he's one of the big stars.
This episode of your mom's house podcast was brought to you by Rogue. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
This episode of your mom's house podcast was brought to you by Rogue. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
He's super legit, yeah. He's got some new merch. I'm just trying to help him plug his merch.
He's super legit, yeah. He's got some new merch. I'm just trying to help him plug his merch.
Yeah. He's a pro, man. I didn't know that. That guy can really fish.
Yeah. He's a pro, man. I didn't know that. That guy can really fish.
Yeah, if you like fishing, watching fishing, that's your guy.
Yeah, if you like fishing, watching fishing, that's your guy.
Yeah. And it's still the holiday season. If you want to rush, you can, you know.
Yeah. And it's still the holiday season. If you want to rush, you can, you know.
What's up, everybody? It's Tom Segura.
What's up, everybody? It's Tom Segura.
Get your merch. Yeah.
Get your merch. Yeah.
Merry Jeansmas to you. It's my favorite time of year.
Merry Jeansmas to you. It's my favorite time of year.
I love Christmas. It's my favorite one.
I love Christmas. It's my favorite one.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to do this.
Okay. Well, thanks for that. You got it. There's a... Yeah, there's Tom with his little Christmas cheer.
Okay. Well, thanks for that. You got it. There's a... Yeah, there's Tom with his little Christmas cheer.
That's totally what you look like.
That's totally what you look like.
A sad dog. I'm a sad dog, everybody.
A sad dog. I'm a sad dog, everybody.
There's a new controversy. I don't know if you're aware of this.
There's a new controversy. I don't know if you're aware of this.
What's that? I guess I did a bumper that played on a bunch of episodes. Yeah. And everybody is saying that I misspoke in this. And they're really coming down on me hard. Would you like to see it?
What's that? I guess I did a bumper that played on a bunch of episodes. Yeah. And everybody is saying that I misspoke in this. And they're really coming down on me hard. Would you like to see it?
Of course. What's up, everybody?
Of course. What's up, everybody?
What's everybody? No.
What's everybody? No.
It's what's up, everybody. What's up, everybody?
It's what's up, everybody. What's up, everybody?
If you're retarded.
If you're retarded.
do you look like a latin mechanic and the reason is that i just finished finally wrapping up that television show it's the reason i had a shaved face and it's the reason i have this goddamn goatee um it looks so good on you i like it it reminds me of the 90s the 90s yeah the 90s were a good era you look good with it yeah i'm just letting everything else come back so
do you look like a latin mechanic and the reason is that i just finished finally wrapping up that television show it's the reason i had a shaved face and it's the reason i have this goddamn goatee um it looks so good on you i like it it reminds me of the 90s the 90s yeah the 90s were a good era you look good with it yeah i'm just letting everything else come back so
What's up, everybody?
What's up, everybody?
What's up, everybody?
What's up, everybody?
No.
No.
What's up, everybody?
What's up, everybody?
Okay. Well, everybody is saying this. Okay. Forgot the up. What an RTD.
Okay. Well, everybody is saying this. Okay. Forgot the up. What an RTD.
That's maybe closer to what it was.
That's maybe closer to what it was.
I did.
I did.
The ghost of Larry King.
The ghost of Larry King.
You need to go to a doctor.
You need to go to a doctor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, that's where this is headed.
Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, that's where this is headed.
This episode of your mom's house podcast was brought to you by Rogue. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
We're almost into the new year and I'll be bringing my come together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025. January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in a while. January 24th, San Francisco. The 25th of January, I'm in Reno. January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia. And January 31st, Savannah. February 1st, I'll be in North Charleston. I can't wait to hit all these cities.
What's going on? It's Charles. There he is. Oh, Charles. Oh, say around 8 o'clock. Oh, it's the greatest.
So I'm going to start going, what's up, everybody?
Yeah.
Fine.
Good.
I wish you'd never choked. I was really worried about you. I was super concerned.
I have one for you too. Ready? Oh, shut up. It's a video.
It's a puke video. Why are you always trying to fight somebody, bro?
I don't care. Like, I am from the streets and gang gang, bitch. Yeah. Because I am from the same streets. You are not from the streets. Yes, I am. Because I ain't about to lie to you all. Shut the fuck up.
Fighting.
Swinging a bat. Look what you fucking did. And they go, yeah, sorry.
And the cool thing is, it is not in fashion.
Yes, I know.
I think I'll just let the rest of the face come together. So much to mention. I don't even know where to start. I guess we should start by pointing out that we have finally, after a lot of back and forth, a lot of really emotional chats, we have welcomed back our, um, original, uh, booth crew.
Coffee time. Strong black coffee. Best drink of the day. And today is a special coffee time, Tom. It's coffee time just for you. And I've got it on good authority. I have. Christina tells me you like a little bit of milk in your coffee. Well, I think I could do that for you, Tom. I'm sure I've got some milk somewhere for your coffee. A little splash. Oh, make it, yeah, make it just right for you.
A hot, strong, black coffee with a splash of milk. You'll enjoy it, I'm sure. I'm turning red. I love it. Hey, Tom, enjoy your coffee. And Christina sends a love. And so do I. Have a great day.
Thank you. I love how you're blushing. Well, for people that don't know, every morning Christina sends me a video of this lady.
Every morning I open my phone and it's this lady going coffee time, strong black coffee.
Best drink of the day.
And then it's just that. And it's, there's a thousand variations of it. And every day I'm like, right. Good morning. It's every day.
Yeah, that's very, very nice of you, Catherine. And this is a perfect segue. Perfect segue. We actually have to tell everybody.
This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive.
This is as fucking big as it gets.
Yeah. It doesn't get any bigger than this.
In just a few days, there's going to be a new resident of Austin, Texas.
I don't think the audience knows.
Well, I guess it's official. Charo is moving to Austin. Yeah, so... Now, we have been talking to her, of course, about coming in here more and getting involved in podcasts and whatnot. But, you know, she's 80 years old. She is a retiree. And she's always telling me, she's like, you know, I don't have your income. I need help. Like, she's always just like, can you pay for my gas today?
Like, it's just insane. So I'm like, look, why don't you fucking do something? Like do something that generate a little extra revenue in your life. And she's like, what? And so over Thanksgiving, we introduced the idea of her getting an OnlyFans going. It was the best conversation we've ever had.
I laughed so hard.
$5.99, $6.99?
What's the monthly? It's whatever you want it to be. Okay. So I was like, yeah. I said something like $5. And people, I go, will subscribe to you. And then you put out things like this where you say, like, good morning. Yeah. And I say, you have a great day. Yeah. I said, people will watch you just like if you just want to set up a camera and go about your your morning routine in the kitchen.
So they're here today, but, uh, they said that they wanted to say something before we moved on.
Yeah. And I go. And then maybe every once in a while you let a little fart go, you know.
Oopsie.
And she goes, I don't want to do it. I go, no, no, you don't have to make like very. I go just like, yeah, just like, oh, there's one there. Yeah. And you don't even have to look at the camera. You just let it go and you go about your morning. And she's like, what?
And then I was like, you know, and the people will like message you and you can message people like just, you know, you don't have to be like, it doesn't have to be like super.
No. Which, by the way, was how that platform started. It was just supposed to be. Oh, really? For people that just wanted to engage with fans. And it morphed into this thing. And then they did this, I guess, second play where they've, as a platform, they've been like, no, this is, you know, DJ Khaled has one of these of like, hey, I'm grilling in my, it's supposed to be access to people, right?
Yeah. You know, we all just wanted to extend our apologies. Um, I wanted to say I, uh, I extend my sincerest apologies for my inappropriate reaction during your moment of peril. Laughing while you were choking was not my finest hour, and I promise it wasn't because I was enjoying your distress. I'd like to formally ask for my job back.
And they just had allowed for the sexually graphic stuff to happen. Point being, I've been encouraging her to do this.
And what I would love to ask you, the viewers and the listeners of this show, please, please, please record a short 5-10 second video. Tag at YMH Studios on Instagram or on Twitter. Or you can email in yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. And just say like, because we want to put together a montage for her of like showing her the potential of doing this. Just a video being like, hey, I'm so-and-so.
I'm Jim. I'm James. I'm Melissa. And Charles, I heard you're considering OnlyFans. I would love to sign up for a monthly OnlyFans account with you. And say how much you would pay. Yeah, and then be like, I would pay $5, $10 a month for that. And I'd love to see a good morning from Charlotte. And let us build this mega montage where it becomes undeniable.
Where she goes, she's like, shit, is that like 100 people saying that they want to sign up for it? And then we'll get her to... To say her good mornings and to greet you and have a little... And then we'll gradually just try to ease in some fart content in there. But I need your help. I need your help. So please, this is what YMH is all about. Please, let's work together on making this happen.
Just a short... It just has to be a few seconds. Say your name and say, Charo, I'd love to sign up for your OnlyFans and spend... $10, $5 a month, and tag at YMH Studios on Instagram or send it in, Twitter, or even email it, yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. Thank you so much.
She does.
black coffee and it is the best drink of the day and it's so simple yeah and it's so inviting and you know there's a lot of people out there would love to have a good morning speaking of christmas why i have been pretty relentless i would say without overdoing it speaking of my love of rogues you know and i made a call i told them i was like i love these fucking things
I introduce them to people all the time, wherever I go. I'm like, if you had a rope, I'd just do it. And it's a genuine thing.
I get people into rogues everywhere I go. And so I said on this podcast, I love it. I love it. They sent me a present.
Thanks, Rogue. I got the present. It says flavors that pack a punch. Wow. Let's see. It's a cool little box. Oh, shit. Hey there. Thank you. Take a punch of spearmint. I love spearmint.
Oh, shit. Wow. And it has its flavors that pack a punch.
I promise to show the utmost respect for your health and well-being moving forward.
I like when companies do cool shit for their promotion.
That's what your mom's house is all about.
