Hannah Gadsby
Appearances
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, I'm like the Costco of human interaction. It's just like we're just buying bulk and just a certain line of products, just one of each. Um, and you, I don't, I've never actually been to Costco. That sounds like a nightmare to me. Is Costco even a thing? It's a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, yeah. So it's a really bad metaphor for me because I hate big shopping places. Uh, yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Anyway, so, but we'll keep going with it. So it's sort of, um, I've lost myself.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, I feel like I kind of get where he's coming from there. It's sort of like maybe he could have seen an advanced copy. Fair. This is like, you know, maybe a heads up.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, can I help you edit your bulk declaration of situation? Yeah. It is a tricky thing. Like I think you just have to work out, like with any relationship, I guess, you have to just meet people where they're at. When two neurodivergent people communicate, it's fluid. When two neurotypical people talk to each other, it's fluid. It's just when... the two meet, it can be really, really awkward.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And I've experienced that often. But the thing is, I have learned the ways of the neurotypicals. I have studied these people. Um, you know, like I, I prepare for, for neurotypical engagement. I know I, I'm trained in the art of small talk because I know it's important.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Uh, the problem is, is the privilege of neurotypical people is they don't have to learn how to parallel play with, you know, what happened is you're pathologized. It's like, you're not communicating correctly. Therefore you are less than you are not doing this right. You are weird, you know? Back in the day, they'd burn you at the stake, you know, like totally think I'm a witch.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Like I think that's what witches were, just neurodivergent women.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I think a really great place to start is not to take things personally and just move past it to the next thing. It's really difficult, I think, with the parent-child relationship because, you know, children don't have the language yet. They're learning the language in order to, you know, then communicate things.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
uh, what, what issues are, what the problem are, you know, what might look like as, you know, a tantrum is probably a sensory overload and it looks like a small problem. Um, so, you know, a parent might go, well, you know, I, I'm taking you, I'm taking you seriously, but really that, you know, come on, this is, you know, like you don't like that cup, come on, clam down.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Um, but what's happening is perhaps there's something about the sensory part of this process that seems insignificant to a neurotypical but is, you know, a war zone for someone on the spectrum. There's an expected, you know, bond that's supposed to happen with parents and children that neurodivergent children are always going to disappoint.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And I think one of the first things is like, yeah, you've got to stop taking that seriously. I mean, you've got to take it seriously, sorry. Words are my gift. Personally, like try and sort of, meet people where they're at. And there's always going to be a lag with children because especially if you have difficulty with language, it's going to take a while to sort of get to that place.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But in the adult world, it is difficult for women on the spectrum. There is a certain place on the spectrum that is reserved for the great white geniuses, and they're allowed to hyper-focus on their special interests and be terrible at interpersonal communications, and they're held up as the best of men.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But it's much more difficult for women because of the expectations in the social network that we're supposed to uphold, and when we fail, that is a failure of character. Um, and it's, it's really difficult to sort of convince people that it's just like, I can't do it any differently. My brain is not wired to do what you want it to do. Now what?
