Jordan Schlansky
Appearances
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
Yeah, it is. Mine's a little different. I use a torch, so I don't have a big furnace of glass. I have a torch that I use, and then I get these glass tubes in four-foot lengths, and then I'll create stuff out of that. So I don't have a big furnace that I pull globs of glass out of. Well, you know what?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
It's called Apex Design Glass. So I made that name when I was in high school for a web design business I was doing. And then I just kept it through my glassblowing business as well.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
Yeah, if you look up Apix Design, then yeah, I got a website, I got an Instagram. I have a good little following of people who like my glass, so it's easy to find it.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
I'm in Vacaville, California, so near Sacramento, Napa Valley area. Oh, okay.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
I don't want to keep saying bongs. I actually sent you guys a gift. What?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
I'm a glassblower, a glass artist. So I work with, these are glass lays. So I work with glass tubing and glass rods and I create stuff out of glass.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
Yeah, this is a scientific glassware. So like you'd find in really nice, you know, Pyrex glass. Yeah. So this can be used for, you know, it can go in the dishwasher. It's not sensitive to heat. So you can put hot stuff in there. No problem. This is extraordinary.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
Which is a blue. No problem. I'm glad I could get you guys some stuff. Once I heard I was going to be on here, I really wanted to get something made for you guys.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
Well, I mean, I got told on Thursday that you guys wanted me to be on here. And then by Saturday, I was finishing it up. And then Sunday, I did the sandblasting and I sent it out on Monday. Oh, my God. If I'm really, you know, really want to get something done, I can do it pretty quick.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
My main product that I make is water pipes. So I make bongs, basically. I see them back there. Look at those.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
um and uh we're very proud of this and we're proud of you proud to have you as a fan really hey thank you very much and uh yeah i had one quick question i was curious you know uh as a celebrity um i'll handle you know you um like when i get home i i like to do stuff around the house so like i'll help my wife doing stuff or i'll you know work on the backyard yep
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
And I was curious, as a celebrity, is there something that you go home and your wife's like, I want these photos hung up on the wall? Like, what do you do when you get home and you're asked to do something? Do you just call someone or do you take charge of doing stuff like that?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
Okay, awesome. Yeah, that's what I wanted to hear. I was curious what you, you know, if you called like a butler to come help you or something.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Get Over Myself!
I started in high school, so I feel like everyone in high school kind of wanted or needed a bong. And I liked making things, so that drew me to it. I originally started, I wanted to do welding, but it was a little complicated, I feel like, so I went into glassblowing, which was even more complicated. Yeah.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
There are many sides to me. And I think he would appreciate some of that. First of all, I don't care if he would appreciate them because I have no interest in bonding with him. Nevertheless. That's so rude.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
My birthday passed two months ago. I was being polite. Now listen to me.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
What fool in this room told Geddy Lee that my birthday was right now and I have to play along like a jackass because I'm not going to be the asshole that tells him, no, you're wrong. That's going nowhere. Well, you did tell him. You did tell him it passed. Well, I was polite. You told him it passed. That's the best I can do. I'm not going to flat out.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
What I'm saying is the man likes wine. OK, he has a preference for French wine. My I have a preference for Italian wine. Nevertheless, there are things that we could connect on. Should either of us want to? I don't want to. I don't want to. No, stop saying that. No offense to them. And I enjoy listening to his music and I enjoy listening to him speak.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
But I don't make any pretense that him and I would ever go hang out. Nor would I. I'm an introvert. I fear human interaction. I avoid it.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Yeah, I have one human being here and some nice gentleman over here, but I'm not talking to large quantities of people.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Some say the language of music is older than the word language itself. Music is a great unifier, much like food. OK, when we all disagree on so many things, we all appreciate music. I go one step further. I like to have the best version of music to listen to. I like my music to sound as good as possible. Back in the 70s, when you were growing up, you might have called me a hi-fi guy.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
OK, first of all, of course, I would be polite. Secondly, if I walk by, wouldn't you be honored if I walked by and he didn't recognize me and he was sitting there? I would absolutely not approach him either before or after this experience. OK, I would give the man his space. I have no interest. It doesn't do anything. I'd rather go home, put my headphones on at 3 a.m.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
and listen to my favorite pressing of moving pictures and get lost in it than sit down at a cafe with a man that clearly wanted to be alone.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
You know, I find that... Well, you and I are different. Maybe you're somehow consumed by the idea of fame. Nope. And also fame doesn't interest me at all. And also, as you'll know, a lot of artists, he's actually a very friendly, gregarious man with great social skills.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
But there are many artists are kind of at the other end of the spectrum and are more introverted like myself and don't necessarily want to connect with people. Of course, they do it out of obligation to their fan base. But yeah, so I don't need to impose myself.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Fumpfering, you wanted fumpfering. That to you shows that, wow, I've done well. You've got the fumpfering from me. I'm saying I saw him. I acknowledged him. I understood. You acknowledged him. I understood the situation.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I didn't expect him to know. I wouldn't expect that's not his job. He passes that off to other people. I don't have access to those other people. You put you put him up on a screen. So he's the man I made my case to. If you put the head of their catalog up on screen, I would have made a better case to them.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Yeah, I do it regularly as part of my career.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Yeah, I do. I'm a huge fan of the show. I was happy to work on it for so long because I was a fan of it. But I'm going to say very clearly, I have no interest in famous people simply because they're famous.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