It's showing stuff you don't want to see and hearing things you don't want to hear.
Welcome to your mom's house. That's so true. That's our slogan.
Okay, so they sent me Spearmint, which I've had.
Mango. I've never had mango. Okay, mango. I'm going to try that. Peppermint, I've definitely had. I have peppermint in my pocket. What else do I have? Citrus. This looks like a new bold citrus. What else? Wintergreen. I've had those. They're delicious. I love wintergreen flavors. And apple.
Stupid.
Wow. This is super exciting. Thank you, Rogue. These are flavors that indeed pack a punch. Wow. So let me get this off.
Okay, what should I start? I've never tried citrus. Try citrus. Would you like to try one?
I will also learn the Heimlich maneuver and have it on standby at all times and refrain from laughing at any other life-threatening situations.
Yo, you mind if I try one? Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Which one do you want to try? Which one do you want? What you doing, the mango? Well, I just tried citrus. Oh, citrus. Do you want to try citrus? I'll try citrus. All right, come try it.
This is awesome. Rogies all day.
Rogues are the way to go.
Tom, is it okay if any grabs me one? Yeah, of course.
And there's other flavors if you want to try.
That's very nice of them. Thank, by the way, thank you. I, um, tried not to overdo my desire for more rogues, but this is very, very appreciated. I really do enjoy it. Okay.
Yeah. You should identify. I identify with her too.
Coffee time.
Well, this is, I don't even know where to go. There's so many fucking crazy updates.
I think because.
There's so much happening. I want to, I'm going to put these here so I can grab rogues whenever I want. Yeah, you should. This is part of our set deck now. I love that. Okay. So.
Very well.
I just wanted to hear the rest before I commented.
This is, I think, last week we all fucking lost our goddamn minds when for the first time in, I don't know, whatever, but in years we actually heard something from Tony Johns, right? And we got this crazy update from him. And what we learned, Gene, is that this guy has... completely changed his life.
Thank you for your understanding, if you have any left for me, and for considering my request to return. If nothing else, I hope this apology serves as proof that I do, in fact, take you and your life very seriously.
Once you're cool, it's pretty much for life.
Yeah. And?
I think he's earned it.
Take him off. Take him off. Let's see.
Wow.
I think you should.
He's done. Yeah, he's off. He's off. And I also have a Tony John update here. Okay. Here it is. This is the update that we got. This came in later in the day after we recorded. So here you go.
Just want to let everybody know, you know, I've got a lot of anxiety tonight. My balls are smoking. Fuck, man. Lost my job, dude. There's just a lot going on, man. Fuck. You know what? It's just wild, man. Because you know what? When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny. And I get very, very anxious. And I get a lot of anxiety. And I'm just being straight up. My balls, they are smoking tonight.
That's a good apology. Thank you, Josh.
Fuck, man.
He lost his job the day that we talked to him. Yeah.
Don't do it, it's bad.
All right. And then he talked to Josh Potter on Behind the Scenes. Oh, he did? Yeah.
You mentioned you're working at Lowe's now, and I saw some of your Instagram. That's cool. I mean, hey, dude, what are you doing out at Lowe's?
Man, dude, they canned me Friday. No! Why did they do that? What happened?
Breaking news here on Behind the Jeans. What happened?
Tell us. Man, well, they claimed it was for attendance, but, like, it's iffy, man. I don't think, you know, I just, I don't know, man. It's just real iffy.
Thank you, Chad.
Heather wants to know, should we start beef with Lowe's? Do we got to get on the anti-Lowe's train?
Oh, no. No, man. No, no.
We'll make Lowe's regret this. We can do that. Oh, no.
We stand with Tony Johns.
Yeah, what a bummer though, man. I think it's... Yeah, I know what to do.
I think it's probably best. No, I can't see the thing. you can't even get a girl to fucking hang something up right well now that he's back i think it deserves another you know well i hope i hope tony um finds a another gig i think it's important you know i think it's really important yeah he needs a job asap he's in upstate new york is that right
They didn't mention anything about that.
I've never heard that before. When I get anxiety, I get very, very horny.
Well, it's familiar. It's a trauma you know.
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah, well, he said it's very iffy.
He's like, they said it's a tardiness or attendance, but it's real iffy right now. Like, I'm not really sure what that means. It sounds like a fucking, you know, something that, you know, somebody cool would say. What happened to your job? I asked some iffy shit. I'm not quite sure. Fuck. Okay. Yeah, well, I hope it gets... Yeah.
So, by the way, we haven't really discussed it, but, you know, it's really crazy the way the UnitedHealthcare shooter story has evolved and how a lot of the Internet isn't just, you know, ideologically developed.
kind of siding with this guy but like the man that he murdered you know represented the health care industry which is obviously it's a horrific reality in this country that health care is just it's it's it's so set up seemingly to not take care of people and oh yeah you know people get denied coverage and they're spending so much money it's a shit show right mm-hmm
That stuff aside, saying let's just take out his reason on that side, the internet has flipped for this guy as being a hottie.
Have you done a dive on this?
Well, I just wanted your opinion on his level of attractiveness.
I mean, it's the story. It's the big story.
I mean, look at those abs in that photo.
And also a hot killer who people... It's interesting because it's kind of doubled up. If he was objectively unattractive, he would still have people going, you know, cheering for him because they hate the healthcare industry and they're like, this had to happen. But the fact that it happened... And he's viewed as an attractive person.
It's just everything kind of morphs and changes where they go, yeah, I side with you. Also, I like you even more because they find him attractive. The gays lost their mind for him.
Oh, yeah. Gay Twitter was on fire when they caught this guy. Yeah. A lot of women, a lot of young women are just being like, yeah, this guy's, he's it, you know, which has always been a thing. Killers always get the chicks.
He doesn't. I heard rumors, and I don't know if this is true, that he was openly bi.
So maybe that got people even more fired up.
Does it say anything? Where, okay. Oh, this is great about the internet. You just right away. One of the, McRib. Can you make that bigger? One of the related terms that comes up in Google when searching the name of the UHC shooter is, is Luigi Mangione bisexual? It might seem like a pretty strange thing to focus on, but obviously things went viral.
Oh, my God. It was a rough year for me.
A 26-year-old was arrested last week, spent a wild seven days that he was killed in a premeditated, preplanned, targeted attack outside an NYC hotel. He was on his way to speak, blah, blah, blah. Where does it get to that part? Ex-users in particular were positively tripping over each other to see who could post the horniest response to the photos.
It was, at its core, an outlet for people's intense frustration about the U.S. health care crisis, as well as a distraction. Okay.
This is basically why he got caught. Hmm. This is like, well, I'm sure there was other physical evidence that could have led to him being caught. He did have prints there, you know, the shell casings, footage elsewhere. But this was the first time he lowered his mask. It was reported to flirt with, like to smile at one of the, like the sales lady at Starbucks or something.
He was like, hey, or like at the hostel or something. So that's what gave, you know, the image of his face. Um, so still, we're still not seeing why, where this came from the buy stuff. Um, I don't know. This is still not it. A small but vocal minority of LGBTQ plus people started at that point to claim him as one of their own.
Despite any evidence other than his love of artists beloved by the queer community. At that point, several users began to call Mangione gay and shared unconfirmed photos of his, quote, boyfriends.
However, the Luigi Mangione is bisexual rumor really took flight at 745 UK time when the ex-account, which covers University of Pennsylvania campus culture, treated breaking by confirmed, along with unverified screenshot of what it looked like a text message that read, a friend of mine made out with him when he was a student. For those curious, he is bi. Thank God that's confirmed. I know. So fun.
That's just somebody's tweet, right? Yeah. And then it led to an immediate spike in Google searches. Anyway, I don't know if it goes on from there. There is no evidence that he is bisexual.
Well, I don't... I mean, I don't have really much to read on other than like the case and like a mugshot. I don't really know... I know that he was valedictorian of his extremely elite prep school. I saw the clip.
No, I'm saying I saw him speak briefly in that. Nothing in that would prompt that. The fact that he has great abs is pretty gay.
No, 26, it's easier to have a great physique. But I mean, nothing about that, obviously. Now, then there was a photo of him holding his dick. But when that came out, I was on set when that was like being passed around. And one of our directors was like, that's a Photoshop. Like he was like, here's the blur line or whatever. I don't know if that's true or not.
I was trying to tell everybody, thank you for digging out those details.
I would say I saw a pose of him with like hand over like this. I was like, that's a gay pose. That's a gay pose. If you see that pose, you'd be like, I don't know that straight. Like, can you pull up his nude photo and tell me if you think a straight guy does this pose? Because I think it's the only thing where I go, that's kind of gay. This one?
This one.
Yeah, that pose. Okay. Does a straight guy ever? Would you guys ever pose like that? No. I feel like that's the gayest evidence I've ever seen.
Yeah.
I also don't like how bro kept the underwear on. That's kind of crazy.
If you're going to do all that, just.
Oh, there's the big.
That's what was considered the. I don't know if that's him.
That feels gay.
I'd like our gays and straights to weigh in.
That arm behind the shoulder. It feels to me very gay.
If you ask the guy for a photo and he sent you that
The only thing I'm wondering, though, is if the fact that he's holding... Because it's always weird when you're holding a phone to make a pose, so maybe that's making it weird. Right. No, that's a good point.
And I've got violated.
Here's the thing. If you didn't know who Burt Reynolds was... That doesn't scream necessarily masculine. That's a famous pose.
I know, but I'm saying that it's a hardcore masculine guy. And you know that that's Burt Reynolds.
Thank you.
But that pose itself is not.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's the wider one if you scroll up.
But see, you know that's Bert who was slanging dick into ladies forever.
But if you were just like, this is some guy.
I don't think so.
Is there anyone else in there? Oh, yeah. I'm in here. Yeah, so I wrote... Wrote a little something... So, I mean, I wrote that. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I didn't really do shit, to be honest. But at the same time, like, I ain't trying to put my man down. You know what I'm saying? So, like, if an apology is going to be what you need to feel right, like, we could go there. Okay.
