Aja Evans
Appearances
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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I think in general, people just have no idea about money, number one. So whether that looks like your financial education, that's one thing. But I think in general, we don't talk about it. It feels like such a secret that isn't supposed to be spoken about. Don't ask about other people's salaries. Don't ask how people afford the things that they afford, how much they even paid for something.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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So I think... This taboo has really caused us to feel uncomfortable just bringing up money in everyday conversation, even though we all have to navigate it in some way, shape, or form. And then we get into the harder stuff around, how were you raised? How did the people around you talk about money? How did you feel? What parts of your life made money feel difficult or hard to bring up?
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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And that can be really rooted in shame and guilt and fear and worry. And we don't like to be vulnerable. You know, humans are not really down with being super, super vulnerable, whether you know the person really well or not.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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I would say practice. One thing that I always bring up to people is how important it is to communicate about your money. So that could be, hey, are you talking to your family about the estate plans? Which is another taboo topic, right? Talking about death is really hard for people. knowing that this is something you're going to navigate, but talking about what are your plans? What do you want?
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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Where is the money? Is there money? That can be really, really difficult for people because we're talking about the worst case scenario. So starting to have those conversations, not only with your family, but your friends, especially your spouse, if you're thinking about, hey, we want to move in together or one day get married, you need to know about the money because
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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What's going on with their money and my money and where are we at in general? So all of that's going to be really, really important. And then what I will say on a broader scale is having the conversation around workplace and what is the market rate? And did I ask for more money? Did I not? And all of those conversations need to start with a level of comfort, right?
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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that you may not have right away. So practicing is going to be really important with people that you trust so that you're not feeling really bad if you're like, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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I literally did that same exact thing with my mom for a job that I had a long time ago at this point, but I will never forget saying the number out loud to her. I said it probably 30 times before they called me so that I could say it as comfortably as possible. So practice maybe not makes perfect, but makes you a
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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I mean, I think feel-good finance is a perfect way, and that's exactly why I wrote it the way I did. Like, I wanted you to feel like you were sitting in a session with me. I wanted you to feel like, oh, that is Asia across the room from me talking to me. So...
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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I think having the space and time and realizing that you can go to those vulnerable parts of yourself that I am going to ask you in the privacy of your own home and hold your hand while you're reading this book to say, hey, let's dive into the deep, dark, scary parts of yourself that you may not go looking at all the time. And what do you need to feel supported in this process?
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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Sometimes you just need permission to say, hey, this was really hard for me. This was very scary for me. And I want people to give themselves that permission more frequently.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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obviously comes the rapport building, right? Again, we are not diving into this session one. This is going to take some time of you sharing your life with me, you telling me who you are and who the main characters are with you along in your story. But after that comes just labeling the emotion. We don't realize how difficult it can be to just say,
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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And especially when it comes to our childhood and our upbringing, a lot of times my clients feel like they're doing their parents a level of disrespect by saying it was hard. So I ask my clients very frequently, I'm like, I need you to... to check your respect for your parents at the door because it's hindering your ability to just label your feelings.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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And that can get really uncomfortable because I know they love their parents. I know that they have goodwill towards their parents, but a lot of times it gets in the way of them being able to say, you know what? I know they did the best that they could, but this was really difficult for me.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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And that's what I'm asking my clients to do is to go to that place of realizing, hey, no one is getting in trouble here for you just saying what your feelings were. And now let's just sit in those feelings and allow them to be. And then we can talk about what you need to do in a...
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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coping strategy or a behavior change that's going to allow you to move past and start healing but always first comes let's label the feeling and let's sit in it for a little bit and just tell me what comes up you would be surprised how hard that is for people to just be like oh I feel bad saying this was hard I feel bad saying I was sad or disappointed
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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I think a lot of times spending has become a really difficult coping strategy that we have started using. And it does work. So what I'm talking about is the dopamine hit, right? We always hear about, oh, dopamine, the happy chemical in our brains. But
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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What we don't always realize is that when we are actively looking for something, whether you're looking for a shirt, a deal, something that feels really, really important to your identity or how you want to present yourself, that is exciting to our brains. That pumps you up and dopamine is rushing at the anticipation. But what happens is that you buy this insert here, workout set, workout clothes,
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cup of water, a lamp, a pillow, sneakers, shoes, it could be anything. What you are trying to buy is trying to cope with something else. So whether that's, I wanna be somebody who's really fit, I need this to be fit. Whether it's, I wanna be somebody that people respect, I'm buying this really expensive blazer so that people understand that I am somebody who deserves respect.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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We're trying to buy our way out of the feeling And again, the dopamine does work. It just doesn't last long. So I want people to start realizing, hey, you can have a dopamine menu that you don't have to spend money on.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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What do you need to do that's going to help you get out of that mood that you were in there trying to boost your self-esteem or represent a part of yourself that you feel like needs to be bigger or take up more space? I deeply relate to that.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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In general, I want people to really learn about finances, just the basics, learn that. But I would say something that comes up, and I didn't realize it until I started talking about Feel Good Finance more frequently, I want people to move their money into a high-yield savings account. Like, please do not leave your savings in just a regular savings account.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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Please shift it to a high-yield savings account and start earning money on your money. And then I would just say, you do not need to be afraid of your feelings that come up with money. You will be okay, but you can't be okay unless you understand what those feelings are.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
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I would say you're not alone. Even if you feel the most shameful, you feel like you'll never get out of it. You are not alone. It is possible. It just is going to be, it's going to be hard, honestly. And please talk about your money with people that you feel close to.