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But we sort of get stuck on this, like you're weird, you're doing this wrong, you know, and it's, I camouflage and mask a lot. Um, and that's an incredibly exhausting process. Um, So for this podcast, I had to prepare a lot. Like I had to listen to you. It wasn't a chore. Love your podcast. Well done. Keep up the good work.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But it was really active engagement with it because in order to talk to three people at the same time, I felt like I had to make sure I understood everything The way that you speak, the cadence, your pitch, not as a way of familiarizing myself.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So when in the moment, hoping that I could hear what you're saying, process it, and then turn it around with reciprocal speech takes a huge amount of effort for me. So what might look like, you know, it's just a casual chat is a marathon for me. And so then that depletes your energy levels. And then once you, you know, I have meltdowns, I shut down mostly. I just stop communicating.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And that's hard for people if they don't want to believe that it's not personal.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
No problems. No worries. There's a lot of worry, but no, we're cool.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah. Before, there was a disconnect of, you know, when I mask, I'm fine. Like people are like, you're normal. You're a little bit quirky, but you're normal. But you can't maintain that. That's exhausting. And so once you're spending your private time with someone, I begin to melt down. So it will be real. reactive.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I struggle to regulate my emotions when I'm under stress and I have a lot of trauma, big T's and little t's. So, you know, that also affects your ability to regulate. So, you know, I can, I have been, you know, you know, I can frighten people, you know, when I'm just trying to set devastatingly simple needs. If those needs aren't met, then I, you know,
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
can be snappy in a way that is not pleasant for other people and so I was laboring under the you know false idea that you know that perhaps I was borderline abusive but what was happening was my boundaries were not being respected and so I'd be a snappy tom and they're like you know When I'm fine, I'm very easygoing and like, okay. So it just seemed like I was Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And one of the really interesting ones for me is touch because it's overwhelming for me. And in a lesbian relationship, that what? How are you supposed to do that? It's all about the touch, isn't it? Oh, touchy-feely. I'm like, oh, do we have to talk about our feelings again? Yes. Like just a light touch. Like that's a universal standard, isn't it, for like, you know, intimacy.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
It's like just a nice soft touch. And I flinch, you know, because that is a really horrible sensation for me. But not knowing that, people take that as rejection. It's like, oh, you find me repulsive. No, just that touch. Generally, lovely. But it's really hard to communicate that when you don't know. Even when I did know I struggled for a while because it seems simple. It doesn't seem like much.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
It's like, you know, if people kept not touching me with a firm touch and just a light touch, I kept flinching, kept flinching. It builds up and it just doesn't. It's a really easy fix, but the other person has to want to believe that I don't like a light touch. I don't know if I'm answering your question. You are.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Oh, all the time. And I do it to myself before I was diagnosed, too. Because I'm a problem solver. I have a problem solver's brain. So this is a problem. I want to fix it. And then so I experiment with fixing it. And this is like this ends up. I've had so many major depressive episodes. It's almost funny again.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Um, because it's that, that overwhelm of putting yourself into these sort of situations that are overwhelming and, um, detrimental to your central nervous system. And then you just can't cope. And then it's like broadcast out.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Um, and I will say this, Abby, like, you know, do, if you feel like there's something that I'm saying that is connecting to you and I'm being speaking very vague and, and, uh, and specific terms here. And it is a very complicated thing. But do get yourself checked out because if you are, it'll be a game changer.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And I will also say this, there is a very large crossover between autism and gender ambivalence. We'll call it ambivalence. I'm going to call it gender ambivalence. I love it. You know, because, you know, left to my own devices, like whatever, but people, neurotypicals demand that. That, like, front on, like, what are you?
