Abby Ellin

Anytime he broke any plan, which we began to do pretty regularly, it was, it's a secret mission. I can't tell you anything more about it. That's it.

Anytime he broke any plan, which we began to do pretty regularly, it was, it's a secret mission. I can't tell you anything more about it. That's it.

The Commander told me that we were being followed by the Secret Service.

The Commander told me that we were being followed by the Secret Service.

He said that he had been a doctor at Guantanamo.

He said that he had been a doctor at Guantanamo.

And he said, when I was at Guantanamo, all these guys are after me. They hate me. And they threaten me and my family. So my loved ones are being followed by the Secret Service.

And he said, when I was at Guantanamo, all these guys are after me. They hate me. And they threaten me and my family. So my loved ones are being followed by the Secret Service.

And I remember I said to him, well, you know... Next time, why don't you ask them if they can give me a ride so I don't have to call taxis?

And I remember I said to him, well, you know... Next time, why don't you ask them if they can give me a ride so I don't have to call taxis?

And there was a car outside and said, Dad, is that your guys? Why are they outside the house? So I remember I thought something really must have happened.

And there was a car outside and said, Dad, is that your guys? Why are they outside the house? So I remember I thought something really must have happened.

I need to know everything.

I need to know everything.

And he said that one of his patients was a very high-level terrorist. And I said, who? And he said, Osama bin Laden. And I said, that's insane. And he said, no, it's not. And he began to list all the physical problems that bin Laden had.

And he said that one of his patients was a very high-level terrorist. And I said, who? And he said, Osama bin Laden. And I said, that's insane. And he said, no, it's not. And he began to list all the physical problems that bin Laden had.

And I said to him, that is a stupid thing to tell a person. And I said, that's also not possible because the president, it was Bush at the time, he would never let this happen without getting it out because it was a big deal and it would have helped Republicans. So he would never have been quiet about that if he knew where bin Laden was. And he said, no, the president doesn't know.

And I said to him, that is a stupid thing to tell a person. And I said, that's also not possible because the president, it was Bush at the time, he would never let this happen without getting it out because it was a big deal and it would have helped Republicans. So he would never have been quiet about that if he knew where bin Laden was. And he said, no, the president doesn't know.

And I said, that's impossible. He said, there's a lot of things that they don't know. And I remember thinking, okay, this is insane. But maybe there's a story here.

And I said, that's impossible. He said, there's a lot of things that they don't know. And I remember thinking, okay, this is insane. But maybe there's a story here.

I was trying to do my own checkups because I was feeling crazy. And I couldn't call up the CIA and say, hey, do you have this guy on your payroll? I mean, you can't do that.

I was trying to do my own checkups because I was feeling crazy. And I couldn't call up the CIA and say, hey, do you have this guy on your payroll? I mean, you can't do that.

My brother-in-law said that doesn't make sense because he was in the Navy and he said he wouldn't tell you about that. I had another friend who said the same thing. They're not supposed to tell you.

My brother-in-law said that doesn't make sense because he was in the Navy and he said he wouldn't tell you about that. I had another friend who said the same thing. They're not supposed to tell you.

that he had a vault full of metals for operations that didn't really exist. They were unofficial, you know, like homeland-y kind of things that you're not supposed to know about. Abby asked her new professors if this could be true. I would ask my teachers, you know, is that possible? They said, yeah, absolutely it is.

that he had a vault full of metals for operations that didn't really exist. They were unofficial, you know, like homeland-y kind of things that you're not supposed to know about. Abby asked her new professors if this could be true. I would ask my teachers, you know, is that possible? They said, yeah, absolutely it is.

I met his family. I met his son. I met his brother. I met his aunt. I met some friends. I met everybody, you know.

I met his family. I met his son. I met his brother. I met his aunt. I met some friends. I met everybody, you know.

And I had said to him at some point, listen, I'm going to want a kid. When she told Richard this? Basically, he was willing to do it. He said, I love you. I'm in love with you. I'll do anything you want. I'm going to ask you to marry me. So whatever makes you happy makes me happy.

And I had said to him at some point, listen, I'm going to want a kid. When she told Richard this? Basically, he was willing to do it. He said, I love you. I'm in love with you. I'll do anything you want. I'm going to ask you to marry me. So whatever makes you happy makes me happy.

I'm 42. He's 58. We're not kids anymore. And we would discuss that. He said, you know, his father always said, when you know, you know. And I've heard that before. So then he began, he would visit me in New York and he would come and he would say, oh, I just went to De Beers and I was looking, I was looking at rings there. And I thought, OK, great, that's cool.

I'm 42. He's 58. We're not kids anymore. And we would discuss that. He said, you know, his father always said, when you know, you know. And I've heard that before. So then he began, he would visit me in New York and he would come and he would say, oh, I just went to De Beers and I was looking, I was looking at rings there. And I thought, OK, great, that's cool.

But one day he says to me, you know, Abby, I'm really upset. I can't afford a $30,000 ring, $40,000 ring. You know, I said, I don't need a $40,000 ring, which is true. I didn't.

But one day he says to me, you know, Abby, I'm really upset. I can't afford a $30,000 ring, $40,000 ring. You know, I said, I don't need a $40,000 ring, which is true. I didn't.

I had never really expected to get married. That wasn't my goal. So it was very odd buying a dress. I decided I would just do something very small, like a dinner or something, just something chill.

I had never really expected to get married. That wasn't my goal. So it was very odd buying a dress. I decided I would just do something very small, like a dinner or something, just something chill.

