Anonymous Caller 1
Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
So I am in Ontario, Canada. The story takes place in London, Ontario. I've heard you speak of London before.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
That's right. Before we start, I did want to say something to the two of you that I thought was kind of cool. So a few years ago, I bought a manifestation journal. And the very first thing that I wrote in that journal was that I wanted to meet Monica Padman, Dax Shepard, and Kristen Bell.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
To set the scene, I was fresh out of college for social services. I thought I was going to save the world. And I was also fresh out of a long-term relationship. I was only 21. It was the tail end of high school through the first bit of college. So I didn't know much about dating either. So I was fresh faced all around and I decided to try online dating.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
I saw this picture pop up, this dude, tattoos, cute eyes, really nice. His name was Dan. I will use his real name. I'll tell you why after. So pretty quickly, I realized he had some issues around substances and addictions and So I thought, okay, I can save him, right? I mean, I took the class.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
So he would disappear a few days at a time, and then he would come back sometimes. And he would be hungry and tired and promise it wouldn't happen again. And then he would disappear again.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
So he shows up at my door one day. He is disheveled. Shirt was ripped. He's sweating. He's pale. He's looking out my window. I lived on a third story of a building. He's darting back and forth. I'm going... Dan, what is the problem? What's happening here? And he's like, nothing, nothing. I said, no, something's going on. Why are you looking out my window?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
He says, listen, last night I did a smash and grab at the hardware store. So he threw a brick or a rock or something into the window, grabbed the quickest thing he could, a vacuum cleaner.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
Right. And it's heavy. So he runs with this vacuum cleaner. He ended up selling it for drug money. So now he's at my house. No sooner does he finish telling me the story that there is a pounding on my door. They're like, police, open up. And Dan's saying, don't open the door. Don't open the door. They must have heard him. They bust through three police officers.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
I don't think it was locked. I think they just came in.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
Yeah, they were nice. So Dan takes off down the hallway towards my bedroom and three officers quick after him. Next thing I hear is one of the officers go, he jumped. Oh. Third story.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
Three officers back quick the other way and out my door. So I run to my bedroom window and look down expecting to see him down there because that's a big jump, but he's collapsed in front of the next building. The police caught up with him. I found out that adrenaline must have just kept him running, but he did injure his back. The building I live in at the time is not very big.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
Everybody knows each other. I go outside. Everyone's standing outside. It's a big scene. Police have to call an ambulance. Ambulance almost hits him, backing up.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
So I didn't break up with him. I visited him in the hospital while he was recovering. I stayed with him during his little stint in jail for his various crimes.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
He injured his back and his ankle, but it was about three days he was in the hospital and then he was okay. So I'm not even entirely sure what it was, but he had a police officer 24-7 in the room in the hospital with him until... They took him to jail. And you stayed with him while he was in jail? I did. Tell me about his redeemable qualities.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
Tattoos everywhere. Actually, one of the tattoos, he came over one day and said, look at this, and shows me he's got my name tattooed across his neck. He was a hopeless romantic. An addict, yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
I just adored him. So fast forward to he's in jail. It's now a few days later. And I'm noticing that everybody in the building, no one's talking to me. I go to check the mail and people are staring. The only person that would talk to me was the man who lived directly below me. So I go knock on his door, sitting in his living room, and I'm venting. I'm like, no one's talking to me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
I'm getting dirty looks. What is going on here? He says, rumor has it you pushed Dan off that window. Oh, my.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
I'm trying to start my career. I'm like, no. Then this man finishes telling me and his boyfriend walks to the room, looks me up and down with, oh my God, murderer. Oh, Jesus.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
So I had to move. And did you stay with him? Two years I stayed with him. So why I'm using his real name is because unfortunately he did pass away.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
He actually got clean. He met a girl, had some kids. He was doing really well. But he got cancer and within a few weeks of the diagnosis had passed away.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
Oh, that's so sad. It was, but today would have been our anniversary. So I figure that's a little wink from him being like, go ahead and tell my craziness.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
We lost touch for a bit. I believe he did go to treatment. Then we got back into touch when he was doing well and he had some kids and he was happy.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
He did. He told me about a few things he had stolen from me that I never found out about. And he did apologize. Oh. Sweetest guy. Yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Dated a Criminal
I'm just surprised he made it as far as he did with his injuries. He used to say, if they want me, they have to catch me. Wow. And they sure did.