That thought does occur to me based on situations that happen around me. But I don't reject you or accept you simply because you're famous. I don't seek out famous people. I don't feel any more exhilaration talking to a famous person than a non-famous person. Liar! Now, there are some famous people that I am infatuated with that I've never met.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
OK, Neil Diamond, Tristan Rogers from General Hospital in the 1980s. Jesus, what a list.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I can count on one hand the amount of famous people I was very interested to meet. John Williams, I've met him a number of times. Of course, the famous composer. He was a big one for me. Neil Diamond, I never had the chance to meet. John Ritter, I did meet. Wonderful guy. He was wonderful.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Oh, I got Tristan Rogers here. Tristan Rogers, Australian. He's Australian. Yes, he certainly has a beautiful voice. I don't know how old he is. 78. OK, that sounds about right. He I modeled my personality after him. I watched General Hospital religiously in the 1980s. It was him. It was John Reilly who played Sean Donnelly, who I met at the Grove once. The late, great John Reilly. Hold it.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
You certainly extrapolated a bit. Okay. I gave you, I think you embellished the core of what I was saying. I just repeated what you said. The man spoke like music. You listen to the words that come out of his mouth and his Australian accent, and he speaks like music. He could play it all. He could play the mystery. He could play the drama, love, anger.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
That episode with him and Burt in December 1986, Burt Ramsey, his former police commissioner that betrayed him and became head of the mob, when he yelled at him at the end of that episode, that was like stunning. That changed me.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
There was a time I sought out those old episodes at General Hospital. I tried to get the footage. It was unavailable everywhere. They would put out little retrospectives on VHS. I'm like, Luke and Laura's wedding. No one gives a shit about that. We've all seen it 50 times. I want to see the Aztec treasure. I want to see the Aztec treasure. Asian corner from 1985.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
We talk. That is our that is our venture here. We are here to talk different about this. You interrupt my talking, but that's the whole point. What's different about this pressing? OK, there are many back in the day before things were standardized.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
And you know what I'm saying? Two months.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I know he doesn't know what the fuck. I'd rather meet Tristan Rogers than getting laid. God damn it. There I said it. I said it. Get Tristan Rodgers. Who's Tristan Rodgers? Get Tristan Rodgers. All right, we're going to get Tristan Rodgers. I want Tristan Rodgers.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
That's what you're going to do. First of all, let's pretend that as human beings, we're not influenced by the media figures we're exposed to every day. Like Tony Hopkins said in the Silence of the Lambs, we covet what we see every day around us. OK, I saw him every day shouting. I found him compelling. He had charisma. The charisma that I have, I learned from him.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
This man is cool as ice. OK, I don't equate somebody's talent by their level of fame, their level of objective fame. OK, he may not be the most famous person in this town, but to me, he's the most compelling. Can I ask you something?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Ah, yes, the ideal, the ignorant ideal. Let me explain to you how human psychology works, okay? Let me explain to you nature and nurture. We are a product of what we are exposed to every day. Now, you can look at this as a negative or you can look at this as empowering. We can choose what we surround ourselves with every day. These things will become part of our personality. You...
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Yes. This is a spoken word program. Is that correct? Yeah. OK, so I am speaking words. All right. That is what I was told the assignment was. All right. I'm here to complete the assignment. All right. Today, we're going to spend, I don't know, a half hour talking about the difference. Guess what?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
are comprised in part of me because you have been exposed to me. I have rubbed off on you in ways you may or may not be aware of. We are a product of our environment. As strong as we think we are mentally, I'm true to myself. Your self is based on your environment. Every single human being that's around you, every single object becomes part of you. I am a part of you and I will always be.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
These have a very low gain, by the way. You need a very powerful mixer to extrapolate the proper sound. You can use a cloud lifter, though. which a lot of amateur podcasters do. And now they have a new model that has a built-in preamp. They're a little bit longer, they're shiny, and they say short down the side. What I'm saying is the fact that I'm shouting doesn't preclude me from being content.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Yeah, I apparently am a radio host on Sirius XM.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
For anyone wondering what it's like to be a radio host, I'll tell you what it's like. There's no change to my life. There are no perks. I'm not even convinced we have a radio show. I've seen clips of it on YouTube. I don't have there's no mug in front of me with the Conan O'Brien show logo that has two meatballs that look like the orange chicken at Panda Express.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I don't feel you tell me we have a radio show and you think I'd feel some level of accomplishment to be a radio host. A goal that I never set for myself, but somehow found me. And I just have a normal life. I don't get free things. I don't get special privileges at restaurants. Just for anyone wondering, maybe you aspire to be a radio hosting. You think your life will change.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I'm here to tell you there is zero change.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I'm content. I'm passionate. I appreciate the things you've done to me. I'm self-aware. To you?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate them. I'm passionate about them. Look, people say apathy is the worst insult. If I shout and I'm passionate, don't worry so much about am I angry? Am I happy? Just just be happy that you're evoking a response. And sure, Mussolini shouted and he was just trying to get his point across.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
If that's the criteria for being a dictator, then, you know, I think half of the population is guilty.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
He he he happy birthday me two months late and call me by the wrong name. And I again, I wasn't expecting anything out of this interaction. So why do you keep mentioning it? By the way, this interaction, I didn't even know this interaction was going to happen. I don't think you guys have disclosed that. I wasn't aware that this was clear to everyone that you don't know what's
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
happening okay yeah I walk I walk into this room I was told to spit in a sit in a different spot than normal okay so there was an agenda clearly but I am fine with the way this interaction when I think I I think he understands now that there is an appreciation of his work yeah on a very grand when asked if he would hang out with you he said fuck no I I don't need to hang out with him yeah