If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything. I mean, he used his dead mother's name. He used his dead father's name. He used, I think, his aunt. He used my name. All these people. It was absolutely crazy-making.

If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything. I mean, he used his dead mother's name. He used his dead father's name. He used, I think, his aunt. He used my name. All these people. It was absolutely crazy-making.

Eventually, we found a place at the Watergate, which, you know, was obviously very famous.

Eventually, we found a place at the Watergate, which, you know, was obviously very famous.

It was just sort of bleak and the Watergate was empty and I didn't find Washington to be an especially hospitable town.

It was just sort of bleak and the Watergate was empty and I didn't find Washington to be an especially hospitable town.

Sometimes going to Afghanistan, sometimes going to Iraq, sometimes he's doing all these things that I can't even know about. I'll tell you when there's a secure line is what he would say.

Sometimes going to Afghanistan, sometimes going to Iraq, sometimes he's doing all these things that I can't even know about. I'll tell you when there's a secure line is what he would say.

Like falling asleep early. He'll fall asleep at dinner. We're at dinner at like six o'clock and he's at the table like falling asleep.

Like falling asleep early. He'll fall asleep at dinner. We're at dinner at like six o'clock and he's at the table like falling asleep.

Well, I had put down money to adopt by myself. So I was all going to do that.

Well, I had put down money to adopt by myself. So I was all going to do that.

Anytime he talked about adoption, he always would say, you know, I'll do it if that's what you really want to do, but a lot of those kids really have problems. And I thought that was a really callous thing to say. I thought that was awful. Because I knew a lot of kids who were not adopted who had problems.

Anytime he talked about adoption, he always would say, you know, I'll do it if that's what you really want to do, but a lot of those kids really have problems. And I thought that was a really callous thing to say. I thought that was awful. Because I knew a lot of kids who were not adopted who had problems.

I was talking about something about getting married and we didn't even have a date. But he started breaking down. He's like, I'm so overwhelmed. We have to push the wedding back.

I was talking about something about getting married and we didn't even have a date. But he started breaking down. He's like, I'm so overwhelmed. We have to push the wedding back.

And I told her about the Bin Laden thing. And she said, something's not right there, Abby. She said, that doesn't make sense. And I got mad at her. I said, why isn't it possible that there are things that you don't know that we don't know, and we don't know the answer yet? And I got so mad at her. I was like, you're so suspicious.

And I told her about the Bin Laden thing. And she said, something's not right there, Abby. She said, that doesn't make sense. And I got mad at her. I said, why isn't it possible that there are things that you don't know that we don't know, and we don't know the answer yet? And I got so mad at her. I was like, you're so suspicious.

So then I kind of went back and would ask him questions, you know, more targeted. And he would get mad at me.

So then I kind of went back and would ask him questions, you know, more targeted. And he would get mad at me.

We're at a restaurant and he raves about the Brussels sprouts, right? These are the best Brussels sprouts ever. Okay, my parents, that's nice. They didn't make it.

We're at a restaurant and he raves about the Brussels sprouts, right? These are the best Brussels sprouts ever. Okay, my parents, that's nice. They didn't make it.

And he said, that's, I think, the worst meal I've ever eaten. And I just thought to myself... What? I said, why did you lie? Why did you lie? They didn't care. He said I wanted to make them feel good. It just was too discordant. You can't verify the CIA. You can't verify Navy SEAL. You can't do that. But that was something tangible that I could verify. And I just thought, I can't do this anymore.

And he said, that's, I think, the worst meal I've ever eaten. And I just thought to myself... What? I said, why did you lie? Why did you lie? They didn't care. He said I wanted to make them feel good. It just was too discordant. You can't verify the CIA. You can't verify Navy SEAL. You can't do that. But that was something tangible that I could verify. And I just thought, I can't do this anymore.

I just can't. I can't do this. This is insane. If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything.

I just can't. I can't do this. This is insane. If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything.

It was Christmas, and we were spending it with his brother and sister-in-law in their big house in Georgetown, and his son and daughter were there. And I overheard the son saying, what's that ring on Abby's finger? Is that from you? And I didn't hear the response, but I remember thinking to myself, this kid doesn't know that we're getting married? The son had no idea that he had proposed to me.

It was Christmas, and we were spending it with his brother and sister-in-law in their big house in Georgetown, and his son and daughter were there. And I overheard the son saying, what's that ring on Abby's finger? Is that from you? And I didn't hear the response, but I remember thinking to myself, this kid doesn't know that we're getting married? The son had no idea that he had proposed to me.

The commander told me that when he told his son that he had proposed to me, his son said, well, what took you so long?

The commander told me that when he told his son that he had proposed to me, his son said, well, what took you so long?

You're lying to me and I can't, there's something, I'm done. I'm out of here.

You're lying to me and I can't, there's something, I'm done. I'm out of here.

About two weeks later, he came over and he said, listen, the Navy, who was apparently paying for the apartment, needs the apartment. And they're shipping me out somewhere else. I'm leaving Washington. So we have to pack up everything and get out.

About two weeks later, he came over and he said, listen, the Navy, who was apparently paying for the apartment, needs the apartment. And they're shipping me out somewhere else. I'm leaving Washington. So we have to pack up everything and get out.

And I didn't know what I was going to do because I was going to school. I ended up commuting to Washington from New York City.

And I didn't know what I was going to do because I was going to school. I ended up commuting to Washington from New York City.

I felt maybe I overreacted. You know, every time I would interrogate him, he'd be like, well, that's why you're single. Because you always question and you don't trust and you interrogate. That's why. That's why you've been single all this time. And I thought, well, maybe that's right. You know, maybe that's right.