Well, here's the thing. I've always said this. We tackle the real issues on this show. And I was dying to get your take on this. Well, hold on.
We did it. We did the research. Yeah, he did. Wait, there's another woman in the booth now.
Is that a gay pose?
It feels like, right?
Is your take that he is gay or are you undecided?
Yeah, I'd say he's pretty gay. I'd say so.
You know, we also have never had a... Hold on.
Yeah.
Well, that's got him got arrested. That's his arrest photo.
No, but that's not style is my point. Looks good, but he still looks good.
That's years of maintenance and proper product, conditioners, all that shit.
Yeah. And what does that tell you? Gay.
No, I just, it was just, you know, we're really. Oh, also the fact that this is, here's another thing that's pretty gay. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. He's very smart.
They are the smartest. But I mean, when you have somebody who's really fit, really well read, I mean, this valedictorian, he got, he went to an Ivy league. So we went to a university, Pennsylvania. He got a, I think a degree in mechanical engineering.
I mean, these are some of the gayest things I've ever listed.
Loves Britney Spears and Sabrina fucking whatever, Carpenter. Yeah. These are, I mean, these are just gay building blocks.
He 3D printed his gun. I mean, that's a thought.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
don't know pew pew pew like that pew pew pew pew yeah these are just so many so now he's now the little gay details but then yeah you throw in a curveball like why are you shooting i don't know how are you shooting yeah it's all very fascinating gosh um anyway
We will revisit this topic, obviously, as we learn more.
I think more people are sympathetic to this guy than... A lot of people would be sympathetic because of the healthcare world, but it brings even more people over when they find the person attractive.
But, like, at the same time, like, I straight up, you know, I didn't really do shit like that. Like, I already told you what it was. So, like, you know, we could talk. But, yeah, that's, I stopped writing. Okay.
You finally watched American Nightmare.
And?
Tell me your true opinion.
You think an FBI guy?
Yeah.
I don't know about that. I mean, it's an interesting, uh, what I really thought was the real lesson here is there are tells in behavior that we all register as normal, uh, Normal is a term that people think of as relative. But the reality is there are objective normals. So like, in other words, you know, something horrible happens to a family member.
Thank you. I appreciate your choice of words, and I feel what you're saying. It's a very unique way of doing it, and it's very any.
There's a there's a normal way that people react.
When they pulled... When you watch this doc, and we are spoiling it if you want to skip ahead, but the first episode focuses on the boyfriend at the time. The way he is in the interrogation room is so peculiar. It's so outside of the range of normal behavior for an interrogation that you're like, this is not... Something's up with this dude, right? And it ends, and then episode two...
focuses on the woman that was kidnapped and her behavior in the interrogation is also outside of the norm, of normal behavior, which again, you go, oh, now we're gonna get to how this is like what really happened. And to learn that they were actually telling the truth and that their behavior was in fact genuine was to me the biggest surprise of the entire story. The way that they behaved
in their interrogations after going through something traumatic was so outside of the realm and the spectrum of normal behavior that I couldn't believe. I was like, I would have bet... I mean, I know, obviously, when you make a documentary, you can produce moments, but you're not producing the moment of them answering the questions in the interrogation room.
He's like, yeah, came in, put goggles on us, and then was like, drink this, and then they... You're like, this is... There's no, like...
Well, it was, it was any, it was, I know where he's coming from. I said the word apology. You didn't hear it? No, I heard it. You said, yeah, you said, if you need one, I will be there.
Well, he has that in his mind because that is how police investigators are trained. They're trained to go into a crime like that. And if there's somebody there who is present, that is close to the person that is missing.
They have to do that.
they really let those people down especially when they pivot to like fucking burn that bitch to the ground i know so why would but i'm saying why would that police department not look for they ended up having to pay them quite a sum of money for being shitty but it's a fascinating story and we just ruin it for everybody but just fast forward all right let's take a quick break yeah we'll be right back and once again merry christmas
Get your tickets now at tomscrow.com slash tour, and I will see you there. Welcome. Welcome to your moment. Buongiorno. Welcome to your mom's house. This is very exciting. This is actually going to count as our Christmas episode because we don't have an episode Christmas day. We're taking the day off. Everybody's having the day off. So this is our Merry Christmas episode.
Ready in five, four, three, in five, four, three, two, one.
And we are back, and joining us is a comedian whose latest special, The Last Cowboy in L.A., is available now on YouTube. You can get tickets at jeffdye.com. It's Jeff Dye, everybody. What's up, you guys?
Thanks for having me. Welcome to Texas.
Love what you've done with the plays. Thank you.
Congratulations on the special.
Thank you very much. Where'd you shoot?
um in nashville at a place called the electric jane which is like a music venue nashville's a great comedy town it was awesome yeah uh i i don't know a lot about nashville and every time i go there i kind of have a different experience than i'm like i like this place every time people always like have it as like the sister city to this city oh really yeah they think i think it's there's there's some similarities to it but yeah it's a big city but it's got that country thing
It's got a country feel to it. Accessible city. There's more people there than the city is built for, just like Austin. It's cool.
It's growing. If you have a cool town, we will ruin it. We will all move there and ruin it.
No, I get it. I've been around you enough to know exactly how it works.
I would hate to start the podcast on a negative note, but I don't hate anything more than that.
You'll see it here. It's popular here. I hate it so much. So much. Because also, if you want to drink and have fun, just go do it. I know. Why do we have to be part of it? Like, why is a guy working? I have to hear you shouting, fall out, boy. And they're like, the guy's working. Like, why did the bar come to me out here?
It is a bummer. And I always, every time I'm down, because you always see it downtown, when you see that, I always think about a truck hitting them. I would love that.
What was that noise? It was a phlegmy cough.
Yeah.
I know it sounds terrible, but I hate it so much. Yeah.
Well, you don't even have to pedal. That's the big coup about it. They're not even part of the system. Oh, really? There's a main guy who's in charge. He's the one. That's the whole thing. Well, he's got gray legs. Yeah. Those other people pedaling, it's like paying taxes. Like they're doing a lot of work, but it ain't going. It's not doing anything. Yeah. That's good.
It was what's called a productive, productive cough. Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't want to drink and do any exercise.
I don't do it.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous. Right? No, I want to sit down.
Saw the greatest thing ever with one of those pedal carts in Detroit. One of the black Israelites were out on a Saturday. You know these guys? Yes. You don't know who they are. Look them up. They just yell at people. Yeah. They're just trying to invoke any sort of thing.
They usually stand at a corner and they just like...
But it was Detroit, so it's really cold. So they're wearing their Muslim garb, but then he had like a Detroit Lions like starter jacket like over it because it's cold. But they're like, you white devil bitch, like just yelling at people, right? And I'm just kind of got my headphones in and kind of like, I'm scared if I'm honest. And I'm waiting to cross the light or the street.
But then coming down the same street is one of these pedal carts full of just bachelorettes singing to music. And I was like, wait, they might have to be on the same street. Yeah. So I waded through my walk sign to just see if those two worlds would collide. Collide, yeah. And it did. Yeah.
I thought it would be this masterpiece of whatever, but instead just both groups were uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. So they both just silently stopped their bullshit. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of it.
Yeah.
It is such a thing, too, because I would have done the same thing. Like, I'm going to stand here and look like I'm doing something. Oh, it was amazing to watch this.
I had to wait like a few minutes, too. I was like, okay, they're coming. The cart's coming. Oh, I forgot to check something on my phone. Yeah, exactly.
They're the same everywhere.
A drunk girl in her 20s is the same in every city.
I'm terrified of drunk women now.
You'd be lucky if she talked to you. Like, they're always... Defending their ugly friends. Oh, yeah, for sure.
You're like, no, she's talking to me. What do you mean you have to go?
I mean, that's an Austin look and a Nashville look for sure. Yeah, it's adorable. I like it. It's always the white boots. You see it a lot, obviously, on game day here, like when UT's playing. You just see 80,000 chicks like this.
It seems like women copy these looks. Like, what is the playbook? Do you guys go, is it a celebrity, or is it just a thing you see, and you go, I want to dress like this?
it's usually it could be celebrity based I think a lot of people and my friends do what we want yeah do her do her she's like she's just awful though it's awful because it's because she's drunk you know she's drunk and then she's just like mean yeah and entitled but I like that she thinks she's a rugged individualist she's like
Can I tell you something? I know what you mean, because it was a young, fresh.
Well, they always, I swear, like, you can be, like, passing by, like, minding your own business. And that girl has, like, somehow goes, like, fuck, are you looking at? I know. Yeah, they'll reject you from, like, six feet. Yeah, you're like, I'm not talking to you. I'm not looking at you. Well, you should be looking at us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did talk to you.
You're like, fuck, are you looking at us?
and then you notice her like 230 pound friend and then they're like what was that yeah i just saw the fucking starting linebacker for the horns here yeah they're just so entitled and it's so embarrassing because i was a 20 year old girl obviously a million years ago and i had a friend like that yeah every girl does the instigator yeah that's right why do they think they're so tough it's not it's it's booze babe it's just like but
It's booze riddled with insecurity, which is what usually fuels a booze binge. You're insecure, and you do it for a different reason.
It felt so fresh and young and vibrant.
But I get sad when I'm drunk and insecure. I don't get overly confident.
This is what you see. Booze affects people. I've never been a confrontational drunk. Me neither. But that's just wiring. It's not in me. I had a friend in high school, college, who was like, Super cool guy. And then you get a few and he would come and headbutt you.
Oh, my God.
Fuck, man. But then what happens is you're like, yeah, I don't want to be around. Yeah, it's not fun in this situation.
