Ben Schwartz
Appearances
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
That's great. This makes me so happy for my community. Yeah. You're scared of it. You hate it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
How are you at improv? Were you so I bet you were very you're trying to get the laugh. So you're not the scene. Exactly. For people who start with stand-ups that start, they'll break the scene to make themselves look funny. I'll be like, man, God, it's cold out here. They'll be like, no, it's not. And I'm like, well, it's like now you got a joke and the scene is over, but now that joke is over.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. Great. It's fun. This is the very last thing on the entire press tour. I've been doing press for three months. Yeah, you seem wiped. I'm sick. I don't feel great. International. He went international. Yeah, we went to Brazil and London and LA and New York. And this is it. We're ending. This is it. We're ending. I can't wait. This is amazing. All right. Well, hey, we're happy to have you.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
True. You guys have a thousand examples of people getting paid.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Like what did you think your career would be? We perform for free. We probably shouldn't get into this too much. But at UCB, I perform for free for my entire career. From 2003 to 2009, I never got paid for a show. And then at the beginning, this is why I think it happens. At the beginning, nobody's coming to my shows. Literally nobody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But I'm still able to get up and do 30 minutes of improv. So they're not making money at all. They're losing money off me. And slowly, as I got better and better, and the shows got better. The word got out. The word got out. Word got out. People started being like, oh, you should come see this guy or our group or Hot Sauce or Shitty Jobs or someone.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then now we're selling out every show, but still not getting paid. But in my head, it's probably, I mean, I don't even know how much this, so when you go to a comedy seller, how much do you guys get paid? We shouldn't.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Per set. Yeah. And then you guys will try to fit in a bunch of different sets. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Wait, what was that like thing? Because you guys both have specials. You guys both have your own thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Wow. You want another? We'll do another. Wait, we should talk. You just got back from roast? Yeah. Yeah, roasting the year. How does it feel? The roast of the year or the roast of the year?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Do you ever share a joke? Someone sets it up and they'll run punches? Or no, it's always I do my bit, then you do your bit. I do my bit, you do your bit. We tag each other, but we didn't.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Love the Sklar brothers. Also, huge Knicks fans or huge basketball fans. Huge sports fans. Did you like... Would you want to do it again? Or no, you hate it?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I'm doing it with you right now. Try it. Try looking me in the eyes. I'll kiss you. No, you won't. Talk to me for two seconds. Just saying. Kiss him. All right. What does it feel?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I want this to be seven hours long. I want us to really have a marathon. We can do that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I hate when I see the audience. I love when it's totally dark.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I love when I hear the, for me, if it's like a big show, you know, I come out, after all these shows, I've probably done 2,000 shows by now, but it's like after all these shows, like I'm not nervous anymore unless it's like a big one, like unless a biggie is coming up. But I'm always, whenever I get my first laugh, I'm fine. I'm so comfortable.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I just, just to know like, oh, okay, we're all, we're here, we're going to have fun. And I feel like a part of what I do, I remember Jim Carrey used to say this also, is trying to make the audience feel comfortable. Yeah. So it was like at the beginning when I come out there, because for improv, they're like, they're going to make it all up on the spot. It could bomb.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh my God, I'm nervous for these guys. I come out, I talk to the audience for five minutes, just talk to them. And then I invite the people I bring on my show, which is three people who I change up per show. And then we all talk to the audience. And then I do the interview. And now everybody's fucking calm. The audience knows what's going to happen. They're relaxed. We're relaxed.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then we do the show. And it always helps. Is there a version of that for you guys? Or you have to go out blasting with like a great joke?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
You got to go out blank. It's scary. I think, so for me, when I started doing stand-up, I was way more nervous for stand-up than I was for improv. Really? Way more, because you have to work. And then you're saying, this is what I found funny. I find this so funny that I've been working on it for weeks. And now I'm going to show it to you. Let's see what you think.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
For me, it's like I listen to something. Now on the spot and everybody in the audience knows on the spot, I'm going to try to make a beautiful scene that makes you laugh. But it's like we all know what's happening on the spot and we're trying to find it. You guys are like, I've been working on this. This is the funniest thing I can think of right now. I'm like, let's see what you think.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And if they say no, it almost feels like. But again, anytime I talk to a stand-up, it's the same thing. They're like, I'm not going to go on stage with nothing. That's crazy. By the way, you're looking so much more. This is amazing. Do you feel yourself doing it? It's all nose. You're looking at my nose. You can't look at my eyes. No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Well, a little, but you can never know as good as the audience. But no, I'm saying for you guys, who's the person you go to to be like, is this funny? Is it each other? We text each other sometimes. Not just is this funny, but like.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Turned into a little ball. The best. Come on, what are we doing? I was Younger Brother 2. I was Luigi. I shot a CEO. Oh, yeah. There you go. Oh, no. Got it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yes. Although when you go tour, people are seeing you for you guys. Yeah. So you can do your style whenever. That's why it's interesting when you did that roast. That's not your audience. No. People there may like you guys, but they're not there just to see you. That probably is more nerve-wracking.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I assume, although he's taller. He's taller. They're not twin brothers, right? Mario and Luigi? I don't know if they're twin. I thought they were related. They've got to be brothers. Give it a go. They're definitely brothers. They're Super Mario brothers.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Jim Carrey's in it is that not crazy classic insanely crazy he's so good in it too I don't know if you've seen him but he like he like feels like you know those movies in the 90s obviously you do like where he just crushes she is crushing in these movies he's so funny and playing like a big character and then in this one he plays uh himself which is Ivar Robotnik then he plays his grandfather