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
You don't have to reject a date that you've not invited on.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
It was released on various media, of course. Now, that's very expensive, so keep your greasy fingers off of it. You can touch the case. I don't want it on the disc, okay?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Well, I've known you for decades, and we've had these experiences before. So basically, I have in a quest. This is actually a very well recorded album and very well mixed a lot of dynamics. But in recent releases, those dynamics are squashed. There's a trend to make digital releases of music sound as loud as possible.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
OK, nobody wants their song to sound quieter on the radio or on a streaming service compared to the song next to it. You know, your body language makes me feel a bit rushed. This is going to take a while. Okay. Okay.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
This is not, this is not punchy stuff. This is a slow burn.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
OK, for anyone that doesn't know, we've been joined by Geddy Lee. I believe your original name was Gary Levy, Toronto, Canada, perhaps a man of Willowdale.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I understand. Nevertheless, I appreciate what he's done. And now I want to hear his work in the best way possible. It's really honoring him and his bandmates.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
All right. So I like a dynamic version. Now, my favorite recording or mastering of moving pictures was actually an original Dutch vinyl record. And there is a famous digital rip of that online. And I requested permission to play it on air and I was unable to obtain that permission. Are you feeling are you feeling at all unsafe right now?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
These men and their engineers at Les Studio in Morin Heights, Quebec in 1980, 1981, spent a lot of time to get a certain sound. They experimented with different techniques. Digital technology was new at that time. Their drummer, Neil Peart, wore a microphone taped to his chest to get a drummer's
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
And you bring up that iconic song, Tom Sawyer by Rush, that starts our show. I would like to point out that longtime listeners of our show may have noticed something a little different today in that our engineer Eduardo graciously played my preferred mastering of that song. This is not the readily available mastering that any fool would get on a streaming service these days. Any fool?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Okay, I have put a lot of time and money into seeking out the best version of all of my favorite music. I have bought probably 20 versions of that album on various media. Great. Well, better that than have your kids go to college. Yeah. These are hobbies. We all have our hobbies. OK. OK. These are benevolent pursuits. You spend your money on various hobbies.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Look, I appreciate the music. I understand that we don't need to know each other in real life. I respect that professional distance. Nevertheless, I appreciate the music. I have... Many things to say, which will go unsaid today and stay for another day.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Fire away. More so requests than questions. I've educated myself on most of the knowledge base out there. But of course, there are requests, certain material I would like to see. There was a 1990 concert at the Palace of Auburn Hills, Michigan on the Presto tour.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
It was shot by the in-house cameras at the venue and parts of it were released on a special album release a few years ago, but it wasn't the entire concert. I'd like to see the entire concert on video of that Presto show because that was my first concert April 1990.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Yeah, it was released under the name Through the Rabbit Hole. And I understand the artist doesn't necessarily oversee every aspect of this. That would be incredibly tiresome. And that's not his responsibility. His responsibility was to make the music. And then he has the right people that he trusts to take it from there. And I respect that. I'm not requesting that you handle it personally.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
But if it ever comes up in discussions, there is a call for that by the fans. And I would like to see the last some of the later albums such as Vapor Trails and Clockwork Angels released in a more dynamic form in 2015. The Abbey Road engineer, Sean McGee, remastered most of their catalog from their Mercury years and then some of the later releases as well. But he never got to those two.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
And there isn't really there aren't really good dynamic releases of those. I would like to hear those at some point in the future. Thank you for your time and attention. Dude, you need to send me a list of this stuff.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I believe you have a collection of guitars.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I met him a few times. He's incredibly well-spoken. He's enjoyable when you listen to him speak in interviews, just the way he forms words. Those are called sentences, yeah. Yeah, but the way he puts words together in particular. Yeah, that's a sentence. He's a verb. He's an adjective. The man's very intelligent, well-spoken. I enjoy listening to people like that. I don't know.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I mean, I listen to him. He seemed like a nice, smart guy, but I think I'm just as intelligent.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
I think there's a conflation with the idea of fandom. So most people are fans and they feel like they need to meet the person. They need to hang out with the person. I'm a huge fan of Rush, but I don't feel the need to hang out or even meet him. Guess what?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Geddy Lee
Right. Based on this presentation, based on what he was given, I would not want to meet me either. So you understand. What I'm saying is he's seeing a very limited side of me. No, no, no. He's not seeing a limited side of you. That is you. No, he is seeing what was just presented to him. What was just presented to him is you.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'm sorry. I respect inanimate objects, okay? It's like a Japanese mentality, okay? I treasure these. If they were sentient, I think they would value the way I treated them. Nevertheless, I went to replace this product when it was damaged. I live in the United States and I was served this Panasonic ER411. This is disgusting. What?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
This is oversized. It's light and plastic. It looks like a rocket ship. The cutting mechanism I actually replaced. This had been discontinued, but I was able to buy the cutting part. I replaced it.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Yeah. This was an inadequate product. This was no longer made in Japan. It was made in a country that is arguably known for some lower quality production methods. It looks like a rocket ship. It draws unnecessary attention to itself. It's a bright silver color. This was what you would get as an American after the glory days of nose hair trimmers.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Well, one is silver and one is gray. We define ourselves by the objects we interact with every day. I surround myself with beauty, with high levels of aesthetic pleasure, and it's not only putting on beautiful clothes, it's also using a beautiful nose hair trimmer. It's also understanding that everything we interact with defines our life. So I wanted a well-made product.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
