Dulcé Sloan
Appearances
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
in today's installment of, Hey, Get Off My Lawn, The Growing Phenomenon of Urban Wandering. Based on the British tradition of wandering through fields in the countryside called rambling, Americans have started taking back their environment by walking aimlessly through businesses and people's yards.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Rambling in the UK is protected by the right to roam law, allowing enthusiasts to access publicly and privately owned land because of centuries-old footpaths that predate modern property lines. Urban wandering, on the other hand, is a bunch of white people trespassing through a neighborhood they don't live in by jumping fences, walking through rose bushes, and then descending upon a Starbucks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
The leader of the Wandering Society of Eagle, Colorado stated, it's all right to enjoy the world we live in. Property lines are fictional. Nature is real. And so was the trespassing citation her group received after trudging through a gated community.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
But they're not handled that often. They're only handled once a year.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Because they're gonna realize I can go outside and get sticks.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Y'all wear it. You mean to tell me that there's people in here that act like that they wouldn't wear a dog hair? Too good for your own dog?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
I don't like this man. I don't like this man. I've never liked this man.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Girl, I don't know what a man is going to fall through, a crack in the floor. I'm a whole woman.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
I can't wait until that boy hits puberty.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Are these aliens? Do aliens have drones? I thought they had spaceships.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
So basically, we're just England in the 1500s. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
This is too long for us to not know.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
But no, because we should have shot these down by now. I don't, as an American, I know we shoot first, ask questions, never.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Mr. Scrooge is going to wake up on Christmas morning and save TikTok.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Also, it's just, like, Target shouldn't do this.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
No, because then you can look at all the times you went to Target and was like, I just need toilet paper, and then you spent $200. Right. Right.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
That's why I got rid of date naps, because every time I would open it, I'd be like, man, a whole city doesn't want to sleep with me. Let me put my phone down.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
I know I listen to Megan Thee Stallion the whole time. I don't need nobody to tell me that.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Well, most of these comics are heathens.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
Let's see. Okay. So you could say that one they're doing is a fruit roll-up rolled in tahini. Then you could do it with chamoy or you could put a little glitter in it.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone
I love torturing a pickle. Go ahead.