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, wow. So he's playing two characters who play with each other. So he would do scenes where he would do one side and someone else would be the other guy. And then he'd have to respond to what he did the day before as the other character. Wow. So he had scenes where it was just him two. And would he watch the scene? So he'd kind of nail it?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
You'd pick which ones, which takes that I think he wanted. I'm never on set. I'm in a booth the whole time. Sure, sure. Is that weird that you're just not, he's in this movie. So I only get to see him for like press.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
uh well at least you get to see them it's amazing keanu reeves is in this one too so we did dude yeah we did press and the line was uh idris elba's in it keanu reeves is in it jim carrey's in it james marzen is in it and i'm just looking down the line and it's like fucking oceans 11 it's like crazy that's like all these huge actors in a video game movie sonic the hedgehog yeah that's crazy all these pictures are fucking bananas that's incredible you made it
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It's crazy. And do you have any cool Jim Carrey stories? Or Keanu? Keanu, so Keanu, the thing is, like, I shook Keanu's hand beforehand, and he seemed really nice, and then we were doing this, the UK red carpet, and we closed down Leicester Square. Would you guys ever been to London? It's like...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
huge deal it's like our time square kind of and so they close it down there's an enormous thing i've only said hello to keanu and said hey man i'm a big fan sugar saying he was very nice and then they come to me they go hey you're gonna go live on television with keanu in 20 seconds and then they go i go what and they bring me to the end and uh there's a woman from itv a local news station there a big one and she has a microphone and she's like nice to meet you and i go and keanu looks at me and then i was like i
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Mario's supposed to be 43. Okay, what's Luigi? I was right. God, this is a great question. How old is Luigi? What do you think their last names are? Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Is that right?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I guess we're, this is like how I meet you and let's go. And they're like, all right, three, two, one. And they do the interview. And I kind of started playing in the interview and being like doing a little bit of bits. And he immediately jumped on and loved it. And the whole press tour, when we did interviews together, we would do bits and it would, and he was, he was, he just couldn't wait.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Of course. He's like, he was the best. We had the best time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I know. It's crazy. I do. I did. It's amazing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Dude, he's so funny in this thing. Eddie Murphy was in a movie like four months ago. Yeah, he came out with three movies. Oh, really? He's been in three movies in like three months. And a new Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah. All right. Well, shit, I missed it. That's true. But that's the London premiere.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah, Jim Carrey, other than this, he hasn't done... I think this is the only movies he's done since...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
covid maybe wow could be because our movie came out during covid i think he's semi he said he's semi-retired he takes power breaks yeah yeah but she's like i i just if something amazing happens and i want to jump in i'll jump in but like outside of that it's like i think he's pretty content and a pretty he's a very um spiritual guy he's pretty remarkable yeah he's a painter now he paints he does every he's he's amazing
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
We'll talk about it. He's very macro, very big universe type thing. You guys have no Shanley at all? Are you friends with Shanley at all? Love Shanley. We never met him. So I was very close to him. He was one of my guys. Wait, you knew him? I played in his basketball league every week for six years. Larry Sanders is like my... Larry Sanders, I think, is the best. Gotta get him on the wall.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Why is he not on the wall? There he is. Oh, there he is. Good. He's the best. Oh, and he was so close to Bob. So the fact that they're next to each other makes me so happy. He's probably really close to Norm too. But he was very spiritual also. So it's like that type of feel where he was like a Buddhist kind of. Yes. He would talk about spiritual stuff all the time. He was enlightened. Yes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Jim has that. I think he was... He was the most famous person in the world, Jim, for so long, I think. Sure, I believe it. That I wonder. We could never relate to what it feels like to be him. Because even when we go to dinner or something, when he walks in, when we're with a famous comedian, some people look and they're excited. But he is. There's nobody that doesn't know who he is. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So he can't. have a genuine normal experience, I bet. I don't know, I'm not asking, but it's like, when he walks, I remember when I was a page at Letterman, and Letterman's security guard would be like, Letterman can't even go get a pack of cigarettes. He can't, and like, he wants to, but he can't, and that drives him crazy or whatever. So for a gym, I wonder if it's like, He's amazing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
He says hello to everybody. He's incredible. You guys would love him.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah, I thought they were like 48. By the way, 24 and 26 for full mustache is crazy to me. Well, they're bucking their wops. This is crazy. I was 24 years old.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Of course. I feel like also before you meet somebody that we've known in movies or TV or stand-up for a long time, before you meet them, they're the person you've seen. They're not a real person yet. They're like this fictional character. And then when they start talking like normal humans, like, oh, I can bond with you about real shit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then they become human beings and stuff like that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
yeah does that make sense yeah of course who who was a good hooper in the shanley league um in that who is it there's a bunch they by the way it was a thing where we were always supposed to he liked to keep it private nobody talked about it and nobody talked about it and then when he passed away like a big article about it came out and like a couple magazines and i was like oh the whole point was like to not whatever but like stand-ups that played there that were amazing uh kevin nealon and dude kevin nealon i think is one of the funniest people in the world yeah
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And Adam McKay played in that too. And he's also one of the funniest people in the world. But Nealon would do these bits where he would be like, he's just so committed. He commits so hard to bits. He would be near, he was standing near a tree. And he goes, Ben, did I ever show you my Coach Giraffe character? And I go, Coach Giraffe? I go, no, let me see it, Kevin. And he literally did this.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So imagine, you know, he's six foot three, probably a four, something like that. He goes, I need you to get up there. I need you to play three, two defense. You know, make two, three difference. I need two guards up top, three in the bottom. And then he slowly eats a leaf. Just eats a leaf and never, and commits like a real monologue from a coach.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But slowly eats leaves throughout the whole thing. Wow. And it was, he's so good. Funny. That's great. And his delivery is so dry that it's like so good.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Mario Mario. All right. I don't know if Sonic has a last name. This is really bringing up a lot of stuff. Well, he's an animal. He's a hedgehog.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
