Anne McNamee Keels
Appearances
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
uniform skirt with a very heavy backpack full of math, science, and religion textbooks with my head down, getting onto that black top behind the church, behind the school, before the first bell, just kind of quietly slinking in as I normally do before the first bell. To say I was not the cool girl in eighth grade is kind of an understatement, so I'll tell you what I was at this school.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
I was the kid who had shown up, transferred to the school in fourth grade, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but at a K through eight Catholic school, it's kind of like I had shown up to the birthday party after the candles had been blown out, you know? Like, songs had been sung, alliances had been formed, and there I was.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
Also, no one had told me when I signed up, when I got to this school, I didn't sign up, I was sent there, that... That the main form of like social capital was the sports you could play and the sports teams you were on. And I was the kind of kid who all but broke out in hives if I was like a couple feet from a volleyball. I'm like the opposite of athletic. So I was on zero sports teams.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
I was a music theater art nerd at a school with no music theater or art. So... I became the kid who at lunchtime could be found reading a Babysitter's Club book over her peanut butter and jelly instead of talking with my classmates. And my goal was to like, it's April of eighth grade, right? So I'm putting my head down, get through. That's the goal.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
So I literally have my head down, getting onto that blacktop. But something weird is going on. I hear, like, weird murmuring when I get there. And I look up, and it seems like all the girls in my grade are looking at me. They are talking, I think, about me. And they are pointing at me. Oh, my gosh. So I look down, like, do I have a stain on my uniform shirt? Did I spill something?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
I don't think so. And I'm like, oh, God, did someone tell the entire grade who I have a crush on again? No. But that doesn't seem to be it. And then Emma walks up to me. Now Emma's like the closest that I have to a good friend in my grade. We're friends sometimes and not at other times. But today she seems very excited. She says, oh my gosh, have you seen the May issue of Teen Magazine?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
Now for the young people, I just need to do a little quick background. In the late 90s, Teen Magazine and others of its ilk, Seventeen, YM, they were our Instagram, our Facebook, our Pinterest, our TikTok. They were how we knew how to dress, what kind of makeup to do and how to do our hair.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
They were how we knew that we were not thin enough and we were not yet pretty enough, but we could be if we followed their advice. Also, there was always like some weird story about a girl in white pants getting her period in front of her crush. I'm not clear what that was, but they were our Bible. And so she's, Emma says, do you have, did you see the May issue? And I say, it's April.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
And she says, oh, like everyone in the grade has a subscription. We get it a week early, which is like another check against me. And so she hands me the teen magazine May issue and she opens to page 14 and on page 14 y'all is me. There is a picture, my school picture, frizzy hair, blotchy skin, all of it.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
And then I remember months prior when I had been going through the issue and, you know, like back the, you know, December issue for like the third time. And I'd seen the tiny fine print because I'm a big nerd. And it said that they were looking for girls who want to makeovers. And I sent in...
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
I'd sent in my school picture, along with a letter detailing how my frizzy hair is a problem, how I can't find makeup because I'm a redhead, how my eyes are too small, and my face is too blotchy, and please help. So did they give me a makeover? Just to be clear, they didn't give me a makeover. They didn't send me makeup samples. They didn't even tell me they were using my picture.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
They just put my picture there, along with a makeup artist telling me all the things to fix all my problems. So, of course, I'm, like, horrified, right? Like, oh, my gosh, this is so embarrassing. But I look up, and all these girls, they do not look like they're making fun of me. They look impressed, maybe even jealous. Remember, this is before social media. I am in a magazine.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
Leonardo DiCaprio is on the front, along with Jennifer Leigh Hewitt. And Titanic has just come out. Everyone is looking at this magazine, and there I am. So the girls are freaking out, all the girls in my grade, and they're coming around me, and I don't know what to do with this attention. We get in school, and somebody shows a teacher, and it spreads like wildfire.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
Teachers from all over the school are coming in to see the magazine that I am in, because they had me in previous years. Later in the day, I get a call over the PA, Ms. Harris, will you send Ann Mack me to the principal's office? I never do anything wrong, but of course I'm terrified, because what if I accidentally did something wrong? LAUGHTER So I go to the principal's office.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
I hate this, but I get there, and my principal, who I can only describe as looking like Mr. Potato Head, like very round face, you know, mustache, glasses, like Mr. Potato Head. He is sitting in front of this desk with all these important papers, and on top of all those papers is Teen Magazine with my picture. And he says, this is very impressive, and I think, is it?
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
Later, there's an announcement over the PA, and it just keeps going from here. I get home. My mom has already heard. She's bought every copy she could find in the city. My grandma, my aunt, a second cousin, my mom's second cousin gets a call from her sister saying, buy Teen Magazine. We have a relative in it. It's a really big deal. I go to my dance class.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
They've already had the picture up framed behind the main desk. And it's really exciting for a while. And then the excitement, it's there, but it just kind of starts to fade. And eventually everybody forgets, to be honest with you. And the frame comes down, and some other girl got in the newspaper for something, and now she goes up. And everything just kind of got quiet. And...
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
You know, I think I thought it was going to be like the movies or something. I thought it would be like a 90s movie, that my hair would get straightened, and I would buy the makeup, which I did, and put it all on my face, and I would be different. But the reality was I just did exactly what I was planning to do.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
I kept my head down, I got through eighth grade, I got to high school, and things got a little better. And recently, I was going through boxes in my basement, and I went through a box that was all the stuff from my childhood bedroom. Books, journals, and in it I found the 1998... May issue of Teen Magazine. And there I was on page 14, just a normal-looking 13-year-old girl.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
And I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could tell her that her hair would stay curly, but I would, like, find products to fix it, you know? I wish I could tell her I could even... She would eventually even figure out the makeup thing. There was this thing called contouring coming up, and it was going to be a big deal and a really game-changer.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
And mostly I wish I could tell her that sports really weren't going to matter. No one's gonna make her play dodgeball after she was 15. And that eventually she would get to live where she wanted to live and do the things she wanted to do and find her people. And eventually she would feel like lifting her head up. Thank you.
The Moth
The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages
My story takes place in 1998 at a school on the south side of Chicago. No joke. But this was a Catholic school on the south side of Chicago, and I was the student. It's 1998. It's April of 1998. Tuesday morning, I am in my polo shirt and my ugly...