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But inside of me, it's just like, well, it's just coming out how it's coming out, isn't it? Like, you need to deal with your feelings on this. But there are a lot of non-binary folk, trans folk, genderqueer folk on the spectrum because I think there's something about the gender binary that does not make sense. Yes. If it's illogical, it is what is important, not what is interesting.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
the idea of what autism is is being based and studied on, you know, young men, white men, if we want to get specific. Like the biases that exist in science everywhere, in all parts of science, medicine, research, you know, exist in this. So, you know, there are women of colour on the spectrum And a lot of them are running around not knowing it because it will be different again.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Because women are expected to behave in a certain way. And as a culture, we've been trained to pathologize women who don't behave in the correct way in the way that it is a character flaw. It is, you're going to hell. You're not doing it right. You know, it is that shaming and So if a young boy doesn't interact with his peers and he wants to identify every single dinosaur there is, fine.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
That seems normal in a way. If a girl was to do that, often their peers will identify it as wrong before parents will observe it and they begin masking. So the masking thing in girls because you're watching your peers and you're like, they're doing these things, I should do these things.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And so I think a lot of the time, not so much now, like it's opening up now, but I think women of my generation, that's what is happening. Like you're masking. And you'll find people in their 40s having breakdowns all the time, women on the spectrum, undiagnosed women.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah. I always was sort of, like to frame it as like, I always thought that I was struggling because I was depressed and anxious, but then I realized I am depressed and anxious because I am struggling. And so I never identified that I was struggling. You know, that, that, like, I didn't understand that I wasn't looking people in the eye and, you know, cause I would just watch their mouths move.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Like I wasn't, didn't understand. that I couldn't hear properly. I can hear properly. My hearing's, as my mum would call it, 20-20. That's tight, mum. But I do, I watch people's mouths and that helps me put together what they're saying. And so it's a lot of compensatory techniques that I use to get through that. But also it's about how trauma presents in neurodivergent people is not the same.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So getting therapy is... fraught, particularly if the therapist doesn't know or you don't know, you know, so there's like let's talk about this thing again. Let's talk about this thing again and that is so stressful. Like it is so stressful to be front facing to these things because the central nervous system is not cut out for that sort of onslaught. So it's things compound and a lot of people,
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
women on the spectrum have complex PTSD because these, these small traumas are just daily.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
That's a long process. When I first started doing comedy, I was quite monosyllabic and, you know, I had to learn very, you know, train very hard to modulate my voice and things like that. But, you know, I was very deadpan and just used, worked with people's assumption on who I was and then subverted that. In order to subvert people's assumption, you have to play in that, on that field. You
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Even if you're trying to subvert it, you're still kicking that ball around. You're still kicking the stereotypes around. You're still engaging with stereotypes. And as I matured as a performer, I got bored with that. That was no longer interesting, even though it was important to an audience. And I began to feel very disconnected.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So about eight years into my career, I started going, I don't make sense on stage anymore. And part of that was early on, you know, I do stand-up and then during festivals I'd work with like a gallery and do comedy art lectures. Now we worked out I wanted to do comedy art tours but turns out I'm not a natural leader.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So I'd be going, right, we'll go and look at this painting now and I'd go over there and I'd stand and everyone's like, oh, we'll go over here. Yeah. I'm like, no one's following me. So we work quite quickly. People have to be seated facing me, stuck. Stuck. And then they'll be, oh, you're actually quite interesting. All right.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So I do comedy art lectures and what I discovered there is I became what's known as a high status comic when I was talking about my special interests. Because I'm passionate. I'm talking as, you know, with my autism first. It's like, this is what I'm interested in. And, you know, people love these. They're really popular. And I love doing them. And I feel good on stage.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And I'm like, this is me being autistic. It's me, like, being funny as a, you know, without masking. And in my comedy, though, when I'm trying to explain myself and go, you know, like it's very hard for me to do observational humor because, like, I'm not looking at the same things as everyone. It's just like, you know, you know what it's like.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And people are like, no, no, what you're speaking of is not familiar. So you have to do a lot of explaining. And then so in that I folded in a lot of masking and then that becomes confusing as you get older and more mature and you like who you are. You're just like this is not a true representation of how I see the world or how I think people, you know, like I'm softening myself.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
You know, I'm apologizing. I'm like, hey, it's weird that I'm like this, isn't it? And they're like, yeah, it is. And then eventually I just broke. I said, you know what? It's not. It's weird that you don't notice that people are different. And that very much informed my desire to stop being self-deprecating because I just wanted to be autistic.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I just wanted to go, hey, I've got some stuff to talk about and whatever feelings you have about what this is, you need to get over it because I've got things to say. And that is part of the reason. The other part of the reason is, come on. Like why, particularly women, why do we have to put ourselves down in order to speak in public? It hasn't changed.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I still get all the hate mail that you want, like take a pic. Like men have been trained not to like women who speak their mind in public. It's a thing. We're not going to change it soon. We're going to have to grin and bear it, but I may as well grin and bear it being confident. Yeah.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, well, she said this thing. She's like, I'm really proud. I like impersonating my mum. I'm really proud that I brought my kids up without religion. I really am because I've raised five children with minds of their own. I'm really proud of that. And I'm like, well done, you mum. You pat yourself on the back. Good on you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And I was just sort of like she's having like a moment and I missed it because, I think we know why. And so I said, oh, yeah, well, what? What parenting decisions do you regret, Mum? And there's a laundry list I thought she'd go. And we talk like that a little bit. Like I'll say to Mum, Mum, you used to scare the bejesus out of me when I was growing up.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
She said, good, I didn't like you that much. And it's funny. Like we're being funny. It's quite Australian. I think this horrifies some American audiences when I say that. It's like it's fine. But...