No, that's him respecting the joke. Absolutely, that's him respecting the joke.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
He's amazing. He would work on stuff for a bit also, like Gary Fee. I don't know if we needed that part. I don't know if we needed the gun. But that's amazing. That's them playing with each other. Yeah, I love that scene. The whole episode's great. So funny. Larry Sanders, I think, is the best comedy ever made. I watch it so much. It's perfect. Any episode that starts with Hank. Oh, my God.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I know. Hank Kingsley is fun. There's this scene where they do where he's asking... He's trying to get him to ask for... He's trying to either ask to be invited for a party and Hank comes in the room pretending like he has boxing tickets for the same night or like he's trying to offer boxing tickets. I wonder if we can find it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
There's also one where he like and he goes in his pocket and he's like, so Larry Sanders calls him out on it being like, let me see the tickets. Let's go. And he goes, huh? Because let me see the tickets. I'd love to go there. And he's like, I'm butchering this, by the way. If you find it, it's unbelievable. All right. I'm sure we've seen the scene. I'm sure you have. But it's them at the office.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Anyway. but he goes in his pockets and he only has pills and he's like cast embarrassing like, I don't have the tickets.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Loved Sonic, but I love role-playing games. I love RPGs. I don't know how much video games you guys play. Like Metal Gear Solid type stuff? Like Final Fantasy and Chrono Trigger and Legend of Zelda. Oh, boy. Like all that stuff I really like. The vagina's drying. Do you hear him? What does that sound? Give a sound effect. Okay. I've heard it before in high school.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It's just perfect. Apatow wrote on that show. There are so many great writers on that show. Oh, yeah. Everybody, like young Piven, young Duchovny. Sarah was on that show. Sarah did that show. Todd Berry the other day.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I just saw Todd Berry in L.A. L.A. setting of Todd Berry is very rare. That's gross. Very rare. This is it. This is exactly it. Wow. All right, Peters. I can't believe you found it. This is the exact scene.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah, they were tight. That's amazing. I know he did – so, Shanley did these things on the DVD. You get this black box set of it where he did these incredible interviews with people from the show. But they were like slow, patient interviews. And he wanted them – if they felt uncomfortable, that's what they were. He just let them be what they were and he let them play for a long time. Mm-hmm.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
The vagina's dry and act out. Hey, I was a Warcraft guy. You were? Yeah. So you're a PC man.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And they're amazing. Some of the coolest interviews ever. Because he's interviewing comics. He's interviewing actresses like Sharon Stone and all these people that did the show. They dated for a while, too. Did they? Yeah. And then I think he did it with Seinfeld. I think he did it with Seinfeld. Yeah, right? I've seen that. Or was that maybe that was Seinfeld's coffee? No, no, no.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It was way before that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he did one with Seinfeld. But those are the coolest, especially if you like comedy, the coolest. He did one with Tom Petty. He was boxing with Alec Baldwin. The Alec Baldwin one? Yeah, Baldwin's like kind of trying to elf him. But he kept it in because he's like, he always talked, I remember when he did...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
He would always talk about keeping everything in. He's like, yeah, but like even instead of adding it down, what if we just kept, let the whole thing breathe. Let people understand how we got there. Let it be uncomfortable for a bit. When he went near the end, I remember he always was pitching that. Like he was talking about how people would edit stuff down.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Like even when he was doing interviews or like a thing, he was like, how fun if you just kept that whole thing in and see what it felt like. That's what podcasts are.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, it's so good. And Ricky went to his house before he was supposed to. Yes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. It's great. It's nothing that isn't out there, but I think they were supposed to interview each other for each other's things. Yes, yes. And Ricky kind of set up and, like, did everything, and, like, he didn't have his contacts in yet. You know what I mean?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It was like... Pretty cringe. It is. It was... It wasn't... I don't think it was handled the best way. And Gervais does that big high-pitched laugh, and he goes...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But didn't he say also that like the office couldn't exist unless Sanders came out? Oh, wow. I think that's what Ricky said.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I was just sports. The craft is so intense to just jump in for two seconds.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I mean, we would see each other every week for a long time. He had a basketball game. So like we went there. Sarah was the one who invited me over there for the first one. And I was really young. I just moved to L.A. and Sarah played my sister in a movie. And I play basketball. Back then I played basketball a lot, like multiple times a week. My favorite thing to do.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then you get older and your knees hurt more, you know, becomes harder to do. And so we never talk business. We all just do whatever. When we're playing, everybody's really trying, really playing. And then afterwards, we'd all watch sports together. And that's when we'd do bits and everything. And the funniest people in the world are just in the room.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then it becomes normal after a while because you're there every week. But he was the best. I could text him. I could talk to him about stuff. Have real conversations. We'd go on hikes and talk about real stuff. He's very... He just has a grasp on life and even looking at things. It's in such like a level that's so much more zoomed out than most other people.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So you just want to listen to him and stuff like that. Do you want to hear a sappy? Please, sap it up. Okay, so when he passed away, it was very sad. Very sad. He died? He did die. You didn't kill him, right? No, it wasn't me. All right, it wasn't you. Okay, so there was a funeral and there was this crazy funeral where everybody from Sanders was there. It was crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then afterwards, I ate with Wayne Fetterman and Sarah and we were talking about Gary. It was amazing. Wayne had known him forever. Sarah had known him forever. And then I went home. I know this is probably not the right audience for this, but I went home and I lived in like a small apartment and I had a guitar and I thought, I said, this is so stupid. I can't believe I'm going to do this.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