I felt maybe I overreacted. You know, every time I would interrogate him, he'd be like, well, that's why you're single. Because you always question and you don't trust and you interrogate. That's why. That's why you've been single all this time. And I thought, well, maybe that's right. You know, maybe that's right.

And the light was on in the apartment. And I called him. I said, are you in the apartment? He said, you know, it was a comedy of errors. I got everything moved and everything was in storage and everything was great. And I was ready to be relocated. And then the Navy said, no, you got to move back into the apartment. You got to stay in Washington. We're keeping you here.

And the light was on in the apartment. And I called him. I said, are you in the apartment? He said, you know, it was a comedy of errors. I got everything moved and everything was in storage and everything was great. And I was ready to be relocated. And then the Navy said, no, you got to move back into the apartment. You got to stay in Washington. We're keeping you here.

So remember, I'm Nancy Drew. I said, well, I need to pick up my cookbooks that are in the apartment. I left the cookbooks. So she told the cab driver to pull over. She wanted to investigate. I didn't have a key. And I said to the doorman, I'd like to go up to the apartment. And the doorman said, you're not allowed up. I have a note. Abby Ellen is not allowed up. So I called the commander.

So remember, I'm Nancy Drew. I said, well, I need to pick up my cookbooks that are in the apartment. I left the cookbooks. So she told the cab driver to pull over. She wanted to investigate. I didn't have a key. And I said to the doorman, I'd like to go up to the apartment. And the doorman said, you're not allowed up. I have a note. Abby Ellen is not allowed up. So I called the commander.

Listen, I've always craved drama, and I got it. I got it.

Listen, I've always craved drama, and I got it. I got it.

I said, what's up with that? Like, why was I, there was specifically a note. And he said, oh, somebody was assaulted in the building, so they're being really careful about who they let in. I said, I don't believe you.

I said, what's up with that? Like, why was I, there was specifically a note. And he said, oh, somebody was assaulted in the building, so they're being really careful about who they let in. I said, I don't believe you.

I looked in the house, and the cookbooks were exactly where I had left them.

I looked in the house, and the cookbooks were exactly where I had left them.

His baseball glove was exactly where it had been when I left. And there was a sliver of soap in exactly the same place, the same sliver that had been there when I left. And I looked at him and I said, you didn't move. And he said, oh, yes, I did.

His baseball glove was exactly where it had been when I left. And there was a sliver of soap in exactly the same place, the same sliver that had been there when I left. And I looked at him and I said, you didn't move. And he said, oh, yes, I did.

And I thought, you're nuts. And that was it. That was it. I didn't really talk to him after that.

And I thought, you're nuts. And that was it. That was it. I didn't really talk to him after that.

And then I got a phone call. It's a 202 area code. The only 202 area code I knew was the commander's. So I thought, okay. I don't know why he's calling. And I picked it up. And it was Special Agent Dan Ryan with NCIS.

And then I got a phone call. It's a 202 area code. The only 202 area code I knew was the commander's. So I thought, okay. I don't know why he's calling. And I picked it up. And it was Special Agent Dan Ryan with NCIS.

Yeah, I'm in my 50s, and I have been a freelance writer since. Since I'm like 22.

Yeah, I'm in my 50s, and I have been a freelance writer since. Since I'm like 22.

I was interested in people's story. I was interested in gossip. I was interested in people's lives. I just wanted to know how things worked. And I also was always interested in getting to the bottom of things.

I was interested in people's story. I was interested in gossip. I was interested in people's lives. I just wanted to know how things worked. And I also was always interested in getting to the bottom of things.

And he says, there's a doctor who's writing prescriptions for narcotics, for Vicodin. And your name is one of the names he's been using.

And he says, there's a doctor who's writing prescriptions for narcotics, for Vicodin. And your name is one of the names he's been using.

I said, what? And he said, yeah, he's been writing prescriptions for drugs. Do you know him? Do you have a prescription? And I said, no, I know him and I do not have a prescription for Vicodin. You know, I prefer Valium.

I said, what? And he said, yeah, he's been writing prescriptions for drugs. Do you know him? Do you have a prescription? And I said, no, I know him and I do not have a prescription for Vicodin. You know, I prefer Valium.

CIA and Navy SEAL and all that, you know, everything is just coming together.

CIA and Navy SEAL and all that, you know, everything is just coming together.

But while he was there... People he worked with at the Pentagon, he had used their names to forge drugs.

But while he was there... People he worked with at the Pentagon, he had used their names to forge drugs.

He used his dead mother's name. He used his dead father's name. He used, I think, his aunt. He used my name. All these people.

He used his dead mother's name. He used his dead father's name. He used, I think, his aunt. He used my name. All these people.

I asked if he was selling, and Dan Ryan said, no, we have no evidence of that.

I asked if he was selling, and Dan Ryan said, no, we have no evidence of that.

She was one who told me about the girlfriend.

She was one who told me about the girlfriend.

She was getting a divorce. He had reached out to her and, you know, and I never stopped loving you after 30 years, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff.

She was getting a divorce. He had reached out to her and, you know, and I never stopped loving you after 30 years, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff.

He was helping manage her cancer.

He was helping manage her cancer.

And then I called up Gail, who was basically dying at the time. She had cancer. She had breast cancer.

And then I called up Gail, who was basically dying at the time. She had cancer. She had breast cancer.

After this happened, I was like, now I got a book.

After this happened, I was like, now I got a book.

It's not a straight-up memoir. It is really an investigation. We decided to focus on the victims. What is it like to be deceived? What is it like to be duped? What is it like to not have all the facts? And that the life you've been living is not the life you thought you were living.