I don't know if they're experienced, though. I think after a couple weeks, you'd be like, oh, fuck, what's going on? Because these guys, this is like the varsity team. But it is fun when you bring your kids to school. You know what I mean? Bring your kids to work day. Is that what you think they were? They were cute. It was a much younger vibe.
You know, like I was I'm like a nice drunk. I was with a bunch of comics at a nice dinner recently. And we were they were describing one of their celebrity friends that I was like, I'd love to meet that guy. I'm not going to say his name just because it's not my story to tell. But they were like, oh, he's real fun till he's not.
They go, he's the best, the best, the best. And then at a certain point, with the drugs and drinking, it's just a nightmare. And I was like, oh, that sounds not as exciting as I'd hoped.
Please tell the story. It's already a good setting for this. It's one of my favorite.
Saddle Ranch. I was an intern at Copelson Entertainment.
what is it for the record like a management or like no copelson was a production company that they made um the fugitive you know the harrison ford movie oh yeah yeah uh murder at 1600 arnold copelson's a big-time producer and because i was like i'm going to la and i want to make movies so that i started interning there and i ended up doing script coverage and i moved on to do more coverage for other producers but when i was interning there
some of the assistants, so I'm an unpaid intern. And the assistants are like, you want to come out with us tonight? And I was like, sure. And I know I want to be performing, so I think I, I don't even know if I had done stand-up. If I had done stand-up, I'd done it like once.
and we go out and like what age were you 21 okay so um start at one bar and i have a few and i just just keep drinking yeah to the point where i i mean i definitely black out so i only remember bits of people but it was retold to me that we we made it to was it saddle ranch or was it miyagi miyagi sunset boulevard like i think it's still there whatever sushi is
bad sushi, you know, it's like a party place. So now this is like our second or third location, and I am completely shit-faced. And I am holding court, I'm telling the story. And we're all standing in the circle, and there's like six assistants from work. And I'm just like, telling the story. And then I only learned this later because I don't recall it much.
But they told me, they're like, you're telling the story. And, you know, people are laughing, but they're also looking at you because you're so clearly completely fucked up. And they go, and then you just start throwing up, right?
And you puke everywhere. You know, like, post-puke, you spit. So you're like, it's like, they're like, you're spitting. You're like, pfft, pfft. And then you stand up and you just go right back in your story. That's the best. And they're all like, ah. And the only reason I blacked out when I got home. And I had a friend who I was living with at the time. He was like, yeah, you were fucking...
That's the king of storytelling, though. Like, you're the storytelling guy. Storyteller. And they're like, where was I? Hold on, where was I? That's amazing.
But I remember that I got into... Like, he told me he was like, you were fucking... And I still was like, eh. And then I get into work on Monday, and all of them were like... Changed your rep. Oh, yeah. They were like, this guy. You're a fucking mess, dude. Like, just puking in front of people. It's cool, though.
That, I don't know. I'm sure.
Oh, any story could have been that good.
When you're in it. When you're in it. You know, like.
But I have to pivot away from this because I actually feel like after a lot of thought, these guys weren't the worst when I nearly choked to death. The worst person was definitely you. And And it's not lost on me, and it's not lost on anybody that watched me basically hang on for my life and have my spouse mock me as I was on death's door. It's so funny.
And you don't lose focus, too. You're like, oh. Hold on.
Like I was saying.
So I come around the corner. And they're like, uh-huh.
And it could be a legend at a workplace, too. They carried me home.
They carried me home. Charlie and Jack carried me back to my place. And then in the morning, I had no clothes. And there was a towel on the ground because I had also puked when I got back to the place. What happened to your clothes? I don't fucking know. I don't know.
They took it off of me? I don't know. I don't know if this is interesting or not, but I'm always fascinated when people are surprised when people get drunk. Like I said, I don't know if this is interesting, but so many times we'd go to a bar in San Diego, me and my buddy Josh Nelson, great comedian, and we would just get hammered. The bartenders were our friends. They would get us hammered.
We would flirt with them. Obviously, it's never going to happen. We'd try to do whatever. We'd look at girls too young for us, and then we would go home. And then the next day, we'd get lunch at the same bar, and they'd be like,
last night you're like yeah you got us drunk yeah we're at a bar what are you talking about and i go did i do anything embarrassing i go no i go did i like try to fight someone or get on the bar or puke they go no i go then why are you telling me that i was drunk last night like it drives me crazy just to shame you yeah or like streakers will run on a baseball field and they'd be like that fucking drunk guy you're like yeah dude you've been selling him 30 bud lights all night like yeah like he's gonna do drunk guy shit
Oh, we want names. This is a podcast.
Yeah. I was like, I got to go.
Yeah, I get to drink a few.
You can also do whatever the fuck you want. Do whatever I want. I mean, it's not a crime to get hammered. On your vacation. Well, so anytime. It's not a crime to get hammered at all. I mean, when you drive, you can get in a little bit of trouble.
Everybody who drinks has had at least... 10 incidents in their life where they were like, I should have gotten a DUI.
Yeah, you reflect the next day. Oh, my God.
I've had two that are so traumatizing. You need them. If you don't get one, you need the incidents to scare the fuck out of you. One time where I was... in L.A.
and I got pulled over on Sunset I'd been drinking my buddy's in the passenger seat and I was like and I just go what do I do and he just goes I don't know because he knows we've been drinking yeah he knows the deal yeah and the guy comes up and he's like you're driving kind of erratically and I go it's a rental
that was i was like i just oh that makes sense because that part was true i was like i don't even know how it all works it is a pg cruiser maybe that's why it's and he was like you know license and i was you know your heart rate is just and then it's like a movie a fucking call comes out he's like he goes it's your lucky day i gotta go oh It is your lucky day. I just got out of the car.
I was like, let's just fucking walk. Yes. Seriously. Oh, that's so traumatizing. And then another time where I was annihilated. Yeah. Like fully fucking.
Well, to be driving erratic is, you know. Which I was doing.
I really was doing because he was right. It was a rental. And I was like, this is fun. I'm like fucking with the gears. But the one time I was in college and I had drank a bunch and then smoked. So I was like blasted. And I insisted in getting in my car and driving back to my place. And as I pulled onto this main street to go to my place...
cop comes and what he does is he rides my blind spot for probably you know I don't know half a mile but when you're that up yeah it feels like 10 miles and you're just all in the mirror just kind of you're just like all I was doing was like I go the speed was like 35 and like stay in the lines and I was just like You just turn your brain on to focus so hard.
And I was like, just don't fucking do anything. Just stay in these lines. Stay going 35. And I was just waiting, and then he just broke off. But it was clearly, it was one of those where I was like, I pulled over. I was like, oh, my God. Like, it was, you see your life, like, because if that one, he wouldn't have been like, it's your lucky day. He'd be like, we need to call extra units over here.
Yeah, like, what is this guy? Yeah, this guy's fucking heavy.
A funny drinking thing I think of with you is, you know when you do college gigs, the kid, for whatever reason, I don't know why this was a thing, maybe it's not anymore, but if there was a thing where they're like, all right, it's going to be this amount of money, you're going to get picked up at this time, do 60 minutes, and then the students want to take you out to dinner. Oh.
And for whatever reason, you're like, why is this part of it? And they're all younger than me and stuff. And then sometimes I say, I don't want to do the dinner or whatever. But then I'm so lonely and I'm in whatever town that they'll be like, we're going to go to a bar if you want. But you know it's a college bar and you're still like, I don't know.
And then you know what? I wasn't really remembering this, but then somebody pointed something out.
And I was also like, last time I did college was like 10 years ago. But... I remember one time they were like, Tom Segura came with us once and he drank with us. And I remember being like, are you sure? And I felt like I should do it. Cause I was like, well, if Tom did it, he's a better comic than me. If he's drinking with these fucking young kids.
He had so much fun with us. Like, no, he didn't. It was in Colorado somewhere. Oh, I know where that was. Really? Was that the School of Mining? Yeah, Golden, the town of Golden. That was in the School of Mining. I remember doing that. You know what the craziest thing was at that show? I remember that it was Obama was either president or being elected. That's how long ago that was.
And the reason I'll never forget, first of all, they had me perform in the cafeteria.
that's jor yeah i was so uh we got this email i recently introduced my husband to the full ymh experience episode 788 where tom nearly dies uh choking please right after finishing this episode i wanted to show him more and i clicked on the episode with charo and blanca in this episode we noticed a moment where christina chokes on water and tom shows genuine love and concern Not laughter.
yeah I did this exact show in the cafeteria outside of Lance Armstrong statue why is it always in the cafeteria they don't have anywhere else they don't care so there's like let's say 200 people in there and I'm getting into like I have you know a bit about I just can't remember whether it's he's being he's running or he's elected something Obama joke it's my Obama bit and I go and I say something like
What do you think? And some guy goes, oh, he's an N-word. Oh, my God. And I just go, what? Like, what did you say? And then he repeats it. And I look around the room and everyone's like, so what's your bit? And I'm like...
I was like this is insane Corey told you do your bit is your bit similar to that no that's wild it was wild and I just went back and I walked off and I remember I forget who I had with me but I was like did you and they were like yeah that happened to me too I feel like you took my story and just made it yours
It's another place that that could happen.
I had a story, no N-word story, but at the School of Mines in Colorado, I was doing my liberal bullshit. I'm from Seattle. I'm a pretty liberal guy. Not by today's standards. And I was doing some bit about like, that was like an anti-oil bit. Because I was like, you know, like if we have a problem with oil and gas, you know, the Bush administration is always talking about that.
Like then let's cancel NASCAR. Like they're wasting, they're just going in circles. And I was doing well until this bit. And then they all just got weird on me, like crying. And I was like, no. And then afterwards they're like, oh, you know why? This is like a big oil place. Oh, like people work on that. It's a school of minds. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Yeah.
I did my dumb liberal anti-oil bit.
We're going to shift gears on how we like you.
Exactly. And it happened right away. So fast. But I got them back with some, you know, frivolous cats and Mario Brothers bullshit.