That guy's finished. He's got to be done, right? He's got to be in jail somewhere. Got to be.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I said, okay, Gary, if you're there, I know this is stupid. I can't believe I'm saying this. You're dead. I'm even thinking, I remember even saying, I was like, why would you fucking haunt me? You have so much people that you're closer than I am. But if you're here, Like do something or make me understand that you're here. And I sat down for like 30 seconds and obviously nothing happened.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And I started cracking up so loud being like, oh my God, if he was here, that's exactly what he would fucking do. That's so funny. And then my guitar made a noise on the other side of the fucking room. No. After I laughed and was like, of course, my guitar made a noise. Nobody was there. It was just me in the apartment. Crazy. That's beyond.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And I immediately called Sarah and was like, you'll never fucking, this is insane.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
He is someone who loves comedy. The first half is always great.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. It was very exciting. I remember as a kid being like, I can't believe they're cursing in a video game. We're like, he's trying to like flirt with women. Does that say wet dreams dried twice? I mean. Whoever's thinking of the titles is an absolute genius.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
That's so funny. Yeah, his house was never done. There you go. He always talked about how much more work he had to do to his house.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But so, so cool. I love this is a love fest for Gary. What a cool thing. Because a lot of people probably listen to you probably don't even know about Larry Sanders. I know. I think a lot of them know.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, no, we got the news while we were rolling. Yeah. Really? That was tough. Did you get it on camera? Yeah. Wow, that must be so hard.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Amazing. We're really doing it. What's your favorite Norm joke?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Wait, I don't know it. This is great. Can you do it? Don't say what it's like. Just do it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
He's also so amazing at, like, the joke is this, and he'll just make you go here for, like, five fucking minutes. Yeah, that too. And then come back and cry. Some of my favorite stuff that he did was, like, the joke is here. He could easily say the punchline in about 20 seconds or 10 seconds. Yeah. He will take a long walk around to get to that point, and then it makes it so much funnier.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
NBA Live was one of my favorite series of games of all time. I played every single, every year I get a new one. Yeah. And people that play 2K right now don't quite know that NBA Live was like everything when you were a kid. I don't know that. I was an NBA Jam guy, and that's where I capped it. NBA Jam's amazing, too. Yeah. Razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. He's heating up. Boom shakalaka.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
You could tell he was improvising that shit, too, because he was going in weird directions.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, incredible. That's also the set where he gave him a hug and told him how much he meant to him. That was an incredible moment. Yeah. That was an incredible moment. Letterman didn't give much back. If I can be so bold.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But you won't say it to him. You'll email him. I'll text you. I even said the way that you gave your gift to your friend was the most, you didn't look at him and go, we got you something.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Literally gave it to him. Why are we going to log? Matt, so we were right here. Me and my friend Emmy were right here. And he comes in and then has a bag, takes out his dog, I think, or something. No. And he goes, yeah, and this is for you. We got this for you. No, this is for you. We got it. Didn't look at him. And Matt's enjoying it. Doesn't look at him to see if he's enjoying it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Matt understands what this relationship is. He gets it. He just nods. And I was like, and then we're like, oh, that's a cool gift. And Matt's like, yeah. Like, yeah, yeah. What's the alternative? I'm like...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I love getting gifts for people or I'm good at getting gifts for people like who like specific things That I'm alright at but you're right giving and receiving. I'm not gonna getting compliments either I'm very I get awkward when someone says something nice. I feel like find a way to make it about them immediately I'm probably like oh good show. Oh, man. You were two weeks ago.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
A button on it. What are you uncomfortable with? This dog is unbelievable. Absolutely in the zone. I'm not good at getting compliments. I'm not receiving gifts I'm bad at because I'm afraid I'm not going to like it before I open it. I'm like, oh, boy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It is all in the shoes, by the way. Did you know that? No, I did not know that. Yeah, it is all in the shoes. 100% in the shoes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
You guys have great hair, too. It's fun to see both of your hair. It's a bird's nest. No, it's great. That's what I do. I can't talk. They'll be like, oh, that's whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
What's like a peeve for you? What bothers you? That just people do in general? Yeah. Any peeves. Any peeves at all about anything that bothers me?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I guess there's more industry stuff that makes me – like if people say like – they're like, oh, the Ben Schwartz of it all. There's sentences that I can't read anymore in emails. Like the Ben Schwartz of it all or like – What does that even mean? It means like let's say we're talking about Larry Sanders show. Like, yeah, we'll have a meeting about the Larry Sanders show of it all.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And I was like – Oh, I like that. There's just some sentences where I can't read them anymore. And oftentimes when we have a phone call, if it's a lot of people for business – I just want to get to what we're talking about. I was ready, you know what I mean? But there's so much time that is wasted just saying hello and catching up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Really? They were playing like Birkenstocks. How did they last four years? It's crazy. All those old guys were playing like literally- Converse? Converse All-Stars. Crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, yeah. We'll circle back soon. Circle back. Also, when I don't get a role, they said they went a different way. I'm so tired of hearing they went a different way, but not telling me why.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