It's not a straight-up memoir. It is really an investigation. We decided to focus on the victims. What is it like to be deceived? What is it like to be duped? What is it like to not have all the facts? And that the life you've been living is not the life you thought you were living.

Well, they would put the kids in the control room and you could see all of the monitors and you could see what was happening. And I remember pointing to that with the kid next to me. I was like, check it out. Like, there's no magic. And he was really upset. He was like, I don't want to know that, you know.

Well, they would put the kids in the control room and you could see all of the monitors and you could see what was happening. And I remember pointing to that with the kid next to me. I was like, check it out. Like, there's no magic. And he was really upset. He was like, I don't want to know that, you know.

The worst thing is you trusted somebody. And we have to trust. Society works on trust. You have to stop at the red light. You have to stop at the stoplight. You have to trust that the pilot knows how to fly the plane. You have to trust that that cop is really a cop. You have to. And if you don't, society will fall apart.

The worst thing is you trusted somebody. And we have to trust. Society works on trust. You have to stop at the red light. You have to stop at the stoplight. You have to trust that the pilot knows how to fly the plane. You have to trust that that cop is really a cop. You have to. And if you don't, society will fall apart.

And it was just about, you know, how when children are being abused by their caretakers, they don't see it because they need that caretaker. They can't believe that that person is working against them. And it's the same thing in any relationship. Whether it's somebody, a business colleague or your romantic partner, you don't want to believe that someone's going to do this to you.

And it was just about, you know, how when children are being abused by their caretakers, they don't see it because they need that caretaker. They can't believe that that person is working against them. And it's the same thing in any relationship. Whether it's somebody, a business colleague or your romantic partner, you don't want to believe that someone's going to do this to you.

You can't believe it. And it's to your benefit not to see it because of your life that you built up.

You can't believe it. And it's to your benefit not to see it because of your life that you built up.

So then I found this study that said actually smarter people are more susceptible to being duped because they don't think it would happen to them. So actually people who've been duped are smarter. They tend to be smarter specifically because of fatal overconfidence. It would never happen to me.

So then I found this study that said actually smarter people are more susceptible to being duped because they don't think it would happen to them. So actually people who've been duped are smarter. They tend to be smarter specifically because of fatal overconfidence. It would never happen to me.

I never felt ashamed. I never felt embarrassed. To me, it was a story, and it was a great story.

I never felt ashamed. I never felt embarrassed. To me, it was a story, and it was a great story.

I began reporting on different things. I became somewhat of an expert on fraud. I got to write a book about white-collar fraud. And I did a podcast, which led into a documentary that I did with the New York Times called To Live and Die in Alabama. So it did change my life.

I began reporting on different things. I became somewhat of an expert on fraud. I got to write a book about white-collar fraud. And I did a podcast, which led into a documentary that I did with the New York Times called To Live and Die in Alabama. So it did change my life.

I always knew I was resilient. I always knew I was strong. But I don't know that I realized just how capable I was. That's nice to know.

I always knew I was resilient. I always knew I was strong. But I don't know that I realized just how capable I was. That's nice to know.

I think it's very important for people to know that they're not alone and that this happens to other people. It's very easy for it to happen now with technology. You're not a terrible person. You're not a stupid person. Lots of people are in this situation and don't feel like an idiot. Because, again, what's the worst thing you did? You trusted. That's okay.

I think it's very important for people to know that they're not alone and that this happens to other people. It's very easy for it to happen now with technology. You're not a terrible person. You're not a stupid person. Lots of people are in this situation and don't feel like an idiot. Because, again, what's the worst thing you did? You trusted. That's okay.

I hate magic tricks. I hate going to magic shows. I need to know how they do things.

I hate magic tricks. I hate going to magic shows. I need to know how they do things.

I could have gotten a job as an assistant to an editor. But I thought, what am I going to learn about writing from picking up somebody's dry cleaning? Nothing. What am I going to learn from faxing their correspondence? Nothing. I didn't want to do that.

I could have gotten a job as an assistant to an editor. But I thought, what am I going to learn about writing from picking up somebody's dry cleaning? Nothing. What am I going to learn from faxing their correspondence? Nothing. I didn't want to do that.

Is he a jerk? Are you a control freak? I mean, those kind of things. I didn't give a shit. I mean, I hated that stuff. And I just got terrified that I was going to get stuck doing that.

Is he a jerk? Are you a control freak? I mean, those kind of things. I didn't give a shit. I mean, I hated that stuff. And I just got terrified that I was going to get stuck doing that.

And I wrote a big story about that. It was a full page in the New York Times. I framed it. And I thought, that's that. Never going to happen again. Well... The editor who I wrote that for called me up one day and he said, we're starting a column.

And I wrote a big story about that. It was a full page in the New York Times. I framed it. And I thought, that's that. Never going to happen again. Well... The editor who I wrote that for called me up one day and he said, we're starting a column.

My mother is really a super feminist and has always been profoundly independent and has always been like what women need is their own money no matter what. They all need their own money, you know? So she wanted me to always have my own space.

My mother is really a super feminist and has always been profoundly independent and has always been like what women need is their own money no matter what. They all need their own money, you know? So she wanted me to always have my own space.

I, you know, had my boyfriend and then we broke up and then I had other boyfriends. And I continued to work and I continued to travel and I kind of never really wanted to get married per se. That wasn't my agenda. I didn't want to be tethered to somebody all the time.

I, you know, had my boyfriend and then we broke up and then I had other boyfriends. And I continued to work and I continued to travel and I kind of never really wanted to get married per se. That wasn't my agenda. I didn't want to be tethered to somebody all the time.

