Amy Andersen
Appearances
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So it's kind of leaning in to the person that you're liking, lean into the things that make them interested in the things that they're passionate about in their life.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Well, so it's not unusual to get funny and quirky requests here in Silicon Valley. It kind of goes with the territory, I think. But I was representing a prince in the Middle East a few years ago, and he flew into America, specifically to my office here in Silicon Valley, with one of his assistants, and he
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
you know, laid on my couch, very Freudian style, kind of kicked off his shoes and was very relaxed. So I said, okay, I must be doing something right. And his request was meeting a Stanford grad and a Stanford grad of like a very kind of particular, beautiful, yet very, I would say kind of voluptuous, curvy body type of a very specific age. So
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
i started kind of adding all these different things up and on top of that somebody who wanted multiple kids who had you know a very good job but was pretty ready to probably give that up to start you know planning a family and like bearing children so that's a very particular isolated type of woman i think for me the challenge was
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
You know, a lot of these highly educated, accomplished women in Silicon Valley, you know, sure are going to be looking for kids, but to give up a career and kind of give up all these things to start like producing offspring, you know, what would be decidedly much more traditional fashion, like from the get go at such a young age in today's modern society. That's going to be tough.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
For sure. So I think one of the major reasons links is different is just being very selective. So I'm really cherry picking the types of gentlemen and women that I want to work with. And I'm keeping the focus truly based on the quality of the individual versus kind of the sheer volume. So I'm only working with a handful of people at any given time.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
That's going to be a very tall order. So I tried to see if he could be flexible. And he's like, no, like, this is why I'm coming to you. I know you can do this for me. I was like, kind of biting my tongue, like, okay, cool. Like, we're off to the races. I'm excited. So, I mean, I did everything to try to find this match. I went on campus.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I literally chased after women to try to find the right match.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
it's like running after them and i'm like are you single and i was on body type and i was like oh my god what am i doing um but anything for our prince and royalty in the middle east right was i mean it was me and he had quite a few matches actually so everything was going right um but i think the big thing for what was occurring with representing him as a client and these
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
highly accomplished women that I was doing introductions to him for was that it was really the geography. I mean, the expectation was that they were going to move overseas. So that's a big ask. So he'd had many different introductions, but nothing was really clicking. So a lot of first dates, some second dates. And then we kind of like I just let him date on his own for a while.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And then one day, a former woman that had been passive in my database emailed me randomly and she said, do you have any matches for me? And I was like, oh, my goodness, I think she could be great for him and made the introduction. They ended up getting married on date two. Crazy, crazy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, they got married on day two. They got married? Yeah, yeah. Literally boarding the plane, going out. Wow. Yeah, it's a crazy story. Now they have three kids.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Very cool.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So in terms of kind of what a woman is looking for in a man?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I think that that's a big difference compared to other folks.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. So I think it really depends on kind of where he is at, right? If he's looking to just date and enjoy kind of, you know, meeting different women and he's kind of unsure of what the next six to 12 months look like, I would say, you know, I'm really enjoying kind of the here and the now and meeting people, putting myself out there.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And meeting accomplished, you know, attractive women like yourself, right? I mean, that's, I think, a really honest answer. If he's looking for a relationship, right, then I would say something like, you know, I'm here with the intent of... Finding the right person. Granted, I think it's a struggle and it's challenging, but I'm feeling a connection with you. My goal is monogamy.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
firms that might really focus on a much higher volume of clientele that's really cool that's how they do their thing but for me i'm really selective because i really want to be able to allocate the necessary bandwidth and time for each client's project and my process is also so in-depth like just to give you an idea when a prospect emails me to
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
My goal is having a family one day and finding that right person who shares those same values. And then I would volley back. What about you? Where's your head at with all this? Dating can be so tough. So just being very present, very honest, but then volleying back. And I think if any of your guys struggle with that, be in the power seat for them to bring that up before they are asked. Right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. I always tell people, if there's ever kind of that hot button question or that topic that people are just like, oh, God, they're getting kind of nervous, the butterflies are there, or it's just addressing that elephant in the room, be in the power position and in the power seat to bring it up before it's asked. And that way it's like... ah, take that deep breath.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