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
She wasn't going there, so she was being thoughtful and then she just said a thing that blew my mind and it was the C that became my show, Nanette, where she's like, you know, the thing I regret is that I raised you as if you were straight. And I'm like, I just like, because when you, when you, the coming out story is all about, will people accept you?
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And mum just did all this work and I didn't know. She went way back and she went to a place that not many people are at now. She's like pushing 80. And she's like, oh, I shouldn't have assumed you were straight. And I wasn't your friend. And I should have been. She said, I knew. I'm just committing to mum's voice here. She's like, I wanted you to change because I knew the world wouldn't.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And she's right. The world didn't change. And I was just sort of like because when you – When you're coming out, it's overwhelming. Like you're just ready for the rejection and it is all about you. It has to be all about you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But the telling of our coming out stories, telling of a lot of trauma stories, we are freeze framing on that moment of trauma and we don't then have a lot of public discussions about these moments because we live in a punishment society. Like we don't give room for restorative justice, let's call it. And the art history informed that part of it for me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So mum said this to me, but also because I was thinking a lot about proto-renaissance, I made these connections. And this is the gift of autism. Like you make connections. Your brain has more connections going on. And so in art history, I don't know if you know this, but it's a myth where people sort of like, oh, back in the day, not everyone could read. So they learnt from paintings and pictures.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And that is not correct. They learnt through oral storytelling. Stories would be told. Stories are familiar. And the art played a purpose of freeze-framing the stories into familiar parts of the stories, points of the stories. So, you know, the most famous one, I guess, is Christianity has been frozen to the crucifixion. Now there is a big story, but that is – the freeze frame is on that moment.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
That is a big decision. Like, because from that freeze frame, you can leverage a lot of shame and guilt because that's like, that's your fault. But there are some great stories in that whole narrative, but that freeze frame and that, you know, in mythology, it's the same thing. It's like a lot of stories are freeze framed at the moment. A woman happens to be nude. That is a,
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
That is a strong freeze frame there. So art history has this tendency to freeze frame and I think generally our storytelling sort of circles trauma and then solves it in a whodunit kind of way and then we don't have stories that then talk about, hey, I went through trauma but I'm all right, like, This doesn't define me. Fuck me up for a bit. Sorry, language.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But, you know, like older women have these stories where they can put into context in their entire life. Like they're not, you know, and I was just missing those stories in the public sphere. I know so many old ladies and they're just like, yeah. Yeah, he's an idiot. They're all idiots, but they're fine. And, you know, I just wanted to put that breath into my own story.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
It's like, you know, in my comedy, I made a lot of comedy out of the way my mum reacted and it was a way of like paved the way for my own healing to be able to make fun of it. You need the jokes. But it then... You know, it stops our ability to talk about the evolution on both sides. And we're obsessed with trauma points in our storytelling culture. Like news is nothing but scattergun trauma porn.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Like we always know what's going wrong, but we never know how stuff resolves. And I think public displays of resolution are important and missing.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah. And that's happening now. Right. Right now to particularly trans kids now, because we're not talking about their humanity. We're talking about whether or not their gender is right. Like we're talking about whether we can solve gender right now. And that's, It's a political point. I see it. It's doing my head in. Like it's breaking my heart. It is excruciating to watch.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
We as adults are making the same mistakes. The way we speak about these subjects are in terms of like I am right, you're wrong. It's just like can we just agree that we don't know what the hell we are and just give people what they need. Mm-hmm. And not pathologized, but this is like it is happening now as we speak. The trans kids are being politicized. Mm-hmm. That is exactly what happened to me.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
