Alzo Slade
Appearances
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
And voila, every time they hold hands, the magnets go click. What the hell is wrong with 20-year-olds? How much closer can hands get when they hold each other? Did they consider just intertwining their fingers like the rest of us? Rendu stated, the magnets aren't painful to use or to the touch. If anything, you could forget it's there. Really?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
How about when you go to open the fridge and the outside of your hand gets stuck on the metal door? Or how about when you try to give someone a quarter but it won't disconnect from your hand?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
As people become more self-conscious about their role in global warming, having a sustainable household has become increasingly attractive. One couple in Tallahassee, Florida, didn't think their love could run any deeper until they made the commitment to sustainability. Ruby and David Summers said it started when David mistook Ruby's toothbrush for his.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
He felt like he could feel her spirit when he was brushing. they decided to just have one toothbrush. They said, since we swap saliva when we kiss, it's basically the same thing, right? They now share and recycle many items between them that most of us would find strange. Ruby loves when David leaves his used dental floss on the bathroom counter.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
When she uses it, they not only are being sustainable, but she feels as if they're sharing a meal when she finds a piece of spinach or corn. They also enjoy sharing each other's bath water. There's nothing that says love like sitting in the tub of your partner's floating dirt.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, Donald Trump is the opening act of this show. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Wait a minute. That's harsh. Was your grandmother just as funny as you?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I feel like any drug to enhance something, shrink something. You went right there, didn't you? That's what you think. I mean, I'm just, I was thinking shrinking the brain. What were you thinking? Oh, the same. I was thinking shrinking the brain. Absolutely. Absolutely. Also, yes, the brain. I don't know.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Oh, he's going to die soon. Yeah, it sped up the aging process.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
How did he notice that it was speeding it up? That's a good question.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Probably he was watching the commercial, and they say side effects may include speeding up your death.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Yeah. Shrinkage. Shrinkage. He just started watching daytime television out of the blue.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
How does that work? Does a guy just show up with a spray?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I mean, that's real. It's like your alarm doesn't go off. That's the universe speaking. Yes, it is.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
What other alarms are there? Do people still have clocks next to their bed? Those were
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Or they can give everybody roosters. That's the solution. That's the solution. That's a great solution. Up at dawn. You got an Apple phone, you get a rooster. Helen has roosters.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, that's between you and the rooster. You've got to train your rooster.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
And I heard if you tap the rooster on the head, you get 10 more minutes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I know I've spent too much money trying to get the thing that pushes the coins off. That never works. That's a sucker's game. All of them are suckers. Did you just call me a sucker? Indirectly, I think I did, yes. But I was a sucker, though. Yeah, you went for that stuff. But then, you know, if you can't win a bear with the claw, what makes you think you're going to win a Hermes bag?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
They sued him the first time around. Did they really? Yeah, I think the village people, he was playing it, and they sent a cease and desist letter. But I guess...
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Isn't that crazy? They do all of this studying and all this hard work to get to the Nobel Prize and become dumb. And us just regular folks, we don't even have to do all that. We're just dumb from the beginning. We just beat them to it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
From Memphis, she refuses to move blank from her yard. That would be barbecue. No, the giant 12-foot skeleton.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I feel like I don't want to be a hater, but champion is too strong of a word. Let me have this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Players testing out mattresses. and Alzo Slade. They're going to be playing Wordle on those little tablets that they're supposed to be reviewing plays on.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I tell you what, a lot of the folks that, you know, the people from Florida, the Floridians that are going there, they're not going to stay long because I don't think they understand how cold it is during inauguration. Yeah. That's the coldest I've ever been when I went to Obama's inauguration, ever. And if I could do it all over again, I would not. Really?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I get surprised sometimes at the items that are locked up. Absolutely. I'm like, why is deodorant locked up? If somebody gets the deodorant, that means they're going to smell better. They should steal it. Yeah, we should be helping them. We should be giving it away. Let's smell better than this town.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You know, forever, I'd go to the barbershop, and dudes would be coming in, selling soap and lotion and socks, and I never understood where they got it from. Now I know.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Well, you know, as soon as they start unlocking, you're going to see me at barbershops again.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
I haven't seen anybody read a book in a long time. Anywhere. Anywhere. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Much less on the sideline of a game. I feel like y'all need new friends.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
No, everyone's on their phones. If he were like scrolling on his phone, I'd be like, all right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
But he brought out a book. I'm thinking if I'm on A.J. Brown's team and he's supposed to be giving like, you know, the speech to rile us up. Yeah. And he's reading a book before the speech. And then he comes in the circle and he says, guys, we have the power within ourselves to go out onto the field and defeat the opponent. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
Can you imagine? You know, IKEA has the arrows so you can walk through the whole store. And then you get to this part and you say, look how many anti-tank mines you can fit in a 250 square foot apartment. Oh, yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Rose Matafeo
You've heard the phrase, don't get too attached. Well, a couple just did the opposite when they got magnets implanted under their skin so when they hold hands, the magnets actually pull their skin together and they stick. I know. Yuck. Sadie Rindu and her fiance, Hannah Hansman, both in their 20s, wanted to get, quote, closer and express their love.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
The very first task assigned to Rob was just to renew the company's various software subscriptions. Instead, he canceled all of them permanently and had no idea how to undo it. In a panic, he realized he could take advantage of the various companies' free trial offers. But for each, he'd have to open a new account. So, quote, Bilbo J. Baggins gets two weeks of AutoCAD.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
And Dr. Mundo, a champion from the video game League of Legends, got 50% off of scheduling software by using the code WAITWAIT at checkout. The next Monday, he got called into his uncle's office, where instead of being fired, he was praised for saving the company $1.2 million by getting all of that software for free.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
He doesn't know what he'll do when the free trials start to expire in two weeks and Bilbo Baggins gets a bill. But like his idol, Mr. Jobs, he just plans to think different.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Oh, yeah. I think you guys should show up in those costumes to one of the Civil War reenactments. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
The screen keeps showing them, I don't know what could happen.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
That would be terrible. That would be hell. Is it like the screen in the backseat of the Uber that you can never turn off?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Yeah, it's a problem. Those ads are for the people that are stealing your account. Buy it yourself.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I think the asteroid needs to chill, bro. We don't have time for this. We got enough problems going on on Earth. Or we need to get Bruce Willis and his homies to jump on that thing and bust it up.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
He's a bit late. Yeah, I think we're already there. Possibly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
You know what'll do it. Like, just play role play. Peter, you ask me a question. I'll show you.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Do you know your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? That'll do it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I know, it's true. The problem was Lincoln emancipated the enslaved. That's the big deal. And one brown penny, that's a DEI coin.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I don't think Trump has chapstick in his pocket. His lips are always ashy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I'm okay with it. And the next on the list is the people who do the Bluetooth. They're just talking into air. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Or it could be the inverse where the person on speaker is telling you that you have chlamydia, which is even worse.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
It's terrible, you know? But you have to practice safe sex with a robot. You do? Firewalls, you know, like that.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Henry Jackson, the CEO of a graphic design company in Tempe, Arizona, thought he was doing his sister a favor by hiring his nephew, Rob Phillips, to work in the IT department as a low-level intern. He just graduated from a vocational IT school, thinking he's going to be the next Steve Jobs, to the extent that he requested people address him as Rob Jobs.