These are true things that I can't do anymore. Pin, table it. You're seeing all the ones. Unpack is big. This is my biological father. This is a fucking. Let's unpack this. I agree. So those are the things I'm like for business wise. Sometimes I'm like, I can't do it anymore. I've been doing this for too long where it's like, please don't. I can't. Don't do that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Well, you remember Jordan first shoe was like the most uncomfortable. Didn't he say you'd get blisters? Yeah, like the beginning of when they're really starting to figure out how to make basketball sneakers. Those are uncomfortable walking shoes. I know.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, yeah. My God. David Tell, when I was a kid on Comedy Central, was like the biggest thing. And he was a guy that played at the Cellar a lot, too. I don't know if he still does. Still there all the time. Every night. But he had a, what was his show on Comedy Central called? Insomniac. Yeah, dude, that for a kid that loved comedy, I was obsessed with that show. Me too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then I remember I went to the comedy cellar when I was finally old enough. And the first time I ever saw a standup show that was like me as a kid going to the cellar, Colin Quinn got fired from SNL that day. Whoa. And he brought the newspaper, I think, that said that he was getting fired. And it was like such a crazy burst. Crazy. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I don't know if he got fired, but I'm assuming he was because I think he did a bit about it. That must have been the 90s, right? Or early 2000s? Must have been.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
yeah but i remember that set and i was like there and he was right there with the newspaper and i was like oh my god i love this guy from snl and his stand-up and then that but david tell as a kid was one of the funniest things in the universe oh of course so cool 98 wow there you go damn so who were you 10 17 16 17 you're going to the cellar at 16 17 i guess so that's fucking awesome you're a new york kid
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah, I grew up in Riverdale. Oh. Riverdale, then went to Westchester, and then I was living in Manhattan when I was doing UCB after college. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Riverdale.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, yeah. My favorite comedy shows of all time? Anything. Any movies. It could be anything. Drama. Oh, my God. Songs. Born. The Tyler Creator album is pretty amazing. Oh. The new one. The TV shows that usually I say are Larry Sanders. Simpsons I think is probably the most influential show for me. Love it. I think it taught me how to write. I write a lot of movies and TV shows for places.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Dude. Up and at them. Incredible. The goggles do nothing. Incredible. UK Office is a top five show for me, I think. Love it. Love it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, I used to. I did some. I wrote for like the Oscars one year. Oh, really? Yeah. So I used to freelance jokes for Letterman's Monologue. Right. And I used to freelance jokes for SNL Weekend Update. So I was writing jokes a lot when I was younger. And so every now and then I get a job to do that for people.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. Who do you write for for the Globes? I wrote for the Oscars. I wrote for Hugh Jackman. I wrote his musical opening number. Wow. Do you remember that musical opening number? Pull it up. So it was Dan Harmon, Rob Schraub, and I writing it. Rob Schraub? Yeah, dude. He's fucking a genius.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It was when he was trying to cast Community. So Community- Wow. So we wrote this musical. It's going to be too long. But it won an Emmy. So I won an Emmy for writing for the Oscars. Man, he's a hunk, huh? He's great. And- The full callback is that I did a show. I do two shows in New York every year. And he came to one of my shows at the Beacon. Oh! Like I hadn't talked to him in years.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then he came and watched one of the shows at the Beacon. It's like the best venue ever. Dude. I think I played almost every theater in New York now. Nice. And that's my favorite one. It's classic. Easily. Yeah. I did Radio City, which was fucking enormous. Oh, that's too big, I think. For improv, imagine four people doing improv on there. Yeah, that's crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It went great, but I was like, I think we pushed it. I think we pushed it a bit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
The beacon's huge, but it still feels kind of intimate. Beacon feels like you're talking to friends. Yeah. You don't need screens. You don't need any of that stuff. That's true. Anyway, it was the recession. So we did a recession musical opening number. You wrote this whole thing? Me, Dan Harmon, Rob Trout.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But Dan really did the, I got like, there's a bit that I wrote, which was probably coming up, which is he brings Anne Hathaway on stage. And I wrote that whole part of the song. Wow. And then I wrote a bunch of jokes for him to tell as like a monologue. Yeah. And my joke was going to be the opening of the Oscars. And it was lined up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then the writing team, I guess, that wasn't us three, nixed it and put something else there. But I was so excited that I was going to get jokes on too. Of course. But I started my career by writing jokes for Letterman. That's crazy.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
That was good. That was good. I wrote this whole thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
and i did it like ucb where he pulled her up from the crowd and he interacts like because the upright citizen brigade me and hot sauce would always like do like we would before we did a set we would start a heckle uh-huh and i would come out there and we would they would heckle me and then they would join me on stage and then we do an improv show yeah so it kind of starts where like he pulls her up on stage wow they kind of like make fun of whatever anyway how old are you here this is right i bet it was
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
2009. So I would be... Jesus, you got in the business early. I mean, well, I'm 43. Am I older than you guys? You look young, yeah. I'm 41. Thanks, guys. I'm doing press, so they make me look pretty. But 2009 would be 28? Yeah. Is that right?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I moved to L.A., and I got a job to write for his part of the Oscars. And then I got very lucky when I moved to L.A. A lot of things fell into place. I was in New York. I didn't want to leave New York. My family's here. I'm very close to my family. And I waited until literally the last second, and then I left New York. Were you happy you ended up leaving? Yeah, it changed my whole life.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
You live in L.A. now. Yes, but also like I wasn't doing stand-up, so the options for me in terms of movement, like I wasn't going to be a writer on SNL. It didn't look like I wasn't going to be writing for Letterman at the time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Three years. That's incredible. I didn't know that. Isn't that crazy? That's amazing. He served.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, my God. Everybody who does sketch or improv, it's my head.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I didn't even get an audition. A shoo-in. I don't know if I'd be good because they do like characters and impressions. I don't know if I can do any impressions. Oh, okay. So I was like, I don't know like how, I mean, but writing, I didn't even get to really like give it a shot. Right.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So I was like, okay, if I want to act, I can go out there and there's an Upright Citizens Brigade out there so I can improvise and people who actually make decisions on TV shows can see me improvise. And then I had a lot of short films and that was the way I was going to show people like, so we just like, I got a job writing for Robot Chicken. That was my first writing job.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Hey, we just met Seth Green the other night. I heard that he was at the roast with Brecken. Brecken's the best. Yeah. So that's how I started. I started very much as a writer that did improv and slowly got into commercials and slowly got into all the other acting stuff.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. Man, what a career. Because your resume is bananas.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. Still Parks and Rec. Oh, sure. Parks and Rec is number one, I think. And now... Baby Shark's Big Show. Blizzard Wizard. Now it's... That's big money right there. Sonic is a big one, too. Of course. I got to do a scene with Animal and the Muppets. Whoa. Which by the way is so funny. I bet you guys would be the same way as that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