You just got that off your chest. No big deal. You're in the clear and you're cruising on to the next topic, right? And why not do that earlier on, on the date or in that conversation, right? Versus again, kind of dreading when it's going to come up, right? So these guys are far better served to bring that up on their own and offer that up and then get her talking. What's her deal?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Well, no, I so appreciate that. And that is very cool that that matchmaker did that. And just just thinking, you know, thinking about you and, and it sounds like that matchmaker really wanted the best for you, right? Like really thinking about how to best serve your needs. And it's clearly, um,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
like, you know, in the matchmaker's life, like proactive, she's putting herself out there, she's socializing and meeting people. And I think that is, you know, for your listeners, one of the, definitely one of the unique value adds, like there's a lot of matchmakers like myself where we are out there, like I'm out there basically 24-7, 365, I'm thinking about my clients. And
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
The crazy thing is, like, I just never know where the perfect match is going to be for my clients. And so, like, I'm thinking right now about an example I can share of one of my recently married couples. They got married over Thanksgiving, and I was representing the gentleman as my client.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And he had had one serious relationship from my introduction, but that did not pan out in terms of a long-term relationship or marriage. Mm-hmm. So it was kind of back to the drawing board. And, you know, I was cycling through different women in my database. Then fast forward, I went to my friend's Persian New Year party at her home. She happens to be my neighbor.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So I'm there at this fun, festive New Year's party. It was like a dinner party. People are having cocktails and just mixing and mingling. And I lock eyes on this woman who is in her 60s. Side note, my male client was in his 60s. I'm looking at this woman. I kind of scan her up and down. She's probably thinking, what's going on here? Why is this woman checking me out?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
kind of introduce themselves to, you know, links to see if I might work with them. I take them as part of kind of a meet and greet process, which can be sometimes, you know, five hours in person just to see if they're a fit. So, I would say really selective with the types of people I'm working with and also just the personalization that entails the whole process.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I approached her and I just said, excuse me, are you single? And she kind of was like, deer in headlights, like, yes, where's this going? And I just said, I'm Amy. I'm a professional matchmaker. Based on, like, your energy and just observing you speak, because it's true, she was very articulate and eloquent in the way she was speaking. I said...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I think actually it could be really an interesting fit for my client. And I literally have never done this before, Connell, but I said, I'm going to make a quick video of you right now. I want you to just introduce yourself. And so all of a sudden I'm holding an iPhone app and recording her. And I immediately sent that to my client. I said, I think I've just met your future person.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I matched them and they ended up getting married. Like it was just, it was such a crazy situation. And that goes to show, like for your guys personally, Like if you're hiring a matchmaker, make sure matchmakers are not limiting candidates to just their database members. Like you want someone who's out there, who's networking, who's social.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And as your story indicated, like who's always looking out for the client, right? Because one never knows. And that's the exciting thing in working with a matchmaker is just like somebody who is your greatest champion and who's on the sidelines, like cheering for you, like, yeah,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. So this is very common territory for so many people that I work with on both sides, right? For women, for men, for everybody in between. So this is tough, right? I think the key is remember the context, right? What are you doing? As you're entering that restaurant or bar or park, wherever you're meeting her, the context is a date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So lean into that energetically, remembering the context and the environment in this situation. This is not a work meeting. This is not a boardroom meeting. You're not having a job interview. you know, for that dream job, right? Because people are going to read that energy immediately.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So lean into the situation and remember that these women are there to meet you and genuinely have agreed to meet you for the purposes of a date. So when you remember that, I think that is step one. That's really going to help. Number two is trust. be an interesting and an interested person, right? So again, kind of that theory of leaning into the date.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
You are asking her questions about herself, trying to peel those kind of emotional layers back. And remember that emotions don't always follow logic. I think a lot of very analytical and logical guys really want to figure things out and find that chemistry. And sometimes...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
force something right but it's really important to kind of peel those layers back and remember that there's a lot of you know importance of like nuances and feelings and trying to kind of tap into the emotion of things by being a little bit vulnerable and sharing about yourself I have one client I'm representing right now, and he goes out on a fair amount of dates.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
