Angel Maldonado

How we doing tonight, y'all? Ooh, yeah. All right, identify yourself. Who in this room thinks I'm straight? You know, show of hands, make a little noise, clap your hands. All right, some delayed reactions. That's the usual reaction that I get, actually. I don't know what it is about Texas ever since I moved here. I think all the steers, everybody just figures that I'm the queer.

I don't know what that's about. Either that or... The long hair combined with I'm so racially ambiguous that everybody also assumes that my sexuality is an ambiguous topic. I don't know what that is. I don't know. I think I'm onto something. The other day I had a comic tell me that I'd make a good prison wife. Yeah, his actual wording was, you would have the power of the pussy in prison, Angel.

And I said, wow, thank you. I appreciate that. Ah, true story. Anyway, that was my time.

I am loving life. I am so tired. I am so high.

I'm a door guy next door at Buckwild. I've been working all Halloween weekend. It's so fucked up. My sleep schedule is nocturnal right now. It's bad.

No, no. I work until the bars close. So what time is that? I left work at like 4 a.m. last night. So 8 to 4? Yeah. No, 6. 6 to 4. Yeah, 6 to like 4 a.m. And you stand there and you check IDs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's easy money. It's pretty fun. I'm not complaining.

I mean, I'm from New York originally, so I mean, people read my energy as complaining a lot. I don't know.

I don't want to bring this up, Tony. I don't want to bring this up.

Let's just say I'm un poquito garbage. Basura. Basura.

Better stay up and get high. I've had a very long weekend. Beautiful son of a bitch.

Try it out. There's a lot going on in this country, folks. Oh, God. All right.

I promise.

I've only lived in Austin for seven months, but I've been, I've wanted to do comedy since I was a little kid. I did, I was an improv kid. That's my, that's my comedy background.

The part about shocking.

Yeah, yeah, for many years. All right. Yes, and? Ah. Yes, and not a lot of pussy.

How you doing today? You look nice. My name's Angel. Like in the sky.

I'm an honest guy. I just stay quiet if I see a pretty girl. You know what I'm saying? When I start doing this, it doesn't work. There's a wall of garbage around here.

Oh, yeah. I'm a longboarder. I feel more natural. I've been living in Aspen for the last four years. Aspen?

I got an anxiety disorder. I shiver a lot. I feel more natural on a snowboard than I do walking on two feet.

Yeah, it's awesome. I just listen to music real loud and then I just ignore everybody that tries to yell at me.

Nope, never, never. All right, just checking.

I mean, there's so much I could say.

Yeah, let's just say I've been skiing in other ways. Oh, look at you. My job provides good opportunities. Wow, so you're not always so sleepy. Yeah, I've been saying I wish that energy drinks actually provided you sleep other than energy, and I found the stimulant that actually provides you with something that feels like sleep.

I'm sorry, mom.

I keep it inside. That's why I shake a lot and sweat. It's just a lot of energy going on. Internal combustion.

I started smoking and drinking a lot when I first moved here trying to fight the anxiety going on stage. Then I saw a psychiatrist. I was like,

About like... About the same? First time is a long time ago. Sure, but I'm talking about regularly here. Consistently like the past three, four weeks.

It's a new solution.

I'm not on it tonight, so that's all I got to say.

You know, I remember people didn't think I was funny when I started doing comedy as a teenager because everybody would tell me, hey, you ever think about modeling? That's a good career path for you. They would never be like, hey, that shit was funny. And here we are. Yeah, here we are today.

Actually, no. The days turn into nights real quick these days.

I got buddies. I'm friends with a lot of comics out here. Not the question I asked.

The last time I did it, I did a bump by myself in the bathroom at Shakespeare's. Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Riding the wave, baby. Have you talked... Riding the wave, baby.

They say... That he's fucked. Ugh. My opinion is that I'm not abusing any drugs. Ever since I started taking Prozac, I've been using drugs for fun and not to cope. And so, yeah, new excuses, Tony. I know.

They taught me to be honest. That was one of the early rules.