You don't have a good comeback?
That's the one I'm talking about. The one running for president.
Yeah, same guy, same guy. You got it. Or I would just shame them. I'd be like, Jesus Christ, what is my Uncle Al here? You know, just playfully shame them as like, that's not how we speak. Or double down and agree with them. Like say, yeah, that's the guy. Wait, why are you interrupting? You know who I'm talking about.
The crazier thing to me when this happened was A, there's the nerve, right? Sure. But the fact that the whole room was like... Same as Shreveport.
Well, this isn't a popular take. I'm risking something to say this. I think a lot of that kind of thing is this, aren't I being naughty? Yeah, yeah. Sure. Like, they don't really, I mean, some people really do think that, obviously. Yeah. But I'm saying, like, I think a lot of times it's very, like, aren't I, I'm being a shocking guy. Sure.
I mean, there's a lot of comedians that live in that world of, like, what's taboo?
I'll say it. Right, right.
Howard Stern made a whole career off of it. If you say the thing, but it's also a good joke, then it's like, that's art. But if you're just like, here's something that I shouldn't say and I'll say it, then you're just... But I did it when I was a kid.
I'll admit that I used to like... Because I grew up in this white bread area of Washington that's south of Seattle. And me and all my friends, we'd play video games. We're smelly little boys. It's very classic kind of whatever. We had two black kids at our school. Yeah.
And I remember like the bad kids, the rebellious, the naughty kids, they got to get in, like they would get in fights or they would steal or they would blow up mailboxes or they would do these things. Well, that all has risks. Yeah. You know, like, like you can get arrested or you can get suspended or in trouble. You could get in a fight hurts.
Whereas like, if I just said the N word while we're playing video games, everyone would be like, Jeff is nuts.
And so I learned like, oh, just, you're just saying a forbidden word for you. What's that? We should show them the merch.
Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What is the thing? Yeah, this is a real thing here.
Now, the question is, does it fall into the same category that we're discussing, which I think it does. The person who really buys this isn't like, God, this is my favorite fisherman.
I felt like I needed to have Tom's back here and wanted to provide the evidence to help redeem him after the way he was treated. I tune in weekly and have never wanted to write into the show more until this evidence presented itself. However I do, you'd ask Tom, please forgive the staff and your beautiful co-host. Everyone deserves another chance. Keep them high and tight. Love, Keely from Oregon.
Yes, they think it's naughty and hilarious.
It's fun to be naughty. In this instance, you get away with it. Somebody goes, what the fuck? You go, this is a fucking fisherman. 100%.
Well, my favorite way to phrase it is Beth Stelling. We'll talk about how it's sometimes fun, and I'm very guilty of it in my act all the time, to be a little piggy in the mud. Yeah, sure. It's fun to be naughty, and that's all it is. That's what every comedian loves. There's no hatred in our hearts. It's just kind of fun to be the mischievous.
Or there's a college football player named Noah Kaniga.
can you pull him up this one's not even spelled too aggressive that fisherman it's not spelled that aggressive what we're about to see is spelled pretty aggressive and it's his name this is a linebacker the K is not silent it is the K is silent for sure he's gotten famous just because of his name but he's also pretty good I think I think you changed that last name there he is
And it's like, do you need a linebacker?
When also you've got a Noah, it's kind of good, too.
Well, yeah, I think the recruiting thing was like, we need a linebacker. I think a Noah.
Right. It's perfect.
And that has no K for that. I love it.
Yeah. Yeah, you know that, what is it called? The broadcasters are always like, whoa.
Oh, dude, I wouldn't do it. There's a guy named, look up Seattle Mariners Mitch. Han, H-A-N, H-A-N. And the rest will come up. And when I cheer for him in Seattle, I call him Mitch H. And sometimes people will look back because I'm going, come on, Mitch H. And they'll turn around and I'll go, well, I'm not going to say his whole name.
And I'll get a little laugh from the person like, I see what you did there.
There was a, I remember because I always followed FSU football, that they had a wide receiver named Dakota. And there's just no way around that.
There's no way around that.
They would just be like, the guys calling the game would be like, you know, first down by fact.
What do you do? Yeah, you got to do it. Also, is he straight or gay? This guy. Because it would be great if he was also gay. What a treat. There he is. You know what I mean?
There he is. There's Dakota Fagg.
Oh, yeah. He looks pretty straight, actually. If I had to profile, I think that's a straight guy.
There is no doubt that what fueled this guy to be a Division I football player was being called a fag his entire life.
This is the pro-athlete version of Boy Named Sue, for sure. Yeah.
Also, at this point, don't you think if you're in this family, you're like, I think we can petition to do the name change?
Or you're like, no, we're devoted fags. No.
We love our back. Like, come on.
For my podcast, we basically play a game where it's like, how much? We just ask you a thing. And then we crowdsource the money. So you actually have to do whatever the thing is you said you'll do.
and we were like one of them was how much to change your name for a year yeah and so like to change my name to Jeff Farts for a whole year and I've got to commit to it I've got to like everywhere you go yeah we put a caveat for like comedy because you spend so long building your brand as far as like tour posters and stuff sure so you can Whatever.
But for your everyday life, your male, your IG, I'd do it for five grand.
Five grand.
That's it? And I think it's kind of funny also. It's very funny.
That one is a good example. And they'll never believe you. So you'd have to do like a P-H-A-R-T-Z or something, you know? Because I feel like it's F-A-R-T-S. It's like, what?
Well, if they don't believe me, I can just show them my ID. Oh, your ID will say it. And be like, gosh, it's my real name. I'm not trying to be silly here.
Well, let's talk about it. Let's see what she was talking about. Yeah, Keely.
A table for farts is ready.
That's great.
Yeah. See, I think this guy's name fuels either if you're an athlete, you become a high-level athlete, or this would be the perfect fuel to make a comedian.
100%.
Yeah, that'd be fine. I mean, I always do a fake name at Starbucks anyway.
I do, but it's not for humor. I just can't believe they're going to take any name I tell them. What names have you gone with? I usually do Mortal Kombat names, but the most preposterous ones I can think of, like Cyrax. And they'll be like, Cyrax? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, they don't push back much. They just write it on the cup.
In their defense, they're doing a lot of writing in there.
Here's the difference. Here's me hanging on for dear life.
In their defense, they are, you know.
Teenagers who hate their jobs. I've done it. Wait, just a second ago you said, that makes a good comedian. Yeah. You're a therapy person. Have you guys kind of gotten to the thing that makes you believe why you're a comedian? I mean, definitely. So much.
thought about it. I think the most simple, broad thing for me is, well, two things. One, I think moving a lot as a kid plays a role in the fact that you're just always new and wanting to be accepted by a new group. That's how you get friends, by just being humorous. I went to eight or nine different schools. That's a lot. That's a lot of being new.
Okay. Here's me just trying to live. Hey, guys. I was listening to the Adrienne Appaloochee episode. By the way, she has a great new special out on Netflix. You guys are, of course, what? Are you okay? I just choked for a second. I can't choke. Hey, fuck you.
And I think I have a good bit of middle child syndrome of where you just are kind of ignored because you have your first kid who's taking all the attention and then your baby. And so they're just like, well, we're glad that you don't need anything. So I think those things play into the psyche of how you become a comedian.
Full of rage, too.
Well, that helps for comedy.
Yeah.
It's a great one.
I'm just, it's very simple, short and sweet. Like, my parents just were like, I was not like a victim of abuse, but we were like victims, me and my sisters, of neglect. And neglect makes you go, like, you know, I'll get in trouble. Yeah. I'll draw something. Look what I drew. I'm, you know, like that family guy thing where he's like, mom, mom, mom.
That's a version of like middle kid, right? You just feel, you feel lost.
We just, they're never around.
Yeah.
And when they were around, they weren't around. So it was just like, constantly needing validation, which is a comic.
No, I've never been able to really... No people are like my parents. I've never met any people like my parents. Now, what I'm about to tell you, you won't believe. Okay. They have no friends. They have no hobbies. They have no favorite movies. They don't have a favorite food. There's no interests. They don't connect with anyone else in the family.
They're just these two people that work, and then when they get done with work, they just sit home. They don't want to be parents. They don't want to be married, I don't think. They don't want to cheat. There's no interests. So the reason I want to do everything, and I want everyone to be my friend, and I need so much, is because they did nothing, I want to do everything.
So they're uninspiring people.
They don't want to do anything.
Really?
I'll go watch the show, and they'll say, yeah, put it on. I'll put a show on, I'll look over, and they're getting up, and then go into their room, napping.
I think this is my least, the thing, I had a good relationship with my father, and one thing that always made me crazy is I'd be like, I know you like this topic, So, like, check this out. And I'd put on, like, a movie or a show about something that I know interests him. And I'd be like, what do you think? He'd be like, what's that? Are you watching this?
I just showed you this for you.
no i i already know this i'm like no you don't you don't know this and he's like i gave him a book one time and i was like this book is like exactly what we were discussing and i you know it's aliens and then he would be like oh thanks buddy and then the next day i was like you're reading that but he goes yeah i finished it i go 600 pages he goes well i knew most of it and i was like
On Netflix. It was scary.
So would you just kind of like skim through it? He's like, yeah, yeah, interesting. I'm like, it makes me crazy.
It drives me nuts. I'm actually the worst. This is like whoever my future partner will end up being is going to be so annoyed with how much I need someone to see what I'm seeing or watch what I'm watching. I'm the best consumer, because if you gave me a product and I liked it, I wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. I'm the best for everything I have. I've got to share and tell.
But I'll show my buddy a movie or a YouTube clip, and if I look over and they're texting, I go crazy. I'm like, dude, I'm showing you something.
Everyone's fired. Okay, first of all, I'm being re-traumatized. I'm just trying to show you something. I don't like this at all. I don't like where this is going.
It also makes me crazy when somebody goes, this is really funny, and they send it to me, and I go... This made you laugh?