It's certainly doing the matchmaking, but there's so much guidance and a little bit of coaching. coaching as I can prepare them for the different dates and the journey that they go on. Those would be kind of the major things. On top of, I mean, as you indicated, the Ivy League of matchmakers, a lot of my clients did go to Ivy Leagues.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And these are all really good dates on paper on both sides. But the feedback from these women is that, you know, Amy, he didn't ask me a lot of questions. Like, he seems like such a nice guy. And I should feel the chemistry and I should like him, but he's almost too robotic. Right. So I really encourage him to number one, work on himself.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Like I've encouraged him to, you know, maybe do a little, a little bit of therapy. So that can kind of help him tap into some of his emotions or hiring a date coach like yourself that can really kind of help him guide him through this, um, But I think remembering that the logical side and the emotional side are two totally separate things, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Be that interesting person in who you're going out with and interested in her and also showcasing some of your vulnerabilities and emotional side. And maybe that's how you will start to feel that connection and peeling back those layers.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yes, exactly. And it takes practice, right? Again, practice makes perfect. It's a skill. So the more you can just put yourself out there and even practice, like I, my, my thing, what I tell everybody is walk up to strangers, just say hi and, in social situations and introduce yourself, like say hi and practice some of those skills of flirting. See how women respond to it, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Even if you fumble around a little bit or somebody is not receptive, then move on to the next person, right? You're putting all these different techniques and practices into your, what I call kind of laboratory, you know, your day laboratory. And again, this is all part of your confidence building and boosting. So when you meet that right woman, you're going to be prime. You're going to be ready.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
It's going to feel good. And you're in cruise control. Like I got this. This is no big deal.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Of course, that's not a requirement, but it's not, especially in Silicon Valley, atypical that somebody went to a great university. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. So I think communication. Communication is critical, right? Somebody who says what he does, basically, and vice versa. So if he says, I'm going to call you on Tuesday at 7pm, he's going to be consistent with following that communication, right? I think women are really from that
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
baseline perspective looking for a man who is consistent in general consistent with his behavior consistent with his communication that makes us women feel really safe and that he's trustworthy like trustworthiness and consistency of communication is so important so i would say in the magical laboratory like that's the first part that i'm gonna sprinkle into this like perfect perfect specimen.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I think the other thing is somebody who is responsible, right? Responsibility in terms of the actions that he takes in his life, right? The decisions he makes, like that signals to a woman that especially if she's in finding a future partner mode and the, you know,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
father of her children one day mode that this guy is somebody who is going to be reliable right so kind of the reliability the responsibility the consistency of communication oh gosh like we're getting really close to kind of manufacturing and creating this perfect weird science guy right Oh, it sounds fabulous right now. I think the third thing is integrity, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Like having that moral compass and it all kind of merges together in terms of the reliability, the responsibility, the consistency. A man who is a good person, right? I think what this is signaling to your listeners is that the notion of needs to be a certain height or has a certain bank account are nice to have, but I'm telling you, it is really the baseline of the integrity, the moral choices.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
is a good to great communicator, that's what women are looking for. So if we can merge all those things together and put it in a blender and a magic wand, that's, I would say for me, that would be kind of the universally amazing specimen that we just created in our laboratory.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. I mean, it is actually very rare. In fact, I do not recall the last time a woman said needs to have chiseled abs. I mean, maybe they were joking, but women are not looking for that. Now, there are certain universal signs of... healthy, right? Where it's a daily movement, walks, you know, goes outside to get some sunlight, things like that, that are, I'd say more basic things.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But it is back to my earlier point of the morals, the integrity can communicate is consistent, makes her feel safe. That's what women want. I mean, truly.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I love that. I love that you said that. So, and I think honestly, if your guys don't know what that is, ask your peers, like ask your buddies, be like, dude, I'm not hitting on you right now, but just tell me what's my best asset.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And tell me, because like, then that way, once you have that information and you know, if you have siblings, ask your siblings or work peers, whatever it is, like lean into your community to get that feedback. And then you can really play up that one physical aspect. and have fun with it, right? That's your thing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Very creative. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh my gosh.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yes. I'm with you a hundred percent. I think there's something to, in terms of impressing a woman, like pay her a compliment, gentlemen, like be a good guy. If you asked her out for the date, then treat her for the day. Like just be a good guy, but definitely be human, right? We all arrive at the dating equation with scars and little warts and funky things. And just like a,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
