Adam Burke
Appearances
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
In today's edition of Voting Does Matter, cooks and homemakers on the internet are suggesting we dye potatoes for Easter because eggs are too expensive. Yes, I said potatoes. It's a move that had one writer ask, what in the Great Depression is this?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
So this year we will celebrate the resurrection of my Lord and Savior by releasing hordes of well-dressed children into a backyard to search for colorful tubers. There's even a recipe for deviled potatoes, too. That's got to be an unsettling experience. You think you're biting into an egg, but no, it's a potato. And sure, dyeing and decorating eggs is the Easter tradition, but do you know why? No?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
See, and that's a professional note that they're not going to have.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
Oh. Can I get a hint? Go, go, empty the dishwasher. Go, stop, come on, go. Doing stuff faster?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
Do you sound like the same people that came up with stand-up desks?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
That just sounds like a way to break all of your dishware.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
So I'm supposed to believe that the best day ever don't include no sex time? That's a lot. I'm supposed to believe that hanging out with my mama is better than ****? Wait, wait, wait.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
I mean, listen, my perfect day, watching my favorite TV show, having a delicious treat, being at the beach, and then adult time.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
We already, like we taught, you know, Coco the gorilla is a prime example of us teaching animals to communicate. Right. And she didn't really have nothing to say. Because that's the thing that y'all keep forgetting. We've been trying to talk to these animals. Maybe they don't want to talk to us. Have you met us?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
Dulce Sloan. IG baddies are going to the Poconos instead of Miami because the Poconos sound like islands.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
Could you imagine being in the and more on the bottom of this article?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Lewis Black
But the other part of this is that your family's not there. That's the other part of a childhood vacation is that you went with your family.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I love how folksy that sounds. You know, like, my father is Mr. Balzac. Call me Balzac. But his grandfather was the jaws of death and his grandfather before me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I love the thought of someone showing up to NPR for the first day, seeing you guys, and like, man, Ira Glass does not look how he can.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
This is like when you're watching Netflix, and it shows you ads for Netflix, and it's like, I'm already watching, I can't watch more Netflix while I'm watching Netflix Netflix, and then you realize you're talking to Netflix.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Can we find this ex-girlfriend and give her an award for creating the perfect metaphor for Bitcoin? It really is amazing. Because it's either worth everything or it's just another piece of garbage.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
What do you pair cocaine with other than a 14-hour-long story about your dad?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Is that the only reason people get into the priesthood in the first place? Jokey, how did Vanessa do in our quiz?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Well, fortunately, I've been practicing a video game since 1982. You're all set.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I'm sorry, the theme from Robin Hood, everything I do, I do it for you? Excuse me, Mr. Adam Stant.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Yeah, yeah. Until he got another text from her going, oh, and he's cheap as well. Well, at that point, it wouldn't matter.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
And Adam Burke. We're going to take all those pennies over the next four years and throw them into fountains and make a wish over and over again.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
When we get rid of pennies, what are we going to put on corpses' eyes? Or do they take Bitcoin and Hades now?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
I'm surprised the French went for this because I've seen Les Miserables and they love just standing around yelling their soliloquies at each other. Yeah.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Oh, is this a banging robots thing? Yes, it is a banging robots thing. Because you can't spell laid without AI.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
And how do you first suspect? Does the electricity bill look really high?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Wait, so this is laziness. This is like, I don't want to have sex with you. Let the robot do it. It's basically me.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
What is... Yeah, but what if it's like that thing in those old movies where the understudy is better? Oh, yeah. The understudy becomes the star.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Nature conservation can be a slow process, what with the red tape, bureaucracy, and complaints from trees that never consented to being hugged in the first place. Take the Czech Republic, for example, where government officials were poised to act on a plan seven years in the making to build a $1.2 million dam designed to help preserve a protected wetlands area.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
Construction on the dam was just about to begin when it was suddenly and unexpectedly derailed by the fact that a bunch of beavers had gone ahead and built a far better dam the weekend before. Not only that, they'd used nothing but locally sourced, sustainable, and renewable materials, all at no cost to the taxpayer.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: GWAR
While farmers often decry beavers as a destructive nuisance, felling trees and creating toothy mayhem, these particular rodents seem to have filled out all of the required permits and permissions, building as they did far from any inhabited farm. We get it, beavers, you're better than us. Beavers...