Oh, no. Yeah, that would drive me crazy. Stop being my friend. But you're honest. I think that's the good part of that.
A lot of this is in your head.
I don't think so. I know so.
If I said something... Give him an example of something that... Here's my point.
If you say something once for her, she goes, that is... That's an always thing. You're like, no, I said something one time.
Right. What was the one thing he said that he hated that was on Netflix? Some gay shit she was watching. I don't know. Well, do you watch like some girl, like girls like shows that men don't like. She loves period pieces. And it's tough for us to understand.
I love that she finds a show that she loves, because I think it's a great feeling when you find... But sometimes he'll like my dumb girl stuff. She got me into Downton Abbey, and I think it's a period piece. Never saw it. It looks like some gay shit. Here's the thing.
It's the best. It is phenomenal.
The writing is top tier. The acting's incredible. I'm out, then.
It's so gay. It's really gay. Well, me and Burt were talking about this recently on his thing. It was like... I am pretty easy to convince, too. I'm like, I'm not watching this shit. And then they just go, just watch like an episode. And then I'm like, all right, I'm in. That one's fantastic.
No, it's just about to be, seriously, I'm about to shut the studio down. Okay, so that's how you react to your spouse literally having a life-threatening moment. And then here's how this is the other way.
And then I'll watch the whole thing. That one's fantastic.
But I'm like, I'm a judge at first, and then I'm an easy sell after.
And you probably, look, if I sat down and watched it, I don't know if I'd like it. But if it's good, if it's quality, like the thing about television and movies is there can be genres that you're drawn to and ones that you're not. But if something actually is great. Yeah. It's the same with sports, right? There's sports that I'm like, yeah, I'm not really into this.
If you show me, I don't know, a World Cup game, the drama, the stakes, the best players, I'm like, oh, I'm into this because it's the highest level. So, yeah, it's just, you know.
I don't hate your music.
What is goth music?
It's really incredible. I've never heard of any of this. I've never met somebody quite like her, too.
People have a favorite band sometimes, and you're like, okay.
I just learned about a genre of music. I didn't even know goth. I thought goth was like some teenagers I picked on in school.
It's so funny to me how devoted she is. It's kind of amusing because, like I said, I like some different genres of music. I don't think I have a favorite one group, but But, like, you know, I'll listen to different things. With her, she's like, oh, I love Bauhaus, right? Yeah, I've never heard of that either.
I can't tell you how many times I walk by her closet and I just hear her go, hey, Siri, or hey, Alexa, whatever, play Bauhaus. It's like hundreds of times. I'm like, god damn, you really want to hear this every day. Is that a band or is it a genre?
That's them. Oh, Bauhaus is the band. That's the band.
You told Siri to play it.
It's not mine. That's my phone.
Yeah, Tom, it's yours because you said, hey, Siri. Oh, you said, hey, Siri.
Oh. But Ed Sheeran came on.
What's the song name? Maybe it's that.
Stop the Rain?
I'll tell you this. I like Ed Sheeran. Stop. I like Ed Sheeran.
This is the only thing I want to tell you. It's because she's a teacher. It's the most annoying thing in the world that you don't prove to Blanca.
Well, I don't think he said he doesn't criticize anything. He's not even listening to us right now. I am. I'm just seeing what the hell happened.
I do feel like women watch and like things that are... And it always is a great balance when a man likes sports. Do you like sports? Yeah.
Because then you go, see how you don't like this and I'm really into this? I get that that's what your shit is. That's what I'm saying. His Downton Abbey. Her being really into a show. I go, that's great. Right. Yeah.
Yeah, 100%. For her, football, she's like, is it still on? I'm like, yeah, it's the fucking second quarter.
Yeah, they're long, yeah.
Shorter than Marvel movies, I'll tell you that. What happens on the show?
I know.
This always amuses me because I've never heard it through this lens. And it actually is very funny. The funniest one is like, you know, the shows where they recap games. She's like, are they talking about the game you just watched? And I'm like, yeah. And it's just like five guys who are like, they should have held on to the bulb.
It can be three days with the same coughing.
Yeah, that's true. That is true. But I tell you what, every message, anything I ever send to Maria, I send it to Maria. So why?
And they laugh at their dumb... I was like, until you pointed that out, I just thought this was totally normal. It is normal to us. I was like, no, it's super lame.
You cared about the game, right? So you have to have an emotional investment, some. Otherwise, if you don't give a shit... It also reminds me what happened.
Yeah, it reminds you what happened. It sounds really lazy, but I'm like, oh yeah, that happened in the first quarter. Because there's a lot going on. It's a four-hour game. And then if you lost...
You're like, why did we fucking lose? And then these guys are talking about why.
And we like to believe that they know more than us. Like, oh, he played for the Steelers in the 70s. He must have a better idea of what happened. Also, Tom might not admit this. I don't know if I really will admit it, but I think maybe... Some people like to then regurgitate what those old athletes said later, like the next day at work.
It becomes your point of view.
Right. Because I agree with that. I will now absorb that. And then I will say that like I thought of it. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't know a lot about sports as much as I love sports. My heart for sports is bigger than my brain for sports. Right.
But why the game of... If you can't convert third downs, I mean, how are we going to fucking win?
Exactly. I'll say stuff like, I mean, are you going to... That was more of a great defensive play than it was a bad interception.
Someone's like, that's your thought? You're like, yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.
It's not to shame. First of all, they're contractually obligated to do it.
I am the mother. Don't you think I know what I'm doing with my daughter? You're right. I'm just joking. Hold on. You keep moving your chair, by the way. Sorry, go ahead.
Which I think is dog shit. Terrible. I agree with you on this one. Sad. Let's stop interviewing athletes and coaches who have had media training. They give them training to teach them to not say anything. Then we interview them. And I'm friends with some journalists who won't like this take, but...
The only time an athlete is interesting and it goes like viral is if the player screws up and then the player gets fined for saying something he shouldn't.
It's the best.
They're like capitalizing on like, look, he screwed up. He said a thing he shouldn't have.
It's why the UFC is amazing. Oh, I love that. They're allowed to say anything. They say anything. And Dana White is amazing. He encourages it.
Yeah.
And he also is like, fuck that shit.
Right. And you're like.
Because all the other commissioners are like, you own this league? You run this. The other guys are terrible. They're literally like talking to the, like the, Roger Goodell is like the CEO of Coca-Cola.
Like he's not going to say anything interesting ever. It's just like, and as an organization, we are committed to making their communities better. And you're like, okay. Like Dana is just like, You want to see that fucking fight?
Yeah, he's the best. Cool. Well, that's why I used to say, before Donald Trump, I used to always talk about how, like, why would you even want a politician on your podcast? Because, like, when Obama did WTF, I was like, Barack Obama went into Marc Maron's cat-infested garage in Silver Lake or wherever. I couldn't believe it.
And then you listen to the episode, you're like, oh, yeah, he's the president. He can't just get on there and be like, you know...
Shlobodan Milosevic is a psycho listen to this story he can't he's the president now he does better interviews I've seen clips of him like he did what is it like Ryan Clark and Channing Crowder's podcast and those clips the way he was speaking you're like oh this is a guy who's not in office anymore right and those that's great
And he was funny on that and interesting because he's an ex-president, right?
Right.
So, yeah, most of the time, no one's like Trump.
Well, that's why he kind of broke the mold of that. He totally did. Which I don't even think we'll see again. I don't think we'll see that again.
I don't think the next few presidents will be like that.
If Barack Obama would have called a woman fat, it would have been the worst thing for his life ever. He would have tailspin. But if I told you, Donald Trump called some lady fat, you guys would go, yeah, yeah. He does that all the time. And it's Tuesday. That's what he does, dude. I think we're going to see more of it, not less.
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't think...
I think people will try there's something that he has like a it's just like a mix of qualities that allows him look you can find a hundred things he's said that would have ended people's careers anyone else I think part of it is the source people are just like this is I think the only reason Trump won and like won the popular vote and all this stuff is because he wasn't a politician now if any other person was running that wasn't a politician they would have won instead right that's why I think we'll see more of it
Maybe if it's another non-politician.
That's what we need.
Because you can't get into politics with that. You have to come from the outside.
And politics used to be, they'd come to your town, right? Before the internet. They'd come to your town and go, you guys like guns? Oh, hey, guns are good. We're going to help you. And they'd go to the next town and they'd say, what do you got? They'd go, we hate guns. They'd go, we're going to get rid of guns. But now with the internet.
Yeah, you can't.
You can see that a politician will say a thing and then you'll go, but they just said a different thing in this. And now we can compare it. We have reels. We have social media. And so like the age of being a politician where you just kind of say what works is it's over.
Just look at us. You have to look at us and you'll know where sisters are. Now, this is...
That's a good point. You got to be authentic. Yeah. Authentically yourself. That's the other thing is that he's not. I don't think he's like.
putting one on when he does that that's who he is i think so too and i think that like that not to confuse that with being honest but it is he's not telling different stories in different places is all yeah he's he's coming with his flaws and his things right there and you go all right i do like we know what we're getting i like that he lost weight and i like that he's not as orange and i like and like my crazy neighbor oh yeah you want to talk politics i like that he lost weight and he's orange
He did, he did.
He does.
After they tried to murder him, after the FBI tried to kill him, now he's like, all right, I'll lay low a little ways.
Of course. Good for him.
He looks great. He eats McDonald's like three times a day. So yeah, maybe he did take some Ozempic.
He likes KFC.
I don't know much about Ozempic. Everyone talks about it. It's in everyone's act. Oh, it's great.
I know nothing about it. You're on it? Back on it. Are you? Oh, yeah. Are there any negatives?
What are we, splitting hairs here? You want to lose the weight, right?
Yeah, and it's easy to get.
Okay.
Okay.
Everyone talks about it. Oh, yeah. I'll be with someone, and they'll say, I think your friend took Ozemp because I don't even know what that means.