It's all lies. I'm not going to read it. Like she... She's a bit scared. And fair enough. Like, you know, fair enough. It's her story too and I've got complete control over it. So she's good. She's great. Both my parents are good. I don't know. Like Dad was really sick when I was going through the –
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
an edit of it all and when my first you know one of my last edits of the book i think i forgot to tell people that he's fine because it's like he's dying of melanoma and he got some experimental treatment and it turns out it was a good experiment i mean who knows you know i don't even know what it was could be wombat blood we don't know but he's fine now um but it was like my
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
My mum and my dad are talking cheese, and they say that explicitly in the book, and he's just so accepting. He's like, oh, yeah, good one. But mum, like, has a reaction. Then she goes away, and then she has to think about it, and then she has another reaction, and then she has to think about it. So that's what's happening now. She's having to think about it, having reactions, having thoughts.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
They're like, we need to know because there is no resolution there.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, it wasn't interesting.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Look, I think it's important to just tell stories. I think it's important to leave flexibility in the wave. The problem comes when people hold you to things and go, you're not allowed to evolve. Like that is the receiving of the story. And it's just like, But I think there's an enormous amount of healing that goes into the craft of a narrative, and that's what I do.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I spend a lot of time working out how to tell stories, and through that I learn what part of the story is important to me. And, you know, working on stage a lot, my stories evolve sometimes to their detriment. So, you know, my coming out story, for instance, was designed to make people laugh. And that's where the issue was because the punchline was enough.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
But I think telling stories, I'm not frightened. I operate on the premise that it's okay to recede into the background and no one remembers who the hell I am. And I just work on the craft and then everything else will work itself out.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
No problem. I would just like to acknowledge that I don't think I answered many questions directly, but I said a lot of information after you stopped talking.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Thanks. Thank you. See ya. Thank you.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I know. Thank you for the middle name. Yeah. I have one. Go on now.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, to just give that some context, my mom is a very distinct character. And in my performance life, I impersonate her. So just to give that how it really was for me, she said this, oh, yes, I always knew you. There was a lot going on inside you. You were like a tin of baked beans and my tin opener was broken. I just couldn't get in. And I said to her, I said, mum, you don't like baked beans.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And she said, no, no, I don't. No. Yeah, yeah. She's a very funny lady, very funny lady. But, yeah, I was a bit locked up as a kid. I didn't have great language access. And also, you know, the feelings thing was, you know, because I'm not typical. It's frustrating, I think, for neurotypical parents to connect with neurodivergent children. But you get there.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Well, it's, you know, it's difficult. I think it might be worth like just clearing up what autism is. Great. Exactly. You know, because there's a lot of, we'll just call it misinformation. And I think, so what it basically is, like if you want to boil it down to its bare bones minimum, is it's what animates you, what drives your central nervous system.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
In neurotypical people, it is sort of what is important. So what drives your behavior is what is important and where you are in the social tribe. In neurodivergent people, it is what's interesting, and that can vary. The saying is like whoosh. You've met one person on the spectrum, you've met one person on the spectrum.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
The particular place that I am on the spectrum is I have sensory processing disorder. Now, people can have sensory processing disorders and not be on the spectrum. That's important. distinction to make. But where I'm at, I do have that. I am turned all the way up to no filters. I'm very heightened. Some of them cross over a little bit. My taste and smell are kind of sometimes indistinct.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And then there are two others, vestibular and prosuception. So I'm hyper aware of my space. Clutter distresses me. And I have the vestibular is a balance issue. So I don't know where my head is in space. So I fall over. I have a lot of accidents. I hurt myself a lot. So it's just like this invisible disability that becomes very visible because I break my leg.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