So built is like milked, not built. I didn't build you money. I didn't build. I didn't help you build an empire. No one said you'd build anything like the second employee of Apple in 1976 is a multibillionaire because they got it in a time where Apple wasn't a sure thing. They were risking their potential future.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I was not happy with this product, but I thought it was my only option. So I trimmed my nose hair unhappily with that product. And when did this one commit suicide? You found this guy hanging. So then I visited the country of Japan and I found out that Panasonic sells a different nose hair trimmer model for the Japanese clientele. Oh, so they sell us the inferior one. The ER-GN10.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And look how sleek and stylish this product is. This thing feels amazing in the hand. It's perfectly balanced. It's reminiscent of my old ER-409. This is from 25 years ago. This is from today. Why do you know the serial numbers? And since I was in Japan, I knew that this was not going to last forever, despite the fact that it is still made in Japan in a high quality. So I bought spares.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And then I found that on my second trip, they had come out with the ER... It originally was the ERGN-10. Then they came out with the ERGN-11. I bought two of those. Hold on a second. Let me see this. Look at the beautiful... Just look at the packaging. I mean, this is clearly a product made for a clientele that demands high quality products. Look at your eyes. You look insane.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Why do they sell this to Americans and this beauty? Why do they sell this disgusting rocket ship to Americans and this beautiful piece of machinery to the Japanese clientele? I just I don't understand the logic of that. But nevertheless, how many of these did you buy? I bought four of them. But now I can see you being a little worried that you should have bought a fifth.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
You take what you're given. I don't know what kind of nose hair trimmer you you just buy whatever is available. I seek out high quality wherever on the planet it may lie. What do you even use to trim your nose hair?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
What does that have to do with anything? You don't employ a hair and makeup person. What are you talking about?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Okay, so you may contract one intermittently, but I'm saying that's not going to take care of your nose hair on a regular basis. I use little scissors. How do you get rid of that quantity of hair with a simple manual device like that?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
They could have chosen Saturday Night Live when they were offered an internship on one of two shows.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
There's got to be over 100 individual hairs between those two nostrils. Are you telling me? I use little scissors. How long does that even take? And it's a little bit curved. Are you confident in the quality of your work? I know that if I look in that nose right now and I show the light in there, if you're using manual scissors, there's no way you're accomplishing an efficient whisker removal.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
It's not often talked about. You have hair removal challenges. You have shaving problems and you always have. I'll come in and I'll see huge patches of hair on your face, isolated patches of hair. I don't know how, when you have resources available to you, I don't know how this passes inspection.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
They took the one that was on 13-week renewals. Now, you know, in that situation, like if you look at the history of the tech companies, the secretaries at Apple and Microsoft are now billionaires. Now, I kind of equate myself to that type of situation. I came in in the early days. There were no guarantees. It was a little bit rough.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'll come in one day, you've got like a little, you've shaved, but you've got like a tuft of red hair under your nose where your mustache would be. You've got like a random, your neck a lot of times have like, you have shaving problems. And just acknowledge.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
You'll have a clump of hair sticking out of your neck in an arbitrary position. Do you want to know what the problem is?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'm not concerned with individual hairs. Hurtful. I'm just asking you, do you feel, if you can improve in some way by listening to the things I have to say, why do you have to ridicule? I'm not ridiculing. You have the means. Why do I have to buy it?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'm not going to put a price tag on this. $100. If someone's doing something better than you, don't ridicule. Just be like, I learned something.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Oh, it's Socrates. Oh, it's Caesar. I understand. Oh, you can be more efficient shaving your nose hair with the eHarchigan 10.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'm not giving it back. Don't expect that when we walk out of this door, I'm giving it back. You don't have to give it back. Do you want the ERGN-10 or the GN-11?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'm not clear on what the difference is. That's something I'm curious about, but it's written in Japanese, so you can get... Well, what's the latest version? Oh, I don't know. I'm going to guess if there's the ERGN-10 and the ERGN-11. I'm going to guess maybe the ERGN-11 is more recent. Maybe they're going in a backwards lumbering scheme. If I ever see the GN9, I know that that's a steal.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I mean, these are just basic questions. I don't need to read Japanese or understand anything specific about nose hair. Just give me everything you have. No. You think you have more than 200 in cash on you?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
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I'm just saying you have room for improvement. This is nothing to be ashamed about. This is something to embrace. I can help you improve.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And I expect at this point, 30 years later, I would be sitting pretty on a pile of cash.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
No, this is not what I use for my ass.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
What goes up the old bottom? I don't remove hair in that area. Why would you leave that there? Why? I don't have any problem with that hair. What do you mean? I have no problem with that hair. Why do one orifice and not just... This one is visible. Well... This one is, you know, displayed. Uh-huh.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Well, I've got a AA in mind. You may not want the nose trimmer itself, but you could take my battery, I hope. Yeah, I'll take the battery. I mean, the battery's been in indirect contact with my nose and ears.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Now, you stick that up your nose, and if I hear a grinding sound... Hear that? Yeah, I hear it. Hear that? Yeah. If I hear a grind... You're clearly not doing a good job with your scissors. That was all left behind.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Oh my God. Each one of these blasts has like four hairs in it. What do you mean blast? It just keeps going. You're just still in the same nostril. I'm still in the same nostril. So how often do you do this? Do you do this every day? Every Tuesday and Friday, I find it the most efficient days to remove the hair.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Yeah, you haven't even gotten to your ears yet. Ears? Yeah, do you still feel like your quaint scissor method is efficient? You know what, I have to say this is better.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And you don't have to worry about this disgusting device. And you claim that you don't learn anything or that there's no value in the knowledge that I have. And look at you now.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