One was a guy I met in Peru. He was a furniture maker, and he was great, but that didn't work out. A couple guys in the theater, I mean, just different, nice. I mean, they were fine. They were fine people. But I wanted something that mattered.

One was a guy I met in Peru. He was a furniture maker, and he was great, but that didn't work out. A couple guys in the theater, I mean, just different, nice. I mean, they were fine. They were fine people. But I wanted something that mattered.

If you've been single a little while, you know, sometimes you're just like, oh God, maybe I should go out with somebody who I never thought I'd be with just because maybe I've been barking up the wrong tree all this time.

If you've been single a little while, you know, sometimes you're just like, oh God, maybe I should go out with somebody who I never thought I'd be with just because maybe I've been barking up the wrong tree all this time.

I was brought up Jewish. I thought I've always dated non-Jewish guys. Maybe I need to be with somebody who's Jewish. Maybe that's what I need.

I was brought up Jewish. I thought I've always dated non-Jewish guys. Maybe I need to be with somebody who's Jewish. Maybe that's what I need.

Oh, God. Carmela, the psychic from Yonkers. That's what she sounded like.

Oh, God. Carmela, the psychic from Yonkers. That's what she sounded like.

And she was like, you're going to meet somebody. You're going to move. His first initial is going to be R, P, B, or D. And he's going to wear a uniform. And I said, I don't know anybody in uniform other than the FedEx guy. And he was like, no, that's not the FedEx guy.

And she was like, you're going to meet somebody. You're going to move. His first initial is going to be R, P, B, or D. And he's going to wear a uniform. And I said, I don't know anybody in uniform other than the FedEx guy. And he was like, no, that's not the FedEx guy.

I was working on an article for The New York Times about detox diets and whether or not they had any validity or whether they were just kind of bullshit. And somebody suggested I call this guy who worked in Beverly Hills, California, who was a doctor there. He had written some articles or studies about detox diets.

I was working on an article for The New York Times about detox diets and whether or not they had any validity or whether they were just kind of bullshit. And somebody suggested I call this guy who worked in Beverly Hills, California, who was a doctor there. He had written some articles or studies about detox diets.

I quoted him and we had a nice conversation and that was the end of it.

I quoted him and we had a nice conversation and that was the end of it.

And I said, are you still in Beverly Hills? And he said, no, I'm in the Navy. I'm a Navy doc.

And I said, are you still in Beverly Hills? And he said, no, I'm in the Navy. I'm a Navy doc.

He was working on opening up a hospital for kids with cancer in Iraq and Afghanistan.

He was working on opening up a hospital for kids with cancer in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I wanted to do international reporting, and even if possible, I wanted to do war correspondence.

I wanted to do international reporting, and even if possible, I wanted to do war correspondence.

I said, well, tell me about it. You know, keep me posted on how this goes. This is right up my alley. And... He did. He kept keeping me posted. He kept telling me what was going on.

I said, well, tell me about it. You know, keep me posted on how this goes. This is right up my alley. And... He did. He kept keeping me posted. He kept telling me what was going on.

Apparently he had been divorced since I met him. His two kids lived in California and he was living in Jacksonville and he was going to move to Washington. And I thought, well, isn't that ironic? Because I was going to move to Washington too to go to grad school.

Apparently he had been divorced since I met him. His two kids lived in California and he was living in Jacksonville and he was going to move to Washington. And I thought, well, isn't that ironic? Because I was going to move to Washington too to go to grad school.

It seemed almost, you know, there's a word in Hebrew, beshert, which means meant to be. And I thought, OK, this is meant to be.

It seemed almost, you know, there's a word in Hebrew, beshert, which means meant to be. And I thought, OK, this is meant to be.

And he called when he said he would and he sent flowers and he wasn't like a suffering artist in paint splattered jeans. You know, he was really a good guy.

And he called when he said he would and he sent flowers and he wasn't like a suffering artist in paint splattered jeans. You know, he was really a good guy.

I was 42, so I wasn't a kid. And he was 58, so he wasn't a kid. But it didn't matter because he was nice to me and he was good to me.

I was 42, so I wasn't a kid. And he was 58, so he wasn't a kid. But it didn't matter because he was nice to me and he was good to me.

I'm going to read it. It's very short. This is Just to Say by William Carlos Williams. I had eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me. They were delicious, so sweet, and so cold. When I sent it to him, he wrote me back three words. I love you. And I thought, all right, it's a little fast, but okay.

I'm going to read it. It's very short. This is Just to Say by William Carlos Williams. I had eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me. They were delicious, so sweet, and so cold. When I sent it to him, he wrote me back three words. I love you. And I thought, all right, it's a little fast, but okay.

He said, I've got to be in New York to give his talk at the UN. So I'm going to be wearing my outfit, my Navy uniform. And he said, let's go somewhere celebratory.

He said, I've got to be in New York to give his talk at the UN. So I'm going to be wearing my outfit, my Navy uniform. And he said, let's go somewhere celebratory.

It was a very CNBC-ing kind of place. There was a giant pool in the middle of it. And it was just very expensive and swanky and ritzy. And it was just kind of the place to be.

It was a very CNBC-ing kind of place. There was a giant pool in the middle of it. And it was just very expensive and swanky and ritzy. And it was just kind of the place to be.

He brings what is called a cover, but it's a navy cap. You know, it's the hat. I brought you one, he said.

He brings what is called a cover, but it's a navy cap. You know, it's the hat. I brought you one, he said.

