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Adam Felber

Appearances

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

1937.04

It's a short dance. Dum-dum.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

1941.742

Literally a two-step.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

1960.699

Flagstoning. No. Parabulations. No.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

1977.365

I would say fully a dozen things come to mind with the phrase land snorkeling that are not walking.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

2216.791

That sounds... That sounds like having a mouth full of a giant angry caterpillar.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

2310.579

And where do you get xenon gas? Well, you get to the base of Mount Everest, and behind the yurt, there's a dealer.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

2354.951

This trend was invented by a very clever mosquito. Exactly.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

266.534

Wow, you know, but people think it can't get worse than that, but they haven't experimented with stacking yet. That's true.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

2784.279

The five-second rule is now the ten-minute suggestion.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

483.341

I am not going near a bowl that he dipped in, even single dip. So they tested all these dips. They dipped a chip in, and they assumed that dips don't lie. Dips don't lie.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

635.524

You know, but it has existed as a problem for a long time. I'm sure I'm not the only person here who's had a roommate that could have used a course in showering 101. True. And you know what? Chat GPT can't tell you if you smell.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

822.096

Despite their wealth, young tech millionaires Vikram Anand and Betty Wolfsky had a small Bay Area wedding. But last week after the ceremony, Betty surprised Vik with a gigantic reception that pulled out all the stops.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

834.76

She flew 35 members of his family in from India and staged a party straight out of a Bollywood spectacular, a tent festooned with 5,000 marigolds, a 20-piece swing band, and made her grand entrance on an elephant, which is when things went wrong.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

850.865

Bettina turned out to be an amateur mahout at best, and the elephant she'd rented was a rescued circus performer whose one trick turned out to be picking up performers with her trunk, which she promptly did as Betty attempted to dismount and then attempted to do the same to several other bridesmaids before fleeing with her trainer, knocking down two poles, causing the massive tent to collapse on the entire party.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Rice

873.533

Vikram, for his part, was philosophical. Quote, she didn't really stage an accurate Indian wedding party, but the way it ended in total disaster like that? For my family, that was right on point.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1399.972

Well, there's a certain imposter syndrome because I use an appetite suppressant. So it's not like I put any effort or changed any behavior. In other words, I'm kind of like it's the ultimate nepo baby.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1424.83

Well, I joke in the special that I used to be a fat guy, and now I'm thin, therefore arrogant, because I always viewed thin people as arrogant. But I do feel like, I mean, I love it. My knees don't hurt. With the appetite suppressant, I'm just kind of, it's not like I don't eat. I just eat like a normal human. I'm less consuming like a dog.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1465.831

You know, in my 20s, I was thin. And granted, I wasn't very successful at stand-up.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1486.866

Yeah. I mean, that shows you the position that the Catholic Church is in right now. They're like, okay, time to call in the comedians.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1512.615

Well, there was a really intellectually sound reason, which he believes that humor is a really important part of dealing with everyday life. And so he wanted to articulate that. But the reality of sitting in a room in the Vatican with, you know,

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1564.341

That was me trying to be funny. Making one of your little jokes. But I posted it and I was like, you know what, are people going to think that I'm serious? Would have been funnier from a fat guy. It was, yeah, because, you know, some of it is, you know, English is probably the fourth language that Pope Francis knows. So I didn't really bother to say anything.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1589.793

I just kind of like nodded and kind of, you know, just kind of was polite and move along because that's what's so amazing about religion and politics. It's like the entertainment industry, but they don't get paid anything. It's brutal. That's true.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1613.593

Yeah, well, I opened for the Popemobile, and I essentially did 10 minutes of stand-up outside in Philly. I followed a team of dancers, and then I went out, and I was sarcastic. I essentially bombed for 10 minutes, and then the Popemobile drove in. So it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds, really.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1657.226

Maybe I've just been kicking around long enough where I had, you know, I'd been burned so many times that I didn't want to emotionally invest in it. And so when, you know, the internet kind of, after Steve Martin turned it down, they kind of identified every Midwestern doughy guy. Yeah.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1695.1

Well, that's the good thing about being a Midwestern doughy guy is, like, you can lose the weight, but you still look out of shape. That's true.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1762.56

Well, it can't be the fitted sheet. Wouldn't that be great, though? I feel like it's got to be the smart pillow.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1842.762

Because there is something about the, not that I understand goop logic, but I think there's the nostalgia of the beauty of the past that is timeless, right? Yeah. So that would be my reasoning. But is it erotic?