You know, there's nothing that I can tell you that you haven't heard before. That's not of any value.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
No, that's not a level where you have the top advisors begging to give you their information. I remember when you had these personal trainers in the 90s, you had these guys like, oh, no, we'll learn. This is Will Arnett's guy like you. And I started to give you nutrition advice. Please. I think I've got this covered. I've got Will Arnett's personal. It was actually Will Arnett. Yeah.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
No, Arnett was training me. And I would see these protein powders in your office and they were like low quality soy proteins with like incomplete amino acid profiles. And you're like, don't worry, I've got the best people in the business. You let me eat incomplete amino acids?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
You have this theory where you're special and you want the best of everything, but you assume that there's nothing that I can tell you that you can't get a better answer on from someone else.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Who else in your life is going to tell you about the ERGN-11? No one else. What other soul on this planet would ever tell you about this? This cost me $200. Yeah. That's a lot. Well, you have to take into account that I cannot easily replace it. There was a plane ticket involved. I brought it into the country. I imported it. I mean, there's a lot of middlemen that were cut out of the deal.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
If one is resourceful, I'm sure they can find a way to obtain it.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
bag and you're carrying it around and it's sad i admit i have a bag with nose hair trimmers on it these are cool i mean this is you know i'm going to say something these are uh nice yes now i'm i'm going to go home tonight and my wife expects me she's going to notice your clean nose i presume and and she and not just today but going forward this device may last you many years
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Does this also work on the ears?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I have no recollection of looking at my buttocks in the way that I believe you're referring to.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
It doesn't concern you. Have you? Have I what? looked at your anus, I guess, is where you were going with this?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
You know, speaking of Tracy Ellis Ross, she asked you about bar soap or liquid soap. You neglected to mention the most important factor in that question, the pH level. You see, liquid soap is often a detergent. Sometimes it's actually a soap that is to say a saponified fat. But often it's a detergent which has a lower pH closer to that of your skin.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Does it go into a chamber at the top? You'll have to clean that out from now.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Naturally, the problem with soap is that it disrupts the acid mantle of the skin.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Uh, I'm pretty content to be honest with you. Uh, I don't really have any chronic conditions, psychological or otherwise. You know, basic human responses. We have fear and frightful situations, and we may feel anxious in situations that would classically inspire such a reaction. I wouldn't say I fall victim to a lot of the...
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I know my characteristics and I'm I'm quite content with them. Um, you know, I know my limitations and my I'm quite familiar with your limitations.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Yeah, I'm talking about my own psychology. Your treatment of me over the years in financially and otherwise is a completely different subject. I'm talking about psychologically. I am introverted, which I don't think is any secret. And I'm certainly a psychologist. You'll likely read that right away. INTP, if you're a fan of the Myers-Briggs classification system.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Yeah, it's a good question. That is a good question. I get a lot of different responses. Do you understand? I'm going to guess that a lot of people get mostly consistent responses from those around them with, you know, a few outlying responses. But I get very different responses from different people. I find some people despise me and I find...
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
But I find that an equal, if not more, number of people embrace me. And I think that if you average it all out, it equals a normal person's response. But mine is a bit polarizing with equal numbers on both sides. And I guess there are a few apathetic in the middle that really don't care one way or the other.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Well, I'm not concerned with being normal. That was never high on my priority list.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Yeah. I like to think that I'm a good person. And in the end, overall, I increase the quality of the lives of people around me. Of course, there are a few exceptions. Inevitable. That's just attrition. as you get in business and life in general. But I try to be a good person. I try to improve the world around me and my limited time here on this earth.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
But of course, I don't hit it out of the park every single time. And, you know, some people are easy to read, and I may have more of a stoic demeanor, even if it doesn't necessarily represent what's going on inside me. And some people, when faced with that kind of blank slate, find it often pudding and intimidating in a way. And I understand that and respect that.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Okay, well, listen, Stephanie has made a very good observation, and I am different depending on who I'm talking to, and I do have many sides of my personality, and I truly maintain that they're all genuine, many sides, and the person I'm talking to often evokes a certain aspect, subdivision of my personality, and it is true that you consistently, I'm gesturing to my co-host Conan, evokes a certain response from me
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Whereas if I were just talking to Stephanie or some of our other colleagues, they may get a different response from me.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Yeah, good question. Well, I'll tell you, Conan has a certain energy. Some may even say polar opposite to my own. He's very extroverted, very textbook extrovert. He feeds off the energy of others and feels drained when he doesn't get that response from others. And I'm exactly the opposite. And, you know, Conan, we are the same species, Homo sapiens.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
But our minds are wired so very differently, it's hard to believe we're the same species. And when I watch him, and I like to observe human beings and humanity in general.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