a whole history of life experiences that make us into the unique individual that each and every one of us are. So I do think there's something really beautiful to sharing like just the Like, you know, I love what you said about kind of the story of like overcoming, you know, some obstacle, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And that is a really attractive thing for women where it's like, okay, like this is a really interesting guy, right? who's able to kind of overcome a situation and move on from that, right? Versus like, let me tell you how great I am and how well I do and all these different accolades and awards I have. It's like those trophies and that kind of shiny object. Yeah, that's like attractive.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
But things fade over time. You know, women, again, are looking for a real connection and somebody who's going to be a little bit vulnerable. And that is how, as we talked about earlier, that's how that heart and emotional connection is going to happen. Right. Kind of when we let the facade fade away and we're just more real, raw, authentic and our vulnerable self.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Great question. So I think the right type of individual is somebody who's probably dabbled with dating apps. They've checked those out. They've experienced that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I have something I want to mention on that. Many years ago, when I was testing out different dating profiles, I mean, actually, this is when I was single, way back when on Match.com. I just, for fun, I was testing things out, R&D, and I said that I had a pet rat, and I know. And I've got to say, I love rodents. Oddly, a lot of men were like, oh my God, tell me more about your rat. Okay.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And I just said, it's my thing. I've been into rodents a long time and gerbils.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
hamsters and i think because it was so freaking unusual and like quirky it was just weird it was off topic it was unexpected and that is what people like i think when you you can create the profile that is a little bit quirky and random like the right person is going to bite at that because it's just different right it's not like you're prototypical dating profile.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So the rat thing did very well with research. Then I started kind of using that in real life. I'm like, I have a pet rat. They're like, do you really? I'm like, no, I don't.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. Well, not knowing what Jessamyn looks like, I would think that you are somebody who definitely values quality time with your partner. So probably somebody who has taken the love language test and who is a good match of that too, who really values that in-person time. You're definitely Be really smart. You're bookish, clearly, from behind you. I see a lot of books.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So probably somebody who is going to value that as well, who's articulate, who's a really good conversationalist, a strong communicator, and then just fun, I would think. And I would imagine, given that kind of the quality time is important, geographically centric. So somebody who's going to be like very close in your geographic vicinity would be really important.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
They're traumatized or they're realizing, oh my God, this is a lot of time. But it is literally such an investment of time, almost what becomes like a full-time job that they recognize that their bar is high. They're not going to settle. They've dabbled with that. And now they're, you know, and maybe they've had a relationship before.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, they got married on day two. They got married. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So that way, like dating is easy and you can meet up spontaneously and say, hey, babe, let's go get, you know, coffee or a drink, lunch versus having to like plan something that's much more regimented for like weeks on out if there's a divide geographically.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I think the secret kind of dating hack is remembering your social network. Your network is everything. And you have a community of peers, colleagues, and people in your vicinity that you can lean into and really lean into for dating advice. Yeah. for setting you up with people and also giving you feedback, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Like asking your peers, you know, I met this woman, like she didn't want to go out with me again. Like, am I doing anything wrong? You know, having them help guide you through their experiences is
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Importantly, also in your network that is right in front of you and presumably surrounding you, looking at any examples of couples that you know that are successful couples and asking them to dinner and having conversations with them about marriage. Like when they met, like what attracted them to each other, if they were their type, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So really trying to kind of lean into your community for any advice about like successful couples that, you know, that you know, that met. And were they their type necessarily or was something unexpected about, you know, the connection on how long they dated before they got serious? What makes them work? What is the secret sauce there?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
that is the glue that holds these successful couples together. So really tapping into your community of peers for dating advice, guidance, feedback, wisdom, that is one of the most powerful dating hacks. And tips I could give your listeners, right? Like sometimes it is the most obvious things that we are not even thinking about.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