know that I was falling until it's too late. And so my, I broke my leg. It's fun times, good times. Um, last year I had a total knee reconstruction, same thing was falling before, you know, and it was too late. Gravity, gravity was always already my bitch. Um, and so my knee busted and the year before that I busted my nose open and then it was a broken toe.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Like I have, you know, if someone were to dig me up and, you know, after I was dead, like hundreds of years of time, they would dig me up and go, wow, I think we found a warrior princess. You know, because my skeletal system is, you know, it's like got the marks of war, but really I fell over walking. Yeah. So I'm playing the long game really.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So these are sort of, you know, not knowing these things that, you know, I have sensitivities was kind of a lot of the kid because, You see people behave in a way and interact and socialize in a way and you try and do that and I would get completely overwhelmed or disassociate because, you know, I have an oral processing disorder so I can't tune in to noise very well and sort it out in my head.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
So it's very easy for me to just tune out and listen to people who are speaking English and go, wow, that's a foreign language.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Um, so I have to focus really hard, which made learning very difficult. Uh, I was very lucky. My mum made all my clothes. Though there is a dark side to that. Cappadashry abuse is real. But, um, so I never had like the tag issues cause there was no tags on my clothes. Um, and she always used nice fabric in the, in the, in the texture quality, not necessarily the patterns.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
No child needs to wear Harlequin sweaters. And then so there was a lot about my childhood that protected me from the worst of my ASD. I grew up in a really small town, and I was part of a large family, so I had a ready-made social network. I just fit in. But it was windy there. I grew up on a really small island on the northwest coast, and it's famous for its fresh air. Who knew? I did.
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Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I just told you. And so it was really windy, and so I was always confused because wind throws sound around. Right. And so I was perpetually confused as a child. Like, you know, I was always given names like, you know, dithery or vague or dopey and, you know, these sorts of things. And I used to confuse people because on one hand I could be incredibly intelligent and then as dumb as bricks.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And the older I got, the more people would read into that, the less adorable I became and people would see it as willful or manipulative because I could – misunderstand what's going on and accidentally hurt people's feelings. But it would be an honest mistake on my behalf, but it would be difficult for people to believe that because, you know, on the next breath, I could be incredibly intelligent.
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Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And not knowing and not being able to sort of contextualize all that confusion for me was difficult.
We Can Do Hard Things
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
Yeah, there's no subtext for me. It blows my mind. when, you know, people are saying, I was just being polite, but really, you know, the person they were being polite to leaves and they're like, I hate them. I'm like, you were so nice to them. How are they supposed to know? I didn't know. Now I was nice to the person I'm supposed to not like.
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Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
You know, and then, you know, you'd hear people deconstruct conversations and then they said this thing and that meant this. And I'm like, did it? I've learned so much. It's so much. And then, you know, once I was diagnosed, it was like, you know what, I don't actually care. You go talk amongst yourselves. I'm going to rearrange my furniture.
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Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
It felt like an exfoliation of shame. Wow. Because once you understand that you have ASD, you understand that there's not a lot in your control. It's less about being a bad person for not caring about small talk. And then you understand that it's not how you connect to other people. It's not how you connect to the world. I connect through my passions and my interests.
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Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
And when someone who's neurodivergent wants to connect to the world and to people, it's through those things. It's like, what is interesting? And neurotypical people, it's like, what is important? And neurotypical people interact and connect face-to-face. It's like direct interaction. Whereas I'm into parallel play. You know, you want to get to know me, you go over there and do what you're doing.
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Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better (Best Of)
I'll be in the same room doing my thing and haven't we had a great time? Not if they want to talk about their feelings.