When I watch him and how his mind works, I marvel at it because... In addition to his many talents, his many tangible talents, I marvel at how very different his mind is than mine. He he will go out of his way if we're on an airplane sitting across the aisle to get my attention, to yell across the aisle. And I turn his way and expect he's going to have some great witty quip.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And he just makes a ridiculous face at me. And that was that was so important to him that he had to yell across a crowded airplane cabin to get. And I'm thinking I would never I could have the best joke or observation in the world. I would never take that.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I haven't become a multimillionaire despite getting in at the early days when I could have lost my job at any point, but still stuck with you through thick and thin.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
What kind of expression do you want in that moment? I'm just sitting watching the hours go by.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
But there's nothing wrong with a placid pond. That's that's what you're missing here. You always need movement. But sometimes the the silence is where the magic is, the stillness.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
OK, while I acknowledge that you and I have very different personalities, who's to judge whose personality is superior? You're implying that your own personality is superior.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Well, I'm no psychologist, but to me, I detect an air of insecurity and overcompensation. I don't need to judge you and who's you're certainly an exceptional human being. No question about it. Thank you. And if you compare me to the average human, you might think that I'm a bit different and I don't disagree.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
However, when it comes to assessing which is the superior way to be, that's when things get a little murkier. And I don't know that we need to have that competition.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'm saying Steve Jobs' secretary can buy this entire complex. Well, I prefer the term assistant. Yes.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
The convoluted premise that you used to get into these scenarios just baffles me. Why the nose hair intro? Why not just say we have a psychologist on the phone? Why do you feel you need to justify?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
At the time, she was probably referred to as a secretary. Nevertheless, I expect that there might be some kind of financial sense of accomplishment as opposed to my. Well, guess what?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
If I was in the process of writing it at this very moment, then you could say you write a limerick. Any other context? I wrote a limerick, yes, back in the 90s.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Well, for those unfamiliar with the concept of a limerick, it's a specific. No need. You can just say it. Across Eyre, a young traveler set out on a quest to find fortune, no doubt. As he strolled into Ennis, he was pulled a cold Guinness, hence the lad's pot of gold was that stout.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I'm not qualified to answer that question.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Well, I don't remember exactly. I believe it may have been a trip to Ireland. I've never been to Ireland. I'd love to go to Ireland. It was actually a pub. A pub. A pub in Ireland.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I think you may be referring to a similar contest in an adjacent year. Nevertheless, I believe there was an essay one year and maybe a limerick. There was definitely a limerick involved.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And a limerick was not required. Listen to me. There's a marketing team at Guinness. I'm sure there are a bunch of 30 somethings and they get wind of this and they talk to each other. Is this true? Is this true? Well, ask Ron. He's the old time around here.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
He was back here in the 90s and they go to Ron and Ron's, you know, kind of moved up the ladder a little bit, but never really achieved greatness at the company to the point where he could retire. So they ask Ron, was there a thing? And he's like, yeah, there's something about an essay. And they look up the essay and maybe the essay was 96 and mine was 95. Jordan, do
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I would never choose to write a limerick if I could have written an essay. I don't want to be confined to very few words.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
There was a contest for a limerick. It was specifically a limerick. Do I look like someone that would just decide to write a limerick?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And you decided to write a limerick. My limerick had nothing to do with Guinness is. I'm telling you, these were two separate contests. They had a thing. They went through a period where like every year they had a contest and there was a prize. Nevertheless, it's the same. It's the same intent. You write, you use your creative literary skills.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
You're yelling. You're yelling. And I want you to take it down. I'm just saying I was not in direct competition with this woman, but we are compatriots. We are counterparts, maybe one year apart.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
You know, I take your point about taking a pouring class because there is a very specific way to do it. There are YouTube videos of bartenders kind of trolling customers and pouring it the wrong way. And it's fascinating to see people know how much head's supposed to be on there. Not too little, not too much. Nevertheless, I don't drink beer myself.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I appreciate the sentiment, even if the second line in the limerick had a meter that was slightly too verbose.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
So I'm not getting a trip to Ireland.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
So how come you're not drinking any? I told you I don't drink beer.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
liking the beer was not a qualification of entry. All I'm saying is, look, I appreciate the sentiment. This is a nice PR story, but let's look at the facts. I did not get a trip to Ireland. I certainly did not get a pub in Ireland. I got one can of a beverage that I don't even drink.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
And in addition to the effort that I put in 30 years ago, you have, as you mentioned, advertised the product quite extravagantly. Nevertheless, I see four cans of this beverage on the table in return.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Yeah, I was asked to bring in a product that I identify with or that I believe in. I'll start by saying that I try to buy very few products in my life. I believe that we can live minimally. But the products that I do buy, I want them to be of a very high quality. I want them to have something special about them. And then I have to buy fewer products going forward because they last longer.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Now, life used to be simple 25 years ago, okay? If you wanted to buy a nose hair trimmer in the United States... You may have bought the Panasonic ER-409. This is my own unit from about 25 years ago.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
Sure. I don't have the exact lineage of it, but that's about the time I started trimming my nose hair. I can't tell you if it started growing in then or if I just became aware of it then. But this is a relic. This is an ancient relic. If you look on the bottom, you'll see that it's made in Japan. Of course, Panasonic's headquarters. I never thought much about nose trimmers, but I didn't have to.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show — Show and Tell