He was so funny and he was charming and he was good to me and he was charismatic and, you know, he kind of wooed me. He was wooing me. And I liked that. It was after dating all sorts of shitheads, it was nice to be with somebody who, you know, seemed to be who they said they were.

He was so funny and he was charming and he was good to me and he was charismatic and, you know, he kind of wooed me. He was wooing me. And I liked that. It was after dating all sorts of shitheads, it was nice to be with somebody who, you know, seemed to be who they said they were.

He comes to visit for a weekend or maybe overnight. I mean, he always greeted me with a big kiss and he'd tell me how beautiful I was.

He comes to visit for a weekend or maybe overnight. I mean, he always greeted me with a big kiss and he'd tell me how beautiful I was.

He cared about people. He cared about the world. He was always picking up tabs. He was always doing things that made people really like him.

He cared about people. He cared about the world. He was always picking up tabs. He was always doing things that made people really like him.

It was very close to his son, so that was nice, and daughter. He talked to his kid, his son, all the time.

It was very close to his son, so that was nice, and daughter. He talked to his kid, his son, all the time.

He always said that he had certain things that he did that he wouldn't be able to tell me about, and that he would often go off on these sort of secret missions, and he couldn't tell me what he was doing. And I was kind of intrigued by that.

He always said that he had certain things that he did that he wouldn't be able to tell me about, and that he would often go off on these sort of secret missions, and he couldn't tell me what he was doing. And I was kind of intrigued by that.

It kind of drove me mad that I didn't know what he was doing. And a friend of mine said, well, that's obviously a lesson you need to learn that you can't know everything.

It kind of drove me mad that I didn't know what he was doing. And a friend of mine said, well, that's obviously a lesson you need to learn that you can't know everything.

I felt badly and I thought something must have happened. But I didn't know. I didn't know what it was.

I felt badly and I thought something must have happened. But I didn't know. I didn't know what it was.

Anytime he broke any plan, which we began to do pretty regularly, it was, it's a secret mission. I can't tell you anything more about it. That's it.

The Commander told me that we were being followed by the Secret Service.

He said that he had been a doctor at Guantanamo.

And he said, when I was at Guantanamo, all these guys are after me. They hate me. And they threaten me and my family. So my loved ones are being followed by the Secret Service.

And I remember I said to him, well, you know... Next time, why don't you ask them if they can give me a ride so I don't have to call taxis?

And there was a car outside and said, Dad, is that your guys? Why are they outside the house? So I remember I thought something really must have happened.

I need to know everything.

And he said that one of his patients was a very high-level terrorist. And I said, who? And he said, Osama bin Laden. And I said, that's insane. And he said, no, it's not. And he began to list all the physical problems that bin Laden had.

And I said to him, that is a stupid thing to tell a person. And I said, that's also not possible because the president, it was Bush at the time, he would never let this happen without getting it out because it was a big deal and it would have helped Republicans. So he would never have been quiet about that if he knew where bin Laden was. And he said, no, the president doesn't know.

And I said, that's impossible. He said, there's a lot of things that they don't know. And I remember thinking, okay, this is insane. But maybe there's a story here.

I was trying to do my own checkups because I was feeling crazy. And I couldn't call up the CIA and say, hey, do you have this guy on your payroll? I mean, you can't do that.

My brother-in-law said that doesn't make sense because he was in the Navy and he said he wouldn't tell you about that. I had another friend who said the same thing. They're not supposed to tell you.

that he had a vault full of metals for operations that didn't really exist. They were unofficial, you know, like homeland-y kind of things that you're not supposed to know about. Abby asked her new professors if this could be true. I would ask my teachers, you know, is that possible? They said, yeah, absolutely it is.

I met his family. I met his son. I met his brother. I met his aunt. I met some friends. I met everybody, you know.

And I had said to him at some point, listen, I'm going to want a kid. When she told Richard this? Basically, he was willing to do it. He said, I love you. I'm in love with you. I'll do anything you want. I'm going to ask you to marry me. So whatever makes you happy makes me happy.

I'm 42. He's 58. We're not kids anymore. And we would discuss that. He said, you know, his father always said, when you know, you know. And I've heard that before. So then he began, he would visit me in New York and he would come and he would say, oh, I just went to De Beers and I was looking, I was looking at rings there. And I thought, OK, great, that's cool.

But one day he says to me, you know, Abby, I'm really upset. I can't afford a $30,000 ring, $40,000 ring. You know, I said, I don't need a $40,000 ring, which is true. I didn't.

I had never really expected to get married. That wasn't my goal. So it was very odd buying a dress. I decided I would just do something very small, like a dinner or something, just something chill.

If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything. I mean, he used his dead mother's name. He used his dead father's name. He used, I think, his aunt. He used my name. All these people. It was absolutely crazy-making.

Eventually, we found a place at the Watergate, which, you know, was obviously very famous.

It was just sort of bleak and the Watergate was empty and I didn't find Washington to be an especially hospitable town.

Sometimes going to Afghanistan, sometimes going to Iraq, sometimes he's doing all these things that I can't even know about. I'll tell you when there's a secure line is what he would say.

Like falling asleep early. He'll fall asleep at dinner. We're at dinner at like six o'clock and he's at the table like falling asleep.

Well, I had put down money to adopt by myself. So I was all going to do that.

Anytime he talked about adoption, he always would say, you know, I'll do it if that's what you really want to do, but a lot of those kids really have problems. And I thought that was a really callous thing to say. I thought that was awful. Because I knew a lot of kids who were not adopted who had problems.