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1905.073

Oh, I think it's the $1,000 delivered. It is. It's the first one.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1931.158

Oh, I hate that.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

1964.753

Thank you so much.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

1044.125

Every night is fight night for Ellen Walkman. In Conshohocken, Pennsylvania, school teacher Ellen Walkman is channeling her skills into a nighttime gig as a family judge. Someone who can come to your family's house and hang back on the walls like a chameleon until a fight breaks out and then she will say who was right. Like many teachers, she has a rigorous preparation process.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

1064.975

Before arriving to this job as a family judge, she asks the clients what color their walls are so that she can buy a shirt that blends into the walls to to the point that she's unnoticeable to the family. At one recent gig, Walkman explains how Uncle Joe and Aunt Doreen were having a pig roast, but no one wanted to clean up the carcass.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

1083.921

When it was time for her to settle the fight, she did what any good judge would do. I made them wrestle. Walkman says her new side gig has become quite lucrative, and outside of the odd brawl or two, she can decide any fight in 60 seconds or less. The secret? Always side with the mom.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

1581.512

Yeah.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

1585.876

You're just basically a polyethylene core.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2014.34

Yeah. They let their shark go next to your shark without asking, is my shark friendly? Yeah, exactly.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2032.267

No, no. Dude, it was a shark. It was crazy. It was a shark so big.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2044.87

Give them a little wink.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2048.671

It's a good guess, though.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2052.452

Wait a minute. I have a novel idea.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2062.047

Okay. Asking a question.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2113.294

The first thing I thought of was going to a doctor's office.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2183.459

We want to preserve that.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2338.553

That's a good friend.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2416.39

Okay. It's your girl.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2421.01

Now that's a way to flirt. Exactly.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2433.914

I think ugly is like in now. Let's hope.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2444.577

Really? To me, yeah. I like a man who's practical, so I like it. Yeah. You know, they're safe.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2502.9

Are you loafing or are you moving? This is for the people with peasiety or whatever, because they're peeing and they're like, wait a minute, I gotta go see what's done with Great British Bake Off right now.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

263.333

I feel like, am I nuts? Two dozen eggs per person seems reasonable as a little bit.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2639.116

Ew. Okay.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2649.579

Tesla.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2655.745

Folgers? Starbucks is what I meant to say. Don't think about the person.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2665.635

Oh, bird flu?

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2686.945

Mona Lisa?

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2695.147

A toaster.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2700.113

Incredible. Yes.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

274.777

How am I supposed to get through till tomorrow with only 24 eggs?

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

2983.832

Yes. The new breakfast staple is Beanie Babies. People thought they were going to be worth a lot, and then they were totally worthless, except now as your breakfast food, and they're proteinaceous too.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

326.477

Where is it?

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

400.566

Yes, instead of hiring someone with the body type, they're like, no, Christian Bale must alone lose 4,000 pounds in one year and then gain them back the next year. Exactly right.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

414.997

They're like, monster must be Charlize Theron. Give trolls work. Come on.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

426.103

We are thriving and we just need work.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

518.333

I feel like I have the opposite of anxiety. No, P-xiety. I said anxiety. You know what?

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

529.802

It's better. It's a better name. It is better.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

532.922

I feel more confident when I go to the bathroom. That's my chill zone. That's where I do my connections or my wordle. I'm like in the zone in the bathroom. I gain strength. It's like, it's a confidence.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

545.055

P-confidence. P-fidence.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

550.208

Yeah, I learned to pee.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

555.672

And that's what I'm looking forward to.

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

618.002

And that's why I'm on Spirit all the time?

Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

WWDTM: Amber Maykut

650.632

What are the other passengers doing that's so important?