We just started going and you just know, I just know the rhythm how to make Animal funny because I've watched the Muppets my whole life. Sure. So I know exactly what to do to set him up. Yeah. So it's so easy. So it's like I know the cadence to make a Muppet funny because I know the Muppets so well as a kid.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Ali, Elvis. Ali was gone for a bit. Yeah, those are right now, those would be considered street wear sneakers. Like you would skate in those. I wouldn't wear those because they're uncomfortable now.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I mean, usually all these jobs that you're looking at are probably SAG scale. What?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, my God. And it doesn't exist anymore because now there's not even residuals. Exactly. So it's like even like in the beginning when I did DuckTales, we would get a bunch of residuals because they played over and over again in Disney. But now they give it a Disney Plus and you don't really get residuals.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
This is very weird to look at this. Sorry. Blue Iguana was with Sam Rockwell, and I just sold a movie with him. That's going to be fun. He's a beast. Dude, he's the best. Great actor. He's the fucking best. And I wrote a really fun movie for us that Yorma's going to direct.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yorma from Lonely Island. Oh, yeah. He's going to direct it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
They haven't announced what it is yet. Oh, yeah, I did the voice of BB-8 from Force Awakens. Wow, BB-8.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
my man uh and then i think they i think jj just found a fucking app on his ipad and that was what he used oh wow it was me i did lines as bb8 and then they transformed them into beeps and boops and then um and you made it on the simpsons your dream that was it i had three goals when i first started one was to be because i was a page at letterman showing people the bathroom was so one was to be a guest on letterman i did it two weeks before he stopped okay simpsons to be voicing simpsons the third one was to host snl which i have not wow
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Even look at the Adidas next to him, whoever's guarding him in the bulls or whatever. Those are almost these, exactly. Yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, I love that. And he was like, if I'm talking to anyone, you know, but no, you know what this means though, by the way, this means that he had to have seen you do comedy. He was very cool. And think you're funny enough. Cause he would not have you on the show unless he personally thought you were funny.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It's not real. That's not real anymore.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
He is the best. I was a page at that place. I watched him do it. I watched him my whole life. My parents would be lying down on their bed like this. I'm perpendicular to them. And we would all watch Letterman every single night. Wow. It was such a big deal in our house. And then when I was a page there, And I hustled my way to get that job. We didn't know anybody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So it's like I got so lucky in getting that job. And when I was a pager, I saw him every night. And then when I started freelancing for the monologue, whenever he ended all of his monologues, he would point to Paul Schaefer and say, ladies and gentlemen, Paul Schaefer and the CBS Orchestra. And that's how you know no more jokes are going to be said.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And so me as a page, I'm there helping people in the audience. How cute. Oh, yeah. I just posted that yesterday because I did Colbert yesterday. Oh, cool. That's me as a page on the bottom. Wow. So 20 years ago. That's me 20 years ago. That's amazing. And so then anytime you'd point, you know, it's over, I know I didn't get a joke on.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So I started to say like, fuck, and you could hear it in the show. And I started to get yelled at by the audience person being like, Ben, you can't be on the floor anymore because you're cursing when you don't get your jokes on. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you could hear that. That's amazing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
What does an intern do for The Colbert Report?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Wow. I did it more than anybody else. That's crazy. Crazy. By the way, my goal as someone who's a page on Letterman, when they needed someone, he would have his people. Yes. I always wanted to be that person. And they weren't even the most famous people. Sometimes they were, but sometimes they weren't. Who was Letterman's people for that?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Good for her. Clark Barr. You're famous for making up nicknames for WNBA players, right?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
There's a stand-up that came over every Christmas, I forget, and he took a football and he hits a meatball off the top of the Christmas tree. I forget who the people were, but he had his people. Bill Murray, anytime he came on, was amazing. Howard Stern would come on and be incredible, and he would come on a bunch of times a year. Tom Hanks was amazing on that show.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But I always wanted to be like the whatever. And then for Corden, I slowly became a thing when people dropped and I lived in LA. They're like, hey, can you come here today and whatever? I'm like, great.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah, they do sometimes more than two guests. It never really, I've been on with so many people that they kind of use me as someone that could, let's say they have guests and like they need someone to like be a little bit funnier, you know, liven it up. I think that I've kind of helped with that. Comedic relief. I think a little bit or like to make people feel comfortable or whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
You have another one? So Clark Barr. Who else do you have from WNBA? Reese's Pieces. There you go. Angel Reese's. Yeah, Angel Reese's Pieces. Did you guys do this on the roast or no?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. Dude, come on. Wait, so who, is there some show that you- Fallon does it too. Is there some show that you always wanted to get on that like- Conan. Conan was the one. We got on Conan a bunch. We did that a few times. Yeah, because Conan had the coolest music guests and the coolest stand-ups.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
our guy yeah yeah yeah yeah but i love letterman yeah i mean he's amazing i gotta ask though you did 17 cordons that's what i was let's see how many 13 could you do ferguson five times i bet wow i bet i've done every i did leno i've done ever i've been a guest on every talk show host that was dick cavett he was gone god i wish yeah me i went on tom snyder for three hours steve allen yeah me and steve allen really go back um