I simply trimmed my nose hair with that. And you can trim ear hair as well if you choose. And that was the end of it. It was a successful operation. Yes. The operation was a success. The operation was a success. And then this product was damaged. I may have dropped it. I don't remember. It may have just failed due to its age.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Well, I don't feel like it accurately reflects my work performance. I think I bring value to my employment. I think I bring value to your life as a friend and compatriot. I think I'd like to think I'd like to think that your life is of a better quality for having known me.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Maybe that is arrogant in some fashion, but I'd like to think we have a mutually respectful relationship. I certainly respect you. You're an extraordinary man.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Now, now what is the proper context for that? Let's be, let's be realistic. Okay. We've known each other for decades. Um, and we work in a very intimate environment, uh, many hours we've been through tough times and, um, Good times. Seen each other grow. Been there for each other through thick and thin. I've seen emotional damage. I've seen physical damage. What are you talking about?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I've seen injury. I've seen you concussed. Yeah. Yes, I've seen you in your lowest emotional state and your highest emotional state, often within a one hour period. Yeah. And and with that intimacy, with that intimacy, because we are human beings and this is not a robotic interaction.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Most human beings just what I'm saying is there are going to be ups and downs. Yes, of course. I respect you and I think you're a great man. Are you without injury to me? Have there been injurious experiences? Of course there have. And I accept that as part of the human experience. We can speak of them if you like.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Well, listen, again, we have to present proper context. Of course, I'm concerned about your health and your longevity, both from a practical financial standpoint and also a human relationship standpoint. If I see you partaking in unhealthy behavior, I'd like to think we're at a stage where I can mention it to you respectfully.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Yeah, it started at the end of 2001. It was right after that. And by 2003, you had corrected.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Thank you, John. I can't confirm that I use that word, but I have no reason to doubt you.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
When I called you the beast, was I referring to your physical condition or was I referring to maybe an emotional attack that you performed on me?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I don't even know anymore. Well, if you prefer to speak about injurious behavior, we can. You've clearly brought up something that bothers you, this comment that I allegedly made.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Yeah, you know, I'm noticing right now on the right corner of your mouth, I'm curious, above all, scientifically speaking, you two are doctors. Doctor comes from the Latin docere, or in the ecclesiastical pronunciation, docere. It actually means to teach, which is perfectly suited to you two. Right. I'm just curious scientifically, how does it happen? Like you have a mirror, you're shaving.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
How do you miss such large chunks of hair on the corners of your mouth? And I'm not trying to insult you. I know conventionally speaking, it sounds like I am. I'm really, as a scientist, how does it happen? I'm just very curious.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
This is bad for both. Can I respectfully ask, which I think is constructive, if I notice large patches of unshaved hair on your face, would you prefer if I remain silent and don't bring it to your attention? Like if you walk in and you just have a huge patch of hair maybe on your head. Adam's apple, for example. You prefer that I note it internally.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Well, first of all, you're implying that the hair is growing out so much. I'm just simply asking you.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I have seen it. I have seen such wild growth in a very specific area. Can I just say one thing?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Okay, I will be quiet. I will note it to myself.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
maybe before taping. And bring to your attention your errors, your shaving errors in private. Okay, pause. Yes.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Well, I don't assume his intention was to miss the hair, so I consider it an objective analysis.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
You don't know, right? Yes, I don't know.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
It certainly doesn't matter, but I think when there's an elephant in the room, when a man walks in, who's 95% shaved and there's just hair jetting out of his cheek. I just think it's worth mentioning. I don't mean any insult. I don't mean any insult. It's easily fixable. It's not a slight on your character. We all make mistakes. I make mistakes.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
They're not related to large tufts of hair on my face. But I just think that as human beings, we have to acknowledge something so painfully obvious that was somehow missed. With all your technology, mirrors, you have lighting in your bathroom. But I'll do as you say and pull you aside and let you know.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
These are your insults that I didn't know where the Karate Kid 2 was filmed?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Ralph Macchio. It's Macchio. In fact, the C-H makes a hard C sound like Pinocchio.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Yes. I imagine a world where one can share information, where human beings can increase their collective intellect by sharing information. I've learned some things. You've learned some things. You tell me what you know. I'll tell you what I know. So so you may not know that the C.H. is pronounced with the heart. And that's understandable. I wouldn't expect it to.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Italian is not your first language, but unlike you. And you certainly know things that I don't know. Presidential history, for example. And we can share with each other and we can both come out smarter and more knowledgeable for it. I don't see the contempt. Yes.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
So you would prefer, respectfully, if I may ask, so I know how it's going forward.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
You would prefer if I do not correct your mispronunciations, allow you to speak with your customary authority, even when I know that you are making errors. Or maybe pull you aside, right? Before the taping and tell you?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
You're just wrong all the time. I let him finish. I did not interrupt him. Even though my instinct was to say immediately, that is incorrect. It is the tango. You see, in Spanish and Spanish-speaking countries, known as Hispanic, which differs from Latin American in the sense that Latin American refers to only Latin American countries. Hispanic, it's any country that speaks Spanish.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
The A is almost always pronounced ah. So...