but maybe they just don't have the time to dedicate towards that anymore. So they're really looking for something different and they see the inherent value in working with a human that's gonna be able to apply their intuition and introduce them also to a really different demographic and different network of individuals.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Sometimes we, you know, think we have to spend, you know, thousands and thousands of dollars for something when it's right around us, right? So not... You're full in a lot of cases, not being fearful about asking friends or our community for help and wisdom and guidance. Often people really like to share stories.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. And expanding on that note, I think the other key is, so when your guys are now out there, they're putting themselves out there, they're, you know, leaning into these, you know, wonderful experiences in life and being open to the grand possibilities. You know, even if you are going on dates and you realize net net, she's not your woman, like the chemistry's off, keep going.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
keep those windows and doors open for other possibilities. You know, be friendly, be a good guy, be kind. Remember, again, the context. Like, you guys are in the same boat together. Even if she's not, like, your person and the love of your life, be friendly and keep...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Possibilities open because like imagine six months down the road, you know, if you were that nice guy who just treated her well and she was kind to you back, like maybe she's throwing a dinner party and she invites you because she's looking for a single friend. Like you're still single. She's looking for a single guy to add to the dinner party. And maybe you're at her dinner party. It's a potluck.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
You're sitting across from somebody. and that becomes the love of your life right so keep those possibilities open by just being a good person and then back to those earlier points i made you know just being consistent with communication you're a good guy yep the world is amazing like if you lean into possibilities like anything is possible
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. So thank you. So I have a really comprehensive content-based website. It's lynxdating.com, L-I-N-X dating.com. Furthermore, you can follow me on social, on Instagram. It's ms.lynxdating, so M-S dot L-I-N-X D-A-T-I-N-G. I'd love if you follow and thank you so much.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
I need to post the rat. I need to do a little story about the rat.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Not a double, but like a rat. Yeah.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Keep in mind, a lot of the women in Lynx dating are not necessarily on the dating app. So I think for a lot of these guys that I'm working with, there is an inherent value in that. They're like, oh, that's cool. So Amy, you're telling me that a lot of the women in Lynx are not necessarily going to be on apps. So it's a totally different social network. So I think that that is very appealing.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
To answer your question in terms of the type of client who's maybe not good for working with a matchmaker, I'd say it's somebody who is very accustomed to high volume dating. Right. And that then kind of the trend that we've seen through the dating apps and online dating where it's the more, more, more.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
The grass is always greener by somebody who almost is drinking that Kool-Aid by the gallon and they're loving it. And that's fine. Like that is their kind of mode and mentality that they're in. And that can be really hard because I've learned the hard way over the years where I try to reprogram that mindset going from volume to quality versus sheer volume and quantity.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
And that's really hard, right? That type of person is probably in a better mindset to stay dating through the apps or online. And maybe once they kind of burn out from that, then they can think about working with a matchmaker. Because generally speaking, most of us matchmakers do one introduction at a time. So that can be a shocking concept for somebody who's like, wait, how?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
What about 10 or 100 women? I'm like, what? I'm talking about one. I'm going to find you. And that's what we're talking about, like finding chemistry in that spark with one amazing person, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
It's a novel idea.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Absolutely. So I think that it all interlocks and everything merges together. When you start working with a matchmaker, a lot of this is about digging deep into one's psyche, what they're looking for, all the experiences they've had. up into this point where I really encourage these men to talk about past relationships or if they haven't even had relationships, why?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Really kind of getting them to kind of uncover some of this history into their life. I find the more that they talk about this, then we're slowly starting to kind of build those building blocks towards confidence, right? that can then be parlayed into actually going out there in real life and striking up conversations with women. My whole thing is dating is a skill, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Like anything in life, you know, dating is a skill and practice makes perfect. And to remember to be patient, I think. Patience, like with this whole process, really pays off. And to remember that, like we're all kind of operating in a really fast paced dating culture where a lot of these guys, I would imagine a lot of your clients are wanting to kind of like flirt.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