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I kind of miss, I feel like. But I love late night. Like, I love late night.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I bet you guys go crazy. We're better. You guys are drawn to crowds. That's what you know. It's better. You want the laugh. You want the big laugh in the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did one with Julia Roberts, which is really cool. Every now and then you're like sitting next to someone. That's banana. 13, 13 episodes. That's amazing though. What a TV. Yeah. It was, how was Julia Roberts? Amazing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Amazing. You know, they take a picture of you like before you go on and you like, they take a picture of you and she like snuck into my picture and I kept it. I have it in my fricking, you know, like I have like a wall of like all these things. No, I never show anybody that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, yeah. You have to be careful with what I used to freelance jokes for Letterman. And if they got an SNL, we can update. And if they use it, I'm no longer allowed to say it. They own it and they're allowed to keep it for three months. And if they don't use it, then I get back. But I would always have to be careful not use anything that I would want to use in a movie or whatever.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
You have to be famous to pull that move. It was so cool. I can't believe I have it. Damn. How's she look in person? Gorgeous. I bet. Incredible. Hubba hubba. She's amazing. Hachi machi.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, like directors. I want to work with a lot of directors. Yeah. I'd love to work with Steven Spielberg. Oh. We were just talking about how we, what did we say? We was like maybe top three ever. Easily. It's got to be. Easily. It's got to be. I did a movie with Zemeckis who did Back to the Future. Back to the Future is my favorite movie of all time. Come on. Yeah. What are your favorite movies?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
The Power of Love. Never heard of it. Is that from the movie? Yeah, Huey Lewis. Oh, okay. I think that's it. Is it just him? I think the news as well.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I think it's a top five movie of all time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I find myself watching older movies now. I don't know if it's to connect with me being a kid, but I love watching older movies now more than I love watching newer. Give us a couple more. Stuff that I love? My top five is probably, I mean, listen. Ferris Bueller's up there, too. Ferris Bueller's amazing. Oh, yeah, I'm going on tour again. Back to the Future, probably Dumb and Dumber, Shawshank.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I'd put an animated movie in there, so probably Aladdin. Oh, great movie. Yeah, great movie. Robin Williams is amazing in that. And then there's a hundred other ones. Jurassic Park is probably there. Hell, yeah. There's some big is probably up there. Big. There's so many good. Gimme, gimme, go, go, bup. Sonic is out right now. I don't know when this comes out, but it's literally out this moment.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I just went to the first screening that the public could see. We just surprised people. It's great. I'm so happy with it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yes. Keep the theaters alive. It is in theaters. And the hope is that if enough people see it, we keep getting to make them. But this is like, imagine for like two years you're waiting for this movie or a year. And today is the day it was out. And we went to the first screening that fans went to today at 3 p.m. right before we came here. And we got surprised.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So I wonder if that's the same for you guys. If it's not your special, do you want to use it and waste it on a roast? Is that something?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Enjoy the movie. Have a great time. And then my tour starts in January in Milwaukee. Alone? It's Ben Schwartz and Friends, so it's me doing improv. Got it. So we'll do improv, but we're playing more casinos than we've ever played. Whoa, a casino. A bunch of them. We did a couple. Now we're like, well, I guess we'll just do a couple more.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
But we're playing the Beacon again for New Yorkers in April. Hell yeah. And then we're going, I'm doing Sydney Opera House in May. Nice. Oh, that's legendary. That's a beauty. That'd be great. Yeah. There's like all these venues that I always want to play and that's the last ones.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I know. It's crazy. And also, you guys know, when we, like I played Royal Albert Hall this year, you won't get paid a ton of money to do these venues because it's so expensive. Yes. Radio City Music Hall, 6,000 people. You don't get paid as, like it's, you don't get paid more. No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And also it's like, I don't even care. I know. I just want to say that I played, I want to be in that theater. I want to say that I was on the same stage as blank. Right. And it doesn't even matter. Like we have our other shows that we can make a little bit of money, but there are some that you're like, man, so Sydney Opera House was one of those and Royal Opera Hall, Radio City was one of those.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
If you do two, you make some money. Yeah, I bet that's how it works. Oh, you're going all over. Yeah, you got to go all over. Oh, Vets is a great one. We sold out Sydney Opera House, so we did a state theater show right before it. Hell yeah. Wow. And then we're going to go to Melbourne. But this is great. You guys ever been to Paramount Theater in Seattle? Yes.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
One of my favorite venues to perform comedy. It's nice. And Prince used to play there, or Prince has played there. I didn't know that. I like sometimes looking through and seeing what other people have played.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It's rejectedjokes.com because when I started to freelance jokes for Letterman, I used to take all the ones that he rejected and I would perform them to zero people. And then I put those videos on the Internet and that's how I started. Whoa. That's smart. Crazy. And because there's a low bar already. And nobody's in the audience, so they all bomb. And then I just release them.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And that's like how I. Wow. I haven't updated this in a long time.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Bodegacatwhiskey.com. You have your own whiskey? Oh, yeah. We'll give you a bottle. How does that happen? Do you go to where they make it? It's a long story. It's a long process. We make it in a bathtub, and then we ship it out. God, how exciting. I can't believe you guys make the labels for this and everything.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's awesome. We're going to retire on this beauty. Where are you going to be?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Austin is, ooh, dude, that Paramount Theater is really fun, too.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Atlanta, great one. I play the Tabernacle. It's great. Birmingham. Durham's such a fun city. Yeah, I love it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Hey, we're playing the same one. I'm playing that Vets, too, in Providence. It's a good room.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, do you like food? Are you a food person?
