Adam Felber
Appearances
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Every night is fight night for Ellen Walkman. In Conshohocken, Pennsylvania, school teacher Ellen Walkman is channeling her skills into a nighttime gig as a family judge. Someone who can come to your family's house and hang back on the walls like a chameleon until a fight breaks out and then she will say who was right. Like many teachers, she has a rigorous preparation process.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Before arriving to this job as a family judge, she asks the clients what color their walls are so that she can buy a shirt that blends into the walls to to the point that she's unnoticeable to the family. At one recent gig, Walkman explains how Uncle Joe and Aunt Doreen were having a pig roast, but no one wanted to clean up the carcass.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
When it was time for her to settle the fight, she did what any good judge would do. I made them wrestle. Walkman says her new side gig has become quite lucrative, and outside of the odd brawl or two, she can decide any fight in 60 seconds or less. The secret? Always side with the mom.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Yeah. They let their shark go next to your shark without asking, is my shark friendly? Yeah, exactly.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
No, no. Dude, it was a shark. It was crazy. It was a shark so big.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
The first thing I thought of was going to a doctor's office.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Really? To me, yeah. I like a man who's practical, so I like it. Yeah. You know, they're safe.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Are you loafing or are you moving? This is for the people with peasiety or whatever, because they're peeing and they're like, wait a minute, I gotta go see what's done with Great British Bake Off right now.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
I feel like, am I nuts? Two dozen eggs per person seems reasonable as a little bit.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Folgers? Starbucks is what I meant to say. Don't think about the person.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
How am I supposed to get through till tomorrow with only 24 eggs?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Yes. The new breakfast staple is Beanie Babies. People thought they were going to be worth a lot, and then they were totally worthless, except now as your breakfast food, and they're proteinaceous too.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Yes, instead of hiring someone with the body type, they're like, no, Christian Bale must alone lose 4,000 pounds in one year and then gain them back the next year. Exactly right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
They're like, monster must be Charlize Theron. Give trolls work. Come on.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
I feel like I have the opposite of anxiety. No, P-xiety. I said anxiety. You know what?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
I feel more confident when I go to the bathroom. That's my chill zone. That's where I do my connections or my wordle. I'm like in the zone in the bathroom. I gain strength. It's like, it's a confidence.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
What are the other passengers doing that's so important?