find the one and sometimes they can be impatient, but kind of the more patient you are with the journey, the more confidence you're going to build as part of the process and the more skills you're going to kind of gain, right? So it all kind of begins to weave together as part of the process. And honestly, sometimes when I find my clients are least expecting it,
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
that's when they find those sparks in the chemistry because they're there in the moment and they just are themselves. And that's when kind of those sparks can happen and the conversation flows so much more organically. But that is a skill and you have to start somewhere.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, no, absolutely. So one of my former clients, he was fishing in a very, we'll call it very narrow pond. So this is kind of like a success story. And I would say like a story of rigidity, if you will. So he was a Stanford grad and was looking for a match who was also a Stanford grad and
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Somebody who had former athletic experience having been on a tennis team at Stanford because he had been part of the Stanford tennis team way back when. And so I told him, okay... I think this is really interesting if this is kind of your thing, but I think it's a little rigid. So I really wanted, though, to respect his criteria and his kind of hopes and dreams with this. Sure.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
We did a ton of introductions, and he found that amongst these alumni that had played tennis for Stanford, he was kind of fumbling around where he just wasn't like –
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
finding that chemistry he was hoping for and the women felt that i think maybe a lot of the first dates were a little forced because he really wanted it to work so i think through that approach he was almost trying to manufacture something that was not meant to be so he went through like maybe i want to say six to eight of these very particular introductions and then i said okay
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Let's take a breath, take a few steps back and revisit your criteria and see if you can kind of widen the net a little bit and think about like maybe opening up your criteria to maybe different alumni from Stanford who didn't play a sport, right?
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Oh, thank you so much for having me here. I'm delighted to chat with you. We're going to have so much fun.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Maybe they're like really good at something else, which clearly if you got into Stanford, you were or are, but maybe you can just be a little bit more open-minded. Yeah. I think at that point, so it took some trial and error for him, right? He was kind of willing to go through this process and then realize, okay, something ain't working, you know, so let's revisit the criteria.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
He listened to my advice, opened up. kind of his mindset and started meeting other women who graduated from Stanford. And that is when he finally had the chemistry with somebody who is definitely outside of her criteria or his criteria. You know, she had been a chess player at Stanford and was a swimmer.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So, you know, certainly still athletic, but just somebody who is actually out of his original phase.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
thinking and so that is when the chemistry was there it was easy it was a really special situation for him because he was like oh my gosh like i think i've met the love of my life it definitely took some coaching from my angle for both of them um because i think for this woman um interestingly we had recruited her so she got like a cold email
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
from me just saying, you know, I'm representing this gentleman. Are you single? If you are, I would love to talk to you and introduce you to the idea of potentially meeting this amazing client. And so she agreed. She ended up meeting him. But after a couple of dates, she actually had a pretty big freak out because it was almost too good to be true for her.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Yeah, it's like this guy came into her life from literally out of nowhere and was so intentional and so just expressive and a good communicator and all these things that she had dreamed of, but it was almost like...
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
unreal it just wasn't like a it was like a fairy tale and so i remember this is a couple years ago i had a call with her and i said no this is this is actually real this is really happening like if you think he's maybe operating at a little bit of a quicker pace then you know you're comfortable with like
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
put it out there with your needs and your wants, because I can tell you from my perspective, this is really special. And I think that like you guys could be like the real deal, but like really put it out there. Like if, if you're a little scared right now, or if he's going at a faster pace, Put that on the table. And importantly, that's what she did. And he respected that.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
So he kind of dialed back some of his intensity. It's like his his desire for that relationship. And I just told him, pump the brakes a little bit. We don't want to scare her off, like try to match her pace, which is going to be slower than yours. That's what he did. And it worked.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
Exactly, exactly. Jump in a pool. He's never been a swimmer. I said, jump in a pool. Do some of the hobbies and things that are important to her. And actually, I'm glad you brought that up because he totally did. Number one, he didn't really force her to learn to play tennis.
How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Tired of Swiping? How Matchmaking Can Set You Up with Incredible Women (Ditch the Apps for Good!)
He took an active interest in some of her hobbies and he never thought he would be a swimmer, but he actually had gone through, like, I think it was a shoulder surgery. And so he's like, this is actually really cool. She's teaching me how to swim. I never thought I'd enjoy that.