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
What exactly was the assignment?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Well, I mean, we're two men in an incredibly intimate situation. I think that we.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Intimacy is not necessarily sexual, although often is.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
And the humor is really fun. This is amazing. I've never thought of it that way. I'd like to think that we represent the human condition with all of its ups and downs. Oh, my God. You said this speech earlier before they came in. People may find this realistic approach to life endearing and they may enjoy watching for that reason. I'm sorry I've hurt you with my... Misinformation.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
No, they didn't shoot it in Los Angeles. They shot it in Hawaii.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Okay, but you didn't say Hawaii, did you? I just said Hawaii now.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I've improved myself. I'm sorry. I've improved myself.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I'm open to improvement.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
You're right. Yes. You see, my intentions were never evil. Just as I know your intentions were never evil when you've committed injury against me in the past. When have I committed? Well, it's interesting that you ask because we spent the first hour talking. talking about the ways I've damaged you by answering questions by... Let him run just a little bit. Let's hear this. Go ahead.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Now, again, I want to preface this by saying I expect, when you're talking about decades of intimate relationships, that there are going to be inadvertent slights to the other person, okay? Uh... The year was 1999, May 1999, and the world had not seen a new Star Wars movie release in 16 years. And at the time, the Star Wars franchise was pristine. You have to understand, put yourself back then.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
And they announced that a new Star Wars film would be coming out in May 1999. And I was a big fan. You know, my brothers were as well. And I decided to pull out all the stops and get tickets to an advanced screening of this movie a week before the public would see this. Now, you may think media screenings are all civilized, but when it comes to Star Wars, people still line up three hours before.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
So my brother came into New York City on the train. He spent hours. We got there maybe four hours in advance, and we just sat on the sidewalk together waiting for this momentous occasion. And we were one of the first ones in the theater, and we sat right in the center.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
judged how many rows were there we wanted the full surround sound experience we wanted to get lost in it and of course the theater filled up and i was thinking any fool that walks in now is going to be like in the back corner and i was envisioning the magic of that moment after it says a long time ago in a galaxy far far away before the john williams score do you guys have anywhere to go
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I was envisioning it bringing me back to my childhood. I wanted to relive what it was like to be an innocent child with my brother, okay? So about two minutes before the movie starts, I hear some commotion behind me. And this guy stumbles in with this like...
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Well, they're not mutually exclusive concepts.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
brainy npr type woman with with him and they excuse me excuse me some woman is escorting them because they're like elite and there just happened to have been i guess someone left or something two seats right behind me in the center i had been there for five hours this guy stumbles in wait he's like tripping he's like tripping over people so he sits down stumble i wasn't drinking
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
No, you kicked people. You were like one of those people. Inadvertently, you tripped over people. So now you're sitting behind me and you start gabbing to me. And already, I don't want to talk to anybody. I just want to get lost in this moment, okay? So the lights go down and the 20th Century Fox logo comes up. And I'm thinking to myself, this is it. After 16 years, this is it.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
And that silence comes right after that fanfare before the flourishing music. And this guy leans forward and starts cracking jokes. This guy makes it all about him. He takes me completely out of the moment. He starts dabbing in the middle of the movie theater and you just needed that laugh. You had to take that moment, not knowing the history of what I went through to get that laugh.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
And, you know, he's sitting there chuckling and forever you've taken that moment away from me. Now, I know that it was not intentional. He may not have had respect for the situation, and most people know that they're not supposed to speak in a movie theater, especially something of that magnitude. I knew those sequels wouldn't be good.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
And I think I communicated to him my interest in what was happening and my disregard for anything that he may have had to say. Will you admit now that those movies were not great? Yes, in retrospect, they were not necessarily as good as the first.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Are you asking me about these things? Are you just telling me that you dislike me for real and you dream about terminating my employment?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I am sorry if I have reminded you of your father. I'm sorry if I have brought you back to painful moments in your childhood when I told you how to pronounce Ralph Macchio's name. It's Macchio. No, it's Macchio. I am sorry if some of my information sharing has been offensive. I certainly didn't mean it that way.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I may have made mistakes like any other human being. I don't know that's a reason to discount my entire credibility. Going forward, I will make an attempt if I notice a large patch of hair on your face that you miss shaving, I will make an attempt to tell you privately as per your request. Thank you.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Also, I will ask you if I have something to share that's relevant to what we're speaking about, some facts, Latin origins of words or other etymology. I will ask you first, do you want to hear what I have to say? I don't want to, ever. Well, it depends on the context.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Thank you. That is a very valid question. You see, I don't honestly don't look at it as correcting. I look at it as sharing information.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Let's come out of this as enhanced human beings.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I'd like to think that over time we have built up a foundation of love and understanding to the point where we can exchange information and not have it necessarily interpreted as hostile.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I see your face and I just want to smash it. I've learned. I've learned today. I've learned that you're in pain. And now I understand why. And I will envision you as a helpless child competing with other siblings.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I will envision you doubting your own self-worth. There's the contempt. Well, this way I understand his pain and his vulnerabilities, his weakness, if you will. Do you really? Yes.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I can imagine. I put myself in his situation, okay? He's got a lot of siblings. Now, look at his father.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Some would say that's a healthy sibling interaction.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Never again. I don't intend to slander your father nor any of O'Brien's, Neil, Justin, Kate, Jane, any of them. You know them all.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I think it's 76 years. Haley's. Oh, excuse me. I have information about Haley's comment. Would you like to hear it?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I understand from an entitled perspective, you may think you can move through life without worrying about obstacles and just go where you please, but there are icebergs out there and you do need to navigate them like any other human.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Why do you say I'm large? I'm tall. Why do you say I'm large? I'm a mesomorph. I'm very average. I'm medium. Okay. Moderate.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
It feels special. Something's going on here.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Yes. We're sitting in different positions. There's like a hubbub going on. And I don't know why.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
And I'll say that I've never met you two before, but you have the air of incredibly kind people. There's something there's a vibe that you two have that makes me feel like I've known you for.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
What are the numbers? 99 and 130. Yep. What does that mean?
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
I don't know how this has been calibrated. I can't verify its accuracy.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
So these are evolutionary responses designed to protect us against a threat, against a large prehistoric animal that may be attacking us. Our body reacts in a way that will really ensure our survival. And my reaction to this... animal is in the end to benefit my own survival.
Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
The Conan and Jordan Show – Marriage Counseling
Yeah, that's fascinating to me. International connection is, it's a great coming together of humanity from disparate cultures and communities. And this technology that we find ourselves surrounded with allows this to happen. And really, it just allows for a deeper human connection.