But most people don't take that.
Yeah, he was pre-diabetic. He was like 285, and he took it and lost some weight. Interesting, yeah.
I want to show you something. You tell me whether this is horrible or hilarious to you. Okay, it's probably going to be both. Those overlap. Sometimes. Here we go. I've got an interest in humor.
Well, okay, first of all, it was annoying to listen to.
That's amazing.
Yeah, I really like it. That's pretty good.
I like these kind of Darwinistic, like, well, what'd you expect kind of stuff. Like, did you guys see Chimp Crazy on HBO?
no it's this it's the people the guy who made tiger king made a movie or made a doc series about the same kind of thing instead of with cat people it's people that have monkeys and chimps wow it's you'll love it what's it called it's called chimp crazy oh wow it's just as good as tiger king but now we're not in a pandemic so everyone's not chimps when they feel the need to be aggressive
will do almost always the same things first to a male because they identify that you're male. They'll bite your fingers off because they know that these are your kind of weapons. And they'll rip your testicles off. And then they usually will pull your jaw out and they can pull strips of skin off of your back
My thing was just like, you're about to die. And then I was like, you're good. And you told me you're good. I did not mock you.
like it's just pieces the only reason I know all this is because of Chimp Crazy they go through everything Travis the Chimp who fucked up that lady like they go through all this it made me hate monkeys too they're kind of gross to me now or hey made me hate chimps but I'm trying to think why I brought that up oh because of the guy that bombed his hand off right there so for this it's like listen
if this dumb lady needs to keep a bunch of gross chimps locked up to be happy, good for her. I don't give a shit. Lock up these ugly, non-working Hollywood monkeys, right? But if those monkeys rip her fucking face off and she looks like some ghoul on the Oprah Winfrey show, I'm fine with that too. I don't care about either. I don't give a fuck about these monkeys or this dumb lady.
And so I feel like that's kind of like the bomb in the hand. You want to go shoot a bomb up?
at the lake then go for it do it but also when your hand blows off I go that's hilarious to me that's what you get stupid you set this up that was 200 grams of ammonium nitrate and nitro is it methane it has a Detonation velocity of, what is it? 58 kilometers a second. The person basically made a bomb, leading to his hand being blown straight off.
The ammonium nitrate was used in World War I to make low-cost explosive dynamite. His hand is gone, and it took seven weeks to recover. Jeebus.
Also, go back to the beginning of the video.
Yeah.
Look how happy he is. And when he's looking back, like he's like, look at him looking back. He's really trying to impress everybody. Like, check this out.
Oh, God.
I like the scream. The screams are always good.
Everybody hated it. Everybody hated it because it was prolonged. If you're going to choke, make it quick. Don't fucking make it a whole show. That was really long. It was really horrible.
Also, maybe just try to get, like, a super long wick on something.
That's the kind of thing, though, part of me, I go, that's hilarious. And then I always just think about our boys.
They're going to have a thing.
I've learned that with my sisters. Sisters will have bickering between mom. They'll go through these wars where one girl will be mean to mom, mom will be mean back. It's this weird female battle. But with boys, it's always some big one thing. They get arrested or they knock up a girl or they beat up a kid in school who's gay. Some weird thing. Some big thing.
Just for being alive and gay.
Tie him to a fence and now you can't go to Colorado anymore or Wyoming or whatever. What was I going to say about that? What country was this in?
It feels Russian.
Yeah, it does. Let's see if it's... Because it says normal if it's Russian.
It was Slovakia. Of course. On the way. Nearby. Here's another one. Let's see if this makes you laugh.
Oh, God.
I didn't even know that was possible. A new fear unlocked.
Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen pectairs?
That made me... I didn't like that.
Yeah, that was... He didn't ask for that. That counts as horrible.
Yeah, he didn't ask for that. No, he didn't ask for it. He's just weightlifting. Yeah. He's not some jackass. He's just a cute guy trying to... Just some super hot guy.
Oh, but see, look at... I don't know. He's got four plates on there. Maybe he was exceeding... You know what I mean? Barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, he was like, hey, dude, if you try to flex for the camera, sometimes it can go.
Sounds like you were looking for attention. It didn't seem like you were.
Maybe that could be it.
I know. I don't like that. Okay. Oh, I've seen that. I love that one.
Oh, the aftermath video is great.
You got to have the aftermath.
I love that. This one's a mix of the two. She wasn't asking for it, but I still like it. I know.
She had a great sense of humor because she put out the aftermath video, I think, in the same exact area.
What could be the aftermath? Like, how bad could it be?
Just, oh, it's bad, dude. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her face hit that platform right.
really fucking hard it seems like it'd be kind of a just an embarrassing one with a couple bruises or something but she was trying to be like an influencer and say something come to Fiji you know like hey check this out and she hit that shit so hard face first yeah you know that was a tough one let's go check it out oh that's pretty good you guys don't have it
Yeah, it was like, oh, is this moment not about me?
Bad work. Something about beautiful women getting hurt makes me happier.
Because it happens to them too? They're so like, we're so beautiful. And so to like see it makes it that much more funny to me.
I don't know what it is about it. Because there used to be an Instagram account that I followed. It got banned. But it was called Girls Getting Hurt. And I'd send it to my buddy. He'd get so mad at me. Because he'd be like, stop. Do you hate women? Why are you sending me this? I was like, it's just funny.
I think it's amusing, too. Because you know that somebody has an easier life just by being attractive. Right.
Well, they're protected. We protect women. Yeah, we protect them. And there are like these, you know, like... I don't know, it's like squishing a flower or something. There's something kind of rebellious about it.
Yeah, there is. There is. All right, well, here's the next one. Sorry, I keep talking too much during these.
That's a drunk. That's a drunk, yeah.
That's a good one.
The good thing is she won't feel that. Yeah. She had to check her ring camera and go, that's why my butt hurts. Oh, God.
Everything that she owns, though, made it on the patio.
Cigarettes, keys, wallet. It all fell perfectly. Perfectly, yeah.
Although she's got some cushion. She does have a guy shave. Yeah, big butt. That's a good one.
Fuck, I could see myself doing that.
That was hilarious.
That's all we got today. That's it? That's it, man. Those are the four of the day. Sometimes they're great. Do you ever show like deaths?
I think you put on a bit of a show. But I just want to thank Keely for pointing that out. There's two different types of people.
No.
I mean, it's happened. Try not to go like, here's 10 people dying. Your guest is like, what the fuck? I feel like the face plant stuff is kind of about this lady. Yeah. Harmless fun. Harmless fun. Sometimes we're like, hey, here's a workplace accident. And then you're like, uh.
Here's a shooting at a volleyball game.
You're like, what the fuck? Oh, shit. Yeah.
Like what, like a forklift dropped in, like nine million bottles of Coke?
Yeah, those are brutal, too. I always wonder about those. Like, how do we know which ones are alive still? Yeah.
especially when they're like like the china ones and the russia ones they're just always like that machinery yeah they're just posting the video like look at this they don't have the fucking osha like standard it's like when a robot dies here they just go that's one of our employees we've seen some china workplace ones where like there's a pressure valve and a guy just explodes like his body just explodes and they're in china they're just like
And that.
I know this guy. He answered it so... I'll remove that if you have one in. Because I got to remove all the stuff from the inside. All of that comes out.
Don't do that with your hands.
So there's a tampon in there. That comes out too. I'll remove it. You're welcome. I don't want you to spend eternity with one of those in there. Don't you get, like, sick or something if one stays in too long? We don't want that to happen.
I know. Let's put choking past us, hopefully, for the rest of the day.
We don't want that to happen.
I got you. I'll remove everything. Everything gets removed. Got it. I'll throw that away. All your pieces will get put in a bag, and then the bag will be put in your belly. So you'll get to keep everything except for that tampon. I'll throw it away. I'll put it in the red bin. We'll get rid of it.
Yeah, he's got him. He keeps them. Jesus.
But I like that he has a sense of humor about this.
Is there any sort of, because you said you like to talk about the underrepresented on these things. Yeah, marginalized. Is there like a channel that you watch or anything on YouTube where you're like, I wish more people knew about this? Do you? Yeah.
no because I watch some stuff where people come over and they go you watch this and I go yeah this guy rules or this person oh no what are you into like there's a channel called Decoy Voice which is like a great political channel but then there's one called Muck Bang Mermaid oh well those are on the talk you know Muck Bang of course I know Muck Bang do you know Muck Bang Mermaid I do not
This is a person doing mukbang, which I just learned what that is. I thought this was just the name of this character, Mukbang Mermaid. I thought that was like a funny name she put before mermaid. But she wears like this terrifying mask and eats foods. But she's doing this great character. And the mask is so... That's her, Mukbang Mermaid. But she's comedically brilliant.
Okay.
Baby Yezushka was born and then he takes over the world real soon.
Whoever's in that costume is crushing it.
Because it's very funny.
I love it.
Oh, nice. See, this is my shit right here. Look at this guy. Oh, my God.
Why an index finger for that? I think he just can't show you what he wants to show you.
But it's just an index finger, and he's bragging about being a 300-pound caveman?
Well, he's giving you the POV for sure. Yeah. That is terrifying. Maybe the index finger is the perfect. Yeah, maybe that is. Yeah. He's being honest.
Ready for the show? I'm ready. Let's do it.
Yeah.
You look at you guys. You got this great, you know, you shoot a thing. If you want to shoot an opinion about something, you might walk around. Why is everyone in their goddamn car?
Most people really don't have a space.
Anywhere they could do this?
I think that a lot of people are like, where can I go that I can sit and talk and they can be quiet?
That's true. It's good for sound.
It's my car.
Really? I think so. It drives me nuts. You're right. I can't hear to anyone's opinion if you're sitting in a toilet. No, you're totally right. It's always a car. It is. It drives me nuts. I saw it because now my algorithm is insane. I got the best curated algorithm for what I like. But you'll see a girl being like, I'm going to eat this whole pizza. And you're like, in your car?