I was talking about something about getting married and we didn't even have a date. But he started breaking down. He's like, I'm so overwhelmed. We have to push the wedding back.

And I told her about the Bin Laden thing. And she said, something's not right there, Abby. She said, that doesn't make sense. And I got mad at her. I said, why isn't it possible that there are things that you don't know that we don't know, and we don't know the answer yet? And I got so mad at her. I was like, you're so suspicious.

So then I kind of went back and would ask him questions, you know, more targeted. And he would get mad at me.

We're at a restaurant and he raves about the Brussels sprouts, right? These are the best Brussels sprouts ever. Okay, my parents, that's nice. They didn't make it.

And he said, that's, I think, the worst meal I've ever eaten. And I just thought to myself... What? I said, why did you lie? Why did you lie? They didn't care. He said I wanted to make them feel good. It just was too discordant. You can't verify the CIA. You can't verify Navy SEAL. You can't do that. But that was something tangible that I could verify. And I just thought, I can't do this anymore.

I just can't. I can't do this. This is insane. If he can lie about that, he can lie about anything.

It was Christmas, and we were spending it with his brother and sister-in-law in their big house in Georgetown, and his son and daughter were there. And I overheard the son saying, what's that ring on Abby's finger? Is that from you? And I didn't hear the response, but I remember thinking to myself, this kid doesn't know that we're getting married? The son had no idea that he had proposed to me.

The commander told me that when he told his son that he had proposed to me, his son said, well, what took you so long?

You're lying to me and I can't, there's something, I'm done. I'm out of here.

About two weeks later, he came over and he said, listen, the Navy, who was apparently paying for the apartment, needs the apartment. And they're shipping me out somewhere else. I'm leaving Washington. So we have to pack up everything and get out.

And I didn't know what I was going to do because I was going to school. I ended up commuting to Washington from New York City.

I felt maybe I overreacted. You know, every time I would interrogate him, he'd be like, well, that's why you're single. Because you always question and you don't trust and you interrogate. That's why. That's why you've been single all this time. And I thought, well, maybe that's right. You know, maybe that's right.

And the light was on in the apartment. And I called him. I said, are you in the apartment? He said, you know, it was a comedy of errors. I got everything moved and everything was in storage and everything was great. And I was ready to be relocated. And then the Navy said, no, you got to move back into the apartment. You got to stay in Washington. We're keeping you here.

So remember, I'm Nancy Drew. I said, well, I need to pick up my cookbooks that are in the apartment. I left the cookbooks. So she told the cab driver to pull over. She wanted to investigate. I didn't have a key. And I said to the doorman, I'd like to go up to the apartment. And the doorman said, you're not allowed up. I have a note. Abby Ellen is not allowed up. So I called the commander.

Listen, I've always craved drama, and I got it. I got it.

I said, what's up with that? Like, why was I, there was specifically a note. And he said, oh, somebody was assaulted in the building, so they're being really careful about who they let in. I said, I don't believe you.

I looked in the house, and the cookbooks were exactly where I had left them.

His baseball glove was exactly where it had been when I left. And there was a sliver of soap in exactly the same place, the same sliver that had been there when I left. And I looked at him and I said, you didn't move. And he said, oh, yes, I did.

And I thought, you're nuts. And that was it. That was it. I didn't really talk to him after that.

And then I got a phone call. It's a 202 area code. The only 202 area code I knew was the commander's. So I thought, okay. I don't know why he's calling. And I picked it up. And it was Special Agent Dan Ryan with NCIS.

Yeah, I'm in my 50s, and I have been a freelance writer since. Since I'm like 22.

I was interested in people's story. I was interested in gossip. I was interested in people's lives. I just wanted to know how things worked. And I also was always interested in getting to the bottom of things.

And he says, there's a doctor who's writing prescriptions for narcotics, for Vicodin. And your name is one of the names he's been using.

I said, what? And he said, yeah, he's been writing prescriptions for drugs. Do you know him? Do you have a prescription? And I said, no, I know him and I do not have a prescription for Vicodin. You know, I prefer Valium.

CIA and Navy SEAL and all that, you know, everything is just coming together.

But while he was there... People he worked with at the Pentagon, he had used their names to forge drugs.

He used his dead mother's name. He used his dead father's name. He used, I think, his aunt. He used my name. All these people.

I asked if he was selling, and Dan Ryan said, no, we have no evidence of that.

She was one who told me about the girlfriend.

She was getting a divorce. He had reached out to her and, you know, and I never stopped loving you after 30 years, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff.

He was helping manage her cancer.

And then I called up Gail, who was basically dying at the time. She had cancer. She had breast cancer.

After this happened, I was like, now I got a book.

It's not a straight-up memoir. It is really an investigation. We decided to focus on the victims. What is it like to be deceived? What is it like to be duped? What is it like to not have all the facts? And that the life you've been living is not the life you thought you were living.

Well, they would put the kids in the control room and you could see all of the monitors and you could see what was happening. And I remember pointing to that with the kid next to me. I was like, check it out. Like, there's no magic. And he was really upset. He was like, I don't want to know that, you know.

The worst thing is you trusted somebody. And we have to trust. Society works on trust. You have to stop at the red light. You have to stop at the stoplight. You have to trust that the pilot knows how to fly the plane. You have to trust that that cop is really a cop. You have to. And if you don't, society will fall apart.

And it was just about, you know, how when children are being abused by their caretakers, they don't see it because they need that caretaker. They can't believe that that person is working against them. And it's the same thing in any relationship. Whether it's somebody, a business colleague or your romantic partner, you don't want to believe that someone's going to do this to you.

You can't believe it. And it's to your benefit not to see it because of your life that you built up.