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So I'll be back in April. Look how sold out you are. Go up. Look how exciting this is.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh, thanks, man. I got to work with Billy Crystal. That's awesome. The end up legend. Wow. He was incredible. And we filmed it in Long Island right where he grew up. Wow.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah, we were. Whoa. We did everything. We did everything. It was awesome. That movie cost $1 million to make. So we would like change in the car or change in like the restaurant we were going to film in. It was crazy. I can't believe you said yesterday. It was amazing. Yeah, it was a good movie and it was like, you know, I was a stand up in that.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yes. And my character is supposed to be bad at the beginning and then better. And so we use tweets of mine at the beginning that were cheesy and then slowly like started to write better. Yeah, yeah. Like shitty tweets by me and then Neil Brennan tweets by the end. Yeah. But that was fun. It was also funny to go do, you know, stand up and like do it over and over. It's so different than...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I started doing standup when I first started comedy. Nice. And it wasn't, I couldn't, I did improv at the same time and I was so drawn to improv because when you suck, you fail with everybody. And then when you succeed, you succeed with everybody.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And at the beginning, you guys, you guys know way more about this than me, but it's like, I feel like it's so lonely at the beginning of standup because you don't really know anybody. Everybody has five minutes. You have to bring people to your shows. Yeah. It's like, so you have to love it. You would have to love it to keep going. And I loved improv and sketch. And I like stand up.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I was like, I'm not good enough to get on stage. I got to the point where they said, you don't have to bring people. I was like, oh, this is exciting. And I just bombed. In front of friends. In front of no friends. The one with like, you don't have to bring people anymore. Just come and do a set.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I know. It's like your first show. But that's how they make money. The only way they make money.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
That was Ben Schwartz and Friends or Middle Ditch and Schwartz? I think it was you two together. Oh, yeah, yeah. Probably.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
No. I go on stage with nothing. Wow. Literally zero. You two are insane. Oh, thanks, dude.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It'd be so funny if you've never seen us. I've seen it. I've seen it. Never seen it, but it's sound. No, Middleditch. This is the way I've heard about it. I watched Coming Up. He was always great at the UCB Theater. Yeah. That's where we started doing stuff at UCB in New York. And then at the same time, do you guys know Adam Pally and Gil Azaridon? Yeah, yeah.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So me, Pally, and Gil had a three-person sketch team called Hot Sauce. And then Montreal Comedy Festival first introduced sketch. And we were able to do like that first batch where like Bob and Dave or Bob Odenkirk and David Cross were hosting it. So it was like the biggest thing in the world. Yeah. Because we could not get into Aspen for some reason.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Are you guys able, if you have a good set, how do you, because it seems like you're both very chill. If you have a good set, would you give yourself credit? Would you say we killed or would you always say like, yeah, we did well? We'd go, we got through that. That was good. So you're never like, we crushed? No. Rarely. Even when you feel like you did, you just can't say it? No.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
All these festivals, I don't even know if they exist anymore. Nassman's gone. Montreal's kind of gone.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
It's wild. It was such an exciting thing. That was like the landmark.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Oh yeah, I didn't get anything. It's like all you get. I was so excited though. I remember being so excited, but you're right, nothing happened afterwards.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Remember getting new faces? What did you guys call it for improv? That was it for... Well, improv doesn't exist. Improv, also the touring that I'm doing now for improv doesn't exist. It's the first time we're playing like... The venues that I play are bigger than any improv tour kind that's ever happened. So we're like trying to show that...
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
That's exactly what I say. Oh, I'm talking about magic in general. Just the idea of like when you pull it off. But it's the same with you guys when you have a great stand-up set and everything's going.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
No, because you can point to a thousand movies. You can point to a thousand specials. You can even point, like you can point to Pryor or Steve Martin. You have different versions of stand-up. And in improv, before Mildred Schwartz, there was only like one
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
real special out there and then there's a documentary on a team called tj and dave who are great but it was a doc kind of and the other one was like ass cat which was a ucb show but it was on bravo and it was shot different so it wasn't really what they do so like we never had something we could point to like a kevin hart special or whose line i know that's super mainstream but that's short form i do that totally different so that's like uh it's like quick little jokes as opposed to like um so you're like building something you're
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Yeah, like we do. So if you ever watch a special, it's an hour, an hour and a half, like almost a play. We do an entire hour. We talk to an audience member for 10, 15 minutes. For Ben Schwartz and friends, what I did this year was I asked the audience, tell me about the most exciting day or night of your life. And people raise their hands. And we pick someone that doesn't seem fucking bananas.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And then we ask them. They tell us a story about the most exciting day or night of their life. And then we say, thank you so much. They don't talk the rest of the show. And then we improvise for 70 minutes. And we try to do like the whole thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
And now I'm trying to give an intermission because I'm kind of learning that to give even more show, and people like going and getting to drink, like we never gave an intermission, but now like the venues are also like, they would appreciate it and stuff like that. So we're doing two halves.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
So we're doing two tiny shows, but by the end of the second one, we're calling back everything from bullshit.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
When I'm interviewing the audience? All the time. Yeah. Because I can also tell when, like, if they're telling us a story. Like, there's an example of, I was like, tell us the most exciting day in our life. And the guy's like, it was in Chicago. We were playing in the Chicago Theater. And he goes, dude, when the Cubs won the World Series. I was like, amazing. Were you there? He's like, nope.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
I watched it on my TV. And I was like, okay. Did anything happen? He goes, I watched the game, my man. And I was like, well, we have to do this for an hour and a half. We need, like, tell us a story or, like, you know. Right. Who are you around or blah, blah, blah. So it's like, so I learn really quick, like, oh, this isn't going to be good.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Or this person's really excited and not really doesn't have anything to say. But I'll like politely go to someone else or someone else. But the most I'll go to is probably three people or something like that. And then I'll be like, all right, we got to figure out something from these three.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Wow. I get that. I'm bad at enjoying things at the moment. I'm always worried about the next thing.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 211: Ben Schwartz - Sonic The Hedgehog 3
This is great. Where did you take an improv class?