Yeah, you have to do that in the car. Yeah.
Maybe a picnic table. You do? You film ones in your car?
Well, also, as a COVID-conscious queer.
Yeah, exactly.
A COVID-conscious queer.
Can you believe that's not an insult? That sounds like something I'd yell at her. I know. COVID conscious queer. But now it's her identity.
At least she was like, well, anybody really. Yeah, she went back. If you're a conscious human.
She thinks she's helping. We're definitely filming the ass. Pan down. Oh, and the person didn't? Yeah, that's cool.
She's a world-class marathon runner. I saw this story. She's like, yeah, top tier. She finished in the top three on this one. And yeah.
which correct me if I'm wrong that's a common thing to shit yourself especially if you're the best in the world but you think the best in the world would evacuate their bowels before the race I think they have to it still could happen because don't forget she's running at least 26 miles do you know why it's called a marathon I just learned this no no
No idea.
That's a good one to know.
I love learning things like that. I think that history is the best thing to know for comedy.
It helps a lot. It wasn't funny right now, but you know. I liked it.
No, I think it actually does inform. Yeah. Yeah, it gives you.
Knowing things. People like, you'll reference a war and they go, what are you talking about? You go, you don't know this? Yeah. It makes you look smart. It makes you feel smart. Yeah.
And then you can weave in the dumbest shit because you said something smart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
Whoa.
Who knew that was in there so good, huh? This is like a. Oh, shit. This is like a DIY talk.
It's very funny.
Also, why is he doing his own demo? Save a few bucks. He's like, I can do this myself.
Hopefully I just got his pants. I wish women knew the feeling of getting nut tapped. That's okay. There's no way. You can never explain it. You really can't. All right. You'd feel that. And there's a delay. I mean, of course, you'd feel it. It would hurt you is what I'm saying. That fragile would hurt you. I believe it. Those are fragile bits. Those are carrying.
Also, when I was young, I got hit in the nuts a lot.
That's insane.
Yeah, that's why we got the tube at the top part for like at Wild Wings. That would never pass here. That's scary.
That would be like week one. Somebody would fly off of that and be like, it's shut down. They've seen us.
So I know Burt would do this bullshit, but would you do this? No. This? A slide like that? No, I don't think so. I mean, I couldn't do it. Well, actually, I could if you had me. Oh, my God.
I just feel like my luck, too, I would go right off of it. I would just go right to the right. I would, too.
Vicky had such a good career, you know. I would die. Ruined it all with a stupid water slide.
With a stupid Greek slide. I would die.
That is insane, though.
Getting work done.
He's a helper under the desk. You up for it?
Who wants to suck me off?
I know what it means, but I mean like why would he think that's going to help
because the armpit you're right and this babe apropos the earlier discussion the armpit is like you guys like that really some guys like yeah I fucking love smelling armpits gross oh what the fuck yeah it's such a gay pose isn't that a gay we're talking about there's no way that's him right is it him that's him I think that's him
No wonder everyone's so into this guy Yeah But also isn't that pose The arm up to me And the panties down Also this is a strong move By whoever censored the cock Yeah Because they make the bar super long Yeah Yeah It's smart Yeah It is smart Wait what were you guys Oh the arm thing
Welcome.
Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.
Well, we're just talking about they're a community that deserves representation.
It's true.
Holy shit.
This can't be America. It is. It is? Yes. It is. Chicken? Next is the 30 second tight hug from this big latex sheet and a few wild rooms completed later. You move into the party room where you begin to celebrate making it before being buried above the head deep in balls. I wasn't the only one that made it out though as I found this little guy in my pocket way after finishing.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
That is an experience. I can see how this could be some people's favorite fucking thing.
You know, the people that just love- I love Horror Nights and Halloween things. They made a great documentary about these type of places. Yes.
Do you like haunted houses and stuff?
I love haunted houses. I don't like this kind of stuff. But also the reason like McManny Manor, I think it's called. It was one of the most extreme haunted houses. I think it's still going. Is that right? Did I say the name right? McManny Manor? McCamey Manor. McCamey Manor, yeah. Anyways, the reason his was so controversial is because there's no safe word.
Like this one, at any point they can leave. He said, I made it out, meaning like some people were able to go, ah, let me out.
uh that's the most extreme one and they waterboard you and like there's no out you can't there's no safe word that's why they think this guy should be locked up he also films it which is because he's a creep and he wants to like watch all these people yeah uh yeah that guy in the middle is the guy who runs it and also to get in you have to like do this waiting list it takes years it's a huge contract that's two dog food cans you have to donate which is strange
Really?
That's part of it.
Cool. I don't know why.
I mean, it's cool that like, you're totally crazy.
Yeah, you have to be a psycho.
The person doing that is completely insane.
Sexual kinks for sure. Fuck. I also, this is a TikTok thing when he was doing, when he was explaining it. I don't like the cadence in which he's, why is it so, like so. Some of those narration voices. I went into the things and then once you go through the 13 chickens, then you have to go to the electric thing that's being those. And then like, why is that how he's explaining it?
It's very weird.
Yeah, I hate the way he was explaining that on and off. Oh, shit. Oh, I saw this. Yeah, yeah.
New Zealand's youngest MP started by... Look at his face. This is so silly.
It's like... It's so ridiculous.
In parliament? Doing their battle song? It's ridiculous. And we're all supposed to think, isn't it great?
So we look virtuous. It's ridiculous.
Yeah. I hope you beat the USC. It's fine on a football field. What are we doing it in parliament for?
The white guy faces are the best part.
Oh, yeah.
All right, you guys did your little song. It's so ridiculous.
And I know people are going to hear, like, oh, he's being a dickhead about it. No, it's like, knock it off. Yeah, that's what you do, like, before the rugby game. We've also evolved. It is. I don't bring my gun into that parliament and go, it's my culture. This is what we used to do. We're all cowboys.
This form of protest.
We've evolved past you shouting some tribal thing.
And then 2,000 years later, everyone's like, that was the guy. That was our homie. He was the best. Yeah. We have so much fun stuff planned for today. Number one, I'll let me just tell you, you've noticed that my facial hair is different yet again. So everyone's going to be like, what's going on? Why?
But that's why I'm against it. I'm not against them doing the haka. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I think so. I'm just against them doing it in Parliament. The guy was dressed like Papa Shango, and it's supposed to be like this civilized thing.
I would love to hear this guy on the bottom summary when he got home. Oh, yeah. Telling his wife. Well, you know how they get. Hey, man. They started screaming, hollering, doing their dance.
Yeah, you know. They did the whole thing. She goes, did they do the eyes thing? Oh, yeah, that was part of it. The handshaking. I tried to get order, and they kept popping in with some new ones. What'd you do? Oh, I just said, we're just calling it a day. We're just not going to do this. You should have seen Gary. He was fucking terrified.
He was like, all right.
This needs to be cleared.
Come on. The next day, he's like, are we going to do a fucking show again today?
Yeah, I know. I hated it. I saw that video like four times and every time I was like, this is ridiculous. And read the comments. The comments are like so supportive. Like, isn't this beautiful? It's not beautiful. It's ridiculous. Also, if they were going to stick to the tradition, they wouldn't be wearing female pantsuits. Yeah.
Yeah, that's not part of it.
It went worldwide, like globally viral.
Pretty cool. Yeah. All right.
Excuse me. The special, The Last Cowboy in L.A. Yes. Is available on YouTube right now. Please check it out. And people can get tickets at jeffdye.com. Yeah. I'm going to be all over.
And welcome to Texas soon. I'm always touring. Yeah, I'm moving here. Yeah, dog. I'm very excited. It's very exciting. I love it here. Awesome. I love you guys' show. We'll come back.
Thanks for having me on. My mom's moving here too, so maybe you guys can become good friends. I'd like that. Yeah, is she cool? Very cool. She's fast. You'll be into it then. All right. Thank you for coming. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you. We'll see you next week.
I'm pissed the fuck off right now, man. This letter was not orange when I bought it. It was not orange when I bought this motherfucker. If this was the real lighter thing,
So if you're into Bass Pro Shop, fish style fishing and all that, he's one of the big stars.
This episode of your mom's house podcast was brought to you by Rogue. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
He's super legit, yeah. He's got some new merch. I'm just trying to help him plug his merch.
Yeah. He's a pro, man. I didn't know that. That guy can really fish.
Yeah, if you like fishing, watching fishing, that's your guy.
Yeah. And it's still the holiday season. If you want to rush, you can, you know.
What's up, everybody? It's Tom Segura.
Get your merch. Yeah.
Merry Jeansmas to you. It's my favorite time of year.
I love Christmas. It's my favorite one.
I don't want to do this.
Okay. Well, thanks for that. You got it. There's a... Yeah, there's Tom with his little Christmas cheer.
That's totally what you look like.
A sad dog. I'm a sad dog, everybody.
There's a new controversy. I don't know if you're aware of this.
What's that? I guess I did a bumper that played on a bunch of episodes. Yeah. And everybody is saying that I misspoke in this. And they're really coming down on me hard. Would you like to see it?
Of course. What's up, everybody?
What's everybody? No.
It's what's up, everybody. What's up, everybody?
If you're retarded.
do you look like a latin mechanic and the reason is that i just finished finally wrapping up that television show it's the reason i had a shaved face and it's the reason i have this goddamn goatee um it looks so good on you i like it it reminds me of the 90s the 90s yeah the 90s were a good era you look good with it yeah i'm just letting everything else come back so
What's up, everybody?
What's up, everybody?
No.
What's up, everybody?
Okay. Well, everybody is saying this. Okay. Forgot the up. What an RTD.
That's maybe closer to what it was.
I did.
The ghost of Larry King.
You need to go to a doctor.
Yeah.
Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, that's where this is headed.