So then I found this study that said actually smarter people are more susceptible to being duped because they don't think it would happen to them. So actually people who've been duped are smarter. They tend to be smarter specifically because of fatal overconfidence. It would never happen to me.

I never felt ashamed. I never felt embarrassed. To me, it was a story, and it was a great story.

I began reporting on different things. I became somewhat of an expert on fraud. I got to write a book about white-collar fraud. And I did a podcast, which led into a documentary that I did with the New York Times called To Live and Die in Alabama. So it did change my life.

I always knew I was resilient. I always knew I was strong. But I don't know that I realized just how capable I was. That's nice to know.

I think it's very important for people to know that they're not alone and that this happens to other people. It's very easy for it to happen now with technology. You're not a terrible person. You're not a stupid person. Lots of people are in this situation and don't feel like an idiot. Because, again, what's the worst thing you did? You trusted. That's okay.

I hate magic tricks. I hate going to magic shows. I need to know how they do things.

I could have gotten a job as an assistant to an editor. But I thought, what am I going to learn about writing from picking up somebody's dry cleaning? Nothing. What am I going to learn from faxing their correspondence? Nothing. I didn't want to do that.

Is he a jerk? Are you a control freak? I mean, those kind of things. I didn't give a shit. I mean, I hated that stuff. And I just got terrified that I was going to get stuck doing that.

And I wrote a big story about that. It was a full page in the New York Times. I framed it. And I thought, that's that. Never going to happen again. Well... The editor who I wrote that for called me up one day and he said, we're starting a column.

My mother is really a super feminist and has always been profoundly independent and has always been like what women need is their own money no matter what. They all need their own money, you know? So she wanted me to always have my own space.

I, you know, had my boyfriend and then we broke up and then I had other boyfriends. And I continued to work and I continued to travel and I kind of never really wanted to get married per se. That wasn't my agenda. I didn't want to be tethered to somebody all the time.

One was a guy I met in Peru. He was a furniture maker, and he was great, but that didn't work out. A couple guys in the theater, I mean, just different, nice. I mean, they were fine. They were fine people. But I wanted something that mattered.

If you've been single a little while, you know, sometimes you're just like, oh God, maybe I should go out with somebody who I never thought I'd be with just because maybe I've been barking up the wrong tree all this time.

I was brought up Jewish. I thought I've always dated non-Jewish guys. Maybe I need to be with somebody who's Jewish. Maybe that's what I need.

Oh, God. Carmela, the psychic from Yonkers. That's what she sounded like.

And she was like, you're going to meet somebody. You're going to move. His first initial is going to be R, P, B, or D. And he's going to wear a uniform. And I said, I don't know anybody in uniform other than the FedEx guy. And he was like, no, that's not the FedEx guy.

I was working on an article for The New York Times about detox diets and whether or not they had any validity or whether they were just kind of bullshit. And somebody suggested I call this guy who worked in Beverly Hills, California, who was a doctor there. He had written some articles or studies about detox diets.

I quoted him and we had a nice conversation and that was the end of it.

And I said, are you still in Beverly Hills? And he said, no, I'm in the Navy. I'm a Navy doc.

He was working on opening up a hospital for kids with cancer in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I wanted to do international reporting, and even if possible, I wanted to do war correspondence.

I said, well, tell me about it. You know, keep me posted on how this goes. This is right up my alley. And... He did. He kept keeping me posted. He kept telling me what was going on.

Apparently he had been divorced since I met him. His two kids lived in California and he was living in Jacksonville and he was going to move to Washington. And I thought, well, isn't that ironic? Because I was going to move to Washington too to go to grad school.

It seemed almost, you know, there's a word in Hebrew, beshert, which means meant to be. And I thought, OK, this is meant to be.

And he called when he said he would and he sent flowers and he wasn't like a suffering artist in paint splattered jeans. You know, he was really a good guy.

I was 42, so I wasn't a kid. And he was 58, so he wasn't a kid. But it didn't matter because he was nice to me and he was good to me.

I'm going to read it. It's very short. This is Just to Say by William Carlos Williams. I had eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me. They were delicious, so sweet, and so cold. When I sent it to him, he wrote me back three words. I love you. And I thought, all right, it's a little fast, but okay.

He said, I've got to be in New York to give his talk at the UN. So I'm going to be wearing my outfit, my Navy uniform. And he said, let's go somewhere celebratory.

It was a very CNBC-ing kind of place. There was a giant pool in the middle of it. And it was just very expensive and swanky and ritzy. And it was just kind of the place to be.

He brings what is called a cover, but it's a navy cap. You know, it's the hat. I brought you one, he said.

He was so funny and he was charming and he was good to me and he was charismatic and, you know, he kind of wooed me. He was wooing me. And I liked that. It was after dating all sorts of shitheads, it was nice to be with somebody who, you know, seemed to be who they said they were.

He comes to visit for a weekend or maybe overnight. I mean, he always greeted me with a big kiss and he'd tell me how beautiful I was.

He cared about people. He cared about the world. He was always picking up tabs. He was always doing things that made people really like him.

It was very close to his son, so that was nice, and daughter. He talked to his kid, his son, all the time.

He always said that he had certain things that he did that he wouldn't be able to tell me about, and that he would often go off on these sort of secret missions, and he couldn't tell me what he was doing. And I was kind of intrigued by that.

It kind of drove me mad that I didn't know what he was doing. And a friend of mine said, well, that's obviously a lesson you need to learn that you can't know everything.

I felt badly and I thought something must have happened. But I didn't know. I didn't know what it was.